A/N: I partcipated in an author collaboration for Breath-Of-Twilight. She has the brilliant idea to bring different authors together to write one shots just for fun. No contests. It's just all of us getting together, sharing talent and writing some really good stuff. Go check it out...I found many new brilliant authors there.
Countdown to April Fool's Day - A Pranktical Cullen Day http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5782524/1/ It's a different one shot every day by different authors!
For my "Freeze Frame" readers...bear with me. An update is coming soon...I've just had a death in the family. Having to deal with RL!
In the meantime...I hope you enjoy a little fun with Rockstar Edward and Mousy Bella....
I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. I just get to live precariously in her world....
P.S. Dear Rob: Quit teasing me. That is all. Your Bel Ami pix are going to be the death of me....
Fortune's Fool - An April Fool's Day One Shot
Whenever fortune wishes to joke, she lifts people from what is humble to the highest extremity of affairs. Author: Juvenal
~Alice~
Meet Bella Swan - An Introduction.
To say that Bella Swan was a wallflower would be an understatement. Every year throughout high school she endured the endless misery of watching friends and fellow classmates go on first dates, receive their first kisses and, perhaps, even scandalously allowing the loss of their virginity. Bella Swan had never experienced any of those things.
Bella watched, in absolute misery, as life seemed to pass her by. Every year she would watch, in jealous envy, as girls like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory literally collected stables of boyfriends. Bella would climb into her truck, dejected, feeling sorry for herself and head to the nearest drug store to buy the biggest tub of ice cream to gorge on. Inevitably, the end result would be Bella hugging the toilet instead of some guy at the end of the day.
I've been watching Bella for years. It has been almost 5 years since she graduated from high school. No boyfriends in college, no one night stands. Bella Swan is an enigma to me. I have found her to be a curious subject. I ask myself constantly just what is it that she waits for? Bella slowly roused herself from her bed to face another day. She washed her face, brushed the knots from her hair, and dressed in jeans, an old tee shirt and tennis shoes. This was Bella's daily armor that she wore to protect herself. Nothing too skimpy, nothing too sexy. Just something boyish and safe.
I smiled as I watched her brush her teeth and throw her thick brown hair up into a messy knot on the back of her head. Something tells me that today will mark the real beginning of Bella Swan's ordinary, invisible life.
Who am I? My name is Alice, and I have been sent from the Gods of Olympus to change Bella's destiny. Why would the Gods be so interested in Bella? Not my place to ask. I have a task to perform and to fail would mean being banished from Olympus, only to live my life out as a human. I cannot afford to fail.
~Jasper~
Meet Edward Cullen - An Introduction.
"Get your fucking drunk, lazy ass out of bed, Cullen! I'm warning you! If you're not up in five minutes, I'm dragging your disgusting stank ass to the shower by your ankles!"
Edward groaned and pulled the pillow over his head. Rosalie Hale was one of the best fucking managers in the business. But Edward had to hand it to her--she was a royal bitch on wheels, who gladly tormented him when he was hung over. When Edward agreed to Rosalie becoming his manager, he knew that she would keep his ass in line. Three years later….he hated himself for being so fucking right.
"I'm not kidding, Cullen! You have a magazine shoot in less than an hour and a half. I need you showered and coherent."
Edward shot Rosalie the bird from under the pillow.
"Nice, Cullen. Keep this shit up and I'm gone. You are a complete ass. A completely talented ass, who is about to waste his fucking life away on nothing."
Rosalie stormed out of the bedroom, and Edward reluctantly rolled over and eyed the alarm clock with one eye. Fuck. It was 11 a.m. It was too fucking early to be getting up.
Edward had gotten back to his hotel suite at 6:30 this morning.
He knew, all too well, he was going to look like shit for the photos. He knew he had to drag his ass out of the bed and into the shower.
Edward roused himself from the tangled sheets of the bed. The air conditioner of the hotel suite was dry and cold. It made him shiver in his nakedness. Edward rushed to the bathroom to turn on the water, hoping that the hotel gods would smile down on him and produce the much needed hot water that he required. Steam began to form in the small encapsulated space that bore nothing but a toilet and a tub/shower combination. Edward made a mental note that his hotel accommodations weren't quite what they used to be.
As luck would have it, fate reared its ugly head in the form of a toilet flush from the hotel suite next store. All the warmth that had been flowing through the shower head in Edward Cullen's bathroom had come to an abrupt halt, causing frigidly cold water to flow over his pasty white skin. Edward shrieked involuntarily and crept into the back right corner of shower before realizing he could control the temperature of the shower just by adjusting the knobs.
Edward Cullen was a spoiled prick. I chuckled thinking about how much humans entertained me. Edward was a fascinating creature. He once was a better person, a good person, even. However, the lure of fame and money had drastically changed his personality. He walked all over people, always got what he wanted, and his conceit knew no bounds. Edward Cullen could walk into a room and everyone desired him. Men and women both.
Alice had done a superb job already. Sure as my name is Jasper Whitlock, I just knew there were going to be fireworks when Edward meets Bella for the first time today.
Now all Alice and I had to do was sit back and wait for the perfect moment.
The Meeting
Bella was sitting at her desk quietly perusing her emails. Nothing but spam and one email from her mother begging for a visit. Bella sent all emails to her trash file. She reached into her desk to retrieve an emergency chocolate bar when Emmett burst into her office.
"Swan! I need you now! Angela called in sick. I am going to need you to fill in for her on the shoot today."
"What? Emmett! I don't think I can do that. I don't know how to pick out the clothes for a shoot! Are you crazy?"
"Fuck yes I'm crazy, Swan! We finally got Edward Cullen to shoot a cover. I am NOT going to trash this because of one sick assistant. Get your skinny ass down to the studio now! Don't knock anything over either! Time is money!"
Bella stood clumsily, her heart beating crazily in her chest. She couldn't do this. What was Emmett thinking?
Three times she fumbled and tripped over nothing before she even made it to the elevator doors. Today would be a memorable day, Bella thought to herself, however, not in a good way.
When Bella finally joined Emmett in the car, at the front of the building, Emmett huffed in annoyance and looked her over, from head to toe.
He then turned to the driver and told him to make a quick stop at Bloomingdales. Bella didn't dare question him, she just sat quietly beside him, hoping the door might fly open and drag her from the car and away from what she was sure would be complete and utter humiliation.
Emmett jumped out of the car, ran into the store and returned moments later with bags in his hand. He threw them at her and told her to put them on.
"What?" Bella stammered, staring warily at the bags and then back at Emmett's still annoyed face.
"Put them on. Did I stutter or something? No, didn't think so. Now I am going to close my eyes and count to one hundred, when I am done, I expect you to have those on. Got it?"
Bella opened the bag and perused the contents. "Emmett, I don't know if I can…"
"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE…"
"Okay! Okay! Chill. I'll change my clothes. No peeking either," Bella glumly responded.
"Look, Swan, I need you to look like you actually work for this magazine instead of peddling it on a street corner in some news kiosk. I don't need to have an assistant that is going to make Edward Cullen turn right around and walk back out the door. Your clothes almost scream 'I'm a hostile lesbian'.
Bella rolled her eyes and listened to Emmett explain how first impressions were the most important. Bella finally zipped up the pencil skirt, shed her Chucks and slipped into the black patent pumps that Emmett had purchased.
"You can open your eyes now. I'm done."
Emmett let loose a small whistle the moment he opened his eyes. "Shit, Swan! You need to dress like that more often, damn! You've got nice legs! I got to say it I'm good. Now if you have a brush in that bag of yours, I suggest you brush that hair till it shines. Plus a little lip gloss wouldn't hurt you either."
Bella blew out an impatient sigh. "Great! I'm getting a fucking makeover in a car from Attila the Hun. Not exactly an Oprah moment in my book."
Emmett eyed Bella warily. "Watch the snark, Swan. I don't need you mouthing off at Edward Cullen either."
"What's the big deal about this guy? Why is he so special?" Bella asked as she ran her brush through her hair.
Emmett guffawed loudly. "Jesus, Swan. Don't you ever watch television? He's got the number one single on the charts right now, every woman and gay man wants to bang him senseless, and the dude is so fucking beautiful that even angels freaking cry!"
"Sounds like someone has a little bit of a man crush going on,." Bella wryly commented.
"Just be sure that you do exactly as I tell you, and we just may get through the next two days of the shoot okay. I'm counting on you, Swan. Don't fuck it up."
Alice and Jasper stood off to the side watching the flurry of activity all around them. Huge backdrops and lighting were being set up in strategic locations.
"There she is! Oh, Jasper! She even looks very pretty today!" Alice's enthusiasm always made Jasper smile. Alice pointed to a young woman of average height who seemed to have extreme difficulty walking in the shoes she was wearing. She looked terrified, and there were high spots of color on her pale skin. She looked like a deer in headlights.
"Oh, Alice, I don't know about picking that girl to bring Edward down. He'll eat her alive." Jasper shook his head in dismay.
Alice spun around to face Jasper. "She's much stronger than you think. I think she might surprise you! Now all we have to do is wait for your jackass to show up and get this party started."
Jasper stared at Bella a little longer. Even he had to admit she was ethereal looking. Her glossy chestnut colored hair flashed with bits of red in the sunlight. She was slender and had curves in all the right places. Jasper smiled as he watched the interaction that Bella was having with the big burly photographer named Emmett. Alice was right. There was a strong stubborn streak that ran through Bella Swan, but even Jasper could sense the terror coming off of her in waves. Bella was being asked to do something she normally didn't do.
"He's going to be late!" Alice observed as the final preparations were finished.
Jasper grabbed the hand of his immortal partner and tried to calm her. "Of course he is. Does that surprise you?"
Alice petulantly tapped her foot. "Nope, just makes me want to nail his ass even more. This jerk needs his comeuppance."
"Such language from such a pretty mouth," Jasper gently drawled, knowing all too well that it would calm Alice down. "You don't want to lose control again, Alice. Remember the last assignment? We can't afford your emotions getting the best of you again. We are already skating on thin ice, as it is."
Alice began to pout while Jasper reminded her of their last mistake. Jasper, being the gentleman he was, couldn't bear to see his partner feeling guilty, so he leaned down and brushed her pouty lips with the lightest of kisses.
"Hey, we'll succeed this time. Just keep a calm head okay?" Jasper reassured her.
Alice gave him her flirtiest smile and nodded at him through her impossibly dark lashes. All around them the humans scurried in their frenzy of activity, like ants in a colony. Alice and Jasper blended seamlessly into the background looking like they belonged there. No one questioned who they were or why they were there. They were two beautiful people who looked like they were going to be part of the shoot.
Twenty more minutes passed by, and Emmett kept pacing and checking his watch.
"Nice Guy. He's late." Bella paced behind Emmett. She had familiarized herself with all the clothes for Edward while waiting for him. She still had no idea what he looked like, but she had put together several pieces of clothing that had even won Emmett over.
"That's pretty hot looking, Swan. You just may make it in this business yet," Emmett praised.
"Are you sure you're not latently gay, Emmett? Or are you just the biggest metrosexual since Ryan Seacrest?"
"HA! I knew you watched television! You can try and act all intellectually superior, hiding that pert nose of yours in your books, but even you can't resist the siren call of pop culture," Emmett laughed loudly.
Bella sighed, "I don't watch television. I may see comments here and there when I log on my computer. That is all. Don't make fun of my books either. Wouldn't hurt you to read one, one without pictures."
At that moment a sleek, long black limousine pulled up to the shoot location. Women started last minute primping. The mood on the set became electrified with anticipation. The chauffeur exited the car and opened the passenger door. Rosalie Hale stepped out from the limo and surveyed the area before turning back around to say something to the passenger still inside. It seemed like everyone quit breathing in anticipation of Edward Cullen stepping out of the limousine.
Bella strained on her tip toes to see what was going on. She almost toppled off her heels the moment Edward Cullen came out into the sunlight. His bronze hair was disheveled, like it had been gripped in the hands of a woman during a sexual frenzy. His angular jaw was dusted with the perfect amount of one day's worth of stubble. Dark Ray Bans covered his eyes. He adjusted his cuffs of his shirt and smiled and waved at the bystanders who stood nearby with cameras, taking pictures. Bella had never seen such a smile, and it made her both giddy and dizzy. Emmett was right, Edward Cullen was beautiful.
Bella Swan experienced her first legitimate pang of sexual longing for the first time in her life. She was surprised by the pure physical reaction her body had from just looking at Edward Cullen. Every one of her nerves lit themselves on fire, and she quietly enjoyed the burn.
Edward strolled past the catering table, grabbing a cold bottle of Coca-Cola along the way. He raked his fingers through the mop of his hair, brushing errant strands back from his forehead. His long legs were accentuated by the shiny material of his trousers. His shirt was a little haphazardly buttoned but still looked pristine underneath the well cut jacket that hugged his frame, accenting the perfection of his shoulders and his slim waist.
Bella had never seen such a beautiful specimen of manly beauty. Now she fully understood Emmett's man crush. Hell, Bella had just developed a crush of her own.
Edward strolled past her, leaving his scent in his wake. Bella inhaled the scent of sunshine, smoke and sex. It mesmerized her. Unconsciously, she found herself in step behind him.
Oh, God. His ass, you could bounce a quarter off that thing! She thought to herself.
"Ummm…Mr. Cullen? Mr. Cullen?" Bella called out trying to garner his attention.
Edward stopped and suddenly turned, causing Bella to run right into him. Edward raised his sunglasses up to get a better look at the idiot who had just crashed into him. Bella involuntarily sucked in a breath when she saw the verdant color of his, very hostile, eyes.
"Do you think you could crawl any further up my ass?" He spoke to Bella viciously.
Bella was immediately wounded and furiously humiliated. A dark blush started to stain her cheeks as she tried desperately to stammer out an apology.
"I….I'm sorry. I'm supposed to take you to the trailer so you can get changed."
Edward looked Bella up and down.
Not bad. A little mousy but damn she's got a fine body. Long legs. I'd like those legs wrapped around my neck.
"Not my first dog and pony show, Sweets. Where else did you think I was headed?"
Bella took a deep breath. She was already tired of his curt tone. "Actually you are headed in the wrong direction. Which is fine by me. Keep walking that way, Mr. Cullen, and you will walk your arrogant self right into the Hudson River. If you want to go to your trailer you need to follow me."
Edward smirked at the spitfire in the slim pencil skirt. "Lead the way Miss….?"
"Swan. Bella Swan." Bella followed up her introduction muttering under her breath "Not that you'd remember it anyways."
"What was that? I didn't catch that last part." Edward started to walk behind Bella, admiring the sway of her very delectable ass. He knew he was being a shit, but he kind of enjoyed getting the mouse to roar.
Bella walked as briskly as she could in the torturous heels. Shoes like this had to be designed by a man. Her toes were squished together and aching. Not only that, but she could feel Edward's eyes boring into her.
Fucking Jerk! I should have let him walk right into the river. He just needs to float away with the rest of the trash.
Bella arrived at the trailer that had been designated for Edward. She opened the door with a flourish, and Edward handed her the empty Coke bottle.
"Be a dear and fetch another one for me, Sweets." Edward broke open his best panty dropping smile.
"Get it yourself after you get dressed. We're on a tight schedule."
Edward started to chuckle. "Meow! The kitten has claws. I think I like this pussy."
Edward's double entendre was not lost on Bella. Once again he was rewarded with a furious blush staining that porcelain like skin of hers.
Jasper had to pull Alice back after watching the exchange between Bella and Edward.
"Alice! We can only act at the right moment. One moment, too soon or too late, and all will be lost for us!" Jasper warned.
Alice relaxed the minute Bella slammed the trailer door, after Edward had gone inside.
Jasper turned to Alice again. "Besides, weren't you the one who said Bella was strong? I'm beginning to see why you picked her for Edward."
Alice blew her dark spiky bangs off her forehead. "He's just so….he's such a pig!"
"Well, that's why we're here, to fix that. For whatever reason Zeus has, he wants these two together. But right now neither one of them has a true connection with the other. It's almost as if they need to spend a day in each other's shoes to see what it is like for the both of them."
"OH, JASPER! That is freaking brilliant! That shit would be so You Tube worthy!"
Jasper became alarmed. "Oh, no, Alice. You can't be thinking what I think you're thinking! That's a little extreme, don't you think?"
"Yes, and it's exactly what Edward Cullen needs to learn humility, and for Bella to learn how to be comfortable in her own skin."
Jasper rolled his eyes. "I should have never let you see that movie 'Freaky Friday'."
Alice's eyes were gleaming. "This is going to epic! Trust me Jasper, this will work."
Jasper raked both hands through his hair and expelled a heavy breath. "All right, talk to me. Tell me what you have in mind."
As the two immortals bowed their heads together, Alice animatedly whispering into Jasper's ear, the humans all around them carried on with their lives, not knowing that something drastic was about to happen in their universe.
The Swap Meet
The first day of the shoot had been long and arduous. Edward continued to needle Bella, and she continued to express her extreme displeasure at his behavior.
Finally, Edward had a chance to corner the elusive Miss Swan. "You don't like me much, do you?"
"No. I don't. Can I go please?"
"I know why you don't like me; . You're trying to hide your attraction to me," Edward smirked at her.
"Look…Mr. Cullen, I'm tired. This has been a long day, my feet hurt, and personally, I can't stand being around all these sycophantic fans of yours, that are just waiting for you to peruse them, like cattle, and then decide which one you want to take home with you. I think you are boorish, ill mannered and, personally, I wouldn't fuck you with your own dick."
Edward let Bella's words sink in for moment. "Well since we are being honest, Miss Swan, I have no desire to fuck you and your smart mouth, either. You have the potential to be a very sexy woman, but your hatred of the male race seems to keep you warmer at night. Good luck growing up to be a dried up old spinster with tons of cats. Now get out."
Bella stood there shocked at his final parting words. Suddenly, copious tears started to flow down her face. She kicked off her shoes and raced to the car, begging the driver to take her back to her apartment. Bella cried the entire way home. Bella's humiliation had been made even worse by the very true sentiment of Edward's words. Bella had closed herself off to feeling anything towards men in general. She fumbled with her keys and finally got the door to her apartment open. She threw the bags of clothes down and headed to the kitchen. Bella started to cry even more when both of her cats came running, demanding dinner. Bella quickly put food in their dishes and then slumped to the floor wondering how someone as beautiful as Edward Cullen could have such a dark heart.
"Who the hell did that bitch think she was?" Edward cursed loudly as Rosalie followed him into the hotel suite. "I want her gone from the set tomorrow. I don't need that shit."
Rosalie was fighting a smile from appearing on her face. Personally, inside she was applauding the spunky little brunette, who had managed to shake up Edward. Edward had already crossed the room to the mini bar and was pouring himself some scotch.
"Don't you think you drank enough yesterday?" Rose gently cautioned.
"No. No I don't, Rose. I don't need another bitch harping on me tonight either." Edward's malicious tone caused Rose to put her hands up in front of her in defense.
"Fine, kill your liver, kill you career. You are on your own, I'm done with you. Have a fabulous life, Edward." Rose grabbed her bag and paused at the door. She turned to face Edward one more time.
"You know why you didn't like that girl? Because she saw the real you. The pompous arrogant shit head that you've become. You've let the fame and the fans cloud that pretty head of yours. You feel entitled. What that pretty young woman did was remind you of something better. Something more innocent and real. I really hope you find what you're looking for, Edward. I'm just warning you that if you continue on this self destructive track of yours, you are going to end up being another "Behind the Music" episode on VH-1. Good Luck with that."
Rose then turned her back on Edward Cullen and walked out into the night.
Edward slumped down onto the couch in a posture of defeat. Edward spent the rest of the night drinking his self into oblivion, wondering if Rosalie was right. Had he changed? Did Bella remind him of the person he once used to be? Edward drifted off to sleep thinking about the mousy girl, with the hot body and smart mouth, wondering if he had been right about her life, as well.
As the stars trekked across the nighttime sky, Edward and Bella both slumbered in a deep sleep, each in their respective beds. Stars aligned in the night time sky, and for a brief moment time stopped. No traffic. No noise. Nothing. Nothing except the strange exchange of souls, from one body to another. Once the trade had been completed the world started to turn again, racing towards a new day, and a new beginning for some….
Waking Up
Bella could feel herself waking up. She stretched but felt weighed down. Her mouth was full of cotton, and her head was pounding. Bella felt like she had a hangover which was virtually impossible, considering she rarely drank. She raised her hands to rub the sleep from her eyes. Bella thought she might not be awake, and must still be dreaming, when she felt the rough facial stubble beneath her hands. Slowly she opened her eyes and realized that the hands she was looking at were not hers. The fingers were long and slender and there was a light dusting of hair on the knuckles. More hair wound delicately around masculine wrists. Bella sat up immediately in bed, the blood rushing forward and causing her head to pound even more. Bella almost screamed when she looked down at the ripped abdomen covered with soft brown hair. She slowly began to peel the sheet down and immediately passed out when she saw the erection lying at attention on her (?) belly.
Slowly Bella began to regain consciousness. She rubbed her legs together and once again she could feel hair in places where she normally didn't have any. Bella took a deep breath, got out of the bed and realized she wasn't even in her own apartment. It looked like she was in a hotel suite of some sorts. Bella looked around and spied the bathroom. Dragging the sheet, wrapped around her, she walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light. What she saw almost made her faint again. Staring back at her in the mirror was none other than Edward Cullen.
***
"Stop it! That tickles," Edward murmured. Something wet with the texture of sandpaper seemed to be licking his face. Edward slowly swam towards consciousness. He couldn't remember if he had left his room last night and gone to the hotel bar or not. He must have, because it would explain the nonstop licking of his face. Whoever this chick was…she needed to stop that shit now. The licking continued and then the bitch meowed.
Edward's eyes shot open, and he found himself face to face with one very furry feline face.
How the fuck did a cat get into my suite?
Edward reached to remove the offending animal from his pillow and sat up with a start when he saw small dainty fingers decorated with rings reaching for the cat. Edward clenched his eyes tightly for a moment and then opened them, praying that he was only suffering from DT's.
Edward Cullen was not suffering from Delusional Tremors. Edward Cullen was suffering from justice delivered by a tiny immortal by the name of Alice.
Edward tentatively pulled the sheets down to see he was wearing a modest tank top and pajama pants with some psycho looking bunnies plastered all over them. What caught his attention the most about the tank top was the creamy, slightly abundant flesh that peeked out from underneath the collar line and filled the tank top out with lovely curves.
Edward reached up to rake his fingers through his hair and was shocked when his fingers kept sliding through long lengths of soft chestnut colored hair.
Oh Jesus. Please let this be a dream! He thought to himself. He kicked down the sheets and was rewarded with the sight of dainty feet, with toenails painted a shimmery delicate pink.
He wasn't in his hotel suite. This was somebody's home. He searched for the bathroom and found it. He flipped the light on and stumbled back against the wall. Staring at him from the reflection in the mirror was Bella Swan. Edward immediately sunk to the floor and crawled to the toilet. He emptied the contents of his stomach, retching deeply, tears flooding his eyes.
Edward was finally able to breathe after the last convulsions had passed. He sat against the wall and finally stared down at the body he seemed to inhabit. It was the mouse's body. Edward grabbed the towel rack and pulled himself up. He closed his eyes one more time before opening them, only to find Bella staring back at him still. He raised his hand. So did she. He raked his fingers through his hair. So did she.
Edward worked up the courage to take the final step into madness.
"My name is Edward Cullen," he spoke softly, gentle feminine tones bounced around the small tiled space, and Edward suddenly knew that he was in Hell. Edward slid back down the wall, wondering what the hell he had done to deserve this.
***
Phones were ringing everywhere. The hotel room phone wouldn't quit ringing and neither would Edward's cell phone. Bella had no idea what to do. She was in a panic. She was herself but she wasn't. Everywhere she looked she saw the reflection of Edward Cullen. His reflection haunted her in the panes of glass of photos on the wall, in the huge sliding glass door that led to the balcony…the simple drinking glass she held in her hand.
She knew she had to get to the set. She had a job to do. But she also didn't know how to go about being Edward Cullen. If only she knew how to contact him. Her heart raced and she almost felt faint again. Oh God, she was going to have to pretend to be Edward.
Edward's cell phone rang once again. Bella was finally able to locate it. She was surprised to see her own phone number flashing on the screen. Bella quickly flipped open the phone and answered the call.
"Hello…." she answered, shocked at the rich masculine tones issuing forth.
"Um..yeah…hey…"
Bella reeled hearing her own voice answer back. Suddenly she knew that Edward had been affected by whatever weird cosmic incidence had occurred as well.
"Edward?" Bella hoarsely whispered into the phone.
"Yeah. It's me. What the fuck happened?"
"I don't know. I…I just want things to go back to the way they were," Bella wailed.
"Hey…stop! I don't cry like that. That sounds so weird coming through the phone!" Edward barked.
"God! You are such a dick! You are worried about how you sound? You're the one strolling around in my body. OH MY GOD! Please tell me you haven't done anything…."
"Shut up! I'm just as freaked as you are! No I haven't done anything! Why is that so important anyway?"
"I'm begging you, Edward. Please don't. I'm….I'm …a …."
The silence between them was deafening. Suddenly Edward spoke quietly into the phone.
"Holy Shit, Bella! You're still a virgin?"
Bella groaned and reached to absentmindedly twirl a strand of hair in her fingers. Her fingers found only short strands, and she huffed out her irritation.
"Don't make it sound like a curse, Edward. I'm saving myself."
"God…I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. I promise . I won't do anything. Hell, I don't fully understand how all this shit works anyway."
Bella actually snorted a quick laugh. "That makes two of us."
"Um…Bella…you haven't…you know…" Edward gingerly approached the subject at hand.
"No. But as much as I don't like you…what I see isn't too bad. Okay. I lied. I looked. You made me faint."
Edward chuckled into the phone, and Bella found it completely strange to hear her own laughter.
"Good to know. You're not so bad yourself." The line grew silent for a few minutes. "So what do we do now?"
"I guess we get dressed, head to the shoot and try to figure this out. I'll meet you there in about an hour," Bella responded.
"Um…Bella? People will think I have been up all night doing drugs or something if I show up on time. Can you be at least an hour late?"
Bella rolled her eyes and impatiently answered Edward using his own rich honeyed voice. "NO! I want to fix this now. I hate that something has thrown us together this way, but we need to fix it as soon as possible! I can't…I can't be you."
"Okay! Okay! I'll come pick you up. We can talk about this on the way to the shoot."
"Oh yeah, because that would be so much better. The both of us showing up together, getting out of your limo? And listen genius…in case you forgot…I'm in your hotel room, I look like you, I sound like you. What kind of limo are you going to get to come pick you up? Huh? Answer that one!"
"Jesus! Don't get all hysterical on me! I don't know what I am doing either! Fine. Just call the number I am about to give you. It's the number to my agent Rosalie Hale. Tell her you need a car. She'll send one to fetch you. Just be cool Bella. Can you even try to fake your way into acting like me?"
"That shouldn't be too hard. You are a walking dick on legs."
"Thanks for that. By the way…how much do I need to feed your cats?" Edward almost sneered through the phone.
Bella almost collapsed against the wall again. She hated Edward Cullen with a passion. The worst part is she had to stare at his face everywhere she looked.
"Leave them a dish full of food. Make sure they have fresh water. Get dressed in the clothes that are still it the Bloomindales bag that is in the hallway. Emmett will suspect something if you show up wearing anything else. To be frank…there is nothing else besides tee shirts and jeans to wear anyway."
"Okay. Got it. Go through the closet. Find the jeans with the hole ripped out in one knee. Throw on one of my old tee shirts and a hoodie. You will find an old beanie on the counter in the bedroom. Throw that on over my hair. You'll at least look like you just rolled out of bed. That should appear normal for me."
Silence ensued for several minutes. Both Edward and Bella didn't want to lose the connection they had. They only had each other to rely on.
"Um…do you have any other questions?" Bella delicately broached the subject that neither one of them wanted to discuss.
"Do you wear makeup or do you usually go natural?" Edward finally asked.
"No makeup, never had a need for it. Do you do have any major grooming habits?"
"No. I just kind of shower, rake my fingers through my hair, get dressed and head out. I will warn you though. The fans are kind of scary. They can be loud, pushy and obnoxious. Don't panic. Just smile, wave and keep your eyes focused on the ground."
"Edward? Is this really happening?"
Edward sighed into the phone. "Yeah, it's real, Bella. I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry for all it's worth. I haven't really been a nice person to you. You deserve better.
Bella almost gulped when she heard Edward's apology. "Thank you. I guess I was kind of hard on you too. I'll see you at the set."
"OH SHIT!" Edward cursed loudly into the phone.
"What is it?"
"Bella….help me think of something to say when I show up on the set as you. I had you fired last night. I got so wound up by what you said about me, I caused you to lose your job!"
"YOU DID WHAT?" Bella hollered into the phone.
"I know! I'm so sorry. We have to think of something!"
"Here is what is going to happen, Edward. I'm going to call your agent. She will send a car. We will come get you and we are going to arrive at the set together. I will withstand all the glares, the stares and the teasing just to make sure no one discovers our dilemma. Together we will figure this out."
Edward agreed to Bella's advice, and they each reluctantly hung up the phone. Both realized they had to dress in each other's clothes. Now Edward was somewhat familiar with women's lingerie, but usually he was taking those items off…not putting them on. Bella, on the other hand, had never had the experience of dealing with male body parts. Both Edward and Bella rapidly dressed trying to avoid all mirrors possible.
Bella called the phone number that Edward had given her. A very annoyed voice answered on the third ring.
"What the fuck do you want, Cullen? I told you last night, I quit."
Bella was at a loss for words. "Um…Yeah…about that. I want to apologize."
The woman on the other end snorted into the phone. "You're apologizing? Geez that's rich! Are you high?"
"Listen to me, Rose. Cut the crap! I made a mistake yesterday. I don't fully remember what I said to you, but I was out of line. I don't want you to leave. I need your help. I need you. You're the only one right now. I've got no one else to turn to."
Silence. Then Edward's agent spoke up. "I know I'm going to regret this, but you actually sound sincere. What do you need?"
"Can you send a car around to pick me up to take me to the shoot?"
"It's a little early for you. Are you sure you're okay?"
"No, but I could be with your help."
"Okay, a Car will be there in twenty minutes. I'll meet you at the shoot."
"Thank you, Rose."
"Are you sure you're not high? This is a nice change…"
"Don't rub it in, Rose, I've had a rough night. I'll see you at the shoot."
***
Bella and Edward rode to the shoot location quickly discussing any details that they needed to know about one another. The more they talked the more they realized they had things in common. They found themselves to actually enjoying each other's company, regardless of their current situation. They gave each other cue words to help each other through the day. By the time they exited the limousine, both felt as if they had some sort of control on the situation.
Jasper and Alice sat back and smiled.
"I have to hand it to you, Sweetness. This is working better than I thought it would," Jasper finally admitted.
"Hey, baby, it was all your idea. I just executed it with precision!" Alice grinned back at him.
The day progressed without any major mishaps, on either Edward's or Bella's part. The gossip started to spread amongst all those on the shoot that they must have hooked up the night before. Everyone commented on how intimate they seemed with one another. Edward had treated everyone with respect, and Bella didn't let people walk all over her. She even flirted back once or twice with some of the guys on the set who seemed to notice her newfound confidence.
The shoot ended, and Emmett hugged Bella hard, thanking her for going above and beyond the call of duty. Emmett felt so good about the shoot that he boldly asked Edward's manager Rosalie to join him for dinner. Feeling good about the shoot as well, Rosalie heartily accepted his invitation. The long sleek limousine pulled up to collect Edward. Bella took Edward's (her) hand in his own and pulled her towards the limo. They both climbed inside and breathed a sigh of relief.
"How long do you think this is going to last?" Edward finally asked trying to get comfortable in the dress he had worn all day.
"I don't know," Bella answered,"but I have to say, you're not what I thought you were. You are actually kind of a nice guy."
"You are not so bad yourself, Miss Swan." Edward smiled back at Bella. For the first time in a long time, he actually thought about how nice it would be to have a woman like Bella as his friend.
Somewhere in the night Jasper and Alice watched.
"So what happens now? How do they switch places back?" Jasper asked.
"They have to share a true love's kiss. Both will gain what they need when that happens."
Jasper groaned, "I hope this works, Shorty, because we are running out of time…"
***
Bella cooked dinner for Edward in her small but modest apartment. Even though her cats didn't recognize her physically, they became very attached to her immediately.
They passed the evening in easy conversation. Both of them talked about their families, where they grew up, their love for music and books that they shared in common.
The night wore on getting later, and the sky was a dark, inky black, punctuated by the tiny sparkles of the stars glittering brightly.
Bella reluctantly stood up to leave her own apartment. "I need to go."
"No, you don't. Stay here. I should go. This is your home."
"Edward!" Bella objected, "You can't be serious! Rosalie cannot find 'me' in your hotel suite! Let's think about this rationally."
"Rational? You want me to be rational? Bella that shit flew out the door this morning when we both woke up in each other's bodies. As sexy as that sounds when I say it…it's just not the way I want it to be. I want it to be sexy. I want to be inside you in the worst possible way. But this shit is just fucked up." Edward slumped down on the couch and started to cry into a cushion.
"Are you okay? You're crying," Bella remarked somewhat stunned by Edward's outburst.
"No. Yes. I don't know. I can't control all these feelings. I mean…fuck I cry at fucking commercials. I look at kids and find myself wondering if I ever will have any. This is killing me, Bella. I'm so confused. All I know right now is that you are pretty spectacular, and for the first time in my life I am truly afraid to try anything."
Bella snorted. "That's kind of fucked up funny because all I can think about right now is how vulnerable you look, and I'm thinking I've got an easy in to getting you to kiss me."
"Shit…this is getting worse. We're both actually starting to feel what it's like to be the opposite sex. What do we do?" Edward wailed.
"Shhh….I think I have an idea. You find me attractive…right?"
"Oh this is not the time to make fun of me, Bella. I was a nasty shit when I said that to you."
"I'm not making fun of you, Edward, far from it. I have never felt closer to someone in my life. If I were being honest…I wanted you to kiss me the first time I laid eyes on you."
Edward sniffled into the pillow. "Really?"
Bella went to join Edward on the couch. "Really, would it be so horrible to kiss me right now?"
Edward breathed in a couple of calming breaths. "No…I don't think so."
Bella reached up and stroked Edward's cheek…her cheek. "Then let me kiss you."
They both met somewhere in the middle. The electricity that sparked between them was palpable. The kiss deepened. Bella became empowered and ran her tongue along Edward's lips. Edward moaned and opened, allowing her in. Their tongues twisted and slid against one another. Breathing became labored as they touched one another in intimate places. The room seemed to spin around them. It was if they were caught in some wicked vortex. They couldn't get enough of one another. Clothes were starting to be shed on the floor.
Bella finally whispered to Edward. "Be gentle with me. This is my first time."
Edward reached up and grabbed her face with his hands. "I'll go slow, I promise. Kiss me again."
The lovers came together in a most tender passionate kiss, and suddenly both passed out from the pure feeling of meeting their soul mate.
Jasper and Alice danced quietly to some unspoken music. They had succeeded. They tripped their way through the stars to their home to celebrate not only Edward and Bella's love, but their own.
***
Edward was the first to awaken.
He opened his eyes slowly and saw Bella laying next to him. She was sprawled on the floor; her lips were a rich red, full and beckoning. Her hair lay in a soft miasma, all around her delicate heart shaped face. God, she was beautiful.
Bella's lashes fluttered against her cheek and she slowly opened her eyes to find a strong, handsome face, with the prettiest green eyes she had ever seen, staring back at her.
"Hi,." she whispered. Her voice, her body…it was all her own. And yet..she knew it belonged to Edward as well.
"Bella…I…"
Bella placed a finger against his beautiful mouth to stop him from speaking. "Shhhh,. I think we have some unfinished business to take care of."
"Business? I don't do business, Miss Swan, I do pleasure."
"Guess I'll just have to find out, won't I?" Bella smiled at Edward, and he knew she was giving him the greatest gift he had ever received.
"Before I do this, Bella, I need you to know I haven't been the best person. You brought something out in me that I thought was lost."
"And you brought something out in me that I didn't know I had. Edward…I want this. I want you."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh God, Edward! 24 hours in my body and you've become emo? Knock that shit off and make love to me like I deserve to be loved."
Edward closed the distance between them and rolled Bella onto her back and pressed himself up against her. He gripped her hair in his hands.
"Are you sure, my love?"
"Love?"
"Don't ask me why…but I think I am in love with you, Bella Swan. You have no idea how long I have waited for you."
Bella smiled against his chest, breathing in his scent. "Of course you are. I love you, too."
The words suddenly stopped and bodies started sharing what words could not express. Edward slowly undressed Bella finally allowing his self to fully explore the wonders of the woman who lay beneath him. Her creamy skin was like velvet against his tongue. Her nipples responded to his touch, driving Edward further into madness. He swirled his tongue around each nipple, worshipping each one, until Bella was panting with need. He could feel the rise and fall of her hips underneath his as her body sought the friction it needed. He smiled against her belly as he made his way down to the soft hair that covered the apex above the junction of her thighs. He lightly wound his fingers through the hair, softly, tugging at it, inflaming her desire even more. Edward slowly slid the pad of his finger down through Bella's soft, wet folds. Bella bucked against his hand at the sensation.
"Shhh, love….let me do this. I want you to cum first. It will make things easier."
Bella took in a couple of shaky breaths. "Okay…but God…this is killing me…"
Edward smiled. "Killing you? Imagine what it is for me to control myself from just plunging into you and taking you with total abandon!"
Bella sat up on her elbows and eyed him suspiciously. "Seriously?"
Edward licked her wet core, and Bella flopped back down onto the bed. "Do you believe me now?"
Bella grabbed Edward's wild hair with her fingers and pulled his face back down.
"Do that again."
Edward chuckled. "Yes ma'am. I am going to lick you until you scream my name in pleasure."
Edward made good on his promise. His tongue was wickedly talented. He sucked, nibbled and licked every inch of her until Bella convulsed in pure pleasure on his face. Edward held her hips with both of his hands so he could drink from the nectar that came forth from her orgasm.
"Oh fuck! You are delicious, Bella." And to prove his point her rolled her over on top of him and pushed his tongue into her mouth so Bella could taste her own desire.
Something primal ignited in Bella that moment, and she slid down his body needing to taste him. Her hand wrapped around the beautiful erection that she had only glanced at earlier in the day. Now she felt no guilt wanting to touch it. It was like velvet wrapped around steel. Bella found Edward's cock to be beautiful. The rigid veins that stood out on it only reminded her of the fact that she made him this way. Bella gripped him harder, forcing Edward to utter a string of very sexy expletives. She began to stroke him up and down, her tongue darting out to taste the shiny liquid that would ease out from the tiny opening on the head of his dick. It was salty and thick, and Bella enjoyed every noise Edward made when she suckled him.
Edward finally stopped Bella from going further. "I need to be inside you. Are you ready?"
Bella's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and her heart raced in her chest. When she finally opened her eyes, Edward knew she was his. Something deep and primal roared inside him. He had never felt this way about anyone.
Edward rolled Bella over onto her back, and his fingers sought her wet core. He slowly slid a few fingers inside her to get her accustomed to the feel of him being inside her.
"Oh God! Edward….don't stop." Bella started to thrash beneath him.
Edward's thumb found her clit, and he applied the right amount of pressure. Bella's mouth opened into a surprised 'O' and she began to contract all around his fingers. Edward slowly finger fucked her through her orgasm.
"How was that?" he asked.
When Bella could finally speak through her breathing, she whimpered, "Did…I ….did I just have another orgasm?"
Edward chuckled slightly,"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you did. How do you feel?"
"Like I just exploded, came back together and floated to the ceiling,." Bella answered honestly.
"Yep,. I'm pretty sure that qualifies as an orgasm."
Bella surprised Edward by grabbing him and kissing him soundly. She pulled his face away so that she could only see his eyes.
"Do it, take me. I need you, Edward. Make love to me."
In that very moment Edward Cullen found himself again. He silently thanked the Gods for whatever had happened to bring the siren laying in his arms into his life.
Edward smiled at Bella. "Tell me if I hurt you, love."
"Nothing could ever hurt as much as the years I spent not knowing you were out there, just waiting for me."
Edward almost wept at the honest words that Bella wrapped around his heart. He slowly spread her thighs apart and slid his fingers through her wetness to lubricate himself. He wanted to be able to slowly slide inside her warmth, with very little discomfort to her.
"This may hurt, Bella. I'm sorry if it does."
"Okay,. I'm ready," Bella answered.
Edward grabbed his cock and slowly slid it down from her clit to her opening. He gently pushed the head of his cock inside her. Bella bit down on her bottom lip.
"Okay?" Edward asked, watching her face closely for any signs of pain.
"Okay," Bella reassured him.
Edward slowly pushed his way inside her until he felt her barrier. "Bella…this is going to hurt. I have to push harder to get through. We can stop if this is too much."
Bella's hips started to undulate of their own accord. "Oh God, Edward. Don't stop now. You feel so good."
That was all the encouragement Edward needed. Edward suddenly withdrew from her causing Bella to whimper.
"Give me a moment. I need to get something from my wallet."
Bella looked confused for a moment, but then she smiled. Edward was taking care of her.
He quickly pulled out the foil packet from his wallet. He opened it and unrolled it down onto his hard length. He positioned himself between her thighs, and he pushed forward, feeling the breaking of her hymen. Edward groaned at the tightness of her. He quit moving, giving Bella a chance to get acclimated to the feeling of him inside of her. Once again, her impatient hips started to grind out an unspoken rhythm that was as old as time itself. She shifted and moved. Edward pulled himself up onto his knees and hooked her thighs over his. She was spread open and the sight of his cock buried deep inside her tight pussy inflamed him. He put his thumb onto her clit again and began to make expert circles on it. Edward smiled as Bella fisted the sheets into tight knots.
"Look at me, Bella, I need you to see me when you cum," Edward commanded. He thrust in and out of her gently, setting a pace that she could fully ride out her next orgasm on. Edward watched the ever-changing facial expressions that crossed Bella's face as he made love to her. She would be serene one moment, then panting the next. Edward relished the fact that he would have more time to discover everything he needed to know about the beauty lying beneath him.
Bella's breathing began to pick up and Edward leaned down to suckle a nipple. His tongue swirled, sucked and laved the rosy hardened point. Bella thrashed even more. His thumb stroked her wet slit again, and Bella started to keen his name.
"Oh God…Edward!" she screamed, as she came again, this time shuddering around Edward's thick rigid length. Edward waited for her orgasm to subside, and then he began his assault. Bella grabbed onto his hips, her fingers almost guiding him in his pace. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, and Edward could feel her heels digging into his ass. That only spurred him on more.
"Give it to me, Edward. Cum for me like you made me cum, Bella whispered. That was all it took, and Edward roared with the force of his orgasm, as he shuddered against Bella.
When he could finally breathe again, he could feel her lightly tugging at his hair and humming slowly under her breath. Edward rolled over, disposed of the condom and pulled Bella up against him. Once again he marveled at how soft she was.
Bella finally broke the silence between them. "So where do we go now?"
Edward smiled and thanked the Gods for his good fortune. "As far away from New York as we can get. I'm tired the shit in this town, Bella. I need a new start. What do you say? Feel like coming with me?"
A/N: I would like to thank Breath-of-Twilight for kicking my ass into gear and making me write this one shot. She has put a lot of time and energy into this countdown and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate her love of fan fiction and trying to get more exposure to authors who truly deserve it! Thanks Kelli! XOXO!
I'm not sure if I would expand this story. If I do…this will disappear and the story will slowly unfold…naturally! Go. Read. Support the peeps who give of their time and imagination every day to keep us all entertained ! Hugs….Jules.
Oh yeah...if you want to see this expanded...punch that green button!!! LOL!