Author's Note: So I did this thing I said I would not do - write a full length story. I plan on 2018 being a life changing year, which means putting in a lot of hard work in 2017. Hopefully, that means you won't see me posting much fan fiction. I hope to close the Richonne Collection before the new year, so if you have any one shot ideas, let me know.

The first half of this story has a lot of Lori in the present day which hopefully I made up for with numerous flashbacks. I'm one of those writers who loves all her characters so as far as I'm concerned there are no bad people just some ill-advised decisions by a few. However, I'm aware a writer does not get to choose how a reader interprets her words.

Here we go...

Prologue: What We've Known All Along
Lori

It was the middle of the day and Carl was in school. That's why he decided to do this at the moment. To minimize the drama. To ensure the one person who could make him doubt his decision was nowhere around. Rick always thought ahead. Always had a plan. He was on the tenth play before you even knew the game started. It was how he always made her look like the bad guy, even in her own eyes. How long had he been planning this? Planning to walk out on her and their marriage? It was probably weeks in the making and she wasn't any the wiser.

"I don't understand why you're doing this," Lori said as she watched Rick emptying drawers. One moment she was making them lunch and knocked on his bedroom door to ask if he wanted a sandwich too and the next she was blindsided by her husband leaving her. They had lost the ability to communicate with one another on a daily basis. There had been a time when even she had a lot of anger for him but she let that go. He never could. His animosity turned to hate and eventually indifference.

"What made you do this now?"

They lived in the same home but they didn't share the same bedroom so she didn't understand his need to leave. Lori and the kids had rooms upstairs. She and Judith had the master bedroom and Carl has his own bedroom. Despite their friend's initial and constant refusal, Rick gave Carol the third upstairs bedroom. It would have been best for them to all be upstairs as a family. But he made sure their distance wasn't just emotional, it was physical as well. He took the downstairs bedroom. Now he was telling her that wasn't enough, he needed to be farther away from her.

She filled the silence since he refused to speak. "We've been working on it."

She looked around his bedroom; it was sparse. There was a bed and a dresser. His things: boots, holster, and tools were strewn about. The few decorations on the wall were already there when they moved in and were no representation of him. She hoped subconsciously he didn't decorate so there would be less to move up to her bedroom when the time came for them to live as husband and wife in all ways. She hoped the bedroom situation would be a temporary thing. Her prayers weren't answered.

He kept moving and didn't bother to look at her. That was par for the course. Very few times he acknowledged her presence. "We haven't been working on anything."

That was true. She was doing all the work, carrying the burden of thinking there could once again be a them. He didn't. She was the one who insisted they eat dinner as a family as much as possible. She did his laundry, threw him a surprise birthday party, and got Aaron to take a family portrait that sat on the fireplace mantle. On the other hand, he seemed to be just as restless as when he first found them outside of Atlanta. Always work to be done. Always somewhere to go. Some reason to not be home. Suddenly remembering something that made him leave a room just as she entered it.

"We're getting better."

He opened his suitcase. "We're not getting better. We just don't fight anymore."

She resisted the urge to pack his suitcase for him as he stuffed his clothes half folded. After all, he was leaving her; there was no way she was going to help him do so. In all their married years he never packed a suitcase. For family vacations and his infrequent trips for law enforcement training conventions she always made sure he was packed and had everything he needed.

"Why end now? Now that we've found a home to catch our breath we can work things out."

"Lori, it's been eight months. That's how long we've been in Alexandria." He sighed. "We've had a lot of breaths. There's nothing to work out. There's nothing left to save."

He didn't care enough to fight for her. Fight for them. She knew that. She saw a change in him after he settled down in this new life. She hoped that change could lead to something better. She assumed a break after the torture of being on the road would allow them to decompress and then start on rebuilding their love for one another. After all, they had been through hell due to danger and the strain in their relationship. Trying to put a severely damaged marriage together when you still woke up in a sweat from nightmares of being eaten alive wasn't good head space.

But he was right. It had been close to a year and still nothing. "This is about Shane. You're never going to let me get past that. You're always throwing it in my face."

"I never mention that." He spoke so nonchalantly and that made it hurt even more.

"You don't have to because your silence is screaming out loud and clear. I'm sorry." She stepped into the room. Closer to him. "I'm sorry for being a shitty wife. How many times can I say it? I know it's not 1,000 because I've said it that many times. What will it take? A million?" Her voice became louder and she hated herself for the desperation she heard, that surely he heard, but she couldn't help it. Her pride was gone. Gone when he didn't talk to her, didn't sleep with her, when he once introduced her as Carl and Judith's mother.

"Don't blame me for this." He looked up at her and there was fire in his eyes. "All I did was get shot in the line of duty. You screwed my best friend not even two months after you thought I was dead. My boy was still crying his eyes out for me at night while you were sneaking off in the bushes with your pants around your ankles."

That hit hard; from the words to the tone used to spew them and the looks of disgusts directed at her. Since they arrived in Alexandria it was the most emotion he dared to have toward her. As much as it stung maybe it meant something. Could it mean he cared enough to get emotional over his wife being with someone else? She was desperate for anything. Usually he let her know just what he felt for her by ignoring her.

Typical of Rick, seconds after saying something so harsh the look of shame and guilt consumed him so much she found herself feeling bad for the berating he was giving himself. She could feel the shame radiating off of him.

He held up his hands in surrender and stared down. "I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I don't blame you for being with him. I really don't."

And she believed that because he always sounded sincere when he said it but still there was something.

"Children need their father." She wiped her eyes of the tears that came out of nowhere then shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "Especially a boy. Carl needs his father. And a little girl. A girl needs her..."

He stared at her. Waiting on her to say more. And just that fast she walked into the ever-present trap of Shane and her infidelity. It was like one of those garden mazes she could never make it out of; she always hit a dead end.

"She needs an example of a good man. Judith needs you." Her voice was small.

"I'm still here for my children, both of my children. I'm a minute away. They'll always have me."

"Just not me. I can't have you."

"What do you want me to say Lori? We're not running. Life is calm. There's no need for this...this charade anymore," he said as he waved his arms around gesturing at the room. "Not when there's a chance for more." He looked at her. "Don't you want more?"

"I want more with you. More for us, together. Rick, we've never even tried to make this work. We're a family and we don't even like it."

But they stopped being a family after he killed Shane. The more her belly grew, the more distant he became. The less he said to her. They passed along messages between Carol and Hershel. For a while, when they were bouncing from houses to stores to storage facilities, Carl slept near her. Rick was always on watch so he never had to lie down beside her at night or, to be more realistic, why she didn't have to make excuses for why her husband didn't want to be near her. As time went on, Carl became more like his father and even he kept his distance from her. It was a misery-filled pregnancy that she shared with Carol and Hershel more than her son and husband.

He looked at her, mouth open and ready to speak. But she wasn't even worth anymore words. He simply shook his head and went back to his job of leaving. The two suitcases were packed. She remember those suitcases. They found them at the storage units and used the set to carry their belongings. She insisted though Carl and Rick were annoyed with her because they did a lot of the pulling, which they found to be a burden and could keep them from protecting the group, while she carried Judith.

"I'll be back to get the few things that are left." He placed the suitcases on the floor and stripped the bed, tossing the sheets in the blue plastic hamper in the corner.

"Where are you going?"

He sighed. "I'm not moving out of the state. I'll still be here in Alexandria."

"But where? I should know that. We have kids, Rick."

"I'm moving into one of the brownstones."

She nodded her head once she figured it out and it didn't take long. "You're going to her. You're going to live with her. Finally admitting it." She shook her head and turned her back to him. The pain was more than she could handle at the moment and it would hurt that much deeper to see him respond to her pain with nothing more than a blank stare. She held her head down and stared at the tear that splattered on her boot.

"No, I'm just finally doing something about it. Something I should have done a while ago." He grabbed the suitcases and walked past her and out of the bedroom.

She followed behind him. She wasn't sure how because her legs, like the rest of her, were numb. But somehow she put one foot in front of the other. "Do you feel comfortable walking out on your wife and your children without even trying to make it work? Because you haven't you know? You haven't tried to make it work. I could understand if we tried and failed, but not once have you tried. You didn't fight for me...for us. If you didn't want me then why'd you kill Shane over me?"

He turned around. "I killed Shane because he was going to kill me. There were no romantic notions behind it." He seemed to soften when he saw her face. "Look, when we were on the farm and even after we lost the farm I had every intention of us being a family. My son, my wife, my unborn child...that's what drove me. I wasn't the one who pulled away first. There's too much water under the bridge. I will be back later to talk to Carl."

Once he walked out the door she sat on the couch and the tears flowed. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She wasn't ready to face the reality of being dumped, not even to Carol, and that's what she would have to do when she said it. As people found out it would be real. She never wanted this to be real.

"Judith woke up but I got her back to sleep." She sat next to Lori.

Lori looked away, not wanting Carol to see her cry but there was no hiding it. She was sobbing now. The pain was too much to remain silent and trapped inside.

"Lori, what's wrong?"

She felt Carol's hand on her shoulder. "Is it Carl?"

"No, Rick."

"What about him? Is he okay?"

"Rick, he left me. He's gone. Packed his stuff and he just left. Moved out."

"You'll get through this with time." There wasn't the hint of surprise in her voice.

She turned and looked at Carol. It wasn't surprising to Carol because she had a front row seat to their sham of a marriage. Like everyone else in their group, she saw the lack of a connection between Rick and Lori.

"No, because he's leaving me for her. God," she cried as she looked up to the ceiling. "Why couldn't it have been anyone but her? I could handle anyone but her. And to do that here? In my face? In front of everyone. So everyone can see them together. I just think that's so cruel."

"Would you like it better if they moved to another community? To Hilltop or Kingdom or Salem?"

There was no need to specify who they were talking about because she and Carol had numerous conversations about both Rick and Carl's closeness to Michonne. Carol assured her Carl was simply impressed by that crazy sword but even she had no explanation for Rick's connection with her. Anyone who saw them together knew there was something there. It wasn't like when he interacted with Carol, Maggie, Andrea, or even Rosita. When Lori saw him with those women she saw family. When she saw him with Michonne she saw another woman. And Rick just validated she had every right in feeling that way.

"I couldn't wish that on Carl or Judith. They love him. They need to see him every day." She turned around and sat back against the couch. She wiped her eyes. "I can't put my feelings before my babies." Her children were why she wanted her marriage to work as well. "Besides, Rick would never leave them. But me, that's a different story. I'm alone. I'm all alone."

"You're not alone. You have Carl and Judith. You have friends. You have me. You were there for me and I'll always be there for you."

They had all been through hell together but Lori and Carol particularly leaned on each other. Lori was there each time Carol broke down over Sophia and then again over Mika and Lizzie. Carol assisted Hershel in delivering Judith. She got up throughout the night right along with Lori when Judith was first born. They survived the loss of the farm, the prison, and that sanctuary that never was. Carol was her best friend.

She thought about divorce before Rick was shot but never as an option for them. She simply wondered of the possibility. She never thought that once they reunited outside of Atlanta they would be no more. One thing was for sure, she would never stop loving her husband. She would never stop wanting him back.