A/N: This is my first Asuma/Shikamaru FF...let me know what you think, and yes it's a full story. FYI...this is a death fic...

I tried so hard to fight what I had for him, but I couldn't. I almost watched him get killed and that's when I realized, I was in love with my Sensei, Asuma Sarutobi. As I lay in the soft green grass and looked up into the sky, watching the clouds go by and all I could think about was him. How close I was to losing him. I felt my heart start to break at the thought. I shook my head no.

"I will not lose him…" I muttered.

"Lose who Shikamaru…"

"No one Sensei…" I smiled at him. I couldn't tell him that I was in love with him, he was with Kurenai Sensei, I was left alone to admire from afar.

I could sense the look he was giving me from my answer but I shrugged.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked me. I nodded and laid back down. I heard him shuffle his feet next to me and softly collapsed on his back and stared at the clouds along with me.

I couldn't help the smile that crept up on my lips. For the next few hours we stared up into the sky and watched the clouds roll by and we pointed and said what they looked like. We started laughing at some of the images we seen. I've never had so much fun in my life as I was that day. I looked at him for a second before he turned to face me.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Nothing Sensei…" I said, shifting my head.

We stayed there for another hour; I kept tossing glances at him, biting my lip. I yearned to reach out and kiss him softly, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it to Kurenai. I couldn't be selfish because I was in love with my Sensei. I sighed at the depressing thought.

"Shikamaru, are you sure you are okay?" He asked.

"No, I'm not Asuma Sensei…" I got up and looked at him, "But it doesn't matter, I will be. I have to go and see Tsunade…Ja ne…" I said as I got up. I poofed out of there and left him dazed and confused. I didn't want to face him after I said that.

My heart tugged at me to get away, it hurt really bad to think of what Asuma would say when/if he found out that I was in love with him.

"I demand another member on my team, I wish not to have someone who gay on my team. Worse of it all, having him in love with me," Asuma said talking to Tsunade.

"I can't change a team all because you don't want one who is gay."

I walked away from the door, refused to hear it, any of it.

"Shikamaru…"

His voice snapped me out of my head. I looked to see Chouji, who was eating chips, coming towards me.

"Hey Chouji," I smiled. He was my best friend, and the only person who knew that I was in love with my Sensei.

"Want to go Cloud watching before sunset?" He asked. He knew that was my favorite pass time, and today was our day off. I nodded and we walked to a secluded spot and laid down.

As I watched the clouds roll by, I told myself that it was better to watch from afar, and that is what I will do, as well as protecting him. My one and only love, Sarutobi Asuma.