Author's note: I'm sorry. This fic is terribly late. I wrote it months ago but have been putting off editing it, and for that I apologize.
This story is set just before the Regional Tournament in Eternal Summer.
I do not own anything but the story itself. Free! Iwatobi Swim Club belongs to Kyoto Animation.
"Why don't you take your heart out
instead of living in your head?"
—The 1975
Haru stared up at the surface. He could see the sky, distorted, shimmering weakly with the last faint blues of day as the sun began to set. The water was dark and quiet, every sound swallowed before it could penetrate far enough for him to hear.
I love it down here, he thought. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The water brushed over his neck, cold and smooth, like silk sliding off of skin. It's so peaceful. There's nothing to worry about; it's just me and the water.
He swirled his fingers around. The water rippled through the spaces between, blissfully silent. Even his thoughts were on mute, as if they'd drifted away from shore. He felt so warm, wrapped inside the water's cool embrace—safe, enclosed in something that understood him more than anyone else, even himself.
Then his lungs began to burn. Disappointment dropped into his stomach like a stone. He opened his eyes.
If only I could breathe.
He charged for the surface. The darkness retreated as the pale blue became brighter and brighter. He broke through and shook out his hair; the air dragged down on him, begging for him to return to the weightlessness of the water.
He swam for the edge of the pool and hoisted himself out.
The rest of the team were already at the showers. Haru took his place on the far left, next to Makoto, and turned on the water. Icy water blasted him, and he bristled, suddenly wide awake.
He waited for it to melt. Makoto tilted his head towards him.
"You were in there for a while," he said. He still had soap suds in his hair. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." The stream was now lukewarm. "I just wanted to swim by myself."
Makoto didn't reply, and Haru was grateful. That was something Haru really loved about him: if something looked fragile, he didn't press on it to see if it would break. He just left it alone.
They finished showering and headed into the locker room. Haru was drying his hair, half-listening to Rei and Nagisa's argument.
"I could've sworn I left them—Nagisa! Did you take my glasses?"
"What? How could you think that, Rei?"
"You always take them!" Rei's teeth were clenched as he rummaged inside of his cubby. He banged his fist. "Nagisa!"
"I didn't take them!"
"Then why are you smiling?!"
Makoto chuckled softly beside him. "Just another day in paradise, I guess."
Haru tugged his pants over his hips. "Yeah."
"We were thinking about getting sushi over at Syungyo Tatsumi." Makoto stuffed his shirt over his head, then smoothed his hair. "You coming?"
"Yeah, sure."
They finished getting dressed—after Nagisa relinquished Rei's glasses, of course, but only after Rei looked like he was ready to burst into flames—and headed out. Nagisa kept up a steady stream of conversation, discussing exchange times with Makoto while Rei deliberately kept his eyes forward, his expression puckered like he'd tasted something sour.
Haru had fallen inside of his head. His thoughts, now on dry land, danced back and forth, voices swirling through them like the winds of a typhoon. A story of photographs flashed through his mind: his teammates, the school principal, Samezuka Academy, and that ever-present piece of paper that he'd left on his desk, a ghost that haunted him even during the day.
His fists clenched.
"Haru?" Everyone had stopped, and Haru jolted as he came back down to earth. His teammates were all staring at him, their expressions wrinkled with concern.
Makoto drew his eyebrows together. "You're sure you're all right?"
"You look like you're sleepwalking," Nagisa added.
Haru sighed. "Sorry. I'm just…thinking about the tournament."
It was a cheap lie, and they seemed to buy it. The three of them visibly relaxed. Rei smiled sympathetically. "I haven't been able to think of anything else, either," he admitted.
"Don't worry, Haru—we're all nervous!" Nagisa pounced, slinging his arm around his neck. Haru had to wrestle with himself so he wouldn't swat him off. "It's going to be great! You'll see."
"I know there's a lot of pressure," Makoto added. "But we can't think about that. I just want to swim with you guys." He smiled; its warmth crackled like a fireplace. "All of you."
"I'm the same way," Rei echoed. He turned his gaze to Haru, his violet eyes alight. "All I want is to swim with my team."
"So relax!" Nagisa patted his shoulder, and Haru swallowed nails, gritting his teeth. "Don't stress so much, or you'll get wrinkles."
"I'm not—" Haru snapped his head away, and something pink winked at him. He paused, frowning, narrowing his eyes.
"What is it?" Rei asked. Haru unchained himself from Nagisa's arm and padded to the edge of the sidewalk. He stooped down and scooped up a cell phone, brushing mud from the screen.
"What's that?" Nagisa peered over Haru's shoulder, balancing on his tiptoes. Haru slid the phone open, and the screen lit up.
"That looks like Gou's," Makoto said, coming up behind them. They pressed against Haru's back; he hitched in a breath, strangling the phone in his grip.
"I think it is," Rei agreed.
"She left early, didn't she?" Nagisa tapped his chin. "Where'd she say she had to go?"
"I think she said she had to go home to get something—for what, I don't remember."
"She must have dropped it." Makoto took it from Haru's hands. "We've got to get it back to her."
"Do you think she needs it that badly? Couldn't we wait until Monday?"
"Someone might be trying to get in contact with her—or she could need help. It's better for her to have it and not need it than the other way around."
Haru stared on. Every time one of them spoke, it thinned the atmosphere. He sucked in a breath, but he couldn't hold it in. Rei and Nagisa were bickering again over who should return it to her, and their voices crawled inside of his head like a swarm of angry bees. He tried to breathe again; it felt like a punch to the stomach.
I can't do this. I have to get out of here.
"I'll go," he offered.
The silence was loud. It was the silence after an explosion, ringing like bells in their ears. His teammates gaped at him, eyes wide, as if the thought had never occurred to them.
"Oh." Rei cleared his throat. "Right. Of course."
"Do you know where Gou's house is?" Makoto asked, handing the phone back to him.
"I think so."
"Are you sure?" Nagisa looked like a puppy that was watching his master leave the house. "I could go with you."
"That's okay." Haru's eyes swiveled from one face to another. All of them looked ashen. "I'm fine," he insisted. He slipped the phone in his pocket. "Stop looking at me like that. I'll be all right."
"Okay…." Rei pushed his glasses up his nose. "But call us if you need anything."
"Sure." He slid around them. The heat of their stares was giving him a sunburn, but he didn't look back. He kept his face forward, his jaw tight, until he felt their eyes slide off of him.
When he'd turned out of sight, he deflated, almost melting to the ground. Finally, he thought, tugging on the collar of his uniform. He rolled his neck, letting out a deep breath; it felt like an anesthetic. Now I can relax.
He ambled up the road, letting instinct guide him rather than knowledge. It only took a moment for him to slink back under his thoughts.
You're sure you're all right?
He closed his eyes. I'm fine, he thought, taking a left. Everyone keeps pestering me, asking how I am, what my plans are, what my goal for the future is….I feel like they're prying at me. I just can't take it anymore.
Makoto's face flashed in front of him. He could feel his eyes, always sliding his way, trying to search through him without him noticing. Nagisa and Rei's twin expressions of concern hovered next to his.
I know they're worried about me. A gust of wind sent his hair spiraling forward, tangling it with the breeze. But I…I don't want them to. I hate it; it's driving me crazy, being around them, knowing that underneath the surface I'm under a spotlight, constantly being scrutinized.
He shook his head, rattling his brain loose and sending its contents scattering. I wish I could stop thinking. He sighed into the evening air. I wish there was some way for it all to disappear.
He came to a halt, glancing up and around. Confusion wrapped around him, and he swallowed a ball of dread. Wait…where am I?
He didn't recognize the neighborhood—or rather he did, because they all looked the same: the same trees, the same low-roofed houses, the same sidewalks, splintered with cracks. He took a hesitant step forward, then another.
How long have I been walking?
He searched for some sort of landmark, something that would indicate his position, but there was nothing. He pushed down his panic and kept walking, his pace stiff and clipped.
He had only been over to the Matsuoka house once, when he was in elementary school. There had been a freak snow shower towards the beginning of spring, and Rin had invited him and Makoto over when it was heard that school was canceled. They'd built snowmen at first, using buttons for the eyes and nose, and Makoto had given it his earmuffs and scarf.
Rin had drawn the mouth, tracing a smile with his finger, then added in teeth—sharp, jagged teeth, like that of a shark. After it was done, they'd stepped back and admired their work. Haru had glanced over at Rin, who gave him a smile. His own incisors were blinding white, even compared to the snow.
That was just before he'd chucked a snowball at Haru's face.
Now, he rounded another corner, trying not to let himself believe he might be lost. He swallowed, wiping his hands on his pants, and that was when he saw it.
He stopped.
It was a sakura tree. It loomed over the back of one house, its blossoms just starting to open up to the sky. Haru traced his eyes over its willowy shape, taking in the branches that feathered out, like the fingers of a skeleton. He tried to picture what it would look like naked. He narrowed his eyes.
It looked exactly the same.
He rushed across the street and up to the house, slowing as he neared the door. All of the lights were off and it sounded quiet, which caused Haru to hesitate. He took a deep breath and knocked three times.
He heard a booming thud, the sound of glass breaking, followed by someone yelling, "Shit!" Haru flinched back, about ready to cut and run, when he heard footsteps thundering his way. It sounded like someone pounding nails in a coffin.
Then the door slid open, and the devil appeared in the doorway. Haru's eyes almost popped out of his head. "Rin?"
His hair was flying in every direction and his glare could cut through a slab of concrete, but it was Rin, standing hunched in the doorway, wearing his sweats. He brightened a little when he registered Haru's face. "Haru?"
"What are you…doing home?" he asked.
Rin sighed and massaged his neck. "I just felt like getting out of the academy for a while—spend the weekend here instead." He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulder, then smiled. "Sorry if I scared you. I fell asleep on the couch, and you startled me." Then he frowned. "Wait, why are you here?"
"I'm looking for Gou."
Rin narrowed his eyes. When he spoke next, his voice was acid. "Care to tell me why?"
"Relax, man." Haru pulled the cell phone from his pocket and held it up. "She dropped this."
Rin fizzled, his eyes widening. "Oh, crap," he said. He held out his hand for it, and Haru gave it over. "I was wondering why she wasn't texting me back."
"She's not home?"
"No, and neither is my mom." He blew a strand of hair from his face, then sniffed. "I thought I'd surprise them, but when I got here, they were gone. What a pain."
He looked up under his eyelashes at Haru. He tilted his head. "Did you want to come inside?"
Haru realized he'd been staring. He averted his gaze. "I'm supposed to be meeting the guys for sushi…."
"Oh." Rin dropped his chin, pressing his lips together. "Well, I guess…another time, then?" He traced a pattern on the floor with his foot, and Haru watched, mesmerized.
Another time? I barely found this house in the first place. Haru trailed his eyes back up to Rin's face, which was still trained on the floor.
Haru thought about what waited for him that evening: a crowded sushi place stuffed with people, wrapped together with sweat and noise, badgering voices humming in his ears constantly: Are you okay, Haru? You look distracted. Do you want to talk about it? We're always here for you.
Is it about that paper?
He shivered and shook his head.
"I can stay," he said out loud. "For a little while."
Rin's head snapped up. "Really?"
"Sure."
A grin blew up on Rin's face, exposing those razor-sharp teeth. "All right, then." He swept his arm behind him. "Come on in."
Haru stepped inside the genkan and removed his shoes. Rin shut the door behind him.
"You can set your stuff down on the couch," he told him. He winced. "But first, I should clean up that glass."
As he moved to the living room, Haru stayed where he was, eyeing every corner of the house with awe. The floors were ebony, which swept all the way up to the kitchen. A glass dining table stood with a vase of hanashōbu over on his left, and the kitchen countertops were made of white marble; they glimmered from the fading light peeling through the windows. As he moved into the living room, he absorbed the suede couch, the soft shag carpet, the shodō paintings on the walls. The one nearest him had the kanji for beauty and kindness; another one had wisdom and knowledge.
He stared down at Rin, who was picking up shards of glass by the low table. He caught Haru's eye and smiled. "Make yourself at home."
"It's…beautiful," he whispered. He unslung his bag and set it carefully on the floor, then took a spot on the couch. When he did, he knocked something off with his leg and it clattered to the floor.
Haru picked it up, then frowned.
Rin stood up and made his way into the kitchen, broken glass carefully balanced in his hands. "Do you want some tea?"
"Sure," Haru said. He turned the object over.
There was a thunk as Rin deposited the glass into the trash can. "Green tea okay?"
"Sure," Haru repeated, running his fingers along the spine, lost to the world.
It was a book. Its cover was a peculiar shade of yellow, on its way to becoming orange. On it was a bird's nest, with what appeared to be a child huddled inside, face obscured by the darkness. Judging by the bookmark, Rin had been reading it—but what bothered Haru the most was the title.
It was in English. He tilted his head, struggling to translate the words.
He sensed Rin's presence return to the room. He held the book up for him. "What's this?"
Rin jumped, like Haru had discovered a body under the floorboards. The tea cups in his hands sloshed dangerously. "O-oh," he said, clearing his throat. He set the cups onto the low table. "Just a book I'm reading."
"Who's Harry Potter?"
Rin turned to look at him, like Haru had just asked why water was wet. "You're kidding me, right?"
Haru stared at him.
"It's not exactly an unpopular series," he grumbled, snatching the book away from him. "Jeez. Walk into a bookstore for once in your life, would you?"
"Sorry," Haru said, his tone sharp. "I was just asking."
Silence settled in, worming itself into the middle seat. Then Rin sighed.
"I got into it when I was over in Australia," he explained, setting the book carefully down on the table. "It helped me learn English; made me feel a little less lonely, sometimes."
"Okay." Haru crossed his arms. "Fine. Whatever."
"It's really good." Rin pursed his lips, shrugging. "I could buy it for you in Japanese, if you want."
Haru's shoulders slumped. "You don't have to," he said, melting a little. "It's okay."
Rin picked up their teas and handed one to Haru. Haru sipped it and sighed; the taste felt like nirvana on his tongue.
Rin sat beside him. Haru counted the seconds, got to ten, before Rin opened his mouth.
"I know you don't like talking about it," he began, "but have you given any thought—"
"Rin," Haru breathed, wincing. "Please."
"You can't avoid it forever, Haru." Rin's fingers clenched around his cup. "You can't keep running away from it—"
"I'm not running," Haru interjected.
"Would you let me talk?"
Haru looked at him. The bite in his voice was enough for him to hold his tongue, and he could see a storm brewing in his eyes—swirling, taking shape.
"You are running," Rin insisted. "You look just like I did last year."
Haru blinked. He slowly lowered his cup onto his lap. "You weren't..."
"Sure I was." His voice was softer now, and he sagged back into the cushions, staring at something far away. "I was running from myself."
He took a sip of his tea. "I was trying to deny my feelings, to push everything down. I didn't want to think about how lonely I really was...because going down that path scared the crap out of me. It only made things worse." His cheeks burned a little, and he ducked his head. "You were the one who made me face it."
Haru was speechless. Rin set his tea down and looked at him, pouring the full power of his gaze into his. Haru pressed himself as far into the couch as he could, but it wasn't enough; Rin had captured him.
"You don't have to figure it out right away. All I want is for you to think about it. I don't want you to end up like I did." He swallowed, then shook himself out of it. "Promise me, Haru. Please."
Haru moved his lips, but nothing came out. He was still trying to find a way to sink into the couch and disappear—but Rin had his nails in deep and wouldn't let him go.
Finally, he sputtered out, "All right, all right. I promise."
Rin watched him for another beat, then sighed heavily and thrust off the couch. Haru's eyes followed him into the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I think we both need to take the edge off." He heard the harmony of bottles knocking against each other, then the refrigerator door slamming. A moment later he reappeared, cradling one by the neck. He winked at him. "What say you?"
Haru recognized it immediately: the length, the deep brown color, the white covering. His eyes widened. "Rin—"
"Don't tell me you've never drank before," he interjected, plopping beside him. "Because I won't believe you."
He popped it open and held it out for Haru to take. The fragrant aroma wafted up his nose, and he leaned towards it, the scent like a siren luring him out to sea. Gingerly, he took it, holding it beneath his nose and taking a deep whiff.
Rin studied him carefully.
Haru dipped his head back and took a swig. The flavor was light and elegant, and slipped down his throat like a gentle river. He sighed and held the bottle up, inspecting it. "Hakkaisen?" he asked.
"Ginjo," Rin confirmed, taking it from him. He took a long drink, and Haru watched him swallow. "It's been sitting around in our refrigerator for a while, so don't worry; I don't think we were saving it." He tilted the bottle towards him, a silent invitation.
Haru snatched it back.
As the sun started to wane and sink on the horizon, the contents of the bottle were quickly depleted. Haru sagged into the couch—nothing had ever felt softer—and watched the spots of light dancing in front of the window. His body, which was always stiff and sore from relentless training, had been wrestled into submission and was faintly numb. Haru dropped his head back, and his bangs slid over his eyes.
Rin had at one point collapsed on top of him, his head resting on Haru's legs. A goofy smile ripped his face. He held the empty bottle loosely between his fingertips, bending it this way and that, as if no subject had ever been so fascinating. "Feel any better?" he asked at length.
"Mm," Haru replied.
"You feel really warm, you know. You're not drunk, are you?"
"Don't say that kind of stuff," Haru mumbled, "when your head is in my lap."
"Pervert." Rin rolled so he was looking up at him. His red hair had exploded, and it rippled across Haru's legs in waves. It looked soft to the touch.
"Hey," Rin whispered.
"Hmm?"
"I thought about you all the time over in Australia." He tapped Haru's cheek with the sake bottle. "I couldn't get you out of my head."
"Rin."
"I tried not to," he amended, as if Haru hadn't spoken. "But it was impossible. Every time something exciting happened, the first thing I thought was that I wanted to tell you about it. Then I remembered how far away you were, and all of my happiness would break apart. It was an endless cycle."
"Rin."
"Shut up," he ordered. "I'm not finished." He pushed himself up, arms trembling slightly as he bore his weight on them. He finally balanced himself and pushed his face close—eating all of the breathing room in the process.
His breath washed over Haru, and it was a tidal wave, the sweetness of the sake so intense it was becoming a drug. Rin found him with his eyes and pinned him down.
"Every time I swam, I saw you," he said. "You were everywhere there was water. You were the pool...the ocean...even the rain reminded me of you." He tilted his head forward, knocking his forehead against Haru's shoulder. "Even now, I can't seem to keep you off my mind. I can't escape you, Haru."
His hands slid up Haru's chest. His touch barely kissed him, but it felt like he was burning a trail into his skin. "I just...want to hold you," he exclaimed. "To touch you...like this..." His fingers danced, swirling from his stomach to his collarbone. "To feel your heart beat against mine..." He laughed softly; it tickled Haru's neck. "God, I sound so crazy."
Haru felt him bite his lip; his teeth were up against his skin. Rin pressed his lips against his ear. "Haru," he whispered. "Please...let me touch you."
Haru was rigid. He was breathing a mouth full of cotton. He closed his eyes, and immediately, he felt Rin's hands scrape against him, his breath crashing against his neck, his body heat melding with his—he was trembling against it all. His heart was beating so fast, it sounded like thunder.
When did this happen? he wondered, his head spinning. When did I...start reacting to him like this?
His hands shivered as he brought them up. Is this all inside my head?
He traced his fingers down Rin's back, and he jerked. Do I even care?
"Haru..." Rin was panting slightly. "Can I...?"
Haru slid his hands under Rin's shirt, dragging it up. Rin's fingers burrowed into his chest.
"Haru...," Rin whispered again. It was lost inside of their space. Rin kissed his neck, his hands sliding down his chest. Haru shuddered and craned his head back.
The fire between them slowly began to burn. Their hands wandered, rising and falling, grabbing and teasing. Rin kissed his ear, and every time he felt his teeth graze his skin, his heart stopped. Everywhere Rin touched—his arms, his legs, his hips, his thighs—began to hum and come alive.
He snaked his way down to Rin's hips, his fingers catching on the elastic of his sweats. He slid them underneath and trailed up his thigh. Rin's breath hitched.
I want...
"Haru..."
I want more of this.
Rin leaned back, kissing his jaw.
His lips...his skin...his tongue...
He shivered.
I just want more.
"Rin...," he breathed. Rin froze, then pulled back slowly. His face was the color of his hair and his eyes were glistening. He licked his lips, watching Haru, waiting.
Haru caressed his face and kissed him as hard as he could.
It was like a gunshot. Their gentle facade broke away, and in its place was a ravishing desire. Rin fumbled with the knot of Haru's tie, yanking it loose; Haru's hands went to the hem of Rin's t-shirt, ripping it off.
Rin disentangled himself from it, then dove back in for Haru's lips. His teeth ripped into him desperately, aching for more. Haru moaned and arched forward. His fingernails clawed into Rin's back, longing to feel his full body against him—open, exposed, the two of them tangled into knots they couldn't untie. The hollowness inside of him demanded to be filled.
He gasped as he came up for air. Rin went for his collarbone, the buttons of his shirt collapsing as they slid through his fingers. "Rin...," he panted. "Wait..."
Rin groaned in protest.
"Your mom...she could..." Haru jolted as Rin pushed his shirt off of his shoulders, rubbing his nipples, his lips still buried in his skin. "Ah—Rin..."
"I almost think that I don't care," he murmured. His voice vibrated throughout Haru's entire body. He bent lower, his right hand still teasing his chest.
"Rin."
"Fine." Rin clutched him tight enough to leave bruises. He raised his head. His eyes were glossy but firm, and his lips, blushing red from kissing, were parted, as if they could still taste Haru's tongue.
"I'll go wherever you go." He dipped his head towards Haru's ear. "Just please be naked."
Haru flushed with heat. It was so intense that his chest started to burn. Unfamiliar emotion rushed through him, something he couldn't control but didn't want to suppress. His eyes swept over Rin's body—taught and sweaty, making his tongue dry in his mouth—and at that moment he wanted nothing more than Rin: above him, below him, inside of him, he didn't care. He needed him as deeply as he needed the water.
He reached up and brushed his lips against his. "Bedroom," was all he whispered.
Rin clutched him tighter. He slid off of Haru's lap and dragged him up, fingers interlacing as he led the way down the hall.
Rin shut the door. The sound made Haru's heart jump. Rin's arms came around him from behind, pulling him back, his touch running south to his waist.
"You always smell so good," Rin breathed, inhaling deeply, then letting it out. "Like the smell after it rains."
His hands slipped inside of Haru's pants, making him jerk. Rin hesitated, as if suddenly realizing what he was doing.
"I'm sorry. Do you not...?"
"It's fine." Something had fallen over them. The room was dark and quiet, and also enclosed. It was heavy with intimacy. Haru's heart pounded in his chest, but it wasn't only from desire.
Rin kissed his ear, then gently turned him around. When their eyes met, he kissed his lips, and everything in Haru's head went white.
Rin pushed him back, and Haru stumbled into the bed. He collapsed with Rin climbing on top of him. He could hear their breathing coming hard and fast, intertwined, one identical to the other. He pushed Rin's pants down, then shivered as his belt was undone.
There was a pause. Then Rin broke away and laughed into Haru's face. Haru reeled, panting, his head feeling like it'd taken a dive.
"What?" he gasped. "What? What's so funny?"
"Sorry," Rin said again. "It's just...we're both in our swimsuits."
Haru looked down, and in the dark, he could just make out the red of Rin's suit. He ran his thumb along his hip.
"You know," he whispered, "I've never seen you with it off."
Rin smiled warmly. "Well, you're about to."
He sat up on his knees and folded his hands over Haru's. Together, they stripped it off. Haru bent his head back as Rin did the same to him.
Rin lay back on top of him, his smile as mischievous as a cat who'd just caught a mouse. He could feel every curve of his body, every muscle; where their skin connected, it caught fire. He stared up at him as Rin absently brushed a strand of hair from Haru's face.
"Ready?" he asked.
Haru nodded.
Rin kissed his shoulder, then his collarbone. His fingers grazed the inside of his thigh, sliding high enough to make Haru's heart fail. Rin's lips roamed over his chest, sucking on his nipple and massaging the other with his free hand, bending Haru's leg up, still rubbing far, far too close.
Haru bit his lip, desperately trying not to moan. Rin's touch was an electrocution. He craved for more yet was simultaneously terrified of what it would do to him. He raced his fingers through Rin's hair, and it was as soft as it had looked—like the fur of a kitten.
He felt Rin smile. Before Haru could grasp what was happening, he was trailing lower, yet lower still. His breath was hot as it washed against his skin. He saw Rin lick his lips.
Oh. "Rin, you don't—"
"Ssssshhhhh," he chided, before his mouth closed over him.
Haru choked out a gasp and clenched his fists around the bedspread beneath him. Rin's mouth was hot and wet as it slid up his shaft, and it made everywhere on Haru's body curl. He squeezed his eyes shut as Rin sucked him off, arching his head into the pillows.
Rin lightly stroked his thighs, licking his tongue up Haru's dick before swallowing him whole. Haru let out a guttural moan—he couldn't hold it in, it was just too much. He felt Rin laugh, his breath wafting over his tender skin, and it only made Haru coil up even more.
Rin took his time, taking him deep and then slowly drawing his tongue across, his fingers tracing a route up his leg and to his stomach. Haru could feel his eyes burning into him, but he didn't dare look; if he did, he knew that it would only take seconds for him to lose control. As it was, he was already trembling, the heady cavern of Rin's mouth and the scrape of his tongue overwhelming him completely. His stomach was tight, too tight, and he felt ready to burst at the seams.
"R-Rin," he panted, knotting his fingers into his hair, pulling. "Too...much..."
Rin's mouth slowed, then stopped, kissing the tip of Haru's dick before climbing back up to him. He combed Haru's hair out of his eyes and leaned into his ear.
"I can't wait to hear what you sound like when you come undone," he purred.
Haru shuddered.
Rin kissed his cheek. "Come here," he whispered. He peeled himself off and guided Haru with him. He kissed him tenderly, curling his tongue so it rubbed up against Haru's front teeth. Haru sighed and scratched his nails down Rin's back, down to his ass, and squeezed. Rin's chest rumbled and he kissed him harder.
Haru had to pull back. Words were bubbling in his throat and he couldn't swallow them. He bowed his head over Rin's shoulder.
"I want you," he confessed. He felt Rin stiffen. "All I want is to feel you inside me." He bit his earlobe, tracing a figure-eight on his lower back. "Please, Rin."
Rin shivered. He gently pulled Haru back and kissed him tenderly. He treated him carefully, as if Haru's lips were made of glass.
Rin broke away. "Turn over," he rasped.
Haru slipped out of his lap and rolled onto his stomach. His heart was jumping hurdles as he heard Rin rummage around in his drawers, then return to the bed. His body pressed into Haru's back, and just the feel of him made Haru start to tremble in anticipation.
Rin bowed his head to Haru's ear, his hair throwing a veil over his face. "Do you trust me?"
All Haru could do was nod.
Rin kissed his neck and trailed his hands down Haru's sides, and Haru's hips rose with it, like a wave beginning to form.
"Tell me if it hurts," Rin told him, before he slid his fingers inside of him.
Every one of Haru's nerves exploded. He hissed and bit his lip, shoving his face into the pillows.
"Haru?" Rin's voice was fractured.
The burn felt like a brand. Haru clenched the pillow and inhaled sharply. "I'm okay," he croaked. "Keep...keep going."
The burning was rekindled as soon as Rin's fingers started to move, thrusting deep inside of him. Haru screwed his eyes shut and tried to bear it, even though the pain was intense enough to make tears haunt his eyes.
Then, the pain began to ebb away, and something else burned in its place. He let out a soft moan and arched his back higher, craving for more of it. Rin's fingers thrust faster, deeper, and his other arm snaked around Haru's middle, stroking his dick.
Then Rin hit something inside of him that made him explode for an entirely different reason.
The pleasure flashed so intensely it melted everything white. Haru gasped, a shudder racking through him like the first tremors of an earthquake. He cried out.
"There?" Rin mumbled into his skin. He was sure he was smiling.
"There!" Haru's fists clenched. "There...oh, god..."
Rin chuckled and removed his fingers, making Haru consider strangling him—but then he was jerked back, and he felt the tip of Rin's erection press against his hole.
"Ready?" Rin asked.
"Yes," Haru hissed.
His body was locked up, tense, but everything unraveled the moment Rin pushed inside of him.
The pleasure hit him like a wave. Haru moaned, loudly, as it shivered through him, his nerves crackling with electricity.
"Move," he gritted through his teeth.
Rin clenched his hips and thrust into him again. Haru's toes curled, and he pushed against it, trying to take him as deep as he possibly could. Above him, he heard Rin groan, felt his trembles ripple all the way through him.
"God," he gasped. "You're so warm."
He set the pace, pounding into him hard enough that Haru thought everything inside of him was going to break. He arched back and cried out his name, screaming to go faster, harder, his body coiled up and yet completely set free.
Rin bowed over him, lacing his fingers between Haru's and squeezing tight. Haru held on to it like a last breath. He pushed into him, aching to feel his entire length deep inside, filled to the very core.
"Haru," Rin growled, his voice at his ear. "Say my name."
Haru took in a shuddering breath. "R-Rin."
"Say it again."
"Rin!"
"Yes," he hissed.
The sound of skin colliding against skin flooded Haru's mind. The familiar tightness was strangling him again, overwhelming his senses, and he had to fight for breath.
"Rin," he panted. "I can't..."
Rin moaned and raised him up, thrashing into him at an angle that felt like a supernova exploding. The pleasure lashed out, sharp and hot, and Haru couldn't hold it in. The vessel was bursting open.
He came with a cry, the world around him waning as he was temporarily blinded, too lost inside of ecstasy. The hairs on his body rose up like a chill had broke the room, even though Haru was burning from the inside.
He felt Rin exit him, as well as his tremors as he, too, came. His moaning was the only sound in the room.
Haru collapsed, completely spent, and Rin soon followed suit.
It was like a fog had lifted over Haru's mind. What did we just do? He was breathing hard, and his ass throbbed pitifully. What the hell came over me?
He craned his head and roamed his eyes over Rin's profile. He was staring up at the ceiling, gasping for breath, but when he felt Haru's stare he turned to look at him. The moment their eyes met, Haru's heart gave a kick.
I don't know, he admitted. He was finally settling into a calm. But I don't care.
Rin raised an eyebrow, then grinned wickedly. He flipped over and pushed his face close.
"You sound beautiful," he whispered, and leaned in for a kiss.
xXx
Haru was dragged out of a heavy sleep by the chirp of a phone ringing. He waved his arm around, intending to smash it, and smacked it against the headboard in the process.
He cursed and clawed out of his stupor. He felt like he was breathing lithium. He pulled himself up and, though he could hardly see, finally located the treacherous device, resting on the nightstand.
He didn't even think as he answered it. "What?" he growled, slinking back into the comforter.
There was a pause. "Haru?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you answering Rin's phone?"
It was far too early for word problems. Haru blinked lazily. "Who is this?"
"Makoto?" the voice answered, raising an octave.
Oh. Haru propped himself up on the pillow. "Sorry, man, I just...I just woke up."
"What happened to you? We waited for you for hours. We searched everywhere! We stayed up almost the whole night at your place, waiting for you to come home."
"Sorry," Haru repeated.
"Forget that. Where are you?"
"Rin's place." Haru flopped on his back and turned to look at him. He was curled up, facing away from him, hugging his pillow to his chest. As he watched, he stirred in his sleep, mumbling "Kill all the Titans" under his breath.
"What? You mean you never left?"
"Keep your voice down," Haru said, scrubbing his face. "No, I didn't. Rin came home for the weekend and we got to talking. Then, we just...lost track of time."
"So you spent the night?"
"Yeah."
Makoto sighed. "You worried us all sick, you know. You can't keep running off without telling people where you're going."
"I know," he admitted, turning onto his side again.
"Next time, let us know somehow, okay? Promise."
"All right, all right."
There was a lag in conversation as they both scrambled for something to say.
"Are you guys still at my place?" Haru asked eventually.
"Yeah. Nagisa and Rei are out getting breakfast at the moment, though, so it's just me."
"Okay."
"How's Rin?" Makoto ventured. "Can I talk to him?"
"He's still asleep."
"No, he isn't," Rin said suddenly, rolling onto his right side. Haru nearly jumped out of his skin. Rin slithered one arm around Haru's middle and pulled him back into his chest, then lay still.
"Is that him?"
"Yeah," Haru told him, as his heartbeat decelerated. Rin nuzzled his cheek against Haru's shoulder.
"How—" Makoto cut himself off. His silence fell like a fog. Then, "Wait."
"Yes?"
"Oh," Makoto said, stretching the vowel. Then he laughed. "Now I get it."
"Get what?"
"I'll let you two enjoy your morning," he continued, sounding far too cheerful. "Take care."
"Makoto—" But he'd already clicked off.
"Have we been found?" Rin asked. He was tracing lines on Haru's stomach. Haru reached out and returned the phone to its proper resting place.
"I think so," he said.
"Mm." Rin coiled tighter around him. "I don't care."
"Me neither," Haru admitted.
He skimmed his eyes over the room. The daylight had exposed it, and Haru was surprised at its minimalism. A desk stood adjacent to the bed, and beside it a wardrobe. There was a poster of Kosuke Hagino tacked on the wall next to the window, and on the other side, one of the band ONE OK ROCK. Stacked under the sill was a fortress made of books. Haru stared at them, straining his eyes to read the titles.
"They were my father's," Rin murmured, as if he'd read his mind. "Most of them, anyway. He'd bring one out and read when things got boring out on the water."
Haru kept his eyes on them. "Have you read them all?"
"Mostly." He tilted his head. "I didn't like reading at first, but it helped me feel closer to my dad—just like swimming does. After a while, it kind of grew on me."
Haru fished for his hand, and Rin gave it to him, twining their fingers together. Haru rubbed the edge of his palm with his thumb.
"Rin."
"Hm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
Haru ignored this. "Were you a virgin?"
Rin locked up. Haru paused his motions and angled his head towards him.
"Yeah," Rin said slowly. "Why?"
"Last night," Haru told him, "it was like you knew exactly what to do."
Rin shifted, settling his weight on one leg.
Haru waited. "Well?"
"You're going to make fun of me."
"Just answer the question."
Rin sighed. "Like I said yesterday...I think about you a lot. I've thought about doing it with you I don't know how many times." He pressed his face into Haru's hair. "I tried to stop, but I couldn't. You drive me absolutely crazy, Haru."
Haru was very still.
"Yesterday, I...I guess I just kind of...spilled over. Maybe it was the sake, maybe it was me all along...but I lost control. When you started touching me like that, I was sure I was dreaming."
He squeezed his hand. "It's not just your body, you know—in case you're getting the wrong idea. Even if you piss me off all the time...I still care about you more than practically anyone else."
Haru had never been good with words. Sometimes they died in his throat before they even began to exist; other times, they came out wrong: too sharp, too cold, too empty. There wasn't a way for him to tell Rin exactly how he felt.
So instead, he rolled over, leaned in, and kissed him. The transmission was rough, full of static, but he knew Rin had gotten the message when he felt him smile, his hands reaching up to cup his face. Haru's arms wrapped around him, and he longed to be tangled with him once again.
Rin broke first. He was still smiling. "I like this side of you," he told him.
Haru frowned. "What side?"
"The side that's open. Not much, but enough that you put your heart out a little bit more."
"I don't even know what that means."
Rin laughed. "Of course you don't," he said, and kissed his nose.
There was a distant chak. Both Haru and Rin jerked, startled, then became absolutely still.
"Rin?" a voice called.
"Oh, crap," Rin hissed, bolting up. The two of them stared at the door like it was holding them up at gunpoint.
"Rin?" the voice repeated, and shut the door behind them.
Rin whirled on Haru. "Hide," he pleaded, his eyes goggling out of his head.
"Why?"
"Just do it, please!" Suddenly, he whipped his arms out and shoved Haru, hard, off of the bed. Haru hit the floor with a yelp, the comforter twisted through his legs.
He was about to commit first-degree murder when the door to the bedroom opened, and despite himself, he froze.
"Hey!" It was Gou's voice, he realized. "What are you doing home? I saw your shoes by the door, but I thought maybe I was imagining things."
"I was going to surprise you," he heard Rin say. Haru snarled at the wall. "Where'd you guys go?"
"Mom and I went to an overnight resort—a girls' night, I guess." She sighed. "But the service was terrible, so we came back early."
Rin chuckled. "Sorry to hear that," he said. "Where's Mom?"
"She's getting her stuff from the car," she replied. "I should go help her, actually. Oh, and Rin?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll make it look like Haru slept on the couch," she said. Haru almost choked on his own saliva. "You two get dressed, okay?"
The door shut softly. Haru crawled up on his knees and popped his head over the side of the bed.
Rin looked like he'd been struck by cannonfire. His mouth dropped open. "H-how did she...?"
"Why did I have to hide?" Haru demanded.
"I didn't want her to see you naked!" He flopped back with a groan. "It doesn't matter. The jig is up."
"Just get dressed." Haru stood and collected his pants from the floor. "Worry about it later."
He heard the mattress creak as he got up. A moment later, warm arms embraced him, wrapping around him from behind. Haru bit his lip, trying to resist as Rin kissed his neck, his lips dancing a waltz: slow, sweet, and gentle.
"I'm sorry I pushed you," he murmured. "I wanted to be the only one to see you this way."
He ran his hands down his stomach, eliciting a shiver that swept down Haru's whole body.
"I want to be the only one who knows what you look like—what you sound like—when you let go. How it feels to have you underneath me, crying my name." He put his lips to his ear. "What you look like when you cum around me."
Haru swallowed. He was strangling his belt with unnecessary force.
"I want you all to myself," he purred. "And I'm not sorry about it."
He let him go, mercifully. Haru shuddered as he came back inside his body. He slipped his pants on and fastened his belt, though his hands shook. Then something heavy collided with his back; when he grabbed it, he was staring at Rin's sweatshirt.
"It might be a little big," Rin said apologetically. He was already almost fully dressed, stuffing a shirt over his head. "But I can't find your uniform shirt anywhere. I think it's in the living room."
Haru put it on. It was heavy and black, and he was sweltering within seconds—but when he inhaled, it smelled clean, pure, and a little bit like chlorine. It smelled like the water—like Rin.
Rin swept his hair back, then smiled. "Ready?"
Haru nodded.
Rin reached out and took his hand, then pulled him to the door.
They walked into the kitchen. Gou was at the dining table, a suitcase beside her, drinking tea. She brightened when she saw them, and a grin stretched across her face that could outrun the moon.
"Gou, have you seen my—?" a voice called, accompanied by footsteps. A woman entered the room, looking confused, until her eyes fell on Rin.
"Rin!" She lit up, then swooped in for a hug. Rin released Haru's hand to return it, squeezing her tight.
"Hi, mom," Rin murmured, kissing her cheek. "How are you?"
"Befuddled," she admitted. "I can't find my hairbrush. Gou, honey, have you—?"
"Suitcase," she said, sipping her tea. "Front pocket. Inside your makeup bag."
"But I could've sworn I just—" She blinked, finally spotting Haru, who had been melting into the shadows. "Oh! Hello."
"Mom, this is Haruka Nanase," Rin said. He jerked his head, indicating for Haru to come forward. "Haru, this is my mother."
Haru stepped up, and at last he could see Rin's mother in the light: Rin and Gou's red hair tumbled down her back, with the same red eyes, blinking at him curiously. She was half a head shorter than Gou, and also older and curvier, but otherwise they could've been twins.
She blinked, then gasped. "Wait," she said. "So he's—"
"That's him," Gou confirmed.
"You're the Haru Rin was always talking about, back in grade school!" Haru glanced at him, but he was interested in the window. Rin's mother smiled at him, then bowed her head. "It's nice to finally meet you, Haru."
"It's nice to meet you, too."
"You must be hungry. How about some breakfast? Does natto sound all right?" She bustled past them into the kitchen.
"He likes mackerel, mom."
"Mackerel? For breakfast?"
Rin laughed. He looked back at Haru, and in his eyes, there was a tenderness that had been lost inside of childhood, a jubilance that Haru hadn't seen in years. It came from a time before doubt had opened up and swallowed him inside a place full of sadness and hate.
It was the Rin he had met in the water, rising to the surface—and the Rin he reached for, taking his hand and locking them together. He ducked his head and smiled softly to himself.
Rin's mother was riffling through the refrigerator. "Hey," she called back suddenly, sounding confused. "Where's the sake that was in here?"