When?
When will everything be normal?
When will this aching pain go away?
This broken heart is starting to get to be too much.
I don't know what to do without him.
He carries my heart.
My life is nothing without him.
I miss his brown eyes.
His messy brown hair.
The way he looked when he couldn't control his laughter.
Everything.
Everything about him is wonderful.
Was wonderful.
Now he is gone.
Gone forever.
Killed by the very thing that gave him reason to live.
Why couldn't I be his reason to live?
He's my reason.
There's nothing I can do to bring him back.
He's dead.
Without him, I am meaningless.
There's nothing to live for.
He was the only thing I ever cared about.
He slipped through my fingers like water.
I wish I could bring him back.
There is only one thing I can do to be with him again.
But it's risky.
I could do it.
But think of the pain it would cause everyone else.
They would say it was selfish.
But I need him.
I want him.
I never told him.
He never knew.
I tell him everyday at the grave.
But it's not enough.
I need to be with him again.
Now.
All I see is the red going down the drain.
It's comforting.
It's the same way he did it.
It feels nice.
It's the same place he did it.
It hurts.
It's the same place I found him.
I like it.
It's the same place someone will find me.
Then someone else will be asking the same questions that I asked myself.
But I need him.
I want him.
Now,
I have him.
Daniel Howell was killed by his fans.
I, Phillip Lester, was killed by him.