He knows it is wrong to ask. Of course, he knows. Questioning L's actions almost always leads to a fight, but he wants sleep. He needs sleep and now. He licks his lips in an effort to moisten them so speaking would come easier. Surely, he didn't in an effort to stall?
Light stops the deprecatory reasoning before his sleep-deprived self blankets his brain in doubt. Instead, he pushes his shoulders back confidently and braces himself inwardly before speaking out loud.
"L, don't you think we should get some sleep? We're not going to catch Kira tonight."
L yanks the chain, unsettling Light and pulling him into imprisoning arms. Anyone on the outside observing would think a lover's embrace. His hands brutally grip Light's jaw with authoritative firmness before a struggle ensues. The lost look in Light's eyes ignites whatever devilish impulses L's giving into tonight. His touch provokes fear, agony, and something more in Light and he fights to free his gaze, but L's stealthy, forceful touch drags him back and then those fingers constricting around his neck awaken undesirable impulses and he surrenders to the all too commonly occurring sensations flooding through him even as he curses whatever gods made him respond so to L.
"I've already captured Kira."
Light grinds his teeth, hating that L isn't bragging. All of the Kanto region had watched in speculative awe as the detective boldly dared Kira to kill him. Even now, Light uncannily enjoys the thrill of that showdown and wishes he could remember more – more than the derisive apathy L showed when confronting death. More than the righteous rage over L's unflappable willingness to take a life for sake of a theory. Anything else really. Because every supercharged emotion comes back to L…
L is winning this battle too. His will, his wants overtaking Light's moral outrage and he nearly rubs against the infuriating male in an effort to appease his body's growing physical demands.
"Did you not watch the footage, Light-kun? That apocryphal savior of the world caved in less than fifteen minutes. Kira —" L enunciates the K, the kuh becoming a breathy caress flittering across Light's lips warmly, "gave me everything I needed."
The damned man teases him, daring Light to match his outrageous sexual advances. He wants Light to struggle, to show fear or to give in. A wickedly bright sneer crosses his features as he watches Light attempt to suppress his traitorous nerves. Light licks his lips invitingly, watching L's eyes dart to them. Eyebrows raise, hidden under ink-blotted bangs.
A low blow to bring up the Lind L. Tailor confrontation. Light knows L knows it, but he…, the man never fights fairly. And Light will always be the guilty party. It doesn't help that the memory of Kira's defeat here feels personal; Light keenly feels it as though it belongs to him. If only he knew with certainty that L could not read these thoughts from his expressions. He suspects he has betrayed himself irredeemably. Already he has given the detective too much. His face, slowly draining of color, offsets the desire burning in his eyes and the churning vortex of rage, guilt and affection in his stomach.
L sees it all and finds it all amusing, and Light hates that he does. Damn his intelligence — His freakishly intuitive, childishly brilliant, sexually aggressive, too attractive for Light's own good, unbelievably hard to resist person.
"You are Kira," he utters jeeringly. His slender bony hands, eerily attractive even in their flawless likeness to the Grim Reaper's, tighten their hold on his neck before cold, hard lips press angrily against his. A kiss. A promise. A threat.
The battlefield transforms again. This war Light doesn't want to fight. He believes he has been defeated. Love is a battlefield he's not prepared to engage upon and never wished to experience. He recognizes, is aware enough to realize the fine line between love and hate has blurred for him and his bizarre regard for this asshole taunting him in such an unholy putrid manner borders on suicidal.
So he opposes L the only way acceptable to him. The punch splits L's lip. His blood dribbles down his chin as he looks upon Light with surprise and something he hides too quickly behind his mask for Light to catch, but the lingering trace of it in L's eyes makes every hit worth taking. And the flesh to flesh action, the animalistic rite that he and L cannot avoid brings the emotional respite Light needs to gain momentum.
Light manages to swing the chain around the twirling detective and his paralyzing kicks. A swift pull on the chain and L's legs are swept out from underneath him. The impact of his body against the floor knocks him breathless. Light pins him down by sitting atop him effectively rendering his hands, torso and legs immobile. Ever aware that the frantic thrusts upward and the effects of L's thrashing sends mixed signals to his already confused libido. He takes in huge gulps of air. He notices L does too. And that he has stilled.
He stares down at L. L stares back, amusement and curiosity in his gaze. Two wary combatants at a cessation of hostilities. But for how long? And at what price?
"This chain," Light tries to explain without looking the fool. His face aflame negates his attempt at self-possession. He continues though when L's lips quirk upwards in mocking inquisitiveness. "This chain is not what makes me stay."
"Of course not, Light-kun. How dense do you think me to be? The hope for my defeat does," L replies placidly.
Light chokes on his anger but still manages to spit out, "That's not why...."
L interrupts. "Stop with your bloody martyred looks! You cannot expect me to buy such an act, Light-kun. Nothing you say will convince me that you are not Kira."
"I'm not asking you to give up your theories! Just wish you would see me… ME!"
Light is yelling and thumping himself on his chest, gesturing wildly in circles around his upper body. He signals erratically in hopes that L might look closer at the person who he is. He knows he is more than flashing lights or a cautionary tale of genius. If only L could, would see. And really, in all this aggrandizement, he expects L to take back control, but the man seems shocked into speechlessness.
All Light's self-containment, normally impenetrable, cannot handle such foreign pressure. Light feels himself break. He is determined to convince his torment of his true feelings. He bends down, initiating contact L used as an assault only moments ago, except he infuses his kiss with ardent earnestness that stems from the very heart of himself. Every tentative lip-to-lip impact burgeons in ferocity. His body stretches out and he becomes flushed against L below him. His hands frantically slide behind L's neck to pull him closer. Or maybe he needs tactility to pull him back to the physical plane of reality, a task that seems impossible at the moment. The fissures of Light's brokenness crash over him and he refuses to let the fear of what that means interfere with how wonderful L's response to him in this new state feels.
Because L is kissing him back.
And trying to wiggle free. Light unbinds him so he can actively participate. He pushes into a sitting position, rearranging Light so that he is encased by spindly legs and arms but hugged close. And the kissing goes on. Needy and Chaotic. The only form of communication Light is capable of processing in this new warfare.
The high lasts longer than Light expected, but suddenly he crashes again. L senses the change immediately. They pull apart. Light scrambling backwards to escape the insecure comfort of L's arms, he curls in on himself. Knees up and bent to protect his bowed head. Too unbalanced to control his reactions. He gives into tears of frustration, confusion and want that usurps all logic that usually holds him in check.
Then arms wrap around him. L's calm voice breaks through the spiraling morass of sensitivity. "No, Light-kun, you do not get to run away from me this time."
"Look at me."
Light knows better than to deny L. He peeks out from hiding, unwilling to reveal himself as thoroughly as L has requested.
L smiles, bemused at Light's weak attempt at insubordination.
"Tears?" He smears the streaks with his thumbs, drying Light's eyes gently with their movement under his lower eyelids. Before he lets them slowly flit across Light's cheekbones and trail downwards until Light's face is completely cradled in his hands.
Light chances a glance at L and gets caught up in peering at the man staring at him. He is watching Light intently. Studying his face. Searching his eyes. Seeking something that must be there because he starts to say something. Then stops. He leans in and brushes the sweetest kiss across Light's forehead before continuing on.
"You're the most perfect specimen of humanity. Singular in nearly every way."
As L speaks, he makes each word that comes next sound more reverent than the last, as if there was nothing more truer spoken.
Light blushes and his eyes widen and he wants to kiss L some more and he wants to hide his face again. This whole interaction has become overwhelmingly surreal and he cannot figure out what to do.
Instinctually, his head begins to lower, but L's hands still cradle it, and L shakes his head no at Light, causing him to still.
"Isolation is tolerable, isn't it? At least you tell this to yourself." Here L shrugs self-deprecatorily. "You believe it too. Except someone comes along and you can no longer fool yourself."
He pulls Light into another tender kiss and then lets him go. He scoots out of arms' reach before sitting, bending one knee in an upright position while the other hooks behind it and is angled crookedly flat on the ground.
"I see you," he confesses. His thumb comes up and he habitually nibbles it.
"You scare me." Light opinions without embarrassment.
A nod and shrug. "That's to be expected, don't you think? You've suffered a great deal of trauma at my command."
"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Light wants to believe him. He really does. Lies come naturally though and he cannot distinguish between truth and paranoia or even self-delusion. He thinks L might not be able to either.
"You were unexpected in every way, Light-kun," L wryly explains. "A mystery that gets more intriguing, the more I uncover. There isn't anything about you that doesn't interest me."
"You really are dysfunctional," Light cannot help but comment. "You like me because you think I'm a mass-murdering, egomaniacal, anti-social, childish anomaly with deviant morality and possibly a god-complex or savior-complex depending on my mood for that day and who is against me."
A giggle forms and burst out of Light. Some more come and soon he's laughing a bit maniacally and thinks with such a display, L might be able to build a case upon it alone. He certainly sounds unhinged.
L interrupts his giggle fit. "Light-kun, you need some rest."
He takes Light's hand and pulls him upright. Light stops laughing, but breathing now requires all his energy. Such simple act should not confound him. He gathers himself and walks without L's aid.
When they reach the bedroom, he drops onto the bed, not caring that he has not done any of his nightly routine. He cocoons himself in the comforter and ignores the concerned looks L gives him. He just wants to sleep.
Talking will happen later. Or sooner if L has his way. Because even as revelatory as they have been with each other today or how painfully reliant they have become on each other's existence, they both know that the inevitable outcome of this battle remains the same.