AN: I would like to thank LeeMarieJack (2789168) for the encouragement to post this and What You See in the Shadows (3167307) for the inspiration and the free master class practically twice a week.
PS. No claims on the characters or the TV show obviously. Just "unleashing my imagination". Please feel free to review if this is actually of any interest to you. Thanks.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED
He's sitting on the stairs right in front of their motel room door and is observing the world around him. Nothing has changed. There are no people outside this early in the morning yet and the only person he can see is the drunk sleeping on the bench in the park across the street. It's not dark any more, but the sun has yet to come out, and the sky looks clear and pure painted in the light blue and barely noticeable orange. This small town in the middle of nowhere is probably one of the greenest towns he's ever been to, and he closes his eyes to absorb the cool, fresh morning air, the sound of the small wind playing with the leaves on the trees, the feel of clean warm clothes enveloping his body, then opens his eyes to look at the dog roaming in the parking lot of the motel (and is he happy to see a normal dog, rather than those monstrous parodies and other hideous creatures he couldn't get rid of in that place) and shifts his position a bit to look at the now rising sun in the sky with all the colors of warmth (yes, he has missed the warmth, so sue him). Nothing has changed here, not in the past year or so, even the fact that he can no longer be sure of the one constant in his life currently resting only a few feet away from him: his own brother.
He hates Stanford. Ever since his brother decided to go to Stanford he has been different, unpredictable. There was time when he took pride in knowing exactly what his little brother would say or do next. He was that predictable, that easy to read, and it frustrated the boy to no end. Apparently he got so frustrated that one day he just made the decision to surprise his all-knowing, always-annoying big brother and left for Stanford. Ever since he's been trying to figure out his brother, read him like he used to, but he's not the same. At least two things never change about him: he has always loved to eat healthy and has always been good at leaving his family the first chance he got.
Wow, he's moody today, but can anyone really blame him? It's not every day that you find out your only family that's left - the one you went through so much, even died for and with - doesn't want you in his life. Ok, so maybe he's known it for a while (try several years), but it still hurts the same, especially when the circumstances of the abandonment and betrayal get worse with each time. He doesn't even want to think if he can survive the next time this happens. Frankly speaking, he can't actually imagine what Sam will ever come up with that will be able to beat this one. It's just that... one might think that if your brother - your soulmate as it turned out on an occasion he would rather forget - disappears, simply vanishes right in front of your eyes without warning, you would at least want to know what happened, even if you have no intention of finding him and bringing him back no matter where he is. And then yesterday, after they killed that clawed stripper bitch Randa, when he was trying, really trying very hard, to find it in himself to forget and get over that terrible sting of betrayal he felt in his heart, Sam goes and announces right in his face that he's done with his road life with Dean and wants normal.
Yeah, nothing has changed. Is it wrong that he's starting to get used to everyone wanting to stay as far from him as possible? Crowley might be a son of a bitch, but he had a point: nobody wants to stick by Dean Winchester's side because it's a one-way ticket to the afterlife. And man, he has so much evidence to back up this statement. What good is he to people if he causes so many deaths, so much destruction?
Dean feels bile rising in his throat at the realization of where his dark thoughts are taking him. He can't do that though. Because he clearly remembers that one time when he couldn't care less about his own life and his suicidal deal with the demon led to the apocalypse. No, he can't kill himself because even though it doesn't always work, even though he has too long of a list to prove his failures, his existence seems to cause less destruction and problems than when he's dead. Besides, he would most probably just end up back in his body, whole and alive... and when exactly did his resurrection stop to surprise him? Huh, go figure.
Dean silently enters the room again and looks at his brother's sleeping form. He rarely sleeps these days (also courtesy of his time in Purgatory, he had to hone his hunting skills to perfection there to survive) and often finds himself watching Sam sleep. So peaceful, so innocent. He misses Sammy. It's been a while since he's called his brother Sammy, can't bring himself to 'cause this man, the one who is now never at ease around him and stops looking at him like a stranger only when he's sleeping, the one for whom he is still ready to go for another trip to Hell even after all that's happened, is an independent and strong man who doesn't want his big brother any more. It's just that, as far as he's in danger during their quest to close the gates of Hell for good, he'll need Dean to watch his back. So that's exactly what he'll do. Watch out for Sam. After all, nothing has changed. He just needs to remember his place again, that he was never important, it was never about him. All that matters is everything else.