Chapter 1
I pace back and forward across the floor, Haymitch sits on the sofa, his hands on his neck. I do not quite know what I am doing, I believe I am pretending to think of a solution or something to say but all I can think about is how alive I feel right now. I am however scared, very scared. Haymitch is grasping the back of his neck so hard that I think he might burn through the flesh.
"Effie, stop pacing" He says. I do as he says and stand awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with my hands.
"That note…" I eventually say,
"They control everything" He interrupts bitterly, "they think they can just control people"
I inhale deeply, "do you think they were… watching?"
Haymitch cocks his head and looks me directly in the eye, sending shivers all over my body, "what do you think, Sweetheart?"
I look above myself and my eye catches a small red light on the ceiling- a camera. We are being watched.
"They disgust me so much" Haymitch says standing up grasping the note that had been left outside our door, the note that ultimately means we cannot be together, at all. His fist shakes, with the Presidents note within it. I place my hand over his shaking fist, helping the trembling. His rage is displayed on his tired face. All I want to do is reach out, reach out and hold him. Hold him and tell him that everything will be okay, when in fact I don't know if everything will be okay. Our eyes linger on each other for a second too long.
"What do they expect us to do?" I ask, my chest panging.
"They expect me to go back to being a drunk, and you go back to being a Capitol doll" Haymitch hisses. I can't hold myself back and I collapse onto the sofa next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.
"There's no point in trying, Sweetheart. Like you said nothing can happen between us. The Capitol have us trapped." He pushes me off his shoulder and marches to his room, slamming the door. I am ready to start crying, sobbing actually, when I remember the cameras. I cannot show that he has meant anything to me. Are the cameras everywhere? Surely not?
The bathroom, the only place where there won't be cameras. That is where I go.
I lie on the floor of the bathroom looking at the tiny spotlights, I have been crying for too long. My tears have dried up. I don't know how long I have been here, over an hour probably. The door rattles, "Let me in Effie" Haymitch calls.
"Go away!" I shout.
"C'mon Sweetheart, you don't want me breaking the door down again" He's right, and I could really do with having him near me right now, "It's open" I say, my voice catching again.
He opens the door and stands over me looking down at my tear stained face. He puts his hand out to pull me up. I take his hand and as soon as I stand up I fall forward. Haymitch catches me, I can feel his heartbeat against my cheek, its rhythm speeding up, just like mine. I sit back down and Haymitch slides down the bath panel beside me. His hand clutches my knee,
"It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway" Haymitch says.
"So what if it didn't? It was up to us to decide that! Why can't we just do what we want? It's our life!" I shout
"Effie, this is not what I think life is meant to be, this is not living, we are only surviving." Haymitch says.
"Can we stay in here tonight?" I ask, my eyes pleading with his.
"Sweetheart we are on the toilet floor…"
"One night, just talking before we have to start pretending again." I say
Haymitch raises his eyebrow and stands up.
"Haymitch please!" I shout after him as he leaves. I go to get up when he comes back in, with a wine bottle in one hand and a blanket.
"Care for some wine, Sweetheart?" He asks smiling
We down the wine quickly. We manage to lie comfortably on the floor with the blanket around us. I am cuddled into Haymitch's side. We have made a silent agreement that we aren't allowed to do anything intimate, but hugging seems to be okay.
"How do you think they found out?" I ask breaking a silence. Haymitch's chest rises and falls,
"It was my fault"
I prop myself up on one elbow, "Why?" Haymitch reaches out and rubs my cheek gently, his hand then slides from my face,
"Do you remember that notebook of mine you were so eager to get your hands on?" He asks. I nod.
"Well, I may have written personal things in there" He says.
"Personal, I didn't think you were the personal type"
Haymitch shrugs, "What can I say" then his face drops, "The Capitol must've got their hands on it"
"Why is it such a big thing for them?"
"Things are changing Effie, more than the Capitol like" Haymitch says.
"Like what?" I ask, Haymitch puts his finger to my lips, as the volume on our viewing screen increases. We both jump up and rush out of the bathroom. Katniss and Peeta are the only two left. Two tributes from the same District, Two Victors, we won. District Twelve won. I don't have to leave my job, my tributes won. Haymitch gets to retire. Everything will be so much less complicated…
Wait what are they doing? Is that…
"Shit, Effie that's Nightlock" Haymitch says, grasping my shoulder.
"I am familiar with it" I nod.
"Effie, if they go through with this, they'll probably kill them and everyone that has something to do with them" Haymitch says, "I can deal with me dying but not half of my District and especially not you"
"They aren't going to do it, Haymitch surely not…" I say as they raise their hands to their mouths.
They do not do it. Thankfully, Claudius interrupts them and declares them the Victors of the 74th Annual Hunger Games. Then the thought hits me, Haymitch and I are going to suffer the consequences of this. If they had taken the berries we would have too. Really there is no way around it.
"We won Sweetheart" He says, I know he wishes he could smile but I know we both can't.
"They'll come to collect us soon to go and see them." Is all I manage to say.
"It was good fun, me and you"
"You and I" I correct him, and I get a faint smile from him.
I look up at him and he bends down and brushes a soft kiss on my lips, sending the electric volts back through my body.
"It has been fun Miss Tinker"
"It's not like we aren't going to see each other ever again" I point out.
"We can never be ourselves around each other again"
"Well in that case, I really grew to like the real Haymitch"
"Ditto, Sweetheart"
As soon as he says it the door shakes from the force of strong knuckles. Time to pretend.