He stared up at the ceiling, silently. Not a word escaped out of his mouth. The blood stained rusted razor in his left hand and his right hand hanging off the bed, dripping with pain that you could barely feel. How many times is this? He wondered why he even bothered. He couldn't feel anything, so many times of scrapping that damn razor across his skin finally left his skin mutual to the feeling. The only thing he could feel out of it was the coldness of the air hitting his torn skin when his own blood creped out of the freshly new wound.
It wasn't worth it. It was pointless. They never went away. They never stopped. He could hear them almost 24/7, taunting the hell out of his very being. Wanting him to do bad things, horrible things, things that no one could ever imagine. Mixing up thoughts in his think pan. He didn't consider them friends, didn't consider them visitors, no, more like pests. Diseases. Monsters. Demons. All of those things matched the perfect description of the horrifying voices, trapped in his head.
The bleeding male sat up slowly as he glanced over at his limp, wounded hand. Why did he do this to himself? It didn't work. Nothing worked. Medication only made the voices muffled. He could still understand everything they said, still heard their haunting laughter, echoing in his ears. Smoking weed only made them quiet for a couple of hours; If not a day. And unfortunately, cutting didn't work either. Only left him scars of disappointment. He got up from his ragged bed and walked, entering the bathroom, avoiding looking into the mirror as he ran the cut under cool water. He couldn't stand mirrors. Ever since he was little. To him, they only pointed out everything that was wrong with him. His reflection mocking him whether he cried, laughed, frowned. The only thing the reflection couldn't mock, was the voices in his head. And damn, was he jealous of that.
This young man was Gamzee Makara. Otherwise known as a suffering schizophrenia patient. He had gone to the hospital when he was younger, but that was because his alcoholic father made him. He spent years in an institution. He finally got let out at the age 17. Gamzee never did see his father again after that; not that he wanted to see that bastard. Every once in awhile, Gamzee would go and get his medication that the doctors thought was working. But after an incident that happened, Gamzee never showed up again. Yes. The incident happened about a month ago. Being a lonely person, he was wandering around the town, looking for someone. He then met this really cute girl and started flirting with her instantly. She didn't seem to mind, though she reeked of alcohol so maybe that's why. As Gamzee continued to flirt with the drunken girl, her "boyfriend" suddenly came out of nowhere and started beating the shit out of Gamzee. Pushing him up against the cold brick walls, hitting him empty beer bottles, pushing him to the ground. A lot went on that night. Then, all of sudden, Snap. Gamzee's attitude towards the man turned into hatred. Complete despise of the well known man. Gamzee started stabbing the man with broken glass on the ground, from all the bottles that were smashed on his head. He didn't kill the man, only severely cut up. As always the girl was deathly afraid of Gamzee and muttered out the words "heartless monster". Is that what he was? A monster? Those two words struck Gamzee like an arrow, piercing straight through his body.
After that, he never left his house. The only time he would take a step out his door was when his dealer came to his door. He had to get weed somehow. He got money from the institution until he was able to find a job. The money rented Gamzee a shitty apartment, some furniture, clothes, and food. Though the guy barely ate. He would usually wash away his hunger pains with a bottle of Faygo. It's not like he refused to eat, he just couldn't. Every time he tried to, bad thoughts would appear in his head, making his stomach feel like he was about to be sick. Therefore, he never ate.
Realizing he was spacing out, Gamzee turned the water off and wrapped his numb hand in a towel. Turning back to the room he caught a quick glimpse of himself in the horrible dimension that stood in every bathroom. He ignored the picture and stepped back into his bedroom. It was basically empty. There was a bed, dresser, a few boxes of stuff he always forgot to remember to unpack, and his guitar. The room was very big, so the junk only took up half the space that was open for use. Gamzee moved his stare towards the clock that sat on his night stand. It was only 10:58pm.
He sighed, as his eyes felt heavy. Gamzee looked over at his phone that has been lying on his dresser for days now. He had a friend. But only one. His name was Karkat. Even though he insulted Gamzee sometimes and made smartass remarks to him, he always apologized for it later. Besides his behavior, He cared a lot about Gamzee. He just had a difficult time showing it. Gamzee wondered if his friend was worried sick about him since his disappearance. His phone was probably stack full with messages, missed calls, voicemails. It's not like Gamzee didn't want to talk to Karkat, he just couldn't bring himself to get up and text him. Their last conversation was Gamzee having his usual fit whenever he didn't get his weed on time and the voices were yelling at him. Clawing at the sides of his head.
Gamzee walked out of the room, barely making a sound, as he entered the kitchen. He popped open a Faygo and chugged it, hoping it would lift his spirits a little. As a result, it did make him feel a lot better as he plopped down on his firm couch and cut on the television, rewinding his favorite movie. He couldn't afford cable, so he always watched movies. He loved horror. But also favored comedy. Once done rewinding, he clicked play, sinking down into his couch, totally absorbed in the movie. Sometimes he would daydream himself being one of the characters in the movies. How some of the characters had more friends and a family, even had a lover.
Chugging his Faygo and watching his favorite gory part, a knock appeared on his door. Gamzee frowned in disappointment of having to pause his best part to answer the door. It couldn't have been his dealer, he just came the other day. With curiosity, he opened the door and spoke in his usual calm, chill voice. "Hello?" he met gaze with his best friend Karkat who looked furious. "Karkat! I didn't know you were motherfuckin coming over" His friend pushed him out of the way and entered his apartment.
"Of course you didn't! Because you haven't responded to my text, calls. Nothing!" Gamzee forced a smile and shut the door, holding out his arms. He pulled Karkat in for a big hug, which his short friend tried resisting.
"You smell like fucking weed! Get off me fuckass!" he pushed against Gamzee's chest, making his arms loosen and let go. "Why haven't you responded to me!? I've been wo-" he stopped his yelling as he noticed the red stained towel on Gamzee's hand. "What the fuck is that?"
"What is what bro?"
"That!" he pointed at the bleeding hand. "What the fuck did you do Gamzee?!" there was silence as both of them stared at each other. Gamzee glanced down at his hand and looked back up, finally breaking the silence.
"I don't know bro…shit in my think pan just drove me off the motherfucking edge…" he mumbled as Karkat kept gazing down at his wrecked hand.
"Did you even clean it properly?!" he yelled. It wasn't yelling like he was mad, more like upset. "You're such a fucking idiot!" Karkat implied as he took Gamzee's hand and unwrapping it, taking a look. His hand was covered in dried blood and fresh too. It wouldn't seem to stop bleeding. Karkat sighed in frustration; "Hold on dumbass" Karkat stomped out the apartment and to his car, leaving Gamzee alone with a bleeding hand.
"So your letting him help you? How pathetic"
Gamzee flinched at the voice and shook his head. Karkat finally came back in with a medical kit and bags of junk that Gamzee couldn't tell what was inside.
"Ok. I got this fucking stuff for you. Since you refuse to leave your apartment and all." He set the bags on the floor and went over to Gamzee who had his eyes on the bags. Karkat rolled his eyes, knowing what Gamzee was thinking. "Yes, there is fucking Faygo in the bags." The outburst made a chuckle come from Gamzee. "I know since you barely eat and all, I could least buy you some Faygo. But still, you need to fucking eat!"
"I'm fine bro, but thanks for bringing stuff for this motherfucker." There was happiness in Gamzee's tone, which was surprising to hear since he had been in that depression state for a month now. Karkat tried everything he could to keep his friend from doing anything stupid stuff like this. He always called Gamzee a "complete dumbass" for hurting himself for something he couldn't control. Telling him not to blame himself and all that.
"Yeah whatever." Karkat got out some alcohol and took a rag, holding it up to the wound. You think it would hurt, but Gamzee just sat there like he couldn't even feel his hand. He watched as Karkat cleaned it off and bandaged it up. "There" He capped the alcohol and sat it down "Don't go doing anything this fucking stupid again. Have to waste my time taking care of your ass!" Karkat huffed as he walked over getting the bags and bringing them to the kitchen. Gamzee followed his best friend, looking over his shoulder, seeing what else he brought. His friend pulled out some Faygo bottles, food, and other supplies. After seeing everything he bought , Gamzee smiled and spoke;
"I'll pay you back motherfucker" he didn't ask Karkat to buy him things, but he felt bad whenever he did. Wasting his money on Gamzee just didn't feel right.
"No need. You need to save up your fucking money anyway." Karkat said while putting away the things and walked back to the front door. "Anyway, I gotta go. I have to meet up with the lisping asshole" Gamzee lifted an eyebrow. He knew who he was talking about but he just couldn't remember the guy's name. He has seen him around Karkat a lot, he just never did pay attention to his name.
"Oh, you mean your boyfriend?" Gamzee said jokingly, trying to cover up that he forgot the dude's name. Karkat turned a bright red as he stumbled with his words, trying to defend himself.
"He's n-not…my boyfriend!" Karkat yanked open the door and walked out. "I'll see you later fuckass! You better reply to me, or I will come back over!" he shut Gamzee's door, leaving him alone in his apartment. Of course Gamzee went back to his movie but he wasn't as absorbed as he was before he couldn't keep his concentration on it. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts always went off into a different direction.
Finally, he gave up on the movie and shut it off. He glanced at the clock on the wall. 11:46. He guessed now would be the good time to go to bed. He had nothing else to do. Gamzee stood up from the couch and walked into the back bedroom, collapsing on the bed. There was a little spot where the blood from his hand dripped off and landed on the sheets. He didn't pay it no attention as he crawled under the blankets and shut his eyes, drifting off into sleep.
First chapter! Whoo! This is an introduction of Gamzee~ (-_- well no shit) Hope you like it~ I'll be posting the 2nd chapter….whenever I feel like OuO uh…yeah, Bye!