February 15, 2011
In a moment, everything can change. I absentmindedly wondered how many times I had heard that before this day. As I stared blankly into his eyes; searching for some source of life I knew I wouldn't find. I wanted to scream with all of my being, reach up and ask why all this shit would happen to me. But I didn't. I sat motionless with his lifeless body. The pain in my leg throbbed. "Eli." I cried. I didn't really hear myself speak. I thought I had lost that ability. "Why?" The only word I could think of. I watched the halls as the others in my class frantically fled. I couldn't leave him. No matter how much I hated him; no matter how much I loved him. I couldn't bring myself to find the refugee the others sought. I heard faint breathing under me. "I'm sorry." I swear to this day, I heard him say it. The last words to grace his perfect lips. The lips I loved. He wouldn't have wanted such cliché last words. I know he would have quoted Shakespeare could he have. Eventually they found me; ushered me off him, despite my screams. They told me I needed to be checked out. I couldn't figure out why. All I wanted to do was see him, say goodbye. But they wouldn't let me. They would soon become my new hell. It was all thanks to him. Or so they would tell me over the next few months. Would they believe me if I said all I wanted was for him to be there to comfort me? Would they think me mad because I didn't think him the monster they did? They thought I was a monster for loving him, for continuing to love him. After all the commotion died down, I made a quiet trip to his grave. I ran my fingers over the cool marble marking his rest. Elijah James Goldsworthy. Beloved Son and Friend. I couldn't believe he was below me. Wind hit my back as I kneeled to gain closeness. I could feel him near me; as if his arms were the wind around me. "I don't hate you. Even for what they say about me now. I don't hate you. I love you. We said we would forever didn't we?" I almost smiled. The tears that had threatened to fall made good on their promise. " I miss you. Why did you mess up all we had? Eli, I can't live much longer without you." He'd want a Romeo and Juliet ending. I thought, regretting the moment I did. Clare. The wind breathed. I screwed up. I know. I don't know how long I stayed there. For awhile, I had hoped I was gone. Back in the arms of my beloved. I turned his ring on my finger until it shone in the light of the day breaking sun. At least I would have one reminder of him. I thought as I played with the new necklace around my neck. It was given to me the day he died. His necklace, with my ring adorning it. I placed a hand on my stomach. "I hope he looks like you." This time the wind didn't answer back.