Sacrifice
A/N: After finishing Mass Effect 3, I decided to not spend my time howling in rage or despair, but creating my own ideas of how to stop the Reapers from destroying the galaxy. This is only a slight re-imagining of the canon ending, but I feel it does a good job of keeping to the somber tone and gives catharsis to Shepard and Garrus' relationship. It's not a happy ending, but it's an ending.
If you really want to experience the full ambiance of this work, I suggest reading it while listening to the Mass Effect 3 soundtrack "An End Once and For All."
She struggled to hold the gun steady, but her arm threatened to give out. She tried to hold the gun level with the Illusive Man's head, but it was pointing at his knee, and every second longer this standoff went on, the lower her aim got. Her vision swam, shock and blood loss mingling with the tingling sensation that she could only identify as indoctrination.
Anderson was dead. As much as she had wanted to pull the trigger and put that final bullet through the Illusive Man's head, she couldn't do it, and had watched as he killed Anderson. Her will was fading fast, it was hard to think clearly….
"Shepard, just give in. This is humanity's final evolution, stop trying to prevent it!" he said, pointing his gun at her. She adjusted her aim, it now level with his heart.
"Fuck off," she hissed. "You don't know what the Reapers really are, and you're stupid if you think they would actually let you control them."
"I wish you would understand, Shepard…" he said in a disappointed tone, straightening up, steely resolve in his eyes. "I'd hoped we could watch humanity evolve together, but you leave me no choice."
A shot rang out, and the Illusive Man stumbled backwards from the impact of the bullet to his shoulder. It took every last ounce of strength for Shepard to pull the trigger and lodge a bullet right in his heart. She stood there, tottering, almost falling over, confused and relieved. Where had the first shot come from…?
"Damnit," hissed the flanging voice behind her. "I can't believe I missed at 10 meters."
"Garrus!" Shepard turned slowly, relief turned into horror as she saw his sorry state.
He was using his sniper rifle as a cane, hobbling forward no faster than a turtle. Several holes the size of Shepard's fist where punched through his armor, and blue blood covered him. Even one of his leg spurs was missing.
"How did you…?" she asked, moving forward enough to catch him as he stumbled, both falling into a heap on the citadel floor.
"I said I'd follow you to hell, Shepard. I never break my promises," he wheezed. A trickle of blood flowed from the corner of his mouth.
She looked at the Illusive Man's body, slightly incredulous. "Garrus, did you actually miss…?"
"I didn't miss," he said, interrupted by a dry cough. He snarled in pain the coughing forced him to feel. After a moment he was able to straighten up. "I just shot him in a calculated misdirection."
Despite the injuries she had suffered, she let lose a little chuckle, which she immediately regretted from the pain rocketing through her. "Right, of course you did," she said in a pained voice.
"Just promise not to tell anyone, ok? Vega will never let me hear the end of it."
Pain lanced through her again. She pulled a hand away from her midsection to see it completely covered in blood. "I don't think we'll have to worry about that…" a spasm of pain from her midsection cut her off. She didn't have much time left.
"If we die, we die together," Garrus whispered, grabbing her bloody hand and holding onto it tightly. They leaned against each other, the sounds of fighting far away, only their breathing and heartbeats could be heard.
She was so, so tired. It was taking everything she had to keep her eyes open. "After this mess was over I'm was going on a yearlong shore leave, dammit," she whispered quietly.
Garrus turned his head, looking at her with glazed, blue eyes. "Care for some company? I can make a mean Turian Twister. It'll probably knock you on your ass, though…"
"Sounds like a challenge, Vakarian."
They sat there for a few minutes, staring out the window at Earth and the battle taking place in the space around it. Flickers of light revealed battles, and fires burning on the surface.
"Wish…you could have seen it…before all this…"she said slowly. "It's actually a…very beautiful planet."
"Yeah, seems like it…" Garrus gasped a couple times, his breathing becoming more labored. "Wish you could've seen Palaven…before the Reapers, it wasn't half bad."
The entire Citadel shuddered as the Crucible connected with it, making them tumble unceremoniously to the sides. Groans of pain and swears came from both parties, but Shepard was able to pull herself back up first.
"-pard! Shepard! Activate the Crucible! The Reapers are started to close in on you! Shepard! Shep-" the comm signal turned into static.
The console was only 10 feet away, but it looked like miles. She glanced at Garrus, who had been able to pull himself up into a sitting position.
"They just can't let us die in peace, can they?" he asked, coughing up blue blood onto the clean floor.
"We can't die this close. C'mon, Garrus, we can…make it…"
With pained urgency, the two of them were able to make it to their feet and start hobbling to the console. Garrus had to lean on her more than he wanted, slowing her down further, but she refused to give into his demands to be left behind.
"I'm not…gonna lose you now, Garrus," was all she would say.
Finally, after hours of walking it seemed, they reached the console. Garrus slumped to the ground, resting his back against it, fighting to breathe, air burning in his chest. His vision began to swim more violently to the point of nausea.
Shepard saw the pain in his eyes, and tried to work quickly. "We'll be outta here soon, Garrus," she said.
"Shepard…you're the best thing…that's ever happened to me," he wheezed. "I…I love you, Jane. Just…wanted to let you know…"
"I love you too, Garrus," she whispered, trying to hold herself up with one hand and manipulate the buttons with the other. Her knees threatened to give out any second, her vision watery.
Finally, the console lit up, and accepted her commands. The Crucible would blast all these fucking Reapers straight back to—
Looking down, she saw Garrus slumped lifeless to the side.
Everything seemed to stop at that moment, even her own heartbeat. She gasped and collapsed beside him, shaking him, calling his name. "Garrus, wake up!" Shepard said, eventually shaking him as violently as possible, screaming for him to open his eyes, to do something, anything! But he was…
Gone.
Garrus was gone.
Shepard didn't even have the energy to form tears, to cry and scream and swear. She was empty inside.
This war had finally taken her resolve.
There was nothing left to fight for.
"You are the first organic to make it here during the final cycle," a computerized voice said behind her. The commander turned, only to see the holographic image of the boy she had witnessed on Earth when the Reapers attacked. The same boy that had been haunting her dreams every night since then.
"Leave me alone," the broken woman whispered. "I don't care anymore what happens."
"But you must choose."
Shepard turned, her eyes blank, and glazed over half in grief and half-death. "What are you talking about? Who are you?" she asked.
"I am the Catalyst."
"I thought the Citadel was the catalyst."
"No, I am. The Crucible is a vehicle of great power, but a choice must be made on how that power is used. Organic life is chaotic, and will be eventually destroyed by its own synthetic creations. We were created to prevent this, to end the greater civilizations before this rebellion, to allow the lesser races to advance."
The hologram started to walk away, and Shepard hobbled after, leaving Garrus behind.
"Don't you think those races deserved a chance?" she asked angrily. "You've killed millions for no reason!"
"Not killed, contained. Each Reaper is the culmination of an entire race's DNA, to be preserved so that they, too, can help continue the cycle. So that they may give back the chance for others to advance."
"That's disgusting, and horrible. You're a monster!" getting so angry caused her to have a coughing fit, chocking on blood and mucus. She couldn't even feel the pain of her body anymore. Guess I don't have much longer to make you wait for me, Garrus.
"There's no time. A choice must be made."
"What choice?" she asked.
"If you go to that terminal, you can destroy the Reapers. All synthetic life will be wiped out. The mass effect relays will be destroyed as well."
Shepard could imagine Anderson wiping out a pistol and blowing that terminal to hell, with no regrets. As they continued walking, the hologram pointed to the left.
"That terminal will allow you full control of the Reapers. However, you will lose all your humanity."
"The Illusive Mas was right? They can be controlled?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes, but he was already indoctrinated. He could not be the one in control."
The hologram stopped before a glowing pillar of light, up the middle. "If you choose this path, both synthetic and organic life shall be combined, the very height of organic evolution."
"We'd become synthetic? How does that help us fight the Reapers?"
"They will not need to continue the cycle, for it will be completed, their mission obsolete. All life will live, but the mass effect relays will be destroyed."
"But there will be peace?"
The hologram nodded. "However, since you are the perfect combination of organic and synthetic, you will be killed, and your DNA will be the base for the intertwining of all organics with synthetics."
"The choice is yours," the hologram said, and flickered into thin air.
"I don't want to be a Reaper," she said aloud. "But I can't kill the Geth. I can't kill EDI…"
She looked at the middle path, her mind set.
"At least, this way, everyone will be alive…" she wanted to see Garrus one last time, but…she couldn't handle the thought that he wasn't alive. She didn't want to see him as a corpse. With a steely resolve, she began hobbling towards the light.
Don't worry, Garrus, I'll be up there soon enough. Just one last mission to finish….
The fate of the galaxy was weighing down on her, it actually seemed to be making her walk so slowly, but she couldn't turn around. This seemed to be the only hope for anyone, everyone. Her squad mates faces flashed in her mind. Liara, Tali, Joker, EDI, Vega, were they alive? Would they approve? She'd never know, and was glad that she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
She only had a few more steps to go to the edge of the light. It was pulling her in, an end to all her pain and suffering, an end to the Reapers, this whole damned nightmare once and for all…
Suddenly, she was running. Running from the Reapers, running from the death of her beloved, running from the war, from pain, from it all. The light was so close, so warm, it brought about hope.
As her feet left the edge, she was at peace. Nothing but a warm feeling came over her, and time seemed to slow as she continued to fall. There was nothing to think about, to worry about. No one needed her anymore; she didn't have to fight to survive. As the fate of the galaxy lifted from her shoulders, she closed her eyes and grinned a little, even as her body began to disintegrate. There was no pain, no feeling at all-an amazing feeling of numbness had befallen her.
Just before her mind went permanently dark, a familiar flanging sound seemed to echo around her. "I was wondering when you'd show up, Shepard," said Garrus good-naturedly. "I got the drinks, like you said. Meet you at the bar in a minute?"