I just remembered today someone dear to me that had passed away. And band Within Temptation inspired my. Thats how I created this story.
Sometimes goodbye doesn't mean goodbye... Once again I tried to mix my own feelings into story.
I hope you enjoy it.
And well remember someone you missed of someone like in my case someone who passed away , because no matter what I am pretty sure they watch over us no matter where they are ^^ If there is some errors or spelling mistakes please do tell me , because I am to tired to read it over now since it really late.
Good-night^^
Till next time
Dolf~
UPDATE:
All errors and mistakes have been corrected ^^
People say feelings like pain. Heartbreak. Suffering. Sorrow. Hollow feeling chest. Shattered soul. Passes away with time, but how wrong.. how wrong they are. Those feelings seems never leave Magnus even after so many years. It just feels like it is getting stronger and stronger instead.
Immortality or more like unending life was curse, curse Magnus was so tired to carry.
Never die, never changed, never move. Just be trapped in one part of your life forever and ever and ever...be forced to live in a boring and unending existence with no way out.
Because you could not kill yourself to stop it and no way to reverse the process. You are immortal, it's impossible become mortal again because that would mean death is a possibility, and it was impossible for an immortal.
And love... love was other curse Magnus was to tired to carry.
Love it became his utter and complete priority. Love made Magnus go mad, do stupid things.
Risk everything. Shatter all rules and beliefs.
Love made Magnus value Alec's life over his own so any times, but look where it took him?He could never stop what was coming... Alec was human even when he was part angel, Magnus could not fight fate no matter how hard he tried.
It was same as fighting God, and Magnus knew he was far away from being someone who could fight against God. Magnus knew what he felt for his blue eyed Angel was not lust, when first time his eyes landed on Alec – Magnus first time felt like he was complete even before he and Alec became couple Magnus knew that this shy dark haired shadow hunter had captured his heart and locked it inside lock that Magnus never wanted to leave.
Magnus knew instantly that what he felt towards awkward and beautiful shadow hunter was love first time he saw Alec it completely knocked him over and took breath away. All walls Magnus had created around his old heart shattered into wind. Like castle of cards. This feeling love bulldozed those walls he had build around himself, even when Magnus knew he was open and he knew that Alec might never feel same way, he could not stop this feeling develop in him. Love was so precarious and at same time hazardous. Magnus now knew both sides of love. There was days where Magnus would not be able to fall asleep because he was to happy to know that Alec had same feelings towards him, even when he was still to shy to tell it.
There was days where Magnus could not fall asleep because there was no warmth of his Angel beside him, he would be to nervous, worried and scared about his Angel getting hurt in his shadow hunters duties, and that would make Magnus feel like he might snap any moment and let his magic run wild. Only hearing keys in apartments door and hearing familiar and loved footsteps would make Magnus calm down a little bit knowing his Angel was back. Magnus always thought about Alec whatever he was doing, duties as High Warlock or simply being lazy and doing nothing.
Alec had taken precious space in his heart and soul. Magnus never thought he really had soul before because he was far away from being good person as it was moon away from earth , but when he met Alec Magnus knew he had soul or something like that, because there was no way he could feel all those feelings inside of him if he did not have soul.
Magnus knew so deeply that he loved Alec, he trusted Alec with his life and he would have done anything for him, Magnus knew.
Magnus always wanted Alec to be happy no matter what – he always put his needs after Alec's – because in the end Alec's needs became his owns. And Magnus knew Alec loved him deeply. Magnus knew that Alec accepted him just the way he was. Not Magnus Bane High Warlock Of Brooklyn, but simply Magnus.
Magnus now knew that he only found real love when he met Alec.
He was last thing Magnus would think about before going to sleep and when he would wake up it would be first thing he would think again. About his Angel with baby blue eyes and adorable blush. Everything seemed happier, brighter and more wonderful, because he had his Alec beside him.
But where did it bring him? Where did Magnus ended?
He hoped for happy ending, happy endings for someone like him never happened, it was never meant to happen... It just was that way.
Magnus never left Alec, not even when Alec's dark raven hair turned silver not even when his once piercing blue eyes turned into faded blues. Not even when his once soft, smooth white skin turned wrinkly and slightly grey. When Alec would cry he would wipe away all tears and hold him close, even when from outside it might have looked weird and not normal. 19 years old boy holding old man, but Magnus never cared. Love was still burning brightly in his chest, even when time went by. Even when sometimes it was so hard, Magnus never stopped loving Alec.
When his Angel would wake up at night with screams Magnus would always be there holding his Angel close fighting all his fears. Magnus held Alec's hand all these years.
Even when there was times when Alec would not remember who Magnus was – Magnus would be still there with him even when he saw how his Angel was so broken and lost – even when it did hurt so much Magnus stayed by his side.
Because no matter how hard it was Alec still had all Magnus heart and soul. Locked in tight lock.
Alec was his resonating light, but Magnus now was bound to be left behind, once again without moving on, without having chance to follow his Angel.
That was price of immortality. Price that for Magnus was so hard to pay. Magnus watched how his Angels light grew weaker and weaker until there was nothing left behind, but dust in wind along with tears and his soul itself. Magnus watched how his once bright burning star in this dark world faded away leaving him in darkness, darkness Magnus feared so much..
There was time when Magnus wanted to scream into empty air. Scream for mercy. Beg for whatever powers there are above him to let him follow his Angel.
But his prayers were never answered. His tears would mix with cold rain. His broken sobs would be observed by cold wind. Magnus would feel nothing. No coldness nothing... Nothing at all like all life itself was sucked out of Magnus leaving only empty shell. When his Angel passed away. Somewhere where Magnus could never follow Magnus felt like his half of soul went with his Angel.
He watched how everything changed around him while he always was stuck being same. In same time – without moving without going further.
Why? Why did he have to fall for this porcelain skin and raven dark haired shadow hunter? With piercing blue eyes, that Magnus loved so much to stare at.
Why did he fall for this boy so much? Why? Why... even when Magnus would wonder why – he never regretted it. Even when Alec's face haunts his dreams – even when sometimes Magnus thought he heard Alec's voice – voice that chased all the sanity in him.
How can you live when your meaning in life is gone?
How can you face every new day knowing you are moving more and more further away from someone you loved more than anything?
How can you live knowing that everything around you would change, but you would be stuck just the way you were last week, last month, last year, last century …. last era..
How?
How can you live when everything you care about moves further and further away from you...leaving you all alone, lonely and lost..
Magnus tried so hard to tell himself that his angel was gone.
But sometimes he would wake up in middle of night and for a moment think that his Alec was beside him he would reach out for him, only finding empty cold space. And it would crush him over once again leaving him even more broken than before. Once home he loved, home that was full of warmth and life now was empty and cold, just memories of happy past still lingering around... Photos of him and his Angel together. Happy smiles, happy faces, eyes filled with so much love... And now...
Everything around Magnus changed. All places he went with his Angel so long ago were not same any more. But he was stuck just the way he was all these years...
Only one place was same, same as before. Only one... Where his Angel rested.
Magnus wondered before if you could die of heart broken, but now he knew if he was not stuck in time he would be surely long ago with his dear, six feet below.
Magnus could not count how many times he begged whoever was up there for letting him join his Angel.. It was to painful to live, to take every single breath, to take a step, to wake up every single morning knowing you are more alone than before, knowing everything you knew was gone once again.
So there he was today leaning against grave stone of his loved one. Looking at clear moon hung up in sky. It was hard sometimes to see sky, mundanes were slowly destroying it. Planet. Sky. Seas. Life. Nature. Everything was on borderline to destruction.
Magnus saw moon and some star because he cast spell around grave that he sat and cleared sky of gas and other things mundanes so liked to waste. Magnus breathed in for first time in long days fresh cold air.
Magnus traced with his finger over lines and date on grave stone, feeling fresh tears running down his make up free cheeks. After his Angel passed away Magnus Bane was never same... He only wore dark, blending in clothes. Nothing else.
From knowing warlock he became unknowing. From what he was once he became something he never dreamed he would be.
Magnus looked at writing and date on cold stone even when he knew it.. so painfully knew it.
He was the one who made it – making sure it would never rot and ruin. From sapphire blue stone, stone that reminded him eyes of his Angel that he longed for so long.
Alexander "Alec" Lightwood – Bane
1994 – 2069
Beloved Brother
Beloved Husband
We all miss you
~ I wish I could follow you ~
And now it was 2319 December the 12. More than 250 years have passed. Magnus did not know how longer he could go on without going insane. It just hurt so much – ripped him so much.
He cursed his immortality – he cursed its price. But it was like nobody cared.. And it was truth, painful truth. Nobody cared.
He was left once more behind...
Magnus let tears fall free. Once again.
Dear, Alec.. he thinks. Today is anniversary of our wedding. I still love you so much, darling please take me away with you, I … I b-beg you A-a-lec take me away with you.
By now hard sobs were shaking Magnus. He cant control them, he just needs Alec his Angel so, so much. He screams into empty air – scream of heartbroken man. That cant go on any more.
Magnus lets his head drop down and hugs his knees close to his chest.
He can-
Suddenly Magnus feels warm sensation behind him and he leans into it without thinking. He feels arms embracing him into close embrace. Magnus inhales scent he missed so much.. of sand wool and sweet smell only Alec his Angel carried. Magnus knew he should do something, but he cant let himself move. He missed this warmth this scent this feeling of belonging so much. He just lets warmth and feeling of home embrace him.
Suddenly feeling disappears and Magnus opens his eyes wide open, but then he sees what he missed so much. Magnus sees eyes he longed for so long, skin he ached for so long, smile he dreamed for so many nights... Even when it is surrounded by light, brilliant light. Magnus feels tears running down his cheeks once again, but they all are tears of happiness and joy.
His angel his Alec steps closer even when it looks like he is floating on air and gently wipes tears away from Magnus face with soft thumb. Magnus leans into touch, but suddenly Alec steps away.
Magnus eyes fills with pain so much pain he feels like his heart might burst. He needs to feel Alec's touch so much...so, so much... But he looks up to his Angel and baby blue eyes are filled with so much love , pure love that Magnus feels like everything will be fine, he forgets all pain and sadness and first time in 250 years smiles a true smile.
Alec smiles back and says words Magnus longed for so long while holding his hand towards Magnus.
"Maggs, Maggie I came for you. I came so we can be finally together forever. I love you, Mag. Please I need you, like you need me. I want to take your pain away- pain I felt also all these years , I always watched you over, aching to reach out for you, but I could not , I-I need you so much , so , so much. I dreamed about day when we could be together forever and ever, and today it can be that day... Mags, please take my hand...P-Please.."
Magnus smiles and takes hand he longed for so long, Alec pulls him close into tight embrace and Magnus hugs back just the same.
They both disappear in glow of light.
Finally his prayers were answered.
LINE BREAK
Simon walked up towards grave of Alec to leave some flowers, because he had already visited other graves. Of people he missed.
When he walked into graveyard he saw Magnus leaning against Alec's grave stone, with real smile on his face and calmness in his pose. That Simon had never seen before after... after Alec's death.
Without thinking twice Simon knew Magnus finally found Alec. They finally reunited.
Simon doesn't know where this thought came from, but he knows that it is true.
With a smile he places flowers on grave and gently touches Magnus shoulder, to his surprise under his touch Magnus starts to disappear slowly fade away like dust in wind, but before Simon has a chance to panic he hears clear voice in his head.
"Thank you"
Next day Alec`s grave bloomed with bright blue and green-yellow flowers that never faded away.
And there was times when Simon could have sworn he heard laughter of people he missed so much, it helped him to move on. Knowing that people he missed are somewhere- waiting for him.
Because Simon knew even brightest stars die and fade with them time.
Simon knew when time will come he will be able to reunite with people he called his friends and his family.
LINE BREAK
3369 December 31. Six people walked towards bright light - while holding hands. And finally feeling like they found everything they longed and missed.
Finally they all found Piece and happiness for forever.