Dirt and Doritos

by PerfectNezumi

A KoIzu falling in love story, and not much else. Contains lemon.

This is a side-story to my Kakairu, Dōseiaisha, but they're only very loosely related.

WARNING: mild swearing, man-sex, mud.

o0o

Kamizuki Izumo hated dirt with a passion. He loathed it. He got up an hour early each morning just so he could dust his apartment and make sure everything was in its proper place before he went to work. If there was even one thing where it was not supposed to be it niggled at him all day until he could get home and fix it.

This wouldn't be a problem if his best friend and long time flat mate didn't have such an affinity for dirt. "Kotetsu," he growled, his voice holding more than a hint of warning.

Hagane Kotetsu smiled sheepishly at him and opened his clenched fist to let a piece of muddied paper float gently down to the floor. Izumo snatched it mid-fall, and scowled at his best friend. "Don't you dare move," he threatened as he placed the paper carefully into the bin then washed and sanitized his hands. Twice.

"'Zumo, that was my mission report," Kotetsu whined. "Now I'm gonna have to do it again."

"You'd have to do it again anyway," Izumo snapped. "You know how Iruka is. And you also know how frustrating it is to receive reports like that, baka." His voice was slightly muffled as he had disappeared down the hall to rustle about in the linen closet, returning with two clean fluffy towels.

Towels he dropped instantly in favour of hitting Kotetsu lightly across the back of his head with the back of his hand. "I thought I told you not to move?"

Kotetsu had migrated another two steps towards the kitchen, leaving remarkably clear brown footprints in the beige carpet. "I just wanted to get my report back," he said, palms out in front of him in surrender.

Izumo glared at him.

"I wasn't going to hand it in like that, I swear. I just want to copy the information."

Izumo ignored his excuse with a long-suffering roll of his eyes. "Hold onto the bench and lift one foot up."

Kotetsu did as he was asked, falling silent. Izumo wrapped one of the towels around his foot, sandal and all, then dropped it. "Next."

Kotetsu obligingly lifted the other foot for it to be given the same treatment. "Geez, what were you doing, cleaning out a swamp?" Izumo said, wrinkling his nose.

"Something along those lines," Kotetsu said, grinning. "But you're probably just smelling my feet. I haven't showered since Monday."

Izumo shuddered and took two steps back. "Go shower now, and wear all your clothes. Don't come out until you're the right colour again."

"Yes Sir," Kotetsu said jokingly, holding his hand to his forehead in mock salute. The movement made more mud fly onto the carpet, so he hurriedly beat a retreat before Izumo's head exploded.

Izumo stared at the mess and sighed heavily. Why do I still live with this stupid lug? He asked himself, resigning himself to grabbing extra strength cleaning fluid from under the sink and, tying his hair into a low ponytail with his hitai-ate so it was out of his eyes, set to work scrubbing at the mess Kotetsu had unwittingly made. Of course, he could always leave it for Kotetsu to clean up, but the slightly older (Because he was never allowed to forget that, as Kotetsu would say, "Four months and four days, baby. I'm always going to be just that far ahead of you") chūnin had a weird knack for making even more of a mess of something whenever he attempted to clean up.

They'd gotten this apartment when they'd made chūnin at thirteen, his parents happy to see him move out as they had four other children to support, and nine long years later he was still picking up Kotetsu's dirty clothes and cleaning his mess off the same floor they'd had their first taste of freedom on. Of course, after that night Izumo had spent the next day scrubbing vomit and beer out of the carpet, which was marginally worse than Kotetsu's current mud problem.

Since then they made less mess when drinking (Izumo had a 'bucket per person' policy whenever they threw parties, and they'd also managed to gain a higher tolerance for booze over the years) and all he really had to do was vacuum broken corn chips from the carpet, sofa, and occasionally the curtains. For some reason whenever there was chips and dip near a drunken Kotetsu he found great pleasure in getting them to stick to things, the curtains being one of his favourite places.

Iruka, the third man of their genin team and their only regular drinking buddy, was absolutely no help in this matter. After enough bottles of beer he simply sat there and giggled at anything and everything, and was known to throw his arms around both of them and proclaim, shiny-eyed, "I love you guys, you're the bestest."

Come to think of it, that prankster Iruka was also the one who told Kotetsu that "Ninjas can walk up walls, y'know, and you don't even have to be sober!" which meant he also had to collect soggy hummus-dipped chips off the ceiling before they fell down and ruined his beautiful carpet. The worst part about it was that Kotetsu always forgot that while he was fine upside down an open bottle of beer wasn't, and while Iruka might find it funny to have alcohol tipped on his head, Izumo very much didn't.

Those nights always ended with Kotetsu on his knees (crushing chips into the carpet, no doubt) giving Izumo his best puppy-dog look until Izumo sighed and gave up. After all, there was not much he could do after his flat had already been destroyed. He was above joining in though. He had that much pride.

Izumo scrubbed harder at the spot on the floor, his annoyance at Kotetsu lending him strength. He was even more annoyed that as much as Kotetsu frustrated him he could never imagine living without him. Whenever he tried, and conjured up a nicely decorated, perfectly clean house in his mind either mind-Izumo got bored and lonely or mind-Kotetsu came storming through the door crunching leaves into his carpet. It was always autumn in his mind's perfect world, for some weird reason.

Something cold and wet dripped onto his shoulder and he glanced up to see Kotetsu leaning over him. "Why are you doing that?" the spiky-haired chūnin asked.

The blood rushed out of Izumo's face and he fought valiantly to keep it away from his groin. That was the other reason he could never live without Kotetsu. The man was godlike, particularly as he was now, naked save for a towel around his waist and dripping seductively. His gorgeous slanted eyes made him look like some sort of oriental beauty.

The sun chose that moment to peek out from behind a cloud and slant streamers of light across Kotetsu's upper body, highlighting his muscles and painting him golden. Izumo's mouth watered until Kotetsu broke the illusion by snorting and tugging on his makeshift ponytail. "You look like a little housewife down there, 'Zumo."

Izumo's mind flickered from how attractive his flat mate was to how the obnoxious man had probably left his muddy clothes strewn about the bathroom for him to pick up. And then it flickered back as Kotetsu added, "Or a maid. You could wear one of those little black dresses with the frilly apron." He laughed at his own joke and started prancing around in what he thought was a maid-ly way, waving a pretend feather duster.

His movements gave Izumo quite a good view of inner thigh as the towel rode up and shifted aside. "You missed your calling, Izumo."

Izumo couldn't find it in himself to be mad about Kotetsu's teasing, not while the man was giving him such a show. This, this would feed his dirty little fantasies for weeks.

He didn't like that he had fantasies about Kotetsu. It made him feel foul, sleazy, rotten, like he was doing something he shouldn't. When he was much smaller, even before enrolling at the academy, he'd seen a couple kissing in the park. He'd asked his mother about it, and she'd said it meant they cared about each other very much.

"Like me and 'Tetsu?" he'd asked, and she'd shaken her head vehemently.

"Little boys do not kiss each other," she said. "Neither do big boys. Kissing is only for a girl and a boy to do together."

He'd only been about seven, but he'd never forgotten that. Boys aren't allowed to kiss other boys. If he was honest with himself (which he was, but only in the dead of night, huddled under his covers, hand down his pants) he wanted to do more than just kiss Hagane Kotetsu. But it was wrong, his mother had said so, and so had his teacher. There was no such thing as homosexuality in Konoha, because it was a sin. His mother was always needling him about living with Kotetsu and asking him when he was going to 'grow up and settle down.' He had to bite his tongue not to tell her he wanted to 'settle down' with Kotetsu. That would have been a mistake.

Kotetsu flopped down on the couch, one leg propped against the armrest and the other hanging bent off the edge, showing a remarkable amount of thigh. He rested his chin on one hand and studied Izumo, who felt rather plain and frazzled compared to the sex god on his sofa. "You worry too much, 'Zumo."

"And you're getting the couch all wet," Izumo spat back, sounding more angry than he intended because his pants were getting ridiculously tight and he was worried Kotetsu might notice.

"Geez, Izumo, relax once in a while, wouldya?" Kotetsu shook his head, purposefully spraying everything within a square metre of him with water droplets from his hair. "It's only water."

"You can say that," Izumo said grouchily, "Because I always clean up after you and you never have to do anything."

Kotetsu shot him a sparkling smile. "Yeah, you're the perfect little housewife, darling."

It hurt when Kotetsu called him a housewife, baby, darling. It hurt because Kotetsu didn't mean anything by it. He had streams of girls trampling through his bedroom, keen to get a taste of his exotic looking flesh. Sometimes Izumo listened, closing his eyes and pretending he was the one 'Tetsu was fucking. It hurt too much, otherwise.

Kotetsu wrinkled up his nose in that cute way he had. It usually made the bandage across his nose rise up and down like a Mexican wave, but he wasn't wearing the bandage now, having come from the shower. People always asked Izumo what was underneath the bandage, which Kotetsu thought was funny. He never told them that it didn't hide anything but more of the same smooth skin that he longed to touch.

Kotetsu had started wearing the bandage when they had just become genin, as a way to look more mysterious and ninja-like, he'd said. Only Izumo knew it had been to hide a particularly bad outbreak of acne, and he'd kept the bandage in later years because he'd decided it attracted the ladies.

"I'm going out to a party tonight, wanna come?"

Izumo shook his head. He didn't like going out to parties with Kotetsu, because the older chūnin drunk too much then felt up girls on the dance floor. Not that they seemed to mind, but Izumo did. "Not tonight, I've got some stuff to do."

Kotetsu pouted. "Please, 'Zumo? I'll be your bestest bestest friend. It's not the same without you there."

Izumo sighed, and threw down his cleaning cloth. He'd gotten all of the mud he could out of the carpet anyway. "I thought I was your 'bestest bestest friend' already?"

Kotetsu folded his arms across his chest mock-petulantly, grinning. "Well if you don't come I'll ask Iruka to be my best friend instead of you. And you know he'll say yes, because he's nice. Unlike some people."

"Iruka's going?" Izumo raised an eyebrow. It didn't seem believable, but it might be worth going if Iruka was there. Then he'd have someone to talk to to distract himself from slut-Kotetsu.

"Nah, probably not. He doesn't go out at all since he started that teaching gig." Kotetsu yawned. "He's gotten really boring and old lately, don'tcha think?"

"He's more responsible than you," Izumo pointed out. "At least if I lived with him this place would be tidy."

"I don't need to be responsible." Kotetsu smiled. "I've got you to do it for me. Anyway, I better get dressed. Party starts soon and I don't want to be late." He stood up and stretched, revealing narrow, defined hipbones in the process. Izumo held his breath.

Kotetsu wandered over so he was standing above him, and smiled at him almost tenderly before ruffling his hair. "You should fix this, widdle housewife. You look all frazzled and not fit for company."

He loped to his bedroom, his long careless stride making Izumo angry. How can he do that, he thought unhappily, yanking his hair free from the hitai-ate. He looks so perfect while I'm a terrible mess on the floor. Maybe I do need to loosen up.

Izumo curled up on the couch, hugging a cushion to his chest, his mouth set firmly downwards and his eyes clearly unhappy. Kotetsu didn't seem to notice as he waltzed out the door, flicking him a wave and a hurried "Goodbye," as he passed.

Doesn't even care. Stupid bloody Kotetsu, Izumo thought angrily. He just knew that Kotetsu would come home with a girl and he'd be forced to listen to her pleasured screams and his masculine grunts all night. Well, you won't be able to hear them if you fall into a deep enough sleep before he gets home, his brain supplied helpfully.

That sounded like a wonderful idea to his tired mind, so he drifted into the kitchen to find the strongest spirits they had. Coconut rum? That'll do. He grabbed the bottle, not bothering with a glass, and sunk back down onto the couch, grimacing when he realized that it was wet. Damn Kotetsu. He flicked the T.V on, wanting some background noise for his misery, and sighed. Perfect. Date a fucking Shinobi. He changed the channel. Famous Shinobi and their Lovers. Again. Sex Talks with Aunt Ellie.

"What the hell!" Izumo threw down the remote, opened the rum and took a big swig, which made him splutter and choke for a few minutes. Determined, he took another drink, and another, until it no longer burned and his throat had gone numb.

"Boyfriends are overrated," Aunt Ellie was saying. "You can be a strong, independent woman without one."

"Damn right," Izumo slurred, toasting the television. "Don't need no Go'damn 'Tetsu."

"But I love him so much," one girl was sniveling. "And he just doesn't know I even exist."

For a moment Izumo puzzled over how she ever became a shinobi when she was so terrible at holding her emotions in, forgetting that he was watching a civilian channel.

"Yeah, he just sees me as a friend," another girl put in. "He'll never see me as anything more."

"Hey, at least you got tits," Izumo said, pointing at the T.V. "'Tetsu likes those, but I don't have any so he'll never like me."

Drunken inspiration struck. "Hey, if I was a girl, do you think he'd want me?"

"Don't change yourself for the sake of a boy, girls," Aunt Ellie said on the screen, but Izumo was no longer listening.

"Wait, how do I do the henge again?" He stared hard at the T.V. as if it would give him an answer, but all that happened was the camera focused on a new girl. He screwed his eyes up. The screen was getting pretty blurry, but even he could tell she was drop dead gorgeous. "Forget it," he huffed to himself. "Even if you could be a girl, you wouldn't be as pretty as the ones 'Tetsu brings home. He'd never choose you over them."

More rum, his brain ordered, and he was happy to comply. He was sick of listening to these girls complain. They thought they had problems? Well, they wouldn't get kicked out of their village just for liking the guy they wanted. Even if he just told Kotetsu he wanted to be with him they would hate him, and he wouldn't get anything out of that. It was much too dangerous, more than just losing a friendship. He'd lose all of his friends and his home, and 'Tetsu was pretty much his reason for living anyway. He couldn't imagine a life that was just Izumo instead of Kotetsu-and-Izumo.

He clutched a cushion tightly and curled up around it, the bottle in his hand falling onto the floor and the remains spilling out onto the carpet. He didn't notice.

o0o

Kotetsu came home about an hour later, and stared in shock at Izumo. Izumo never ever put anything on the floor. Everything had a rightful place, and bottles of rum definitely did not belong on their sides on the carpet. He walked over silently, righting the bottle and putting it on the coffee table, then switched off the television which was blaring some stupid Agony Aunt program. Izumo shifted and mumbled something that sounded like, "No, 'Tetsu," into his cushion.

"Hey, Izumo." He shook Izumo's shoulder gently.

Izumo rolled over and crushed his face against Kotetsu's shirt. "It you, 'Tetsu?"

"Yeah, 'Zu. Did you drink that whole bottle?"

"You smell good, 'Tetsu." Izumo was rubbing his nose into his shirt and to his surprise he found it strangely arousing.

"I'm gonna… put you to bed." He'd come home early because something had been bugging him the whole night. He'd been worried about Izumo, and it looked like he'd been right to. He'd been quite drunk when he'd left the party, but the walk home in the cool night had sobered him up reasonably well.

Kotetsu slithered one arm under his friend's knees and the other behind his back, hoisting him up close to his chest. Izumo's head lolled against his shoulder, his warm breath tickling his neck, making his heart beat faster. Izumo's tongue suddenly flicked out and swiped up his neck, almost making him jump in surprise. "Taste good too," the long haired chūnin murmured.

"You're drunk, 'Zu," Kotetsu said, heading in the direction of Izumo's bedroom.

"'Zu." Izumo giggled quietly. "Zu-zu. Zu-zu-zu. Zu-zu, zu-zu. Kotetsu-zu."

Kotetsu shook his head, smiling. "You weirdo. You're creepier than 'Ruka when he does that." He laid Izumo down on his bed, pulling off his sandals for him and, as an afterthought, getting him to sit up so he could remove his shirt as well. Izumo, noticing what he was doing, struggled to push down his pants. He always slept in his underwear, no matter what the weather, and his alcohol-addled mind wanted at least something to be normal. After a split second hesitation Kotesu helped him, folding his clothes and putting them on the chair beside his desk as he liked them before pulling up his covers. A last minute decision had him stroking the hair back from his friend's face and kissing him on the forehead. "You're gonna feel like shit in the morning, 'Zumo."

As he turned to leave Izumo grabbed for his hand, keeping him there against his better judgment. "'Tetsu, would you still like me if I wasn't a girl?"

Kotetsu frowned. "Izumo, you're not a girl. And I do like you, you're my best friend."

"That's not what I mean." Izumo had his eyes closed but he was smiling slightly, almost as if he was laughing at Kotetsu.

"Then what do you mean?"

"Would you like me like a girl?"

"That doesn't make sense, 'Zumo."

"It makes the perfect sense!" Izumo argued, sitting up in his bed and opening his eyes. "Come here."

"Alright." Kotetsu sighed and sat down on the bed, ready for a typical nonsensical drunken-Kamizuki lecture. Instead, Izumo leaned forward and kissed him clumsily on the lips before pulling back quickly with the dull spark of alcohol colouring his eyes.

"See? I want to be your girl," he said smugly.

Kotetsu brought his fingers to his lips instinctively. That had been… unexpected. Unexpected, but nice. His stomach was fluttering with a thousand antsy butterflies and he really needed to try that again. He leaned forward and touched his lips to Izumo's. Izumo's return kiss was awkward but warm and eager, excited. There was something more to the awkwardness than just drunkenness, he thought. "'Zumo, have you never been kissed before?"

Izumo gave him a slightly crooked smile. "I only wanted to kiss you."

"'Zumo, why would you want to kiss me? I'm a man." Part of Kotetsu's mind wanted to rebel against the thought of being intimate with his best friend – his best male friend – but most of it was still marinating in alcohol, his brain slightly tipsy, and that part thought that Izumo tasted very nice, actually, and more kisses would be a good thing.

Izumo looked down, smiling softly, his hands twisting in the sheets. "You're my best friend, 'Tetsu. For ever ever and always."

"Best friends don't kiss each other," Kotetsu pointed out, his tongue flicking out over his lips at the thought of doing just that.

"Maybe I want to be more than friends," Izumo said without looking at him.

"More than friends," Kotetsu repeated quietly. He'd slept with many women in an attempt to find something, anything more meaningful than just sex. It had been pleasurable, but something was missing. They didn't feel quite right, and left him feeling slightly hollow. Nothing like the sparks in Izumo's clumsy kiss. "I can try that."

"Really?" Izumo was looking up at him from under his lashes shyly, hopefully, a beautiful light in his eyes Kotetsu had never noticed before.

Kotetsu didn't answer, simply shifting so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed facing Izumo. He leaned in for another kiss, threading one hand through the younger nin's hair to pull him closer and placing the other on his waist, just above his hip. Izumo felt good under his fingers, warm and responsive.

He manipulated Izumo's mouth, controlling and coaching with his tongue, lips and teeth. He felt more excited and riled up than he had in a long time, knowing that Izumo was so innocent and he was the one who got to change that. If he was honest with himself, and he tended to be pretty open, he'd thought about his friend in a sexual way before. More than once. Izumo had this nasty (or fantastic, depending on whether he was feeling optimistic or pessimistic) habit of walking around shirtless whenever he cleaned the apartment, wearing loose sweatpants that hung low on his hips made of some sort of material that molded to the curve of his ass whenever he bent over. And Izumo cleaned a lot, as in, at least three times a week.

Kotetsu thought Izumo's chest was sinfully well sculpted. And the way he got flustered over every little piece of dirt was just adorable. Sometimes he created more of a mess than was necessary just to get a rise out of the younger man. And now – there was something in the little mewling noise Izumo had just made that was duly noted in his pants. He kissed down a long, pale neck and suctioned onto a nipple. Izumo's yelp of surprise mixed with desire made him semi-hard, and he just about lost all of his composure when 'Zumo moaned his name.

It was different touching a chest conspicuously free of breasts, but Kotetsu decided quickly he liked it a lot, perhaps more than the female form. Izumo's chest was hairless save for a small trail of almost black curls under his belly button, and his skin was smooth against Kotetsu's rough fingers. He liked being able to feel all the muscles under the taut, silken skin almost as much as he liked the fact that Izumo was crying out for him.

Izumo looped his arms around Kotetsu's neck and pulled closer until he was pretty much sitting in the spiky haired chūnin's lap. "'Tetsu," he whispered, and mashed their lips together again. He'd never dared to hope that this could happen and he wondered if he was dreaming.

Kotetsu jumped as Izumo snuggled into him, something hard pressing against his stomach. Instead of disgusting him as he'd thought it would it only served to make his own cock harder. He reached between them curiously and a little hesitantly, brushing his hand experimentally against Izumo's crotch. Izumo gasped and kissed him with a new ferocity, his movements less sloppy and taking on a new focus.

Taking the hint Kotetsu slipped his hand inside the younger chūnin's underwear, wrapping his fingers around the warm column of flesh he found there and stroking gently. Izumo fell apart in his hands, moaning. "Fuck, 'Tetsu, does it always feel like this when someone else touches you?"

Kotetsu tugged on Izumo's underwear, trying to get them down so he could stroke freely and finally see his best friend's cock (it sounded weird to think that, but it felt right). "You've honestly never done anything with anyone, 'Zumo?" he said, stroking Izumo the way he stroked himself, his thumb flicking over the head. If he thought about it, he'd never seen Izumo with a girl. He'd never even noticed that while he usually came home from parties with one or two chicks Izumo always came home alone, and went straight to bed.

"No, 'Tetsu, fuck, do that again."

Kotetsu complied, fondling 'Zumo's balls gently with one hand while the other swept up and down with a twisting motion. Izumo was clutching his arms tightly, nails biting into his skin, and his own cock was aching for some attention.

"Touch me, 'Zumo."

Izumo tore at his shirt, fumbling with the buttons, mind hazy with lust. His 'Tetsu wanted him to touch him? It was like a dream come true. He almost wished he wasn't so drunk but he had the feeling if he'd been completely sober he would have been too afraid to get this close to Kotetsu.

He finally got the terrible piece of material off and on the floor, his hands running up and over and everywhere they could on his spiky-haired friend's chest. It felt much better than he'd ever imagined.

Izumo pushed closer to Kotetsu, who pulled his hand away quickly, rubbing their bare chests together and his cock against 'Tetsu's crotch. Izumo whined. Kotetsu was still wearing pants, and they were denim and scratchy. That wasn't good enough. He wanted skin on skin. "'Tetsu, fuck me," he moaned. He'd played around with putting his fingers inside himself while he masturbated and found he enjoyed it quite a lot, but he hadn't done it often as the teachings of his youth forbade such vulgar ideas and it made him feel dirty afterwards.

Kotetsu stared at him in surprise, but lust shone in his eyes. "How?" he asked.

Somewhat shyly Izumo crept away from him, lying down on his back and lifting his ass slightly off the mattress, his hair brushed down over his eyes so he didn't have to see Kotetsu's reaction.

Kotetsu sucked in his breath. He'd had fleeting thoughts before about how good Izumo looked but he'd never seen 'Zumo like this, naked and stretched out before him temptingly. Waiting for him. He shimmied out of his pants as fast as he could, tossing them aside and kneeling between his partner's legs, his cock trembling in anticipation.

He didn't think he'd ever been this excited at the prospect of sex. Actually, he didn't think he'd ever been this sober during sex. He spat on his hand and swiped it down his quivering shaft, positioning himself at his partner's entrance. Holding Izumo's waist with one hand and his cock with the other, he thrust in about an inch.

Izumo screamed.

Kotetsu froze. "Shit, 'Zumo, what's wrong?"

"It hurts, it hurts, oh fuck 'Tetsu, get it out." Izumo's whole body was shaking, and he had tears in his eyes.

Kotetsu withdrew silently, carefully wrapping his arms around the shivering chūnin and clutching him to his chest. Izumo reached up and clung to his neck. "Does it really hurt that bad?" he asked quietly, and Izumo nodded into his chest, his tears stinging his skin.

"You're supposed to – to prepare me first, I think," Izumo said shakily.

"I'm sorry." Kotetsu held him close and rocked him like a child. "I'm so, so sorry baby. I didn't mean to hurt you." He rubbed small circles on Izumo's back to calm him down, chastising himself. I'm such an idiot. I should have realized that, even girls need at least a little preparation most of the time. And 'Zumo's never done this before. He paused in thought. Well, I haven't either, but that's no excuse really. "Do you want to try again? Or do you just want to…" he trailed off, unsure where he was going with this. Want to what, cuddle? Sleep together? Why should I even assume he wants anything from me?

"Maybe," Izumo said in a small voice, his hand trailing down from Kotetsu's neck to play with a soft dark nipple, smiling slightly as it hardened in his fingers. "Will you be gentle?"

Kotetsu choked. "Of course I will, 'Zumo. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah." Izumo pulled away from him and lay back down on the bed. "Try again?"

Kotetsu nodded, swallowing. "Do you have any lube?"

Izumo blushed and nodded, pointing to the drawers beside the bed, and Kotetsu had to wonder if he used it on himself seeing as he'd never been laid before. The thought of Izumo playing with himself – probably while thinking of him, he realized – turned him on more than he'd like to admit.

The bottle wasn't hard to find as there wasn't much in the drawer, so Kotetsu snagged it and tossed it onto the bed, kneeling between his partner's legs and leaning forward for an open-mouthed kiss. He had thought he'd have to go through more kissing and stroking and heavy touching to get Izumo hard again but apparently just being there naked did the trick. He flipped open the lid of the lubricant and squirted some onto his fingers, unsure how much to use. Izumo was watching him anxiously so he used his other hand to stroke the younger man's cock in a steady rhythm as a distraction.

Very carefully and more than a little nervously he slipped his first finger up inside of Izumo. It felt like nothing he'd ever felt before. Izumo's muscles were warm and slippery and suctioning ever so tightly around his finger. Oh gods, that would feel so fucking good around my cock. He wiggled his finger around a bit, barely remembering to keep stroking Izumo's cock. No wonder it hurt, if he's this tight around a finger.

After a little while he pulled out and added another finger. Izumo gasped and his back stiffened for a second. "'Tetsu, kiss me," he begged. He liked having Kotetsu's fingers up inside him but the stretching movement was slightly uncomfortable, and made him nervous.

Kotetsu did as asked, using his tongue in the most creative ways he knew to distract Izumo from what was happening below his waist. "Do you want me to stop, 'Zu?" he asked, nibbling an earlobe and breathing heavily into said ear.

Izumo shivered, and Kotetsu added another finger. Izumo was still so tight. He moved his fingers around in a new way, tilting them upwards, and Izumo cried out. He stilled again. "'Zu, did that hurt?"

"Fuck no." Izumo gripped at his arm tightly. "Do that again."

Kotetsu fumbled for a bit but managed to do it again and Izumo arched off the bed, moaning. "Gods, 'Tetsu, that feels good. I'll bet your cock feels even better."

"Do you think you're ready for it?" Kotetsu hoped he was, because he really really wanted to be buried in that sweet ass right now.

Izumo nodded, and sucked in a breath as Kotetsu withdrew his fingers. "As soon as it hurts, tell me."

Kotetsu eased himself in slowly this time, watching Izumo's face carefully. The younger man had his eyes squeezed tightly shut, but at least he wasn't screaming like before. He stayed where he was for a moment after he buried his cock completely in Izumo's ass, panting. It felt a lot better than he'd expected, oh-so-tight and warm. He didn't think he could ever go back to fucking girls after this.

"'Tetsu, that feels really big," Izumo said fearfully, opening his eyes. "It feels like you're going to split me apart."

"So you don't want me to move yet?" Kotetsu asked, disappointed. He was having a hard time stopping himself from moving because goddamn, if just sitting here felt good then any kind friction would be like heaven.

"Just a little while," Izumo said, reaching up to pull him down for a kiss. "I can do this." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself of it.

After what Izumo deemed a 'little while' and Kotetsu preferred to call 'the longest fucking minute of my life' the younger of the two rocked his hips. Kotetsu gasped in surprise then rocked back. He'd been right in his assumption. It did feel fucking good. He rocked harder, faster, unable to control himself, lifting Izumo's lower half off the bed for a better angle.

Izumo wrapped his legs tightly around his partner's waist, his eyes rolling back into his head in pleasure. He hadn't expected sex to be this good. 'Tetsu was pounding him harder and harder and he gripped his own cock, crying out wordlessly as he spurted white over his chest. Kotetsu gripped his legs tighter and thrust a few more times before spilling his seed inside the tight passageway, panting.

After a few moments of staring at each other, their ragged breathing the only sound in the room, Kotetsu pulled out and stood up, walking silently out of the room. Izumo watched him leave, slightly afraid. Was he just another one-time fuck to his best friend? He didn't have enough coherency of thought to search any deeper than that. He could mourn his loss in the morning.

Then Kotetsu was back, wiping him clean tenderly with a damp washcloth. In the back of his mind he knew he was going to be the one cleaning the cloth, but he didn't have the presence of mind to care. 'Tetsu had come back, and that was all that mattered.

"You mind if I sleep here?" Kotetsu asked quietly.

Izumo shook his head, and let Kotetsu lift him and pull the covers out from underneath him. He felt loose and carefree, boneless. It was alright with him if he never had to move again. Kotetsu crawled in behind him, and pulled the covers up over them both, wrapping his arms around Izumo and snuggling his face into his shoulder.

Izumo figured there was something he should say, but he was feeling tired and lazy so he let his eyes drift shut instead.

o0o

He woke with a splitting headache, covering his face with both hands and groaning. "Oh man, I better not have work today."

"Nope, I called us in sick." Kotetsu was sitting cross-legged on the end of his bed, wearing loose cotton pants and nothing else.

Izumo rolled over to see him more clearly and a sharp pain shot up his spine. "Fuck."

Wait, fuck? It was suddenly very important for him to get his memory in order. Kotetsu fucked me, and it really hurt. No, it felt good. Or was it both? Either way I'm screwed, aren't I?

"We had sex," he said, and even as the words left his mouth he still couldn't completely believe them.

But Kotetsu was nodding his head, shaggy hair bobbing up and down. "'Zumo," he said conversationally, "Did you know that the only women I've ever taken home were brunettes?"

Izumo shook his head mutely. Was Kotetsu trying to tell him, albeit in a really weird way, that last night had been a huge mistake? If so he hoped he'd do it fast, because his head felt like it was splitting in two already.

"Uhuh," Kotetsu nodded to himself, "And I always bring them back here, never staying at their place even if it's closer."

Izumo held his aching head and tried to block out Kotetsu's rambling. Unfortunately, more of the night was coming back to him. It had been good, which meant he was now royally fucked because he could not live with Kotetsu as 'just friends' after what had happened.

"I always go for them slightly taller than me too," Kotetsu mused. "Usually it just turns out they were wearing heels, but at the start of the night they're always taller."

"'Tetsu, shut up." Izumo buried his head under the pillow. "Go tell someone else your love stories."

"Geez, 'Zumo, you're not getting it," Kotetsu said, getting up and walking round the bed to snatch the pillow from his face. "What I'm trying to say is, all this time I've been searching for the woman version of you."

Izumo just stared at him.

Kotetsu smiled somewhat uncertainly. "And so I figure, if you're willing to have me, I have no need of a female version of you. Especially since that," he waved his hand in the air, apparently to represent what had happened the previous night, "Felt amazing."

"So you're just willing to decide you're gay after one night, and you have absolutely no problems with it?" Izumo asked, his mind reeling. I have a chance?

"Uhuh." Kotetsu smiled happily. "You know me, 'Zumo. I don't put a lot of thought into things and just go with what feels right. And we've been practically in a relationship for years without realizing it. This feels right to me."

Izumo sat up gingerly, stealing his pillow back and placing it behind his back. "You know that same sex relationships are frowned on in Konoha. Nobody can ever know about this."

"Meh." Kotetsu shrugged. "Does it matter what anyone else thinks? We already live together. Who's gonna notice the difference?"

The answer to that question came with a brief knock on the door. Then, as Izumo and Kotetsu were still staring at each other with wide, shocked eyes, Iruka bounded into the bedroom. "I just let myself in," he said cheerfully, and then looked from one guilty face to the other. "Kami, have you two finally gotten together?"

Kotetsu and Izumo went from staring at each other to staring at Iruka, who just rolled his eyes. "Come on, you two have been secretly in love for years."

"And you… don't mind this?" Izumo said unsurely.

Iruka rolled his eyes again. "No, you're still my best friends, right? And I have a feeling you'll be happier together." He gave them his biggest smile.

Both of them nodded hesitantly. "But you can't tell anyone about this, 'Ruka," Izumo said hurriedly. "If they find out…" he trailed off, not really knowing what would happen if the village found out.

"You have my word." Iruka smiled genuinely at them. "But, you look like you have a lot to talk about. I'll let myself out, okay?"

Kotetsu smiled in return. "Thank you, Iruka."

Iruka shrugged. "I didn't do anything, you guys had to work this out on your own. I'm proud of you."

When he'd gone Kotetsu sunk back down onto the bed, sighing heavily. "I actually feel better now."

Izumo nodded in agreement, leaning forward to rest his head on Kotetsu's chest. If his head wasn't spinning so badly he would have been marveling at the fact that he was allowed to do that. "I'm glad that 'Ruka knows. It would have been horrible trying to keep this a secret from him."

"I know." Kotetsu wrapped an arm around his new lover's back and smiled at the way it felt so absolutely right to be doing this. "I'm really glad this happened. Because if you'd fallen for someone else I'd have had to pick up my own stuff."

Izumo whacked him over the head. "I'm not your housewife."

Kotetsu grinned. "No, but you would look good in one of those little French maid outfits…"

o0o

Why "Dirt and Doritos"? Because Izumo loves Kotetsu despite his attraction to those two things.