At it Again
By Robin Wright
Author's Note: I really gotta stop staying up late. Here's another weird fic. It is again the product of writers' block.
...Then Link took Zelda in his large, muscled arms, and kissed her with all of the passion that Hyrule held.
"My lady, you are the most beautiful creature in the Goddesses' creation. Come to bed with me."
"Oh Link, you are so handsome! I will do all that you request and more. I have felt so..so, like chopped liver."
Aw dang it! This sucks. There's no way I can turn this smut into a good, worthwhile story. Writers' block, writers' block has got a hold on me!!!
"AUGGHH!!! WHAT IS THAT INFERNAL RACKET?!?!?!"
Oh no, not again. Delete key, must find delete key....
"Were you trying to sing to yourself again?"
What's it to you?
"For your information, you are not alone. There's an entire boatload of us down here that have to listen to that caterwauling every time you feel the urge. For the sake of my sanity, PLEASE SHUT-UP!!!!"
Oh, well in that case...
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...
"AUGHH!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!"
Merrily, merrily, merrily...
"What can I do to make you stop? Rupees? I've got plenty of those! Candy? I can get you lots of candy! Or, or Brad Pitt, yeah, I bet if I set you up on a date with him, you'll stop, right?"
Life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat...
"STOP, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF BOB, PLEASE STOP!!!! HELL, I'LL GIVE YOU THE FRICKIN' TRIFORCE IF YOU'LL STOP!!!!"
The Triforce?
"Um..."
Did you just say that you'd give me the Triforce?!
"Well, no, you see, what I meant was...."
No, I heard you loud and clear. You said you'd give me the Triforce if I'd stop singing. I've stopped, now where's my offering?!
"Oh please! Have mercy! I don't have the Triforce! I just wanted you to stop singing!"
But why? My mother says I have a lovely voice! Of course, she also says that my writing is good, which is like, "Oh look honey, neanderthal can write 'duh'! Isn't that wonderful?!" Hey, Link, where'd ya go?
*Link is trying to creep off of the blank screen.*
Stop right there, Mister! I see you!
"Aw, damn it."
Hey, watch your language, you potty mouth.
"Potty mouth? What are we, in second grade?"
Oh shut-up.
"No, you shut up."
You.
"You."
You.
"You."
I can't believe I'm arguing with someone that doesn't even exist.
"I do too exist."
No you don't.
"Yes I do."
No you don't!
"Yes I do!"
Do not!
"Do too!"
Not!
"Too!!"
Shut-up!!
"AUGH!!!" *Blows raspberries.*
OH, THAT'S IT!!!!
*Hits the delete key, but it is still stuck from the last time.*
AUGH!!! THIS IS JUNK, JUNK, JUNK!!!! *Turns on printer and prints out the work just so that she can burn it.* Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! See how you like that!!!
"See how I like what?"
Okay, I think I'm about to go screaming off the deep end again. I should go now, since a certain elf insists on plaguing me and causing me so much trouble. I will write more bunk and low-quality smut later. For now, I am just going to go back to calling myself a talentless hack as I read Tolkien.
"Hey, you forgot me again!"
Must we go through with this once more?
"I ain't goin away."
Hey, Link, what's that?!
"Wha..?!"
"Hey, Linky baby! Miss me? Give us a kiss!"
"RUTO?!! OH, ROBIN, I SWEAR, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU-"
"Link! I love you!" *Ruto begins to give chase.*
"AUGH!!!!!!"
Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, looks like that's taken care of. Good night to all, and sleep well, cause somebody's got to. Now if only I were in that number...