Meet Me in Prague
Chapter One: Letting Go
"Well O'Connor I wish I could say I was surprised." The words dropped out of my mouth like stones as Griffin stood in front of me holding a box of his things looking ashamed.
It happened as it always did. Little things belonging to Griffin would start disappearing from our apartment. A few Paladin drawings here, a jacket there, all culminating in this final showdown. You think a girl would learn after the third time.
"Vivien you know that I'm not good for you. I never have been and I never will be. I want to be able to stay away from you. It's the only way to keep you safe."
"Griffin you stupid git, I don't need you to keep me safe," I said a little more aggressively than I intended. "You may be wanted by the Paladins more than I am but what the fuck makes you think they'll just magically leave me alone? They won't rest until every Jumper is dead and I'm no exception." I must have used this explanation a thousand times but always to no avail. I would always end up alone in an apartment in some foreign country, heart as broken and beat up as last time.
"My proximity to you doesn't help!" He exclaimed in a sudden outburst that surprised me. "As long as I hunt them they'll do whatever it takes to destroy me and whoever I care about. Seeing as you're the only one you're a prime target. I don't want to lose you but I can't stop, I won't stop until I get my revenge!" He sounded so angry which caused me to feel defensive and yell back.
"I never asked you to! I would never ask that of you! How could I when that's the only thing that's kept you going all these years! I may be stupid enough to allow you into my life over and over again but I've never been so stupid as to delude myself into thinking that I'm enough. That I could help you keep yourself going and forget about avenging your parent's deaths so you could just run from the Paladins."
He immediately lowered his voice and softened up. Griffin was never able to stay mad around me for very long.
"Please don't say that. I love you, that's the only reason why I have to leave." He pleaded using that English accent of his. Hearing it almost made my heart break, lord knows he left so many fissures in it that I'm surprised it hasn't shattered already. I took one deep breath, sucking in air between lips red from nervous biting. Then another. Just staring at him with all emotion cleansed from my face.
Something about this time was different for me. Perhaps it was the great day I was having prior to this moment, walking around the streets of Rome, going to local vendors to buy the freshest produce for dinner tonight. Maybe it was the way one of the vendors winked at me, as he handed the produce over for my asking price without the usual haggling battle that I've become accustomed to in this country. Maybe I just finally had enough and those survival instincts that Darwinism claims all humans possess finally kicked into save what was left of my self-respect. I could almost feel myself turn cold to him as I remembered every lonely apartment in every beautiful city he ever left me in.
"I don't think I can believe that anymore." The words finally tumbled out the way they should have the first time this happened four and a half years ago. "You're so afraid of getting hurt that you just push everyone that tries to care about you away. You tried to change that for me, I'll give you that much, but forcing yourself to stay isn't love Griff and I'm so tired of being the only one in this relationship that trusts in the other one enough to stay."
"When did this become about trust? I know you love me enough to never cheat on me or to leave me of your own will. I've never doubted you." His blue eyes burned with sincerity and hope that I would understand why he was doing this. Would understand how he could stand in the middle of the living room we've shared for the past year and a half and explain to me how this was the only way he could love me and keep me safe.
"I know you believe that but I also know the real truth. I can see it written all over your face whenever I jump anywhere without you. You're scared that I won't be able to defend myself if I'm attacked, that I'll die as easily as the others, instead of fight with all of the aggression in my being to make it back to you. I can understand why you feel that way Griffin, I've lost people to, but I can't worry about your emotions every day anymore. Not at the expense of my own."
I could feel my green eyes fill with sadness as I began to unclasp and clasp the watch fastened at my wrist, playing with my jewelry as I always do when I'm nervous. I couldn't help but notice the small scars peppered throughout the skin of my hands and lower arms. Just small translucent things barely noticeable unless someone was looking for them, all from countless battles fought alongside him. Without warning I was finally struck with a moment of clarity. These physical manifestations of pain will never equal the amount of scars he's dealt my emotions.
There's something different about a love story that begins when someone saves your life and you start an adventure together. A bond is formed that's so strong it's hard to believe that there was ever a life before those moments and that person, and when you add love to that recipe for disaster it only burrows its way into you further. It creeps under your skin until suddenly it's no longer your heart circulating your blood and keeping you alive, it's that person. Griffin did that to me and now that he's breaking it I don't think I can ever forgive him.
"What does that mean for us now?" I can tell he's confused and sad because after so much time loving him his emotions are as easy for me to read as a comic book. I've never told him any of this before; I've always kept this to myself with the hope that he wouldn't try to leave me again. Somewhere along the way I've lost that foolish idea.
"It means that this time I won't stand here and tell you all the reasons why you should stay. It means that this final time you aren't leaving to protect me; I'm asking you to leave so that I can finally live the life that I deserve, even though it kills me knowing that you won't be in it." I slowly began to lift my eyes from the floor to look up at him, first taking in his shoes worn from running after Paladins, his skinny physique sheathed in his familiar black leather jacket and finally to his crestfallen face. My resolve nearly faltered as I stared into those heartbreakingly beautiful blue eyes now filled with hurtful realization. I won't jump after him anymore and he knows it. I won't fight for him anymore like I always have because I'm tired of being the only one that won't give up.
"I wish I could tell you that you're wrong but I won't insult your intelligence like that. I just hope you know that despite everything, despite how much of an arse I am, I will always love you, my beautiful, stubborn girl." He looked at me longingly, reaching out with his strong, warm hand to grab my smaller one.
"I know Griff, I know," I reply using the same nickname I've used since our first kiss. I gave his hand, the only thing connecting us across what feels like a mile long expanse, a gentle squeeze before letting go. Then just like that he was gone.
That's one of the few things I've never been able to wrap my head around despite being a jumper myself. How in just a single instant someone could disappear right before your very eyes. There would be no lingering goodbyes. No last look to burn through your mind as you watch the door shut behind the one person you love more than life itself, for the final time. Looking at the jump scar he left behind I still can't decide whether or not that's a good or a bad thing.
Without even bothering to look around I know what will be missing from this apartment. The PlayStation and ridiculous amount of FPS games, the ugly green spiral rug he insisted added "character" to every living room and the yellow knitted baby blanket that was always draped over the arm rest of the couch, the last remnant he had of his parents. I realized that there was something else that needed to be returned to him, something he would hate to see but would need to accept regardless.
There was no need to use his jump scar because I knew exactly where he would be. I jumped to his old lair in the desert despite my nerves. He spent years fixing it up after a very unfortunate run in with a newbie jumper and a rather over aggressive Paladin named Roland. His back was turned to me as he was busy pinning up drawings he made of Paladins to his wall of maps and photos. I awkwardly cleared my throat and pulled my dark red hair in front of my left shoulder so I wouldn't have to look at him.
He immediately turned around with hope flashing across his face as I began to make my way across the so called living room towards him. His face fell once he noticed the necklace I was unfastening from my neck. It was a silver heart shaped locket decorated with leaves made from small emeralds and silver vines. On the inside there was a picture of the two of us from four years ago, standing in the water of our fountain in Prague, his arms encircling me from behind, chin resting on my shoulder as we both grinned like idiots. On the opposite side of the picture was an inscription in fancy flowing cursive that read "meet me in Prague." He had it made especially for me as a present for our one year anniversary. He knew I would love the leaves and vines because no matter where I went I was still that girl from the west coast of the United States who loved the green of trees and wildlife. I still loved my home of Seattle, Washington and maintained that it's the best place in the world. No matter how much I loved that locket I knew I couldn't keep it. I knew my resolve to walk away from him would break the second I looked into a mirror and saw myself wearing it. It happened every time he left and I just couldn't go through that again.
When I finally reached him I put my arms around his neck for a final hug, inhaling the familiar scent of his worn leather jacket for the last time as he fiercely hugged me back. When I pulled away I slipped the locket into his scarred and calloused hand as I silently leaned up on my tip toes to kiss him on the cheek.
Then with a familiar feeling of weightlessness I was back in the apartment Griffin left me in, curled up in the bed we shared. I began to cry curled up under the black and white duvet I picked out when we first moved in, as I thought of the first day we met five years ago.
I was strolling around a busy square somewhere in Prague. I saw a picture of a beautiful fountain there while flipping through a travel magazine and decided on a whim to visit. It was foolish of me to just jump in the middle of the bustling town without a thought of lying low, confident that no one saw me. Oh how wrong I was.
There were three of them several feet away. Gray trench coats billowing in the breeze as they glared at me with hard faces devoid of sympathy. Paladins. I stood completely still, eyes open wide staring at them like a gazelle staring at a lion about to attack. I came to my senses tensing up in a defensive position as I had a million times before in my 20 years of life. At first I assumed I was safe because of the sheer amount of people going about their business in the square when the especially large man in the middle took out a 357 Magnum and fired a single shot in the air. I knew I was screwed. Everyone went crazy; there was screaming and chaos as people ran from the square and the possibility of violence. I was rooted to the spot out of fear that no matter where I went they would follow me. The other two on either side of the gunman took out evil looking sticks that buzzed with the sound of energy, clearly some kind of Taser designed for Jumpers. I knew I would only be able to take out one or two before the last one paralyzed me and my powers with the electricity. Seconds passed and that's when I noticed him charging them from behind like a mad man, completely unnoticed.
With a loud yell that sounded suspiciously like a battle cry, he slammed into the Paladin holding the gun, knocking the man clean to the ground, causing him to lose his grip on his weapon. I took this opportunity to rush at the other two men, using my jumping ability to gain momentum and tackle them while they were distracted by their assailant. Thanks to the element of surprise and my years of practice I was able to knock them into the stone fountain. Perfect I thought to myself as their Tasers reacted with the water and turned it into an ocean of electrical currents that continued to shock them. Clearly those Tasers were meant to last under any circumstances and for once I was grateful there weapons were so reliable.
"Brilliant!" I heard the stranger shout and before I knew what was happening he jumped the Paladin and himself right into the fountain.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" I shouted at him in horror as I saw his body convulsing in the water next to the Paladins. I hesitated for a moment scared that I to would get trapped in the currents if I tried to help, but he saved me and I knew that I owed him. So with that final thought still fresh in my mind I reached for the stranger's soaked leather jacket. The electrical currents from the water traveled up my arm making them convulse. I was just barely able to use my last vestiges of strength to jump us a few feet from the fountain and out of danger.
He landed on top of me, sopping wet, soaking my black V-neck t-shirt and skinny jeans.
"Sorry," he grunted as he crawled off of me to rest on his back beside me. He turned on his side to observe me as we both struggled for a minute to catch our breath and allow the adrenaline to leave our bodies.
"I've never seen anyone do anything that crazy. Who are you?" I asked him incredulously, amazed by his mix of bravery and stupidity. I turned towards him so I could observe this strange man in return.
"O'Connor, Griffin O'Connor," he stated in a mock suave voice. "To answer your original question, I jumped him into the fountain because I knew you would pull me out before it was too late," he stated confidently with a cocky grin.
"Nice, well thanks for the help O'Connor but I should really be getting out of here before the authorities show up," I said while standing up getting ready to jump.
"Wait! I don't even know your name. Come get a drink with me?" he asked.
"My name is Vivien Hunt," I told him as I grabbed his arm and jumped us to a Starbucks several streets away. He told me the story of his first run in with the infamous Paladin named Roland in Prague as we sipped the coffee, a delicious familiar taste in an unfamiliar country. I remember how he would laugh nervously and run his fingers through his sandy brown hair as he spoke with that lovely accent that sounded so unfamiliar and exciting to my Seattle born ears.
The happy memory left a bitter taste in my mouth as I finally staunched the flow of tears and settled into a restless sleep.