This is a work of fanfiction based on the TV show, CSI. The main characters are Gil Grissom and David Hodges. This is a Gil/David story with trace amounts of GSR. I have been looking forward to writing Gil/David; they have some really great chemistry on the show. I don't own the characters and universe for these shows, nor do I make money off of them. I only things I own are my imagination and the wacky and wonderful world therein.
Memory in Moments
When he looks back on it, Gil realizes he can only remember the moments. In some ways it's strange; he's always had an exceptional memory. In other ways, however, it's not surprising because he's always been able to remember the details the best, and it's the details he remembers. Certain things had happened the last few months. Events that had added up. He just can't recall what happened first or what event led from another. Memories like snapshots play behind his eyelids, disjointedly out of order and unsecured to actual events. Yet Grissom knows from long experience that even seemingly unrelated details can tell stories, and this is a story he already knows. In the Darkness, Grissom leans back, head against the pillows, and allows himself a tiny smile.
1.
Grissom sits in his office at his desk, his mind wandering to breakfast. Not that he won't be off shift for several more hours and really there is no good reason for him to be thinking of breakfast. Except for the fact that he is going to be meeting David Hodges there, and he shouldn't be thinking too much about that either. Hodges is a colleague, but he's also intelligent, witty, and Grissom had rather enjoyed himself the three nights when they'd gone out and gotten breakfast. He still shouldn't be thinking about Hodges though. No, Gil definitely should not be thinking about how he can convince Hodges to do it again. In fact it's totally unacceptable that he should be thinking about David Hodges instead of work, at all. Gil shakes his head firmly and turns to the work in front of him.
2.
"Grissom. Grissom? Gil, are you ok?"
Gil refocuses on the other man sitting on the other side of the diner table.
"I don't think you've heard a word I've said for the last couple minutes."
Hodges is frowning slightly, but he sounds more worried than annoyed. Gil shakes his head.
"I'm sorry David, it's just I'm tired, long shift."
He tries to smile reassuringly, and Hodges' frown deepens and he opens his mouth as if to say something, thinks better of it and closes it again. Instead Hodges reaches for his coffee cup and Gil is distracted by the other man's hand, strong, with long fingers, only very slightly roughened, with short square nails. Gil notices how Hodges shirt cuff has ridden up just enough to reveal a little of the other man's wrist and for a moment his thoughts stop completely, quiet and still. Then Hodges is lifting the cup up to his lips, taking a sip, and Gil looks away, his mind working on and running though a hundred different things once more.
3.
He misses Sara. Misses her every moment of every day, but especially when he's at home. So he tries not to go home these days, just stays at the office as much as possible. He keeps telling himself she's coming back, she just needs time, needs space. He knows where she is, knows she's with her mother in San Francisco, knows she's safe. She's just not at home, not with him, and he can't think about that right now. Instead he hides, hides from everything, from life. He's in his office doing paperwork, and it's late, or early depending on who you are. Someone knocks on the door and he looks up expecting to see Catherine and instead sees Hodges frowning at him, coat in one hand, obviously ready to leave.
"You need to go home, get some rest, you're going to kill yourself like this."
Gil opens his mouth to say something; he's not sure what. That he's a grown up and doesn't need minding, that scientifically speaking he has a few more days before he would actually die of lack of sleep. He's not actually sure what to say, but it doesn't matter anyway because Hodges is already gone.
4.
"You're leaving?"
Hodges looks up from where's he's stripping off his lab coat.
"Well my shift is over and unlike you I don't actually live at the lab."
"But I have residue I need analyzed."
"Well either you're going to have to get dayshift to do it or wait until tomorrow."
Gil sighs and begins to strip off his crime scenes jumpsuit.
"If I don't get this analyzed then I'll be out of leads on this case."
"Are you actually expecting me to answer, or are you just talking to yourself?"
Gil focuses on the other man again, feeling a little guilty because actually he had been talking to himself. He opens his mouth to say something, and stops when Hodges reaches out and turns down the edge of the collar on Gil's polo shirt. Normally, Grissom would not have reacted well to someone unexpectedly touching him, yet for some reason he feels the sudden, overwhelming desire to cover Hodges' hand with his own to keep it there so close to, but not quite touching, his neck. The two men stand there and stare at each other, and Gil opens his mouth to say something, but Hodges is moving. Jerking his hand away, grabbing up his coat and swinging out of the locker room, and Gil just stands there, staring after him.
5.
It's raining but he can't feel it. He's been standing there for a long time now just thinking. He hasn't gotten a chance to talk to Hodges yet and if he weren't night shift supervisor he would have taken to staking out Hodges car, lurking in the parking garage waiting for him. Grissom knows he can't live with unknowns in his life; he just can't handle that. He needs to know what this is; he needs to know what's going on. He needs to figure this out. So he continues to stand in the rain in the park close to his house, just thinking.
6.
Grissom wants to think of something, anything, that doesn't have to do with bulls, or cowboys, or trafficking in bull semen. He's tired, feeling like a migraine may be coming on, and definitely not in the greatest mood. He hasn't eaten in several hours either, which can't be helping.
"Hey Gil"
Grissom looks up and practically growls at the sight of David Hodges who not only is standing in his office but who also seems to think they're on first name terms.
"What?"
He can't keep the impatience out of his voice. Something unidentifiable moves across Hodges' face, and for a moment Grissom thinks he's just going to turn around and leave without saying anything, but then he seems to square his shoulders and draw himself up.
"I just thought you might like to go out and get some breakfast."
There's a small pause and Hodges seems almost nervous.
"You know, with me."
7.
She's not in San Francisco any more. He doesn't know where she is, only that she's stopped calling, and that hurts more than he thought possible. He knows he should move her stuff. Pack it up maybe, at least take her clothes out of his closet but he can't quite make himself do it. Instead he's sitting here staring at paperwork that's becoming more and more meaningless by the minute. Someone knocks on his office door, and he registers that it's Hodges without really realizing it.
"I'm really not in the mood, Hodges. Can't you leave me alone, for God's sake?"
He didn't mean it to come out sounding the way it did, so hard and unfeeling, but there's a part of his mind screaming at him, she said forever and then she left you, and he really just can't deal with anything right now. Hodges stands rooted to the spot, still holding something in his hand, then he puts it on the desk, no, more like flings it at Grissom and stalks out of the room. Grissom stares at it for a few minutes before he realizes it's a Tupperware, a Tupperware with a sandwich in it. He stares at it a few more minutes before realizing that it's time for the shift's lunch break.
8.
He washed the Tupperware out and carefully sterilized it. It's been sitting on his desk all day, but he hasn't for the life of him been able to find Hodges. Finally, almost at the end of shift, he goes down to DNA to find Wendy.
"Have you seen Hodges recently?"
She looks up frowning slightly.
"He went home early. Said he had a headache. Didn't he check with you?"
He shakes his head, and her frown deepens.
"Grissom, is there something going on with Hodges?"
It's his turn to frown.
"Why do you ask that?"
"Well, it's just this is the second night in a row he's gone home early and Hodges never does that."
He stands there for a long moment until he realizes Wendy's staring at him with a worried look on her face. He shakes himself and gives her what he hopes is a friendly, yet soothing smile.
"Don't worry, I'll look into it."
9.
"See the way she puts her legs? This species always does that before they go into the chrysalises."
Gil bends over the little terrarium, concentration completely focused on the small insect.
"Hand me those leaves"
Hodges does as he's told. Gil takes a leaf and carefully lays it in the bottom of the container. He smiles with satisfaction and looks up over his glasses at the other man.
"I know it's late. Feel free to leave at anytime."
Hodges looked up and over at him.
"If I minded being here I would have already left."
And Grissom smiles.
10.
Grissom likes court. He likes the formality of it, the ritual, the organization and predictableness of it. He doesn't like having to explain the decisions his CSIs make to people who don't know the first thing about forensics, but for the most part he doesn't hate court. He is glad though when his part is over and he excuses himself from the courtroom. He walks into the hall thinking about getting back to his office and taking off the tie which seems to be trying to strangle him to death, then stops short. David Hodges leans against the wall, obviously waiting to go in and give his own testimony. Grissom is struck by the thought that he's never seen Hodges in a suit before, and that the color of his tie does pleasant things to his eyes. He feels himself go warm in a way he's not used to, and feels suddenly like he doesn't quite know what to do with his hands. Now Hodges is looking at him probably wondering why Grissom is standing in the wall staring at him and Grissom mumbles something vaguely like a greeting and escapes back to the comparative safety of his office.
11.
David Hodges couldn't have looked more surprised if Santa Claus had shown up at his door. For a full minute he just stands there and stares at Grissom. Which, Grissom allows, is a reasonable reaction given that he is Hodges' boss, and he is standing outside Hodges' apartment, completely soaking wet, holding a Tupperware. As Hodges gets over his shock, Grissom sees the other man's eyes harden and feels panic begin to rise within him. His hand shoots out and takes hold of the door to prevent Hodges from closing it.
"Please, David we need to talk."
"I think you already made yourself quite clear, and if this is a charity call I don't need it."
Hodges makes to close the door and Grissom holds on to it for dear life. For a moment they just stand there until finally Hodges sighs.
"Fine, come in and stop dripping rain water all over the hall."
Grissom enters the surprisingly neat, but small apartment and mutely holds out the Tupperware. Hodges takes it but Grissom can't seem to make himself let go. Instead he just stands there staring at Hodges' hands only centimeters from touching his. Then, slowly, so slowly, he's moving, pulling just enough to make Hodges take a step forward. One of his hands is coming up and curling around the back of Hodges' neck drawing them even closer. So close he can feel the heat coming off the other man, smell how clean he is with just a hint of lab chemicals. Then Gil is closing the distance between them, pressing his lips against David's smooth dry ones.
12.
Somewhere along the way they dropped the Tupperware. Somewhere Gil loses his coat. Somewhere into the kiss David kisses him back, and David's arms come up to grip Gil's shoulders bringing him even closer. When they come up for air, it's David who kisses him again, and then again. Somewhere they come into contact with David's couch.
Gil knows soon they will have to get up. Soon he will need to change his clothes and maybe take a shower, because soon he won't be able to feel his feet. Soon they're going to have to have a serious talk about what's going on and what they both want out of this. Yes, soon, very soon they'll have to do all that. But for now they sit, David pressed up against Gil's shoulder and that's all that Gil really wants.
"Gil?"
David's voice is soft and he maneuvers around so that he can see Gil's face without dislodging his arm from its position around David's shoulders.
"Yes David?"
David's voice is husky and tinted with a slight amount of surprise.
"How did we get here?"
Gil smiles, and brushes his lips across David's head.
"Slowly."
And it had, he realizes, happened slowly, almost without him realizing it. One piece at a time.