Lelouch of the Black Knights
--------------
Hello, this is a funny one-shot about Lelouch if he were to go into the Black Knights as a regular member, to eavesdrop about what they think about him. It takes place in Season 1, between episodes 20 and 21, also contains another teaser about my next piece of work.
--------------
"CC" said the dark-clothed Zero.
"Yes" said the witch, who was hidden underneath a mass of pizza.
"After helping the Britannian military, the Black Knights may have lost faith in me, I will be going undercover as a member starting tomorrow. Officially, I'll be you brother, I'll be going under the alias of Rolo Haliburton"
"Why Rolo Haliburton?" asked CC.
"It's the name I read off a website about some psychotic little assassin who's gay for his older brother. I'm so popular with the ladies; they'd never connect Rolo to Lelouch"
"Okay, but you'll have to listen to what I say"
"You may not have more pizza"
"How'd you know what I was going to say?"
"It's midnight, you always make out with pizza at midnight"
"How do you know that, have you been crawling into my bed at night?"
"No, Sayoko told me that my bed smelled like pizza, so I put in mini-cameras in my bedroom to find out. I also know that you go much farther than simply making out. It goes to 3rd base with you and pizza"
"Apparently, you don't know enough, I always go home"
"I'll pretend I never heard that. By the way, can you distract Kallen tomorrow?"
The next day
"My fellow Black Knights, I Zero, shall give each and every one of you a break off. If you need me, I will be at the mall with my girlfriend"
"YOU have a GIRLFRIEND" said a random Black Knights member.
"Of course I have a girlfriend, I'm not gay"
-
"Hey Kallen" said CC, appearing behind Kallen in a large jacket
"Yes CC" replied Kallen.
"Can you come with me?" asked CC.
"Sure"
The two walked until they reached an isolated dead end.
"So, what did you need me for?" asked Kallen.
"Kallen, I can't help it" said CC; she slipped off her jacket to reveal a t-shirt and pants.
"Help what?" asked Kallen; she was eying CC's curves.
"Zero, he hasn't been giving me any pleasure, I feel so horny" said CC; slipping off her shirt and pants, leaving only her panties and bra.
"Of course CC, I'll take you to pleasure town" said Kallen, already in her panties and bra as well.
"Kallen…I love you" said CC as she slowly bent down and…
"Your ass, your sacred ass, woah is me!!!" said Kallen. She passed out with a nosebleed.
"Hey, I thought only perverted guys get nosebleeds in anime" said CC, who quickly slipped on her clothes.
-
"Hey Zero, what if something happens. How can we contact you if we don't know who you are?" asked Ohgi.
"Oh yes, I guess it's time I showed you my face" said Zero. He put his hand on the mask and lifted up.
"Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you to view my face as the most handsome person in the world!!!" said Lelouch. He quickly put his mask back on while the command took effect.
"Why Zero, I never knew how handsome you were" said Chiba.
"Ohh, I gotta go" said Kaguya.
"Do what?" asked Tamaki. He got hit with a wrench by Rakshata.
"What do you think!!!" said the Indian scientist.
"What did I miss?" asked Kallen, still in a bra and panties "Hey, why aren't the guys and Kaguya groping me?"
"Zero showed us his handsome face" said Inoue, whose face was beet red.
"Is Zero more handsome than I am sexy?" asked Kallen.
"Definitely" replied Tohdoh.
"Oh yeah, we're having a new member tomorrow, be nice" said Zero.
The next day
"Hello Ohgi-san, my name is Rolo Haliburton, my sister is –explosion goes off in Rakshata's room- so I wanted to see what she does here in the Black Knights" said Lelouch.
"Oh yeah, sure" said Ohgi, he was looking like he might wet himself without Zero around.
"Hey new guy, want to play chess with us" asked Shogo Asahina.
Immediately the atmosphere darkened while another explosion went off in Rakshata's room. Ohgi, being the most sensitive animal in the room, started choking for air.
"Sure" said Lelouch.
The two set up the chessboard on a table that appeared out of nowhere. Lelouch took white, Asahina black.
"So…what do you think of the Black Knights?" asked Lelouch.
"They're alright, not so big on their whole Robin Hood getup, but they're pretty dependable" replied Asahina.
"But don't get me started on Zero, that idiot" said Senba.
"He may be handsome but he is a jerk. He left us for dead at Narita and then has the gall to strong arm us into joining the Black Knights in exchange for rescuing Colonel Tohdoh.
Lelouch gripped the table with enough force to make the wood crack, but due to his weak structure, succeeded in only breaking his fingers.
"Did you hear something?" asked Urabe.
"Sounded like toothpicks being crushed underneath a hammer" said Senba.
"Hey, you guys are playing chess" said Tohdoh. "You're losing Asahina, I'm taking over"
Thunder started flashing outside while a hurricane appeared out of nowhere. Ohgi flatlined and had to have his heart restarted by another one of Rakshata's explosions. Urabe, Senba, and Asahina had dark spots forming on their uniforms, in-between their legs. Chiba had left to the room Kaguya was using and joined her.
The two geniuses played evenly, until Lelouch pinned Tohdoh with his rook and bishop.
"Hey Tohdoh, what do you think of Zero?" asked Lelouch.
"After seeing his face, I think he's a…BISHONEN"
BAM
Lelouch had shot Tohdoh through the head.
"Shit, not again. First Clovis and now Tohdoh"
"Don't worry, I can revive him, but I can only do this once" said CC "You sure you don't want to waste that chance"
"Revive him, the only one that bothers me is Tamaki, he's expendable"
"Alright then"
Five minutes later
"Huh, what happened, and why does it feel like I went through some XXX-rated Dominatrix shit" said Tohdoh.
"You hit your head when you won Tohdoh-san"
The chessboard did indeed show that the white king was in checkmate.
"Yeah, I am Tohdoh the Miracle Worker"
When Tohdoh left, Lelouch vomited his guts out.
"Why the hell did I have to see CC 'revive' him. I'm going to be mentally scarred for life" said Lelouch.
Lelouch had decided to call it a day and headed over to his private quarters, until Tamaki shrieked.
"It's an alien!!!!!"
In Rakshata's room was a human male from another dimension.
"Hey, where am I, and why is this place super-shiny" said the human.
"Tell us what your name is first" said Rakshata.
"Itachi Uchiha" said the human "I'm a shinobi"
Lelouch picked up Itachi, threw him in some sort of pod (accidentally leaving behind some of CC's 'magic pizza) challenged Tamaki to chess, ergo creating another explosion and sending Itachi back.
In the Leaf Village
"That was weird" said Itachi. He found a slice of pizza with white powder and green leaves in it.
"Lunch" he said, and ate the pizza. The next thing he knew, the entire Uchiha clan was pizza in his eyes.
"There's so much pizza, but they're too big for me to eat" weeped Itachi, he picked up his pizza cutter (sword) and went to work
Back in Code Geass Universe
"What happened?" asked Rakshata.
"I don't know, all I remember is some pizza" said Ohgi.
"Looks like CC's magic pizza can come in handy" though Lelouch.
Lelouch went into his private quarters where CC was waiting for him.
"So…how was a day in the Black Knights?" asked CC.
"Shut up bitch, I don't have the time for this"
"Don't you mean 'witch'?"
"No"
CC got up and slapped Lelouch.
"Well you sir, are Le-Douche"
Lelouch had taken out his gun, and shot CC in the shoulder.
"Hey Rolo-kun, WTF happened in there"
"Uhh, I shot CC"
"Hey, I respect your sex life, but I don't want to know about it"
CC was bleeding heavily, Lelouch tried to stuff some toilet paper in it, but to no avail. CC grabbed his finger.
"Stick your finger in there!!!"
"Hell no!!!"
"Then die!!!"
BAM
CC shot Lelouch; he fell down, down, down.
In the real Code Geass Universe
"So that's why I can't hang out with you in the Black Knights, understand Rolo" said Lelouch.
"Yeah, but how did you know how that exact situation would play out"
"Because the writer's an idiot who leaves a hell of a lot of plot-holes, you hear that you Author-Geass asshole" said Lelouch.
"Uhh Brother, I don't think you should insult the guy who controls the plot" said Rolo.
"Why, is he going to wipe us out or something? Hahahahahaha"
A vortex of zero-ness appeared and sucked in all matter and energy. Lelouch and Rolo were spiraling around.
"Brother, in case we never see each other again, I want to say I'M GAY FOR YOU" screamed Rolo.
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY MANIAC" said Lelouch.
Eventually the entire universe was consumed by the Geass of the Author.
The End
------------------------
Yes, you may have noticed the breaking of the 4th wall, which was intentional. Please read and review.
Preview for my next major work: Code Geass: New Knight.
The liquid wrapped around his body, leaving only his head exposed. Golden lines formed around his torso, legs and arms. Zephyr put his right hand on the floor.
"ZX-00 Lancelot Prototype, Activate!"