Episode 1: Two Ricks, One Cup
I don't own Rick and Morty. All rights go to Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, and Adult Swim.
Morty sat in Mr. Goldenfold's room, bored out of his mind.
"Alright, class!" said Mr. Goldenfold. "Let's do a math question. Let's say I have one wife that leaves me. How many wife's do I have left?"
"What?" Morty whispered.
Suddenly, Rick busted through the door.
"MORTY!" yelled Rick.
"Oh, thank God." said Morty.
"I've found it, Morty! I've found it!"
He started to laugh.
"What are you talking about?" Asked Morty.
"Just come with me, Morty!" said Rick as he grabbed him.
Rick shot a green portal on the wall.
"Wait!" said Mr. Goldenfold. "Where are you taking him?"
"Do you really care, Mr. GOLDENFOLD? You're just some random character who got semi popular. Who cares about you?" said Rick.
Mr. Goldenfold started to cry.
"Geez. No wonder you're wife left you." said Rick.
Rick and Morty walked through the portal.
The portal led to a standard looking neighborhood.
"Oh boy, Rick." said Morty. "This doesn't really look like a place where adventures happen, I mean I uh I'm not complaining or..."
"Shut up, Morty." said Rick. "This isn't an adventure. I just need you to do something for me."
Rick grabbed a baseball bat on the ground near a house and smashed the front window, causing glass to fly everywhere. The family inside screamed as Rick climbed in through the window.
"RICK! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" yelled Morty as he climbed in.
"Just point this at them until I get what I came here for." said Rick as he threw his laser gun to Morty. "If they move, shoot them."
Morty grabbed it and pointed it at the the parents and two kids. One of the kids started crying.
"Oh Rick, I don't like this. I don't wanna go to jail!" said Morty.
"Relax, This isn't our universe and the Rick and Morty here have been dead for a while. We won't get caught." said Rick as he pulled open various drawers.
"What happened to them?"
"It doesn't matter, Morty. I could care less." said Rick.
"Goddamnit, where is it!"
"Hey!" yelled Rick to the family. "Eating shit is normal here, right?"
"Yeah, you don't?" said the father.
"Gross!" said Morty.
"Infinite timelines, Morty." said Rick. "And this one just so happens to have what I want."
Rick pulled pink food coloring out of one of the drawers.
"Here it is."
"What! That's what you came here for?" said Morty.
"This is v-BURP-ery important, Morty."
Rick walked to Morty and shot a portal on the floor.
"Alright, let's go." said Rick as he pushed Morty in. "Bye, shit-eaters."
Later in the garage, Rick put the food coloring in some contraption. Morty opened the door and walked in.
"Are you almost done testing your food coloring?"
"Morty, you idiot! This isn't food coloring. It's what'll give me more power than any other Rick."
Morty looked at a computer screen.
"It says that it cures Hepatitis C. That's supposed to give you power?
"I could care less about Hepatitis C. I'm immune to all of that shit, Morty. Why would I bother curing others?"
"Then what is it for?"
Rick sighed.
"Listen, you know how I told you that I can't go everywhere with my portal gun?"
"Yeah."
"I never told you that, Morty. Think for yourself for once and don't say you know something when you don't."
Rick took the tube off of his portal gun and poured the pink stuff into it. He twisted it back on and shot it. A pink portal appeared.
"This goes to the Unknown Dimension! Every Rick has wanted to go here and I just so happened to find the secret ingredient to it."
"What's in the Unknown Demension?"
"Untold adventures, Morty! We'll b-BURP-e able to do things that were never possible before!"
"Wow!!"
"Yeah. We're going to be the first Rick and Morty in there"
"Second."
Another Rick and Morty walked out from the portal. Their clothes were teared and battered. The Rick held a long stick while the Morty had nothing.
"You'd be the SECOND Rick and Morty in the Unknown Demension. They call me Shit Rick, because I guess eating shit isn't cool in other Demensions." said Shit Rick.
"It isn't." said Rick. "How long have you been in there?"
"It's been a year since MORTY gave me the Philips screwdriver instead of the Flathead."
"I've said that I was sorry!" yelled Shit Morty.
"Well, because of Morty here, my ex-BURP-periement to go to the Unknown Dimension failed, and we ended up on a planet with no food, so we had to..."
"Eat shit, it's pretty obvious." said Rick.
"Is that nutritional, Rick?" asked Morty.
"How should I know? I've never eaten shit like these weirdos." said Rick.
"Well, you're not going to be eating anything anymore."
Shit Rick smacked Rick across the face and hit Morty, knocking both of them out.
"Rick! W-what'd you do that for?" said Shit Morty. "They just saved us!"
"No, they fell for my trap, Morty. Now we can take their place. We can live a normal life now, Morty. One where we don't have to eat shit anymore. Come on Morty, let's go live life." said Shit Rick.
"What about them?" asked Shit Morty as he pointed to the unconscious Rick and Morty.
"Just throw them in here." said Shit Rick as he pulled a trap door open from underneath the garage. We'll deal wi-BURP-th them later."
Later, Shit Rick and Morty sat at the dinner table with Beth and Summer.
"So..." said Beth. "Did you two have a fun adventure today?"
"Oh yeah, Mom whatever." said Shit Morty. "Hey Rick?" he whispered. "Can you make this taste like shit?"
"What?" said Summer.
"I, uh, said this food tastes like shit."
"Honey, that's very hurtful!" said Beth.
"Well, it's true." said Summer. "This sugar-free bullshit needs to stop. None of us are fat and we'll never get fat."
"Tell that to morbidly obese Rick." said Shit Rick. "Guy makes a living by just being fat."
"Is that true?" asked Beth.
"Yeah. Rick's from all over the multiverse pay to see this guy sit around and eat shit." said Shit Rick. "NOT LITERAL SHIT! Just bad food. Eating shit would be weird, right?" He nervously laughed.
"Well, I kind of want to go see fat Rick." said Summer.
"Yeah, it could be a fun family trip." said Beth.
"FUN FAMILY TRIP?!" said Shit Rick. "Oh yeah, it would be so fun to watch a disgusting loser live a terrible life. Speaking of which, where's Jerry?"
"What do you mean?" said Beth.
"Yeah, where is Dad, Mom?" said Shit Morty.
"Uhhh..." said Beth. "Probably drunk in a dumpster somewhere, am I right? Haha."
No one laughed.
"Morty, come with me." said Rick "We gotta eat some shit, I MEAN do some shit in the garage."
Shit Rick and Morty walked to the garage.
"What's with them?" asked Beth. "They seem off for some reason."
"They have been mentioning eating shit a lot. For once, I'm concerned." said Summer.
Shit Rick and Morty talked in the garage.
"Where's my dad, Rick?" asked Morty.
"I don't care." said Rick nonchalantly. "We need to learn a few things about this new world, Morty. Let's go ask our friends."
Shit Rick and Morty went down into the secret basement and started looking for Rick and Morty. They walked through different parts when suddenly Rick hit Shit Rick in the face. Shit Rick tried to pull out his gun but Rick kicked it to the side where Morty was. He picked up the gun and pointed it at him, but the two Rick looked the exact same.
"W-w-which one is my Rick?" said Morty.
"Oh Goddamnit!" yelled both of the Ricks.
"Morty, this has happened on like four separate occasions. Just pay attention to the fight for once!" said one of the Ricks.
"What the!" said Shit Morty as he walked up to them.
"I know, right! I'm getting tired of this bullshit too!" said Morty.
"Let's just go to the Citadel of Ricks, they can handle this." said Shit Morty.
"Good idea." said one of the Ricks.
A portal opened and Shit Morty walked through.
"You first, Rick." said One Rick to the other.
The Rick walked through.
"Well, that solves that, Morty." said Rick.
"What'd you mean?"
"Morty, the Citadel as currently a floating chuck of metal in space. We'd know that..."
"But they wouldn't!" said Morty.
"Yeah, that's what I was going to say, Morty!" said Rick. "Don't finish my genius."
"You didn't even come up with the idea!" yelled Morty. "Those two suffocated in space because of his stupid Morty bringing up the Citadel, not you Rick!"
Summer opened the door to the basement.
"Hey, so do you guys have a shit fetish or something?" she asked.
"Not us personally, but some Rick's and Morty's are big shit-eaters." said Rick. "Now get out of here, me and Morty gonna wrap this up.
Summer went back up to the house.
"Boy, I'm real sick of shit now, Rick." said Morty. "I mean, I don't even want to see shit, Rick."
"Yeah, fuck that." said Rick.
"Hey, Rick?" asked Morty. "Why was that pink stuff in some random family's house. Shouldn't we like, uh, explain that? Like, that was pretty dark with the kid crying and..."
"Too late, Morty it's the end of the episode. Bye!"
Rick said fastly.