Love was a weird feeling. It could seize your whole body, take control of it. Make you feel like you were flying. Love was a splendid thing that made your heart race, made your stomach fill with butterflies. It could make you feel like you were five again, giggling at a schoolyard crush. It was often idolized as the greatest feeling in the world.
People went years and years trying to find it. Scouring the whole world until they ran into their soulmate, the person that was just meant for them. Everyone was looking for their one and only love. Some people found it earlier than others and, as sad as it was, some people never find it.
But the funny thing about love? As beautiful as it can be, it can be the worst feeling in the entire world. Just as it can make you feel like you're flying, it can make you feel like you're falling (not always in a good way). It could rip out your still beating heart and make your stomach turn with dread and unease.
Out of all the things Kendall loved about James, there were three things he absolutely hated how much effort James put into his appearance. Over the years, since James' fascination, obsession, first came around, everyone laughed it off. That was "just James." Kendall had even come to find it endearing, how the taller boy couldn't pass by a reflective surface without checking his appearance. He didn't even mind that James got up at ungodly hours to get ready. He could live with all these little quirks.
What he really hated was when James' appearance interfered with the time they spent together. He understood that James felt the need to upkeep his appearance. But when James would ditch him to go get the new cuda product, or when he would spend more time in the bathroom than he would hanging out with him, that's when Kendall started to hate how involved James was in his appearance.
It was a futile effort in Kendall's appearance, because James always looked flawless to him. Whether he was in full hockey gear, or tired and sweaty from a dance practice or his usual get-up, Kendall always found James to be perfect. He just wished that James could see that himself.
Kendall hated how much effort he put into impressing James. He despised how it was ignored. Every single time he did something to show off to James, the other boy seemed to just turn his cheek. Like the time he scored the winning goal to their state championship game, James just shrugged it off like it was nothing. Or the multiple times he managed to not piss Gustavo off to show James that he was capable of controlling himself. Or the few days a week he spent in the gym, trying to get in shape and build his muscles. Yeah, James didn't think anything of that either.
But the thing he hated most, James obviously didn't love him.