Hi! For those of two that have been reading this on Wordpress, unfortunately I have been having issues with my account and haven't been able to login, so I have decided to post this fic here. Once I have posted the first three chapters (which were previously posted on Wordpress) I will post the brand new chapter 4 and continue this fic (and any other writing that takes my fancy) on this site! Also, please note for those of you who have not previously read this fic, that I am putting a TRIGGER WARNING at the beginning of each chapter. I will keep it rated T for now, because I haven't added any details, but should I decide to in the future, I will move the rating to M and pre-warn you that I am doing so (I don't think I will, but just in case). The second chapter and third chapters will be up later tonight and/or tomorrow morning :) All main characters belong to BBC, Neal Street Productions, Jennifer Worth and Heidi Thomas!

She closed the front door behind her as quietly as she could and leaned against it heavily as she tried to silence her tears. Patrick and the children would be asleep, and right now she couldn't deal with any of them. She just needed a bath and to forget this day. Heaving herself from the door, Shelagh made her way to the bathroom and ran a bath. She stripped herself of her uniform as quickly as she could - she would need to ask Sister Julienne for another one - and sank into the tub. She scrubbed her arms and legs vigorously, desperately wanting to wash away what had happened as she sobbed. She felt unclean. She needed the smell out of her nostrils and the dirty feeling off her skin.

"Shelagh?" She heard, after two gentle knocks sounded at the door. "My love, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She replied, trying with all her might to regain her breathing as she finally stepped out of the bath and wrapped herself in a towel. Realising she had no nightclothes in the bathroom, Shelagh cursed under her breath. Patrick would see the bruises on her arms and ask questions. What was she going to say? She wasn't ready to even think about what happened yet, let alone talk about it! "I'll be out in a minute. Can you bring me a nightdress please?" She called back. Perhaps she could dress in here and Patrick wouldn't need to see her undressed tonight. That would buy her some time.

"Of course." A few minutes later, two more gentle knocks sounded before Patrick began to open the bathroom door. "Here you are."

"Thank you." Shelagh all but snatched the nightdress from his hands before closing the door once more so she could dress.

As she put the nightdress on, she realised which one Patrick had chosen and the tears began to flow once more. This was the nightdress she wore on their wedding night. She could hardly face wearing this but it would have to do tonight. Sighing, she put it on before wiping her face and going into her bedroom.

"There's my girl." Patrick smiled at her. He was sitting up in bed. He'd obviously been waiting for her, and from the look on his face, had something other than sleep in mind for tonight.

Shelagh slunk into bed and turned away from him. She just wanted to close her eyes and sleep today away. She felt Patrick's arm curl round her waist as he shuffled closer to her back. She knew exactly what he wanted, but she couldn't. As he began to place gentle kisses on her neck, she squirmed away.

"Not tonight, Patrick." Both of them were silent for a moment. This was the first time she had rejected his advances since an attempt the week after she had had her exploratory operation in Harley Street. Shelagh sensed in Patrick's breathing that he was hurt. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired." This was only half a lie, she was exhausted after the events of the day.

"Alright, goodnight my love." Patrick replied, understanding tinged with concern evident in his voice as he kissed her cheek before moving back onto his own side of the bed.

As Patrick drifted into a deep slumber, no sleep would come for Shelagh. Every time she closed her eyes, she felt his heavy breathing in her ear, his hands on her arms, his body trapping hers against the wall, and she felt physically sick.

Thanks for reading :)