A/N: I have learned the reason why writing my oneshots the day I come up with them is a good idea. Do you know how many oneshot ideas I have stored up now? Four. I have four. Well, I had four. Now I have three. *sigh* Time to get to work!
Title: Contact Comfort
Author: liketolaugh
Rating: T
Pairings: None
Genre: Friendship/Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Mentions of abuse
Summary: Allen doesn't like to be touched.
Disclaimer: Like hell I own D. Gray-man.
The first one to notice was Lavi.
They were walking back from the rather interesting fiasco that was Allen walking around town without his left eye. After their, ah, bonding experience, they were talking amiably, and currently, Lavi was ribbing Allen mercilessly, while Allen listened with a tolerant smile.
"I'm serious!" Lavi insisted, grinning at Allen, who smiled politely. Damn, but he was going to break that barrier someday. He'd make sure of it. Lavi would bet Allen was a real interesting guy behind that mask. Most people were. "You're just the cutest little innocent child I've ever seen!"
"Okay, Lavi," Allen said tolerantly, offering an amused smile now.
On impulse, Lavi reached out and hugged him, grinning. Allen stiffened, and Lavi paused. His mind stuttered and then rifled through everything he knew about the kid so far, which… didn't explain this.
Lavi hugged Allen with one friendly arm, and Allen… stiffened. Unseen by Allen, Lavi's eye darkened, but he kept his grin. Humans were scum.
"Like, I didn't know it was legal to be that cute!" he continued, and he counted the seconds. One, two, three… "I just wanna snuggle you!"
After twelve seconds, Allen relaxed, and gently pushed Lavi away. Lavi let him.
"You're weird, Lavi," Allen teased, smile a little strained now.
"I am not!" Lavi insisted, and he moved on like nothing had happened at all.
Allen relaxed and looked back to the front. "You really are. When are we heading back to the Order?"
Lavi shrugged. "I dunno. We can ask Komui when we head back." He smirked. "If he's not too busy with Lenalee." And I'm sure they're two of quite a few people who'd be real interested in what I just learned about you, Allen. You seem like that sort of guy.
But that wasn't Lavi's place.
Well, not unless someone asked.
Krory was miserable.
This had been, quite possibly, one of the worst days of his life. His love was dead, and he'd killed her, and she'd turned out to be a monster.
He'd made two friends. That had been nice. And then the townspeople had thrown rocks at him. That had been less nice.
And Krory couldn't seem to stop crying.
Allen was a saint, though. He hadn't left Krory's side since they'd left the town, and he'd kept up a steady stream of reassuring words the whole time.
"It's okay, Krory, you'll make friends at the Order, I promise. Everyone there is really nice, and it doesn't matter how different you are. It'll get better."
Krory sniffled tremulously. That… that did sound nice. He glanced over to see Allen giving him that same smile, the one that was strangely sweet and reassuring, and with a final cry, reached out and hugged him, crying harder than ever.
"Th-thank you, Allen!" he wailed, unable to believe how kind this little, white-haired boy was to him. To him. No one was nice to Krory. He felt Allen stiffen sharply and wondered a little, confused and a little hurt, but kept going anyway. "You're so nice to me!"
After a few long moments, he heard Allen chuckle softly, and slowly reach up to pat him awkwardly - strangely so, Krory thought, for a boy like Allen. "It's nothing, Krory," Allen reassured him, extracting himself before Krory realized what he was doing. "You don't deserve what those people said to you. I promise. You're no monster."
Krory sniffled again and managed a smile for his new friend. Lavi was chuckling at both of them, looking somewhere between amused and awkward.
Then Krory reached forward, curiosity and concern warring in him. "Allen, why-?"
"Hey, so Allen," Lavi interrupted, leaning forward and casting Krory a warning glance. Krory blinked back, confused and once again a little hurt. What did he do? "It's about lunchtime. Feeling hungry?"
"Yeah, sort of," Allen said slowly, giving Lavi a slightly confused look. "Why?"
"Why don't you go get some food?" Lavi suggested, and there was something in his eye that Krory didn't recognize but felt wary of. "Me and Krory'll get some later."
Allen tilted his head slightly, but he could pick up a hint well enough. "Alright. I'll be back in a while, then." He offered a strained smile and left, the door thudding softly behind him.
Almost as soon as he was gone, Krory burst out, confused, "What did I do? Allen said I could ask him anything!"
"Not that," Lavi answered, giving Krory the most serious look Krory had seen on him so far.
Krory sniffled again. People were so confusing sometimes. What did he do wrong? "Can I ask you?" he asked tentatively.
Lavi shrugged, looked out the window, and didn't wait for Krory to actually ask. "Krory, while this isn't really the sort of thing I'd like to drop on you this early… people can be jerks, you get that?"
Krory nodded hesitantly. Like the townspeople.
"Well, sometimes, people go from 'jerks' straight to 'oughta go burn in hell'." Lavi's eye was getting progressively darker as he glared out the window. Krory was hunched over a little, eyes wide and confused. "And people get hurt. Like Allen."
"...Like Allen?" Krory repeated. He still didn't quite get it, but it was enough for dread to start bubbling in his chest.
Lavi nodded. "If someone stiffens when they're touched, Krory - that means that someone's hurt them before. Probably when they were a kid. Hurt them so much or so often that they started to associate touch with pain." Lavi shrugged, and a soft scowl tugged at the corner of his mouth. In a dark, frightening tone, he added, "I'd like to meet the people who made Allen scared. I've got a few words for them." He fingered the handle of his hammer threateningly.
Krory… wasn't sure precisely how he felt about that, but he thought that there was some of the same dark look Lavi had, and some of the sympathy he'd seen in Allen's eyes when the younger male looked at him.
A lot of things made a lot more sense now.
When Allen returned, the tears returned to Krory's eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to spring up and hug the boy again, really, but he remembered what Lavi had said and he didn't. Allen gave him a concerned look.
"Krory? Is something wrong?"
"N-no," Krory sniffled. Not with me.
"Hey, Allen," Lavi broke in brightly, distracting him once again. "Who do you think Krory would best like at the Order?"
As Allen considered this, smiling slightly at the thought, Lavi shot Krory a warning look, and Krory nodded seriously.
He wouldn't tell a soul Allen didn't want him to.
Allen had been so upset about the deaths of the exorcists, and Lenalee hadn't given it a second thought before she hugged him. She hated it when her friends were sad.
He'd flinched, hard, and she hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but then she called Komui.
"Good, good," Komui said distractedly. She smiled sadly. If she knew him, he'd spent all day talking to finders and maybe the scientists, trying to figure out how they could do better next time, try to keep this from happening again. "Make sure you follow that lead as far as it takes you, Lenalee." A moment of hesitation, and then, "Are you… sure you're alright?"
She smiled fondly. Komui worried too much. "I'm fine, brother." Her smile saddened a little. "You know I'm used to it." She hesitated, too, and then continued, "Krory took it better than we expected - he still wants to be an exorcist. Said something about a girl named Eliade… And Lavi barely reacted, of course. Allen was pretty upset… Oh!"
"Oh?" Komui sounded frantic. "Oh? Lenalee, what is 'oh'?"
Lenalee laughed. "It's nothing that big, brother. Allen reacted kind of strangely when I hugged him, that's all."
"Did he, now?" Komui asked dangerously, voice taking on a threatening intonation. Lenalee rolled her eyes. Komui was so overprotective.
"Not strange like that, Komui, I would have recognized that." Lenalee paused, brow furrowing slightly as she thought back. "He just kind of… flinched. I didn't think about it much at the time, but it's kind of weird. Why would he have done that? I didn't think he was hurt…"
Komui was quiet. Unnervingly quiet. Lenalee's frown deepened.
"Brother?"
"Lenalee." His voice was heavy. As heavy as it had been when he'd reported the deaths of the exorcists. "There aren't a lot of reasons why… Has he told you anything about his past?"
Apprehension flashed through her. "No. Why?"
"I think... Allen may have been abused, Lenalee. If he flinched when you hugged him… it was probably because he was scared."
Lenalee paused to process that. And then thought it over again. And again.
Finally, a deep scowl marred her face. If she ever came across anyone from Allen's past… they were going to get a good, hard taste of her Boots.
"I see. Thank you, brother." She shook her head, a little disgusted, and finally took a deep breath and softened. "I'll let you know when we get somewhere. Alright?"
"Alright, Lenalee," Komui replied tiredly. "Stay safe."
"I will," Lenalee promised, and her golem hung up. She turned and glanced at Allen, and her frown returned, along with a ferocity in her eyes.
No one would ever hurt Allen again if she could help it. At least, not like that.
Lo Fa loved Allen. Absolutely, positively loved him and everything about him and Allen Walker was amazing and possibly not human because instead he was a saint.
In response to this intense love, Lo Fa interrupted him while he was chatting amiably to her, by reaching out and hugging him.
He flinched like she'd hurt him and she let go quickly, looking at him with wide eyes. Already he was smiling at her and waving it off, but she didn't miss the look in his eyes, startled and...
"I've got to go train with Fou," he said apologetically, giving her that same kind smile, and she waved vaguely back, still looking at him with concern. He pretended not to notice and hurried off, leaving her staring after him.
Allen Walker… didn't like to be touched.
Lo Fa was more than smart enough to understand what that meant - she hadn't gotten to be a scientist of the Order because she was pretty - but also to understand that Allen wouldn't want to talk to her about it. She considered her next move.
So Lo Fa supposed that she couldn't express her love with hugs.
That was okay. She'd do it with sweets instead. Allen loved food. What was his favorite again…? Mitarashi dango. She could make that.
She'd have some ready for him when he was done.
Lo Fa smiled and hurried off, already with her new task in mind. She could do her work later.
Miranda was worried.
Since they'd arrived back at the Order, after the Ark incident, Allen hadn't been himself. She didn't know exactly what was wrong with him, but he was brooding and worrying and sometimes he didn't even eat.
So Miranda was worried, and really, she had a right to be. Allen wasn't always the best at taking care of himself; she had noticed that very quickly. Even with Link hovering over his shoulder, he didn't.
Right now, Allen was sitting at the table, prodding listlessly at his food, eyes dull. He was about halfway through, when normally he could've finished this much three times over in the amount of time he'd been sitting there. Link was a few feet to one side, watching him impassively, already finished.
Miranda considered her options for a long moment. Lavi was busy; she'd seen Bookman dragging him off to do something. Lenalee was making her brother work. And anyone else was out of reach; Link certainly was out of the question. So it fell to Miranda to comfort Allen.
But… she was no good at comforting people! What if she made it worse?
She had to try, though. She couldn't stand to see Allen like this.
"Allen?" she called tentatively, edging toward him. Link looked up sharply and opened his notebook.
Allen, by contrast, took a few moments to register that, and then he glanced up and smiled halfheartedly, putting his food down to wave. "Hey, Miranda." His smile faded as he studied her, and his eyes grew concerned. "Is something wrong?"
"No!" she denied quickly, and then amended, "Well, I mean, um, not with me, only, it's just, um…" She faltered under his patient gaze and finally said, in a very small voice, "Are you okay?"
His eyes softened, and he smiled slightly. But it was the sort of smile Miranda was coming to expect from him, that wasn't really a smile at all. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
"But…" Miranda sat down beside him, not removing her gaze. "You've been really restless lately, and it doesn't look like you're sleeping much." Miranda was very worried. "And you're not eating much either." She glanced at Link, who considered her for a moment before nodding shortly. She was on the right track. "Allen, I'm worried."
Allen looked at her for a long moment, and then shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry, Miranda, I… really don't want to talk about it."
For Allen, that was as good as admitting something was wrong. And he looked so sad, and Miranda just wanted to…
She leaned forward slightly and hugged him as tightly as she could, willing some comfort into him. Please. Allen deserved at least a little. He did.
She became aware that this had not gone as planned when Allen tensed under her suddenly, and as suddenly as she had hugged him, she flinched back, eyes widening. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt y-!"
Miranda looked at his expression, teared up, leaned forward, and hugged him again.
She stayed there with uncharacteristic stubbornness until, eight seconds later, Allen hesitantly hugged her back.
Link watched them, and wrote it all down. He wished he'd been able to see Allen's expression. It was clear that he had missed some rather important subtext.
Johnny, if he was honest, had suspected something for a long time. He suspected things about a lot of the exorcists, actually, but he tried not to think about it too much - it made him sick.
Everything about this made him sick except for the one thing that kept him going: they were saving the world. And that made it okay. Theoretically.
But he could still do little things for the exorcists. Like this.
Johnny was on his way to apologize to Allen, for putting so much pressure on him before, during the attack. It wasn't right, and Johnny really was sorry, and Allen deserved to hear it.
Allen was, at present, in one of the training rooms, but he was taking a break, talking to Lenalee while Link hovered off to one side, watching as always, but with maybe a little more warmth than he'd once had. Or less coldness, at least.
Johnny was glad.
He waved, getting their attention. "Hi, Lenalee, Allen, Link!" he greeted.
"Johnny!" Allen greeted, smiling and waving back, while Lenalee nodded, also with a bright smile. Link's nod was more curt. "What brings you out of the lab?"
"Ah," Johnny rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I just wanted to, um, apologize. For before."
Allen looked puzzled for a moment, but then comprehension flashed across his eyes and he waved his hands dismissively. "No, no, it's okay, Johnny. Don't worry, really."
Johnny wasn't around Allen enough to be able to tell his fake smiles from his real ones, but he'd heard Lenalee and Lavi talking about it. Right now, he wasn't sure which would be worse.
"But I really am sorry!" he insisted. No one had ever said Johnny was people smart. "I shouldn't have asked that of you."
Allen's smile softened. Inexplicably, Lenalee's did too. "It's fine, Johnny. Really. That's my job."
Yes. That was true. That didn't at all mean Johnny had to like it.
"It's not your fault," Lenalee pitched in gently. "You do your job, Johnny, and we do ours. That's how the Order works, after all."
But some people get worse jobs than others. "Still," Johnny murmured, and reached forward to hug Allen gently, as another apology.
He felt Allen's muscles tense and didn't let go, just felt a little sadder.
"I'm sorry," Johnny repeated, and let go in his own time, leaving Allen giving him a faintly startled look, and Lenalee smiling slightly.
Link's expression, unnoticed by any of them, had gone dark, and this time, he hesitated for a few moments before he noted it down again, suspicions included.
Lavi had just started to consider going to comfort Timothy himself when Allen appeared.
Why did Timothy need comforting? Well, he'd just recently started going out on regular missions, and he was improving by leaps and bounds. But then a mission came up, and it was dangerous enough that Nyne had to go out on her own, leaving Timothy behind.
So now, of course, Timothy was so worried that he was almost crying. Lavi didn't blame the kid, honestly. And he'd thought Allen was young.
But, as stated, helpful Allen appeared, and Lavi was sort of relieved because honestly, he was pretty sure Allen was a lot better with Timothy than Lavi was.
Lavi half-listened to them talking while he scribbled in his notebook so Bookman wouldn't bother him about not being caught up. He'd been slacking for a while, and he really needed to get on it. Lenalee was beside him, also watching Allen and Timothy with some concern.
What attracted his attention, though, was when Lenalee gasped softly, and he looked up in time to see Allen lean down and hug Timothy, who was starting to cry now, and Timothy reach up to hug back, and Allen… not seeming to mind at all.
He was still staring when they both let go, and Timothy sniffled and smiled bravely at Allen, who smiled reassuringly back, and Timothy ran off.
Allen looked up and caught his stare, and blushed a little, smiling sheepishly. "Um."
"You let him hug you," Lavi blurted out without thinking. Oops.
Allen's smile faded. "Oh. That." He winced. "You noticed that?"
Link was watching. He was always watching, of course, but Lavi was more acutely aware of it than usual. Still, there was no helping it.
"Yeah, we did," Lenalee answered for Lavi, with a hint of venom in her tone, not directed at Allen in the least. "Is it… I mean…" She trailed off, looking concerned. Lavi, by contrast, just looked at Allen, studying him without bothering to hide the concern in his eyes.
Allen seemed to struggle for a moment, but after a long, awkward moment, he finally gave in and shrugged uncomfortably. "Well… I'd like to say it's complicated, but it's not, really." He sighed. "When I was little, probably up until I was seven, people didn't… touch me. Not unless they wanted to hurt me." He was avoiding their eyes now. "I'll admit, it still makes me a little nervous."
He didn't look up once he was done, which was why he wasn't expecting the hug that both Lavi and Lenalee engulfed him in.
Hugs were not meant to be between three people. Shoulders and head bumped awkwardly, and they didn't quite fit right, but it was warm and it was…
Lavi counted six seconds before Allen hugged back, and promised, silently, that someday, that would be whittled down to no time at all, and tried not to think too hard about why he cared.
In the background, Link considered, and then very deliberately didn't write a word of what had just transpired.
"Thank you," Allen whispered, and both of the other exorcists smile.
"Anytime," Lenalee said, and Lavi agreed.
Okay! So that was substantially gentler than my fare has been lately. *rueful* Sorry if it was a little formulaic, and if anyone feels that anything was misrepresented in any way, please tell me so and I'll do my best to go back and fix it. Thanks for reading, and please review!