Disclaimer: Ain't mine.
Warning: This is my first 24 fic so I'm not really sure what the majority of the fics are based around. I like angst, a little bit of romance. And I like Jack and Renee; this came out of that.
Spoilers: Up to and including Episode 5 of Day 8.
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She loved the fact that she was defying his orders. Defying him.
***
It had been...she couldn't remember how long it was since she had felt something of some substance. Hurt, anger, happiness...they were all previously recognisable emotions that she was sure didn't exist within her anymore. It had been too long and there was so much that had happened that if she was to let one feeling plague her it was that of indifference. She just didn't care anymore. About anything. Or anyone.
That had all stopped when she lay her badge on the desk; declaring to no-one but herself (and maybe Janis) that it was finished. Everything. Everything of herself.
And then he had walked into the conference room and it was like the entire range of human emotions that had been denied to her came rushing back in a waterfall of certainty and inevitable pain. Her intake of breath at the sudden metaphorical punch to the gut had lasted momentarily and she was sure he hadn't seen or heard it. She hoped.
And that was when it all became real. Her fall, her loss...her anger. And she was determined that that was the emotion that she would hold onto. Anger was easier than the slow hole that was being burned into her chest at seeing him and remembering everything that had happened to make her Renee Walker.
That was why, when he had softly reached for her wrist and revealed her scars with a brush of his thumb, she had pulled her hand out of his reach. Determined that he wouldn't feel the sudden increase in her heart rate; resolved to not let him see the instant ease at which she was put by his touch. She was far from wanting Jack Bauer to be the one to see her give in; after all, he was the one that made her like this. Wasn't he?
***
"Maybe for you, Jack, but I'm just getting started"
She had felt proud of herself that she had managed to walk past him without revealing the extent to which her hands were shaking. It had been a long time since she had had such a reaction to someone's voice; Jack Bauer's shout was no different.
***
She tried to hate him, to deny him access just a little longer.
But her body hurt. And she was struggling to deal with the strength of Jack Bauer; mostly with his determination to keep her shut up like some kind of crazed lunatic.
So she defied him and his orders because it felt better than showing him exactly what it meant to see him again, to sense him within every movement that she was making because he was there, with her, in every movement. She wished that technology hadn't come so far, that she didn't have his voice in her ear at all points when she would have rather heard the silence of her own thoughts.
She wished that she hadn't come back to CTU when she had been summoned.
Except, and here was the strange thing, she was starting to enjoy the pain.
***