It was all her fault
Reid loses a bet with Garcia and has to go on a date…but he finds out Garcia's secret and plots revenge.
AN: I own nothing…nothing at all. This story happens before Confessions. For the readers that do not know, a roofie is a drug that is used (normally on a woman) to render her almost unconscious and pliable. It is also known as a "date rape" drug. Also, a Banshee is a female spirit in Irish mythology, usually seen as an omen of death and a messenger from the Otherworld. The story of the bean-sidhe began as a fairy woman keening at the death of important personages. In later stories, the appearance of the banshee could foretell the death. According to the legend, the banshee can appear in a variety of guises. Most often she appears as an ugly, frightening hag, but can also appear as a stunningly beautiful woman of any age that suits her and is seen washing the blood stained clothes or armor of those who are about to die. Although not always seen, her mourning call is heard, usually at night when someone is about to die and usually around woods.
The first song is Not Fair by Lily Allen, I love that woman. The official video on YouTube is great. The second is Pray for you by Jaron & the Long road to Love
Reid sat at the back of the bar and tried to hide from everyone. He could not believe he let this woman drag him here. He could not believe that Garcia had set him up like this. For most of the night he had been waiting for Garcia to jump out of the shadows with a camera and start laughing and his date to morph back into a human being. If this woman was truly like this all the time, it was a mystery how she got a job working for the FBI. But that is where Garcia "found" her, in the tech pool. She told Reid that for losing the bet they had made, he had to go on a date with a woman of her choosing. He should have known better, that woman knew what was going on with everyone, stuff that he was usually oblivious to. Garcia had bet him that Hotch was dating that Beth girl, he had said that Hotch was still spending way too much time at the office to be dating and there had been no other indicators that he was involved with anyone. Even though Garcia had a major hangover the day of the FBI marathon, she was gleeful when Hotch introduced Beth to everyone. That led them to tonight and the date from hell.
This is why I don't date, Reid thought to himself.
This woman, who he refused to even think about by her real name, had been rude to the wait staff at the restaurant, was drunk before the entrée's even came and had stayed one cocktail from passing out the rest of the night. She had called Reid, "Stickboy" or "Mr. Dorkerson" all night. He hadn't had a chance to escape from her without leaving a severely inebriated woman to find her own way home, and he couldn't bring himself to do that. Next time he was at the bar with Morgan he was going to ask him how to gracefully remove himself from these kinds of situations….if anyone would know, it would be Morgan.
"Hey stickboy, this pretty lady needs another drink…make sure they don't skimp on the alcohol this time. " The evil woman told Reid and grateful for a moment away from her, he jumped up and moved towards the bar.
"And don't take so long this time!" She shouted after him.
Reid got up to the bar and made no attempt to gain the bartender's attention. He was still debating on slipping her a roofie himself just so he could finally take her home. The fact that that thought had even crossed his mind made him even more determined to get Garcia back. She had to have known what kind of person this was when she set up the date. As Reid stood there and debated about all the things he wanted to do for revenge, the bartender approached him and asked what he needed. Before he could stop himself, Reid replied, "A roll of duct tape and some paralytics." He expected the man to do something, freak out, run away… anything than what he did. The bartender tossed his head back and let loose with a full-on belly laugh.
"Why do you find that funny?" Reid asked.
"Because I saw you with Cynthia and that's a pretty standard desire from men that come in with her. Actually, your request was comparatively tame; I had one guy ask to borrow the shotgun I keep under the bar. How did you fall into her trap?"
Reid told him, "I lost a bet with a coworker and she set me up to go on a date with her."
"Hahaha, you're Garcia's stooge? Oh, this is great. She told me what happened but I didn't believe I would get to witness it firsthand. My name is Mike, by the way." Mike extended his hand and Reid shook it and said, "So it wasn't an accident, she stuck me with her on purpose. I am so going to make her rue the day she decided to take me on."
Mike smiled and handed Reid the drink he knew Cynthia always requested and said, "You will have to let me know how that turns out. You are going to have to do something pretty drastic to get back at her for this. Speaking of which, she should be going up for her second song any minute now."
"Second song?" Reid asked. "Garcia sings Karaoke?"
He had been really irritated when his horrible companion had drug him in here, even more so when he realized he would have to listen to drunken people butcher good songs.
"Yea, she's been coming to karaoke night for months now." Mike told him. "Her boyfriend and her used to talk to each other through songs. Tonight's been pretty interesting, sad and funny. Kevin chose to break up with her with his song choice and Garcia has had a little too much to drink and is really bashing him with her song choices. Wait til you hear what she's gonna sing next. She could probably use a friend right now. Let me run this drink over to the terror; I will tell her you left, call her a cab and get her outta both our hair."
"Thanks, Mike." Reid said to him as he sat at the bar and contemplated what he had just been told. Garcia could sing. It was obviously supposed to be a secret. Most important, Kevin and Garcia were no longer a couple. A plan started to form in his brain, but before he could work out the details the DJ announced Penelope Garcia's name. Reid turned in his seat and watched as a very giggly, very drunk Garcia made her way to the stage. She took the microphone and turned to the audience.
"Tonight, my boyfriend of 4 years decided I wasn't good enough for him anymore. He's the one not good enough for me. Kevin Lynch, this is for you.
Oh, he treats me with respect, he says he loves me all the time
He calls me fifteen times a day, he likes to make sure that I'm fine
You know I've never met a man who's made me feel quite so secure
He's not like all them other boys, they're all so dumb and immature
(Chorus)
There's just one thing that's getting in the way
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over
Reid choked on his drink at the second line of the chorus. By the fourth he and the rest of the bar were laughing, not only at the words but at Garcia's facial expressions and hand gestures.Her acting abilities were coming in handy here at the bar tonight.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're supposed to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take Oh, I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed There's just one thing that's getting in the way It's not fair and I think you're really mean Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay There's just one thing that's getting in the way It's not fair and I think you're really mean Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by, I spent ages giving head
Then I remember all the nice things that you ever said to me
Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe you're the one for me
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're supposed to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're supposed to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take
Garcia thanked everyone, handed the mic back, and left the stage. Reid planted himself directly in front of her and she inhaled sharply when she saw him. "Boy Genius, what are YOU doing here? How long have you been here, please tell me that you just walked in the door?"
Reid smiled at her, "No, I've been here for almost an hour now. I'm here because this evil woman I work with decided to set me up on a date with a Banshee, and said date dragged me here. Mike got rid of her for me, after laughing at me when he realized I was the "stooge" you had told him about. This entire evening is almost worth it after finding out your secret."
Garcia put on her most innocent face, "My sweet spice drop, I set you up on a date with Cynthia because I knew what she was like and I figured after getting through a date with her, a date with a normal girl would be like a cakewalk. I was just trying to help you with your nerves around women." Garcia led Reid over to her table because the room was spinning due to her alcohol intake and she needed to sit down.
"I believe that is the most convoluted help I have ever been given, but lesson learned and by the way; you are an excellent singer. Are you going to sing again tonight?"
"Yeppers, I signed up for one more, one of my favorites. It always cheers me up to sing it about someone who has hurt me or anyone in my family. Kevin is now in the same category as Foyet and Buford. " Garcia told Reid. "Please don't tell anyone about this. Hotch spilled about my acting and this is pretty much the only secret I have left."
Reid reassured her, "I won't say anything to anyone, but when the time is right you will end up letting the others know. That being said, how are you really doing? I know you and Kevin were together for a long time and were close."
Garcia sighed, "Honestly, I am more upset over the public way he broke up with me than the actual breakup. We both knew it was coming. He wanted more than I can give. He wanted me at his beck and call 24 hours a day. He resented the team because of all the time I spend with you guys. And he hated Derek, has always been jealous. I don't know why, it's not like Derek would ever look at me that way. Kevin knew though, if D had ever given me an opportunity, Kevin would be out on the curb. But I'm stuck in that best friend space…" Garcia trailed off, eyes wide, horrified she had just told Reid all of that.
Reid quickly jumped to comfort her. "Garcia, it's not really a surprise. We all know how you feel about Derek and how he feels about you. We just never figured you would admit it to yourselves, let alone the other. Have you ever thought about setting your fear aside and telling him how you feel?"
"Oh hells no, why would I ruin a good thing? Reid, you've see what makes his pulse race and I am SO not one of THOSE girls. I may not get to have all the pleasures that Derek Morgan offers but I am happy with what I have, and that's better than nothing. And, for now, can we drop this? I am enjoying lyrically bashing Kevin and it should be my turn to sing again soon since the crowd has thinned. Then I'm going to go home and nurse the hangover I'm gonna have tomorrow."
Reid agreed to let the topic drop but his plan for payback became a lot more concrete. He was almost giddy at the thought of their next bet.
"Reid…Reid…REID!"
Garcia calling his name finally broke his reverie. "It's my turn, be right back."
Garcia waltzed up to the stage and took the microphone.
"This is for all the asshats out there…ex-boyfriend included."
I haven't been to church since I don't remember when I pray your brakes go out running down a hill I'm really glad I found my way to church I pray your tire blows out at 110. I pray your brakes go out running down a hill.
Things were going great '˜til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can't go hating others who have done wrong to you.
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
'Cause I'm already feeling better and I thank God for his words.
Yeah I'm going take the high road,
And do what the preacher told me to do,
You keep messing up and I'll keep praying for you.
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with
his and her tattoos
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to.
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your
car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you
She got done and turned the mic back over and gave the audience a playful curtsy for their applause. She made her way back to Reid, who had a look on his face that was a cross between fear and admiration. "What's up, gumdrop?" Garcia asked him.
"First, remind me to never piss you off. Second, I will say it again; you are an amazing singer and third, How come we've never gotten to see this evil/vindictive streak before?" Reid asked her.
"You just haven't been looking close enough sweetie. When I say I will electronically erase someone, it's not just idle conversation, I really will. My song choices tonight just made my evil side easier to see." Garcia took the last sip of her drink and stood up and started trying to gather her things and put her coat on at the same time. "I'm going to go ask Mike to call me a cab, are you all right to drive, Sugar Pop?"
"I'm perfectly fine, and don't bother with a cab, I have no problem giving you a ride." Reid told her, grabbing her jacket before it hit the ground and helping her to find the sleeve.
"Thanks so much dumpling, this Goddess appreciates it and will definitely keep you on her list of favorites."
Garcia and Reid strolled out of the bar together, glad that the horrible night that they had started with had ended better with their friend.