A/N: I've seen a lot of posts on Susan for The Last Battle. Several points to understanding her bitterness while others seem to villainize someone else to make Susan good. This is hopefully a different view of Susan. I hope you enjoy it. The song is based on Romans 11:34-36. I obviously do not own that nor the Chronicles of title is from the Garth Brooks' song Unanswered Prayers.
Unanswered Prayer
She did not understand. How could she be too old for Narnia? She was younger now then she had been while Queen of Narnia. She had been the motherly figure of Narnia according to the legends she heard from Caspian's tutor and Trufflehunter. If she was the mother of Narnia, how could she leave it? She loved Narnia, it was where she belonged. She was free here. She could defend her country and be the lovely hostess. She did not have to be a flighty girl here. One of the songs of Aslan spoke of not understanding the ways His ways.
"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge!
How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!
For who has known His mind,
or who has been His counselor?"
She knew that she was not Aslan. But why had He made this decision? He had told them that "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia." But how could they if they were stuck in England? He had told her and Peter that Edmund and Lucy would come back. He had assured Peter that He was in both worlds, they would just have to find them.
But how could she find Him? She felt alone and abandoned. She was not being allowed to come back to the place that felt the most like home. Why could they not stay in Narnia? Why had they had to leave the first time? Why had Aslan made the decisions He had? This was not what she had asked for or wanted.
That had been two years ago now. She had just gotten into a huge fight with Edmund and Lucy again. They wanted to discuss Narnia. Susan did not though. It hurt to speak of Narnia. The less she thought about it, in the way that they wished, the less it hurt. She had taken what Aslan had said to heart. He wanted them to live in this world, Susan would live in this world. She would visit with friends, go to parties, wear makeup, and show the Gentle Queen as she had been in Narnia.
The others did not seem to understand. They wanted to cling to Narnia, spend their lives focused on the past. Narnia had been wonderful, but none of them were ever going to go back unless Aslan changed His mind. Until Aslan called her back though, she would focus on here and being the best Gentle Queen that she could be. No, she was not treated as well as she had been in Narnia. But Aslan had never promised that being a Queen of Narnia was easy. No, she no longer was able to fight for her country. However, she was comfortable in the knowledge of defending herself with both her tongue and her fists. She was living out the principles of Narnia, she had found Aslan in this world.
She did not need to speak of Narnia anymore. She had found Him here. She had tried to explain it to the others but they thought that she was trying to forget Narnia. But speaking of Narnia did not bring anyone to Aslan, it merely made people think you were crazy. But speaking of Aslan as He was found here, well some people still thought you were crazy, but Aslan was here. So why did she have to focus on the past, when her future still had Aslan in it?
Losing Peter, Edmund, Lucy, and even Eustance had been hard. Aslan had been with her throughout this. She had never felt alone. Aslan had walked beside her just as He had done for Cor, Avaris, and others. That did not mean that she had not had nights where she had felt like she was drowning in missing her siblings, her parents, and Eustance. She wondered why though. Why had Aslan allowed this to happen? She wondered where the others were. Did they understand why she had acted the way she had now? She wished at times that they could be back at Cair Paravel with Mr. Tumnus introducing guests with Peter, Edmund, and Lucy beside her.
Aslan had not left her alone though. He was there along with friends and family. Even with this great loss, Aslan still gave her blessings. She had screamed it at Lucy at one point when she was getting pushed to speak of Narnia, she had not been the Gentle Queen at that moment, but the words were still true, "Just because I do not spend my time speaking about the Talking animals does not mean that I forget Aslan." Lucy had not heard her though. Maybe Lucy and the others understood her now. Aslan understood her though. She loved her siblings, but she loves Aslan even more.
A/N: The heartbreak of this is the fact that in The Last Battle we see that they do not see Susan in a positive light. Now I know CS Lewis said that Susan had fallen away. However, I thought of Susan as the small divisions that sometimes happen in the church. One who's not doing something wrong or against the Bible, but just different. This is merely me trying to view Susan through a different lens.