Originally started out as a request from Moonwallker, however it didn't really stick to it. Don't worry – I am working on it!

We'd lived next to each other for as long as I could remember. Me and Prowl, that is.

My earliest memories consisted mostly of him, for Primus' sake. We'd always be going to the park together, or joining our Sires down at the transport station where they worked. Both were enforcers, and were incredibly good at their jobs. They had become partners a few vorns before me and Prowl were sparked and had remained that way ever since.

Our carriers were also close, and if we weren't wrecking havoc at the station or breaking a swing-set by accident (totally on purpose) then we'd be at the others house with our carrier, and while they bitched about their bondmates or talked about general things, me and Prowl would entertain ourselves by seeing how much we could get away with until we were caught.

We often recharged, fuelled and even bathed together. As a result, we grew up and treated the other like a brother. When we started going to the day care and even the academy, we were often mistaken to be siblings. I guess our matching paintjobs didn't help.

The academy was both the best and worst times of my life. We were out of our youngling frames and transitioning into our adult. We had been blessed with good looks, and feelings I thought I'd crushed to pieces in my youngling years were starting to resurface whenever I looked at Prowl – pit whenever anything was to do with Prowl I got them. We both shared a dorm room – naturally – and I had no escape from these feelings.

There were rumours about war that were proved to be very real and very true when Praxus was destroyed. Prowl was, understandably, devastated, but what hurt more was the fact that instead of turning to me for comfort, as we had done our entire lives, he turned to another Praxian.

Just one thing allowed me to think clearly during this time.

With an imminent war, the academy started up classes specialised in warfare. One of these was Special Operations. Having an early start in life dealing with coded messages, suspicious deaths and secret identities I immediately took to it. If I wasn't recharging, I was practicing. If I wasn't refuelling, I was practicing. If I wasn't studying for classes, I was practicing.

My entire life revolved around Special Operations.

So much so, I didn't start to notice the little changes in Prowl. At first, I didn't get why he was so different before it hit me. We'd spent years just a stones throw away from the other, and I'd gotten so used to him being there, even if it wasn't physically, that I didn't notice when he actually wasn't.

We got awkward around each other, and we found it harder and harder to talk like we used to. I honestly absolutely hated it. Our friendship was falling to tatters and there was nothing I could do to save what I could. I couldn't tell if Prowl felt the same way – his face had changed. I couldn't read him anymore. I felt a little part of me die more and more every time I could read less and less of him. The Prowl I knew was gone and I hated it.

The last time I entered our quarters was when I had gone in to retrieve some datapads. I didn't realise that Prowl was in, and I hadn't bothered knocking – I just silently hacked the lock (something I had taught myself to do and was rather proud of) and strolled in to find the lights off and the unmistakeable smell of transfluid in the air. I could hear panting and I made out two shapes on Prowls berth before I turned around and swiftly left the room.

The Prowl I knew was gone.

He'd always said to m that he wouldn't engage in casual liaisons and would always date the mech first. As far as I was concerned, he wasn't dating anyone. None of my friends whom I had made at the academy could provide me with any answers as to who he may have been with that cycle.

I didn't go back into that room again.

Just beeing in the hallway brought back the memory of it down to the tiniest detail and for reasons unknown, it hurt. Just thinking about Prowl being with someone other than me, even just as a friend, made me insanely jealous. I wanted to lock him up into a room and keep him for myself. He was my Prowl. I had him first!

Despite wanting him for myself in almost every way possible, I couldn't bring myself to talk to him again. After the first recharge cycle when I hadn't returned, he'd sent me a comm. asking me where I was and warning me that if I was caught by the night patrol then I'd be in deep trouble. I lied, and told him that practice had overrun and that I'd be back soon. The reality of it was that I'd taken a bunk in the recharge room in one of the training labs. They were there specially for situations where practice really had overrun and students wouldn't be allowed to walk in the halls. That hadn't actually happened – it had actually finished early. Prowl didn't need to know that.

The second and third recharge cycle had the same exchange. One the fourth, I had nothing. On the fifth, I had nothing. He didn't say anything to me about it anymore. I avoided him in the halls and in the cafeteria. I wasn't worried that I'd hurt his feelings at all – these things never bothered him.

Several decaorns after our last comm. – and the last time we'd spoken – Prowl me again.

::I'd like to see you again. It's been lonely without you::

::Ah honestly would come up 'n' say hi:: I lied, ::but it's been so busy-::

::I understand::

He cut the communication.

My spark twinged slightly. He was only that rude when someone had annoyed him. I wasn't intending to annoy him – he was a hard mech to annoy. I just needed time to think. Time to clear my head.

A few cycles later, he me again with another request to see him. Now, this time I really was drowning in work and I had to deny him again. He sounded crestfallen but he didn't press the issue.

The third time he sounded desperate.

::Jazz, please. I don't know if I will ever see you again::

::Wha' do ya mean?::

::I'm being transferred to an academy in Iacon better suited to my skill level::

::That's fantastic! Prowler that's great-::

::Please:: he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. I had to. I couldn't bring myself to be the reason he was crying. I couldn't deny him when he sounded so weak and broken. That just wasn't Prowl, it wasn't right.

::When?::

::Are you busy now?::

::No, class just ended-::

::Can I see you now?::

::Ah'm on meh way::

I quickly made my way up to our quarters, which were on the second floor of the accommodation building, trying hard not to remember the events of the last time I was up here, and knocked before I walked in. Prowl was sitting on a chair by his desk, writing something on a datapad. My half of the room looked clean and organised – he'd tidied it all up. I tried to not bite my lip over how awful I felt. I hadn't been in here for groons. I hadn't seen Prowl for groons. I casually walked over to my music collection and I fought back the guilt that threatened to consume me – it was all in alphabetical order. I'd always said I wished I had time to do it and now he'd gone and done it for me.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I was such a fragging idiot! I was the closest thing to a friend Prowl had and I'd gone and done this to him! How did I think this was okay?!

Prowl put the stylus he was writing with down and turned to regard me with dim optics. He looked exhausted.

"Mech, ya look exhausted. We should talk tomorra-"

"No. I'm not wasting this chance." He snapped, starting to stand up. I immediately straightened. He never snapped at me. Ever. Even if I was tugging on his doorwing while he was trying to construct a tower of cards, he would never snap at me.

I wanted to cry. I was such a royal screw up.

"I need to know. What did I do?"

"What?"

"You're avoiding me. You're lying to me. What did I do?"

"Ah'm not avoidin' ya-"

"You tell me classes have overrun and yet every other Special Ops student gets back to their quarters on time. All but you. Again and again and again. Classes don't overrun for groons, Jazz." I opened my mouth to reply but he cut me off. "I'm not done. You see me walking towards you in a hall and you immediately change direction, even if it means your route has doubled in length. When you come into the cafeteria you go to a dispenser on the other side of the room to me, even if the queue's longer, and you will never go and sit anywhere near me in the event that you stay in the room. You haven't been in this room for groons, much less have you even looked at me. Please, Jazz. I need to know." Coolant had started welling up in his optics and his voice was cracking. His usually proudly displayed doorwings were pathetically low and quivering. "What did I do?"

I couldn't answer him. He had done something completely and utterly normal that should be an issue, yet it tore me up in ways I couldn't even begin to name. How was I meant to say 'I'm intensely jealous of the mech you shared a berth with to the point I'm pained just thinking about you'?! When I didn't reply, he simply gave me a watery smile that was void of any emotion and subspaced the datapad before he turned around and walked out of the room.

Now that he was gone I noticed how barren his side of the room was. It was... Empty. His stuff was all gone.

I don't know if I will ever see you again.

No.

No no no no no.

Please fraggit, no!

"Prowl!" I shouted, running out of the room. I caught sight of him turning around a corner and I raced after him. I was not going to lose him. Not now, not ever. "Prowler!"

He wasn't there. He'd gone. I'd lost him. Not giving up just yet, I tore off away towards the stairs. If he was going to Iacon, he'd need to catch a transport ship. To get onto one of those, he'd need to go down to the station. If I was fast enough, I might make it in time.

I broke so many laws speeding down to the station. Funnily enough, it also happened to be his Sires shift at the station. Great. Just my luck. His Sire, a mech almost twice my height and weight with a voice deeper than I could ever hope to go verses me, a pint-sized idiot with the worlds most spindly legs. Well, maybe Rung would win in that category, but that didn't make me feel any better.

I scanned the crowds wildly for Prowl, but I couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't there. Could he be on the transport already?!

Frag, he'd better not. I was getting started at but I didn't care – where the frag was Prowl?!

I hated myself in that moment. This wouldn't have happened if I'd just grown up and accepted the fact I saw Prowl as being more like a brother to me instead of throwing myself into my classes and shutting him out. My fear of him finding out and being disgusted drove me to shove him away and that made me feel worse than being shunned by Prowl ever would. I had to find him. I had to.

I turned around to see if I'd accidentally passed him on my search, and by the entrance were two praxians. Prowl and the mech he had turned to when Praxus had fallen. They were hugging tightly, and I quickly made myself look away. I couldn't watch.

Please, Prowler. Please don't do this.

I glanced up again, hoping that they'd broken apart but my hopes were crushed when I saw that they were still hugging. That was too long for a friendly hug. Far too long. It felt like my spark was beginning to shatter. I'd completely wasted the opportunity I had to make up with him. Hoping that he hadn't seen me yet, I turned around and continued walking. If I were to talk to him now, he'd notice that something was incredibly wrong and he'd force it out of me. He'd force it out of me, and he'd be disgusted. He'd hate me. His own brother pinning for him, how lovely. The freak of nature wanting you so bad it was hurting them, so romantic.

I could deal with him hating me at the academy because he would still be there and I knew that he was okay. I would also have the chance to fix it. Making him hate me even more now? I couldn't deal with. He'd move away and I'd never see him again and he'd be leaving with a bitter hatred that would never go away. And I knew that would kill me.

I felt a hand fall on my shoulder, and I turned around to see my Sire standing behind me. Ah, I'd forgotten that my Sire and Prowls were still partners. I offered him a weak smile.

"Shouldn't you be at the Academy?"

"Classes are over fer today."

"Why are you here?" He asked, quickly glancing around before he leaned in slightly closer to me. "What's the matter? You look upset."

I tried to not let my bottom lip wobble. "Ah messed up."

"That's no reason to flee from your classes-" he sounded angry. I didn't like it – I hated it. I already had too many people who were angry with me and I didn't need my Sire on that list with them.

"Not wit' meh classes." My bottom lip started wobbling. My Sires expression immediately softened and he relaxed, his shoulders slumping. He wasn't standing as stock-straight and to attention as he did when he was working – he was relaxing. He was standing like he was when he was my Sire.

"Tell me. I'll listen."

I immediately spilled. I told him everything, right from the very beginning. The first time I'd felt something other than friendship towards Prowl in our youngling years right until right now, right at that moment. As I was talking, his facial expression was changing. He wasn't happy with me, I could tell, but it wasn't because of what I thought it would be. No, it was because I'd chosen to be a coward and hide it away. When I'd finished, he was hugging me and I had coolant running down my face. "Go talk to him. I'm certain he'll listen."

"Ah can't-"

"Yes, you can. He's right behind you. It's easy."

"No Sire-"

"No seriously he is behind you."

I immediately froze. What.

What.

I slowly turned around, and sure enough, Prowl was standing there, watching me and my Sire with an unreadable expression on his face. It looked like he wanted to laugh.

"I. Loathe. You." I hissed to my Sire, glaring at him. He knew he was there and he didn't tell me! "How long has he been there?!"

"The entire time."

I wanted to die on the spot. Primus this was humiliating! He'd better check under the berth before he recharged tonight because I was going to be there with a series of menacing looking tools. "Now, stop getting cold feet and go talk to him." He said, gently pushing me away from him. I glared at him again before I awkwardly shuffled over to Prowl, helm down the whole time, staring at the floor. I wanted the ground to just swallow me and never spit me out again. Or spit me out in an insecticon nest. A starving insecticon nest. Yeah, that sounded good right now.

As soon as I was within arms reach, he suddenly threw his arms around me and tugged me towards him so we were standing flush. I felt energon immediately rush to my face at the incredibly close contact. I could feel every single bend and curve in the metal of Prowls body, and the only words running through my mind were 'Why the hell is he doing this' and 'I should not be able to feel that'.

"M'sorry" I mumbled into his chassis when my attempts to wriggle away from him were fruitless.

"It's okay." He quietly replied, gently coaxing me to return the hug. When he had it, I almost felt him swell with happiness and it felt good. The sound indicating that the transport was about to leave suddenly sounded, and both of our helms whipped around to look at it. He had to go, he had to leave.

There wasn't any time for words, so I had to do something quick so I wouldn't regret not doing anything. As it turned out, impulse told me to grab his face and yank him down into a kiss. Which I did.

By now, we had gathered an audience and we got wolf whistled at and many mechs told us to go get a room. Very embarrassed and red in the face, Prowl quickly whispered that he'd comm. me before he ran over to the transport. Behind me, I heard my Sire demand the 20 credits he'd 'won' from a bet with Prowls Sire, who grumbled and told him to wait until they were off duty.

I slowly turned around and glared at my Sire. "Bet?" I growled. He'd betted on this?! They'd betted on this?

He looked scared. I couldn't imagine why, although he'd always told me that I had my carriers glare.

::They betted on this:: I Prowl. I almost felt betrayed. They'd turned my love life into a contest!

::I know::

::Ya knew an' ya didn' tell meh?!::

::I thought you knew!::

::If Ah did, Ah wouldn't have helped meh Sire win!::

::I'm sorry!::

::When Ah next see ya, Ah guarantee ya, Ah'll get ya fer this::

Prowl just laughed.

That sneaky little bugger. He knew I was being transferred!

As I had spent so much time avoiding Prowl, I had unexpectedly improved my skills beyond the ability of the facilities in the academy in Polyhex. As a result, they were shipping me off to Iacon.

Prowl was one of the people involved in the making of the list of mechs. When he me telling me he didn't know if he'd see me ever again, he knew that I'd be coming along too just a decacycle later.

Oh he was so going to get it. He'd made me break so many laws and get into a lot of trouble with my Sire as a result for no reason!

When I stepped off the transport in Iacon, I immediately looked around for Prowl. Spotting him in the crowd was very easy considering he was the only mech with doorwings. I stormed up to him and immediately pinched the inside of his elbow. He yelped loudly and tore his arm away, glaring at me.

"What was that for?!"

"Ya hid it from meh!"

"I thought it'd be a nice surprise." He replied sulkily. I hummed thoughtfully before smiling at him.

"Yeah. It was."

This fic eventually leads onto the happenings in stomach ache & twins. I just wanted to write a bit of back-story behind it, and to be honest, it just makes it like ten times cuter.

~Llama