She was the greatest thing I'd ever known.
Trust me those are strong words coming from someone like me. I never thought anyone could ever get me to the point of need, but dammit I needed her. She was air, she was sun, she was water. Water through a stone. If she wanted to this girl, well, she could move mountains. She had the world handed to her most say and I for one was one of those people. She was his daughter. Who's daughter? Well in the world we live in, she was pretty much God's daughter. She wasn't there to be loved and if it were up to her father nobody in their right mind would ever consider it to be a possibility, but for me it was the only option. After all what is love without struggle? Without chance? Without some sort of fear of the unknown?
For the longest time I had lived my life knowing what the outcome of my actions would be. If I failed in school I got my Nintendo taken away. I didn't show up for a job I lost it. I worked out I'd build muscle. I wrestle one day I'd get noticed and signed. All life really requires is your commitment to it. If you commit to it you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I thought this was the way of the world.
Until the day I lost her.
It wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. I did what I was supposed to do. Love is unlike any other thing in the world. You as a human being can for the most part create your own destiny. You can make yourself into anything you could imagine to be.
In my case a World Champion. In her case an Executive Vice President . These are no small feats but when it comes down to the reality of it all no amount of power, prestige or money can stop what is in the cards to occur. For so long I had pushed aside the notion that she and I are just two human beings at the end of the day and we have no more control over fate than any other person near or far. When you place yourself on that pedistool of perfection you almost forget that its not reality. True love it faulters it screws up it can't control the fate of the world anymore than the person who possesses it. But there was a time, as brief as it may seem in the whole scheme of things where it was in my control and I had destiny fullfilled.
Now, now she is a boardroom and a lifetime away from me. I stare at her, almost like I can't control my eyes, and for a moment I realize I can't. She made her choice clear. This was all too much. We didn't have enough time for each other. This way we could each find someone who would be more available to the both of us. We could sit at this boardroom table for eternity me just looking at her and that would be better than any possible "replacement" I could ever find. A part of me wonders if the "replacement" she has found can match the love she once had for me. Maybe it is better even.
She begins to speak again and I turn my head looking down. I let my mind take me away. Back to that fateful day.
I am sitting on a beach with her sitting between my legs her back pressed firmly into my chest. Its a heavy weight because she is completely at ease. I lock our fingers together and rest our hands on my knees. She is looking into the ocean, but for the first time I feel like we are not seeing the same thing. Yes we are both looking into a vast sea with a vessel here and there seagulls calling and waves crashing, but I am seeing eternity with her, she- well she is about to tell me that the distance we spend apart and the long nights in different parts of the country sometimes the world- they are killing her.
She is about to ask me to let her go. I am going to beg her not to let me, but she will.
I stop the memory at this point and shake myself out of it because for once in my life I realize I alone no longer hold the key to my destiny. This woman whom I have given my whole heart to, my life, my children, my everything. She is taking it away, and for once no matter what I do- I can't stop whats meant to be.