Hey, guys! I was thinking about this song, Run to You by Lacey Sturm, and realized that it perfectly describes how Sara felt after Grissom divorced her. Just another short fic to continue my procrastination of finishing the next chapter of my multi-chapter one. (It's not CSI, if you're wondering.) So sit back and enjoy this angst-ridden beauty. Note: I had to remove the lyrics from this since I don't own them, which annoyed me, but there is a way around it. I put the number of lines of the song that was there when I originally wrote it, in accordance with how the lyrics appear on AZLyrics, as well as the first and last word of the section, in case you get lost on the page. If you're too lazy to look it up, copy and paste the link. . I know it's a pain to swap between tabs, but trust me, the fic is way better with the lyrics in it.
[Two lines/You-track]
"It's for your own good." Sara could still hear Grissom's words ringing in her head, threatening to overtake her. In that moment, she had wanted to believe those words, because she trusted the man who spoke them with all of her heart. But the more sensible part of her thought bitterly, No, it's for your own good. Over the last few months, Sara had felt their relationship slipping. She tried to stay optimistic, to do her part, but it wasn't enough.
[Two lines/Well-arms]
His work slowly but surely became more important than her. It was so gradual she barely felt it. But as a CSI, it was her job to notice the things everyone else missed. And everyone else seemed to miss the couple's growing distance. Sara held onto the fragile threads holding them together with all of her might, but deep down knew she was just setting herself up for even more heartache in the future.
[Two lines/But-stop]
If this was what made Gil happy, then so be it. So Sara eventually acquiesced to the inevitable. When he asked for a divorce, she agreed. She wanted to cry at the very mention of those accursed legal documents, but she held it together. Barely.
[Two lines/You-you]
Sara was tired of believing; tired of her stupid hope that one day Grissom would call her up and apologize, because she knew that no matter what he put her through, she would still love him.
[Two lines/I-yourself]
In her heart of hearts, Sara worried about him. He had always seemed like a bit of a lost soul until they were together. He managed before, so he'll be fine, she reasoned. What even made her think he wouldn't be fine?
[Two lines/But-soul]
Sara knew that a piece of her left with Grissom. She just hoped he knew it too. Just always remember me, okay? Please?
[Two lines/But-stop]
Sara couldn't count the number of times she had pulled out her phone with the intention of calling or texting him, something small, insignificant, in hopes that he would get the hint that she missed him. But she never did. She would sigh, turn off her phone, and return it to her purse, or pocket, or counter, or wherever it had been, and would be overcome with a wave of cowardice-induced guilt.
[Two lines/You-you]
It was the same process every single time. Nothing ever changed about it. And any way it happened, there was always the guilt.
[Two lines/I've-too]
Oh, the guilt. The guilt squeezed Sara's heart with its cold, iron grasp, and she had yet to find a way to keep the feeling at bay. She wanted it to stop, but at the same held onto it with all her might, in the fear that she would forget.
[Three lines/Remember-you]
But really, she knew she could never truly forget. And that thought in and of itself broke her heart all over again. The poor woman just wanted to be okay. She wanted to go to work and not have Morgan give her pitying looks, have Greg ask her if anything was wrong, and have Nick try to cheer her up. None of them knew the truth yet, but Sara knew that once they found out, they would hate her.
[Two lines/But-stop]
The CSIs had practically worshipped Grissom while he was there, and any way you put it, Sara looked like the villain. She had no one to talk about it to. No friends, and just a mother with enough problems of her own. Those thoughts just made her pick up her phone, pull up Grissom's contact, thumb hovering over the call button, before returning it forcefully to it's resting place. A stray tear slipped down her cheek. She never let herself cry even a single tear, because then it wouldn't stop.
[Two lines/You-you]
Another tear slipped out, then another, and another. And before she knew it, she was sobbing in her kitchen, makeup running, tears pooling on her blouse. She walked to their—her—bedroom and flung herself pathetically on top of the comforter, which in this moment was not being all too comforting. She didn't even bother changing, or even eating dinner. She just laid on the bed and cried.
[Two lines/I'll-you]
She was exhausted on an emotional level she had never achieved before that moment. She didn't even know it was possible that her shattered heart could be broken any further, but here she was, living proof. That's what it was: she believed in Grissom too much. She held onto her petty hope that he would even pick up if she called. What reason did have to?
[Six lines/Run-stop]
These thoughts played on a continual repeat, until finally, Sara drifted off into an uneasy sleep, tears still falling from her eyes long after the night took her into its depths.