Two weeks. It took him two weeks to make his way back to the bunker. Two weeks of hitchhiking and losing his way and generally feeling miserable. He nearly quit a few times. What reason did he have to continue on anyway? It was his fault that all the angels had been cast out of heaven. And now….he had never felt so alone. So helpless and powerless and so…so human. One thought kept him going, though. One thought made him get up those countless times when he'd sat on the side of the road and wondered if he should just wait for death to come. Dean. It was always Dean.
After two weeks had passed and he was dirty and sweaty and tired and so ready to give in, he finally reached the bunker. Kevin looked more than a little surprised to see him at the door but let him in readily. Sam was still laid up in bed but Dean saw him the moment he walked in to the main room. The hunter, his hunter, stood and stared at him wide eyed for a long moment.
"Cas…you son of a bitch…" he said and strode over to him to hug him tightly. It felt just like it had in Purgatory. Only this time Cas sagged into the hug. He was so tired. So, so tired. "I didn't think we'd hear from you again."
"I landed far from here. It took me a long time to find this place," he explained when Dean had let him go.
"You couldn't have given us a call?" he asked, still looking over Cas to see if he was hurt.
"I….I could not remember your phone number," he frowned, looking away. He'd found that being human came with a lot of side effects. Besides the normal ones like sleep and hunger, he'd found his memory was not as good as it had been as an angel. It took longer to remember things, to think of things that had normally taken him an instant. Castiel had to constantly remind himself that he was no longer a heavenly being but a human. And as such, the limitations of a human body applied to him now.
Dean sighed then put a hand on his shoulder. "Well…come on. Let's get you cleaned up," he said and led Cas towards the showers.
"You know how to take a shower right?" he asked when they were there.
"I know the basics, yes," he nodded.
"Good," he said and cleared his throat. "I'll uh…wait outside. Call if you need anything." Dean looked around awkwardly and cleared his throat again before walking out the door.
Castiel managed to navigate the shower without any major tragedies. Though he did get shampoo in his eyes and discovered that it stung like hell. Among one of his least favorite human trait was the ability to feel pain. Over his two week hike he had accumulated a bunch of scrapes, scratches and bruises and it irritated him to no end that he could not heal them.
When he was finished with the shower, he discovered Dean waiting for him with a pair of jeans and an old band t-shirt. He was pointedly looking away from Cas and had that awkward look on his face again.
"Where are my old clothes?" Castiel asked, tilting his head.
"They're in the wash man. They were disgusting," he explained and thrust the clothes towards him. "You're going to have to wear these until we can go shopping for some clothes for you."
"Yes, okay," Cas nodded and numbly took the clothing from Dean. He quickly got dressed, frowning when he saw himself in the mirror. The jeans were too long and he'd had to cuff the ends and the t-shirt hung on his slighter frame. He was still frowning when he walked out of the door for Dean to see.
Cas could see Dean's eyes go wide and he cleared his throat yet again as he shifted a little in his chair. At one point there would have been other small signs that Castiel could have picked up. But he was no longer and angel, and so the smallest of details now were beyond his sight. Even now he could tell that the sight of him in the hunter's clothing pleased Dean so he endeavored a small smile. Dean opened his mouth to say something but the growling of Castiel's stomach interrupted him. The man grinned and stood, turning away from him.
"Sounds like you need food," he said, already heading for the kitchen.
Cas padded after him, the feel of the worn wood underneath his bare feet entrancing. This, he thought, was one of the benefits of being human. As an angel he had experienced many things, but not as a human did. Angels registered sensation but they did not feel it as a human did. Just as they did not feel emotion as humans did. But then, he was getting a lot of experience with human emotions lately. Guilt, fear, self-loathing. All threatening to overwhelm him. The one saving grace-and if that wasn't the most ironic term Cas had ever used, he'd eat a sock – was Dean. In all this, he knew he could count on Dean.
He sat quietly at the table as Dean cooked them up some burgers. He smiled softly at the smell and remembered how much his vessel enjoyed the taste of burgers. He wondered if it would be any different, eating them as a human, if they would taste any different. But when he took that first bite, his eyelids fluttered closed and he had to hold back a soft moan because this burger tasted better than any he'd ever had as an angel. Though that might be because Dean was the one who cooked it.
"Glad you like it," he heard Dean chuckle before he took a bite of his own burger.
They ate in relative silence. Dean asked how Cas got here and he told him about his experiences hitch hiking and camping alongside the road. Dean sympathized with him. He knew it must be hard for the ex-angel to be so suddenly thrust out into the world. But Cas had done It during the apocalypse and he was positive he could do it again now.
"Thank you Dean…." he said softly when Dean was cleaning up their dishes.
"For what Cas?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder.
"For..everything," he said with a small sigh. "I know you probably shouldn't trust me after what happened. But here you are, letting me back in, cooking for me even."
"That what friends are for, right Cas?" he said, though his voice was a little tight.
"Just so you know…it wasn't me," he said. "Metatron tricked me. He stole my grace." He hated that his voice broke on the last word. The thought of his lost grace brought up feelings in him that were just too overwhelming. He didn't know how humans dealt with this magnitude of emotions on a daily basis. "I…" for once he was lost for words and he was shocked and dismayed to find tears blurring his eyes.
He felt even worse when he felt strong arms wrap around him. "It'll be okay Cas…" Dean whispered.
And for the next few minutes, Cas just cried and cried. It felt good, he thought, to let all of the pent up frustration and emotion rush out. But he also felt mortified that he was crying, something he'd never done, in front of Dean. When he was done he felt exhausted and his eyes were swollen and sore. Dean helped him to one of the rooms and then gave him one last worried look before leaving. Cas curled up on the bed and tugged the blankets around him and fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep.