This was it, the moment he had most hoped for. How many times had he relived these moments, praying for the day when she would come back to him? He stared down at the clock on his phone, a small smile tugging at his lips. The last minutes of the fourth day were winding down, and his heart beat a little faster, waiting, always waiting for her to return to him. It wasn't her fault that she always chose someone else, she didn't remember that they had once been in love, had been everything and more to each other. That didn't stop the dull pain in his chest every time he watched her drift away into the arms of someone else, always more painful each time. Part of him always wanted to try and persuade her back to him, even after she had made her choice, but who was he to stand in the way of love? If the woman he loved most deeply in this world fell for someone else, it was his job to endure that suffering.
His gaze travelled to the phone again, a minute into the start of the fifth day. Biting his lip nervously, he checked the security camera. She sat there, a bright smile on her face that he desperately hoped was for him, of course she was still awake, every time, she always was. She'd dial a number, and cheerfully talk for a time, and more often than not, it wasn't him, but not this time, this time it was him, it had to be. His grip tightened around his phone, watching her punch in a number, raising it to her ear, waiting eagerly for his phone to start ringing. His excitement slowly vanished when she started talking, dropping it to his desk with a sigh. Another turn of the hourglass, in a life without her once again. Why couldn't she remember him? Remember how much he meant to her? No...this time would be different for sure, he had to at least give it a try, even if it failed.
Sometimes love lasted, but more often than not it left a lingering pain that carried through for what felt like forever. This time would be different, he knew if she saw him, this endless cycle of getting her back only to lose her again was too much, and this had to be the way. She'd be up for a while yet, and Vanderwood was out, a perfect chance to go and see her. He sighed, putting his coat on, grabbing his laptop on the way out, vaguely recalling that someone might be after her, but he couldn't recall why or when, only that he had to keep her safe no matter what, and that small, dark ball of doubt in his stomach was the only reason he was bringing it. Nothing could happen to the woman he loved, even if he wasn't sure of the danger itself. Stooping to grab his keys, he opened the door, plunking himself into the driver's seat with a heavy sigh. V might even be upset with him for going without a reason to, but that would only happen if he found out about it. If he didn't tell anyone, there was no reason for anyone to be upset.
The silence during his drive was maddening, only the sound of his rushing thoughts and pounding heartbeat pulsing in his ears could be heard, his palms growing clammy on him the closer he got. He had to turn around, this was mad, and...no, he needed to see her with his own eyes, to take in the way she smelled, hopefully feel her familiar warmth. Even if things didn't work out once again, it would surely be enough to give him the strength to go on again while he waited for her. He parked down the block, hanging his head as he walked, eyes glued to his shoes all the way to the door, punching in the door code like it was nothing, enduring the painful silence all the way to the door to that apartment once more. Raising his hand to knock, he hesitated, almost getting cold feet again, until he heard her humming. God he missed that sound too, he missed everything about her. He knocked just loud enough for her to hear, then the soft shuffling sound of her steps as she drew near, quiet again, and he knew she was looking out to see who could possibly be there.
The door opened slowly, and her dark locks tumbled into view, her eyes widening when she looked out properly.
"Seven, what are you-" she began.
The door out of the way, he couldn't hold back a few stray tears he had been holding back. Flinging himself at her, his arms clutched her back, squeezing her gently. The floral scent of her shampoo filling his senses, her hands loosely embracing him, utterly confused by the situation. He let her go after a time, nervously casting a glance to her eyes, holding his breath in the hopes that she'd say something, anything.
"That was unexpected...Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you, only...is something wrong?" she asked.
"I couldn't resist, I wanted to see you now…" he admitted quietly.
"I see. I'm sure you came quite far, and so late at night. You might as well come in." she replied, backing away.
This was a good sign! She was willing to let him in, maybe things really would be different. She took a seat on the couch, and he sat next to her, silently begging for her to return to his arms, dismayed when she picked up her phone and began texting again. Frowning slightly, he raised a finger to point to it.
"Who is it?" he wondered.
She paused her typing, holding it up and shaking it lightly. "Jumin. Should I tell him you said hi or anything?"
He bit the inside of his lip to stop his breath from shaking, it was like he had been punched in the stomach. Shaking his head, he said nothing, unable to. She gave a nod, finishing her text before setting her phone back down.
"Do you want anything? I'm sorry, I know you like Dr. Pepper and Honey Buddha Chips, but I don't have those…" she sighed.
She at least remembered what he liked, that was something anyway. There was a lump in his throat, and he wasn't sure what to say about it. Searching his mind for fragments of vague concepts, anything to make him not appear like a moody, vulnerable person, failing spectacularly when the words tumbled out of his lips.
"Is it very serious?" he asked.
"With Jumin? I'm not sure yet. Maybe? I mean it might be. He's actually a pretty nice guy…" she said.
She didn't know it could play out for the better or much worse than she anticipated. It would always be serious, but the question remained, he had seen it all. He knew she had died because of him before, knew he had locked her away other times, hurt her deeply. Once, she even fell to her death trying to escape him. So few times had she travelled this road and had a happy ending with him. He couldn't very well tell her that, not only would that hurt her too, but it might push her away from him.
"I didn't mean to show up like this, uninvited. I just hoped...you might think of something nice when you saw me." he mumbled. "I had a dream about you the other night. Maybe I'm just being sentimental."
Her hand reached for him slowly, landing on his forehead, a look of concern on her face. "Are you feeling okay? Have you been getting enough sleep?"
"I've had a lot on my mind, that's all. I'll be fine." he said, looking away. "So...do you like him? Jumin I mean."
"Did...you want to talk about him?" she asked, almost in disbelief.
"Not really. Maybe I'm just hoping you'll forget about him. Is there no way I can convince you to give me a chance?" he wondered.
She made an odd expression, smiling after a moment, and his heart hammered against his chest hopefully.
"You almost gave me a heart attack, Seven! I thought you were actually serious for a bit!" she giggled.
"What if I was serious?" he questioned, his expression somber.
"Will you take me to the space station?" she responded, her eyes lowered.
"I'd do anything for you. Absolutely anything." he told her.
His hand reached out to touch her hair, reminiscing in the feeling he had missed so much. She was beautiful, and he remembered just how loving she was, how amazing every small gesture was, how meaningfully he treasured her smile, even her sadness when she cried. There wasn't a thing about her he couldn't possibly love more. She trembled under his touch, pulling away slowly.
"Maybe that's too much. My poor heart can't handle this joke anymore…" she mumbled.
So that was it then. She hadn't outright said it, but she was rejecting him. He felt his heart breaking, shattering into a million pieces, only a pile of dust left in its wake. He forced a smile that felt all too hollow, producing his laptop from his side.
"I'm sorry, I'll stop. Truthfully, I just wanted to double check the security in person." he said with a laugh.
She lightly pushed his shoulder, grinning. "You had me so worried about you! I thought something was really wrong."
Something was wrong, and that something was that she had once more forgotten him and he couldn't do a damned thing to change it. How long would it be before he got to feel her arms around him again, or the soft warmth of her lips? Coming here was a mistake, instead of making him feel better, it only dampened his spirits. At the very least, he had the chance to hold her again, if only for a few precious moments. He did as he said, however, tapping away at his keyboard, making sure everything was still secure, his eyes blankly staring at the screen. When he was certain it was fine, he closed it again, moving to stand.
"Are you leaving already?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's late, you need your beauty sleep." he said cheerfully, turning away, his next words so low he was sure she couldn't hear it. "Next time, choose me…"
He headed slowly for the door, closing it quietly behind him, letting out a sigh as he wandered aimlessly back to his car. How could he, or anyone for that matter, know how bittersweet this would be?