One Crack at a Time
Disclaimer: You know the drill, I only loan and make crap out of them Bleach characters. Tite pwns all, as usual.
Summary: Just when Byakuya is doing fine in maintaining that he doesn't have a heart, reality proves otherwise. ByaRen. One shot.
As a young boy, Kuchiki Byakuya had once asked his father.
"Father, is it true what they say about me? That I'm a genius?"
His father gazed at him intently for what seemed like only a split second. In the next blink, Byakuya saw in his face an unmistakable look of derision. He didn't expect to see it there, but it was nonetheless there, seeming so real and solid that it left him no choice but to believe his eyes.
"Son, if you need to ask, you're probably wrong."
That was the last time Byakuya posed the question to anyone. On the same day, he decided to give the issue no further thought, because he knew that time would tell what genius really is.
Whatever genius begets, however, Byakuya had no difficulty in fulfilling. He graduated from the Shinigami Academy with top honors in the astounding sum of one year, thus rightfully earning for himself the titles "genius", "child prodigy", "phenomenon" et cetera. In what seemed like a very short span of time, he advanced to the ranks of captaincy in the Gotei 13. Every goal too long pursued by the less outstanding, he managed to claim in just one flick. Luck just seemed seriously committed to him and therefore no man, woman, or soul stood in his way to glory, not one speck of dust in his journey to greatness. That's what genius was all about.
Having been assigned as the undisputable leader of his squad, he opted to recruit only those with qualifications that came close to his. That was when he tumbled upon one Abarai Renji. Abarai Renji had good records as far as the papers were concerned. He had specializations in sword fights and, on further consideration, war tactics that Byakuya considered essential to the demands of a seated officer. Also, he was a young soul, and thus fitted the very picture of a docile subordinate. He was perfect, in other words.
No sooner than the moment that Renji stood in Byakuya's office that the latter regretted it. Almost simultaneously, he realized what he was in for: an awful lot of headaches. Contrary to Byakuya's wishes, Renji turned out to be an uncouth, immature, carefree reprobate who frequented the dodgiest districts of Rokongai for one purpose: To search for an idle brawl with anyone stupid enough to pick up a fight with him. Most of the time, Renji got to choose those who didn't stand a single chance to land a faint blow on him. He apparently enjoyed this, which all the more grated on Byakuya. "What a lowlife." He used to tell himself.
But as any principled person is, Byakuya made no attempt to toss Renji out of his division. In fact, because he thought there was no crooked line he couldn't straighten, he decided—against many, many odds—to instate Renji as his lieutenant. To many others, it seemed like a tall order and just likely to fall into the criterion of utter failure. But Byakuya wasn't one for giving up: To finish what he started was his motto. The responsibilities, Byakuya thought, that Renji had to bear on his shoulders from then on should serve as his crutches on this thorny path to correction. And so his labors began, rather indirectly, in shaping Renji's character and future. The results, it has to be said, were not exactly fruitless.
In due time, Renji blossomed into a responsible, rule-governed, team-loving shinigami. He gradually accepted Byakuya's terms and learned to subdue his passions in order to direct his focus toward the accomplishments of his tasks. Byakuya even heaped up some paper works on him once in a while just to keep him occupied or otherwise orient him toward more sensible things, as he termed it. Then, slowly, Renji gained the status of a model figure in the Gotei 13. He earned a little less than, if not as much, respect Byakuya did from their comrades. And as far as either of them could tell, all was well with the world. That is, until,
"What exactly does it feel like to have a friggin' icebox for a brother?" Renji said to Rukia in a slightly hushed tone. They were walking along the Kuchiki mansion corridors where the walls were all plastered in white and the germ-free floors were waxed with meticulous care and pretty much every molecule in the air was as pure as the Fifth Division Lieutenant. Amid the spotless space, Rukia rounded fiercely on Renji.
"What do you mean by that, Renji? Do you realize how much he's done for me? He is the most kind-hearted, noble person there i---"
"If you have any firm hold on reality, you'd realize that he's a stiff-ass, self-involved nerd in a black bathrobe. He has as much going for him in the way of emotions as that stupid doormat over there. I mean, I was telling him a joke the other day and all I ever got was, 'hand over file number 45 over there, top drawer, left.' And he was toneless too! What the fuck, Rukia, just what the fuck."
"What do you have against my brother anyway?" It was a civil question, but Rukia's voice was pitchy and connoted as much irritation as anyone who's having an excess in blood pressure.
"Nothing. I'm just making sure that I'm not imagining things. But it turned out that you are."
"That's what you are; always seeing the worst in people. If you get to be with him often enough, you'd learn how amazingly good-hearted he is."
"Hate to break it to you but I'm always being honest. And nope, the heart you're talking about is probably made out of some tires or some other car part, otherwise he'd be saving sympathy for his kind. Finally, I have no plans of spending more time with him than I already have to. Come to think of it, I've been spending far too much time with him all along. I wonder if I'd already lost a good part of my humor."
"That would be good news. You have a terrible one anyway."
"Shut up, Rukia."
"Why don't YOU shut up? I think I should remind you that we're in his manor, unless you have a death wish or something."
"I don't see him anywhere. Why bother with being discreet?"
"Because you're seeing him from the wrong end of the telescope, that's what. My brother is a generous, kind person who is good at everything he does."
"The only thing I think he's good for is the funeral parlor. And if the word 'morose' wasn't coined for him, I'd slit my throat."
"Why don't you?" Rukia hissed as they reached the end of the long hall.
What neither of them ever cared to realize was that Byakuya was sitting peacefully inside one of the rooms that connected to the corridor, getting the full detail of their conversation. He was able to hear even the pair's fading footsteps, the thud of the door behind them, and for a tiny split second, Renji's wicked guffaws. He took many deep breaths and frowned and thought a good deal hence.
Byakuya was a man of honor not only by self appointment but as a general opinion. Personal attacks on him could not be viewed as anything that would downgrade his reputation and godliness. Furthermore, he didn't own anything one could remotely call a heart. It was not an opinion, not a hunch, not even anyone's lame idea of a joke. It was a fact. He didn't need anyone to ask or confirm it: he knew he was right, no more, no less. So when somebody hurled insults at him and called him such names, it would hardly be retained in his memories.
And yet, things turned exactly just the opposite. The subsequent days found him pensive, quieter—if it was possible—and twitchy to a degree. Something in him was screaming for a change, particularly for a personality overhaul. He couldn't just sit around there waiting for everybody to call him a detached, heartless jerk of the high and mighty kind. If he wanted to be human, he had to reach out, communicate, feel. For all this, for all the distress it secretly caused him, he couldn't bring himself to take it on Abarai Renji. Somewhere there in his hidden soul, he knew his lieutenant was right.
"You're late, Abarai. I was expecting you fifteen minutes ago." he snapped at Renji one sunny afternoon.
"Apologies, Taicho. I was in line for a haircut this morning but the queue was so long it had to take up that much time. In the end I didn't get it either."
"Hmm."
"What about you, Taicho? Your hair's always neat and looks ironed. Where do you usually get your haircut?"
"I cut it using my Bankai."
"Oh… I see. Sugoi."
"It was a joke."
"Oh, alright… WHAT?! Taicho cracked a joke?! WAAHHH!"
If at all the tension between captain and vice-captain eased off afterward, it would have to be attributed to this moment. At first, Renji was looking desperately for the snag. It just had to be there somewhere; Byakuya couldn't have changed without anything motivating it. But as days ran longer and Byakuya showed no definite signs of raising his conditions for suddenly behaving nicer, Renji began to accept the new status quo with gratitude and confidence. He then began to treat Byakuya with a little more warmth, along with the respect he always had for him. Byakuya, for his part, made sure that he established any form of relationship with his vice-captain, which he believed he did for the benefit of the entire squad. The old sentiment he had for Renji, the cold and insensitive words with which he always addressed him, had been replaced by a friendlier and sustained tone.
"How are you and my brother?" Rukia asked Renji as they trod on the same floors they did months before.
"If you'd use your imagination a little you might actually realize that we're still teammates."
"And?"
"Ergo, we're doing fine."
"Wow. Judging from your tone there seems to be improvement, or are my ears failing me?"
"Yeah, I guess you can say that. Things have to start somewhere, you know."
"So you do admit that you were wrong? That my brother IS a good person."
"Mmmh… I wouldn't go as far as saying that he's gone completely nice and all. Maybe he's still in a sort f transition. He still doesn't sit and drink with us when he can, or chat with us on personal stuff. There's still a sort of shell around him. I can say this much, though: he's gone less untouchable."
"Well, he's your captain. He's not supposed to stoop down to your level and assume the same vices as yours. He's a lord, remember?"
"I don't need to remember that, but in any case, well, yeah. It actually does the team good, if you want to look at it that way."
"Is that appreciation I'm hearing in your voice, Renji? Believe it or not, it's great to hear."
"Oh yeah… So, when do you think is our next trip to the real world? I can't wait to see and hang out with Ichigo." Renji said. His voice was doubtlessly tinged with excitement as it grew fainter in the distance.
Just a few meters away, behind thin walls, Byakuya Kuchiki sat inside the same room he sat in when he heard those two talking about him months ago. He was in the boring process of taking care of the leftover paper works from yesterday and was itching to get himself a nice cup of tea when he heard their footsteps. The sound made him pause. He didn't expect those two lounging about his manor at this hour, much less catch any of their private talks about him again. But he strained his ears just the same, utterly forsaking tea time. He couldn't stop himself, not when it was straight from Renji's lips that he'd hear stuff about himself.
Yet, it was Renji's very words that rattled on him. More to the point, it was Renji's tone that disturbed him, ultimately breaking his moment of concentration. He knew now, without trying, what this whole relationship was about as he clenched his fist with frightening force. It simply did not exist. Renji would never look at him the way he would look at Ichigo, Rukia, or any such friend he had. Renji quite simply saw him as nothing more than a teammate he had to put up with, a higher-up whose orders had to be obeyed if he wanted his life to make sense. While he could appear as pleasant as he pleased, it was far from meaning that he cared a whit about Byakuya. His tone as he spoke to Rukia just now told it all. And as much as Byakuya struggled to conceal these conclusions from himself, they wended their way into his world just as fast. And their passage hurt him, so much so that there seemed to be no foreseeable end to the pain.
Alone and strewn with denial issues, Byakuya sank back to his chair. The question he had long since dismissed as resolved came flooding back to him, begging for reassessment: Did Kuchiki Byakuya have a heart? Yes, he did. He was wrong to presume that he didn't. It had been there all along, sleeping, waiting to be stirred and hoping to be owned. He did have a heart, because it broke. It crashed and shattered to pieces the moment it realized that Renji would never claim it.
END
Note: Sorry. I knew I just had to stop before I blew things out of proportion. I might've gone on until they end up in bed together, who the hell knows. Some of you might've expected those kinds of things (granted you did read) but, well, I always prefer it when Byakuya hankers after Renji. Just to compensate. It's the best I can do to furnish the usual story about Renji running after Byakuya. Sorry for that.
On another note, that exchange between Byakuya and Renji is taken entirely from one of the Shinigami Golden Cup clips. I can't stand this whole affair of being original that's why I plagiarize from great people. No surprises there.