Here I am standing in front of the mirror. Stupid. Pathetic. Worthless. All I want is one wish to be the neon color that glows on the black wall. I want to stand out and be noticed. Everyone knows that a wish has to end sometime.

I walk with a slow stride to my closet. I pull out a torn, plain, blue t- shirt. Quickly I pull my pajama top off and then throw on the blue one. Then I turn to walk over to my dresser to search for a pair of jeans. On my way over I trip and fall on a piece of glass. It cuts right into my hand, sticking straight up. Blood is gushing out of the sides of the slit. I try not to scream or cry in case my dad hears me. Sucking in the pain I breathe in and breathe out. Just touching the glass hurts me. I don't know what to do so I grab a paper weight, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and slam it down on my other hand. It throbs with pain, but it takes some of the pain out of my hand with the glass in it. I start crying and sooner or later I scream. I scream and sob waiting for someone to lift me out of this body and take me someplace where pain is not a word, and where happiness is all that is around.

I figure if I don't hear someone yelling at me to shut up, then my dad wasn't here after all. I cry on the outside but on the inside I scream with joy. Telling myself over and over again I will get it out, I will get it out I reach for the glass piece, grip my hand around it, and pull. As I pull it out I can feel it slicing me deeper and deeper, and then I feel a cool breeze stinging the cut. I quickly drop the glass and cover my hand with the only thing I could find. My blanket. Of course, I don't have much of a blanket anyways, but I rip the easy threaded blanket and wrap it around my hand. I lean against my bed, and become still. I can feel my heart beating against my chest as if it wants to break free. I notice that my scream had stopped and my cry had gone away. I take in a deep breath. After a few minutes the pain of the other hand kicks in. All muscles and parts in my body tighten, but I don't cry. I tighten them all harder and harder until I have tried so hard that my hand becomes numb.

It's all over I tell myself again and again. I lay against my bed in the dark room that I call mine. The stillness is like my music. I listen to it play over and over again in my head. Whenever I get a chance to go someplace silent it seems like I never come back. It's the only friend I have.

Finally, I get up and put on a pair of jeans that have a hole in the knee. Before I walk out of the room I look down at where I fell and saw that it was my old picture frame that I had smashed when I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom. I look at it and turn my head away in shame. Still I have never told her and I have let my dad go off on his own. She will find out and then he will be gone soon enough.

I grab my backpack and head out the door. When I step out of my room I always close the door behind me as if my personal belongings will be stolen while I am gone.

The cool air rushes on my skin and it is freezing. I don't have a coat. What makes matters even worse, I have to walk to school. I start hiking the 2 mile trip up the foggy road and I resituate my book bag on my shoulders so it doesn't fall off. Cars ride by me every morning and they stare at me as if I am another creature from another planet.

I arrive at the old school. I stop take a deep breath and walk in. I wonder what's in store for me today.

Chapter 2

I feel as if I am in the cave of despair as I enter the musty smelling school. Everyone stares at me as I walk in and my feet ache from my too-small shoes. I tromp over to my locker dreading my first class. Wishing I could be somewhere else right now. Wondering if I can have more than just scraps from our neighbors tonight. Hoping that maybe for once I could have clothes that can fit.

I open my rusted locker, and take out my crimpled and wrinkled books. I put them under my armpit as if I am protecting a football ready to make a run for the touchdown. Usually, I end up having my books and papers scattered all over the floor, ready for people to step on them.

One thing I have learned from my life at this school is that there is no such thing as happiness. Whenever something is going fine someone always finds a way to knock the sun out of the sky on a sunny day.

I walk down the hallway and open the door to math class. I take my seat next to Courtney. Of course, the only seat that is open is the one next to the meanest girl in school.

Carefully I set my things down on the desk in a swift motion. Disturbing her is the worst thing to do.

As I'm sitting there listening to the teacher I cannot concentrate. I quickly look back and forth at the clock wondering when class is going to be over. Staring down at my books I spot my journal with all of my secrets and personal belongings buried deep inside. I push the sides of my journal that are sticking out under my binder, as if someone will look at it and know all of my secrets.

I get out my drawing pad, flip to a page, and start drawing. The creases in the paper makes it hard to get my pencil to draw a straight line. Five minutes into the lecture I had already drawn a sketch of a shadowed heart. It seems I never can pay attention or even listen to the teacher say a word. Whenever the teacher call on me I just sit silently and hang my head down like a little puppy dog begging for food but doesn't get any.

The bell rings and I shift my weight onto my other hip and climb out of my desk. I reach my hands in a cupped position, ready to pick up my books, when Courtney picks them up in front of me.

"These yours?" she asks in her snotty, innocent voice.

I turn my body and hang my head as if I am ashamed of doing something wrong. Courtney looks at the side of my face and looks as she already knew what my reaction would be. I wait for her to say something. Anything to make this moment go by.

"Well," she asked waiting for a reply, "I hope they're not!"

I quickly turn my head back at her and I got a glance of what she was doing. She had thrown all my belongings onto the floor. My books slid on the floor making the scratchy noise like a piece of paper being rubber onto grains of sand. The pencils and pens I had had before are scattered all over the floor and in some places I cannot reach. Most of all I spotted my journal on the ground flipped open to a page. The most important page of my life was lying in front of the meanest girl in school! Jason. My love for him was too good to be true and of course who would love me back?

Who am I to them? Sometimes I wonder if they even know who I am. What would be their reaction if I got into a bad situation or a serious injury?

She walked away without a word and left me struggling to collect my belongings. I shook my head quickly to get out of my trance. While kneeling down I could hear everyone getting ready for lunch. Lockers slamming, people talking, and teachers yelling at students to be ready for their next class. Every second I hoped that no one would enter the room because I wouldn't know what to tell them.

Finally, after getting everything together, I trudged down to the cafeteria. A couple steps and I was caught by a teacher.

"Hello Katie, what are you doing?" Mrs. Mickfellen asks curiously.

"I-I I'm sorry." I studdered. I had nothing else to say so I just walked away before she could say anything else.

She followed me down the hall almost jogging to catch up with me. Once she was by my side she took a deep breath, and spoke with a very sad, misty voice.

"Katie I know what you're going through." She said carefully and slow. She looked at me now and waited for an answer like everybody else does.

I stopped and she did too. I looked into her dark brown eyes with tears building up in my eyes and a confused expression on my face.

"I want to help you." Mrs. Mickfellen pleaded.

"No," I said in an angry but not to angry tone.

Now she stopped completely and dead cold. Her body was still and her face seemed to me like it was the color of a newly washed sheet. I could tell this was her dream, to help me. After all of these years at school she was the only teacher that ever payed any attention to me. She was the only teacher who gave me a chance.

I turn my face away and more tears start to replace the old ones on my face. My cheeks feel stiff because of all the moisture that has dried.

"But why," she asks and she reaches her hands out to stop me from leaving. "You want to suffer your whole life feeling like this? You want to feel like you are always going to be hated and never wanted?" Her eyes quickly ran back and forth between mine.

Her words hurt me. I squinted my eyes to block the tears from coming out. I stared at her. I knew she was right.

"Ok." I finally said.

Mrs. Mickfellen smiled and it seemed her heart and soul had been lifted to the happiest place on Earth. Her hands had even gotten the feeling back into them.

"Good," she said and her eyes had gotten a sparkle, "Come after school tomorrow and we will talk."

I walk away and didn't say anything back. What would my mom say? I wondered what would happen if I told her. I wondered what would happen tonight, and I wondered what would happen a year from now.

"You can't can you?" she asked nervously, but she wasn't surprised to hear I couldn't. After all, she knew my life better than me.

Chapter 3

I walked into the cafeteria to get my food. I grabbed one of the sticky trays, and moved down the line. Whenever I'm near people it seems like the always stare at me or move away, so that's why I glance out of the corner of my eyes to see what they're doing. I glanced out of my left eye and saw that Cody was three steps away from me. Then, I glanced out of my right eye only to find the same thing with Ashley.

I stared straight ahead and got two turkey sandwiches, a bag of chips, an apple, and chocolate milk. Everyone usually stares at me, when I come out of the lunch line, to see what I have on my plate. They always refer to me as a pig for how much I take on my plate.

I get up to the cashier and he doesn't pay any attention to me. I just hold out my tray and he sees how much I have on it. He flipped to a page in his student book that has a list of all the students who buy lunch, and looked at my name with a sigh.

"Katie you know you haven't payed in three weeks!" He said disappointed.

"I'm sorry," I replied as I hung my head just enough to see his shoes.

"You're going to have to pay soon. Just keep that in mind." The cashier said as he looked at me with raised eyebrows.

I nodded and walked back towards the hallway. On my way I heard Courtney's table talking about me.

"She's just a fat slob that sits on the couch all day. She has no real future." Courtney said loudly so I could hear.

"Well, nobody likes her. I'm surprised she even got into this school. She barely pays for lunch." One of the guys said.

I could feel my tears coming back but I fought them in. I noticed that I was too concentrated on listening to them that I wasn't watching where I was going. I walked forward and ran into a chair that someone had probably put there purposely. Everyone looked at me and I could feel the eyes thrusting into my head. I looked towards the ground and my face started burning. Not only was I drawing attention to myself every day, I just had to run into a chair and draw even more.

Everyone in the lunchroom was laughing and whispering. I could feel me gritting my teeth. My jaw tightened and my hands rolled up into fists. I was done with this. I was done with being made fun of. My anger was bursting out of me and I could feel my head start to pound.

I threw my tray on the ground with all my force. This time the laughing dyed down and it was silent except for my yelling. I kicked the chair out of my way and headed down the hall.

I can't believe what I had just done. Now, people would make fun of me more. They would never forget about that day, and it would always come back to haunt me.

I stomped my way down the hall walking fast and I didn't care if someone heard me. Tears were streaming down my face and tried to stop them, but they just kept coming. Finally, I let them go. I had held them in forever and today was the day I didn't care.

I reached my locker and I grabbed my books. I was going home. Courtney was right, I couldn't afford lunch so how would I be able to afford this school with the job that I'm working at? A soup kitchen. I might as well quit right now and never come back.

I was just heading down the hall when Mrs. Mickfellen came. She ran and came in front of me making me stop. I kept my head straight towards her with tears running down my face. This was the first time in my life I hadn't turned my head away.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She asked me trying to use a low voice to comfort me.

"I'm going home!" I said loudly. I was slowly losing my breath as it came in and out.

"You can't. You're just going to have to go home to your parents." Mrs. Mickfellen explained quickly.

The crying stopped and I didn't know how to answer to her response.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I questioned.

"Stay with me." She said.

I stared straight into her eyes and my eyebrows raised surprisingly. I felt a warm feeling inside, but it quickly went away when I thought about what my parent's would do if they found me and heard what I did. My face expression turned back to my normal useless self and I felt dizzy.

"I can't." I said with a sigh.

"Well why not?"

"If my parents found out they would beat me to death, and."

"Katie, Katie," Mrs. Mickfellen said cutting me off in the middle of my sentence. "Your parents won't have to know."

I was surprised that she would even say this. She knows that they would find out. I mean even if they were drunk every night they would still look for their punching bag somewhere in time.

"They would find out." I said briefly.

"Yes they would," she said admitting the truth, "but they wouldn't be able to come anywhere near you."

I thought about this. It almost seemed like a possibility. I studied the features of her, and it suddenly came to me that she was a young, pretty woman. She had light brown hair, dark eyes, and she always wore a little bit of makeup every now and then. From the looks of it she didn't even need makeup.

"Come on," she said, "Just try it. I have a little girl but she isn't much trouble. In fact you could get a little company from her." She smiled and I couldn't help but grin a little bit.

"Okay." I replied.

Her bright teeth curled up into a beautiful smile and her eyes sparkled once again.

Chapter4

I walked passed her and continued with my walk to outside. I think she noticed where I was going because she followed me with her car keys and her briefcase filled with her books and schoolwork. I could tell that she packed quickly, trying to catch up with me, because papers were wrinkled spilling out of the top of her bag. I glanced back every now and then and saw her reaching into her back to shove the papers down so they wouldn't slip out.

We made it to the parking lot and I stopped. I waited for Mrs. Mickfellen to take the lead and show me where her car was, which is exactly what she did. She led me to a black, shiny, Porsche Cayenne GTS. It almost looked brand new and my jaw opened a little bit when I saw it.

"You can sit in the front." She said pointing to the seat.

I climbed in and sat down on the seat. It smelled like lavender air freshener and it tingled my noise when I breathed in deeply. She got in front and put the key in the ignition. It rumbled but once we were on the road it was smooth against the gravel. I stared out the window and watched all the beautiful homes pass by. For once in my life I felt hope. I didn't worry about my mom or dad, or what they would do. I knew that I was safe and that this one step may change my life.

We arrived at her house and it was nothing like I had ever seen before. It was a whitewashed house with perfect, clear windows on the outside. The door was three windows wide with a gold knocker on the outside.

"Come on. I'll show you around."

I looked at her and followed her into the house. The kitchen had counters and cabinets everywhere you looked. The refrigerator was not a normal size. The bathroom was spotless, and it took me a little bit to turn on the sink. She showed me my bedroom and it was amazing. A king sized bed. The room was mostly beige and brown, but I loved it. The dresser was easy to open and the covers felt smooth, and soft against my skin.

"Thank you." Was all I could get out.

She smiled, and she knew that this meant everything to me.

"I'll be downstairs making dinner, you can take a bath and get yourself washed up.

I obeyed her immediately and took my clothes off to feel the warm, clean water against my bare skin. I sat in there and washed up. The smell of the soap in my hair was something I had never experienced before. This was already starting to get better. I remembered my mom and dad and how my life was. I didn't miss it at all and it felt like I had been away for years. I erased the memory and put on fresh new clothes from the dresser. As I was walking out the door I heard voices downstairs and noticed they were talking about me. I backed up against my door and listened carefully.

"Honey you can't just take in strangers and tell them they can live with us." Her husband said calmly.

"She's not a stranger and she doesn't have any other place to go." Mrs. Mickfellen said.

I didn't want to listen anymore and I knew this was too good to be true. I would probably have to go back to my normal soon. I backed up into my room when suddenly something ran through the door and caused me to hit my head on the dresser as I backed up. I turned around to notice a little girl bouncing on my bed laughing.

"Hello." I said.

"Hi. I'm Miranda." She said as she bounced down on the bed to a sitting position.

"I'm Katie." I said as I went towards her to sit on the bed.

"Mommy said that we were going to take you in. You are my sister." She said

I was surprised but laughed anyway because of her voice. She saw me laughing and she giggled beside me.

"Dinnertime!" Mrs. Mickfellen called from downstairs.

"Oh Boy!" Miranda said as she jumped off of the bed and ran down the stairs.

I sniffed in the fresh smell that came from where the food was. I have never smelled anything like that before and I tried to calm myself down. I hadn't eaten lunch so I was starving. I reminded myself to only talk when spoken to, and eat only a little portion.

As I told myself the rules over and over I made it down the stairs and to the kitchen. I saw mashed potatoes, chicken, and homemade dinner rolls all steaming on the big table in front of me. I could feel the saliva in my mouth and I quickly swallowed it and told myself the rules again.

"Well you look all clean and freshened up," Mrs. Mickfellen said smiling, "This is my daughter Miranda and this is my husband Rob." She said pointing to each of them.

"Nice to meet you." I said politely.

We all sat down and ate our fair share. I savored the food in my mouth for as long as I could without swallowing it. I looked down to notice the two dinner rolls gone off my plate and only the chicken and mashed potatoes left.

'Am I eating to fast?' I asked myself.

I started to eat slowly so that it didn't look like I was pigging out, but they didn't seem to mind. That night I noticed how they didn't have a whole lot of manners just a normal, happy family.

After dinner I took care of my own plate and dishes and thanked them for the food. I climbed the stairs and went up to me bedroom and sat on the bed searching through the books on the bookshelf.

Miranda came in with her doll and sat beside me.

"Why hello Miranda." I said smiling.

"Hi." Miranda said holding her doll as close to her as possible.

"What's the matter?" I asked looking at her. She didn't look sad she just looked like she needed to tell me something.

"I want to show you my room."

"Okay." I said as I followed her to her room.

Inside there was a big, queen sized, pink bed with a curtain to go around it when she is sleeping. She had pictures of princesses on her walls and she had a fake Barbie phone and computer.

"Wow." I said in my sarcastic tone.

She giggled, ran over on her bed, and signaled for me to come sit down by her.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked looking at the Barbie computer screen.

"My friend." Miranda answered pressing random buttons.

I smiled again and I knew this is the place I wanted to be.

Chapter 5:

The next morning I woke up and moved my feet around under the covers. I loved the way it felt. I stretched and yawned one last time before I looked at the clock. It was 10:00. I got dressed into a white tank top and a beige jacket to go over it. I also had tan shorts to go with the outfit.

It was the same day as yesterday but it didn't bother me. I liked spending time with Miranda. It was like she was my real little sister. We went to the park, and ate ice cream with the family.

The next days were kind of a blur. I kept thinking about when I had to go home and back to my normal life, but the day never came. Days turned into weeks.

The third week that I had been there the news finally came. Mrs. Mickfellen approached me and demanded that we have a talk about what we should do.

"I already consider you part of the family," She explained, "I was wondering if you wanted to stay."

My heart jumped. I have never been so happy in my life. I thought about Miranda and leaving my old life behind. No more pain and suffering.

"I would love to." I replied smiling wide.

I got up and gave her a hug.

"Thank you for everything." I whispered in her shoulder.