Author's Note:
Hi, everyone! Welcome to my world of madness!
Alright, so here I am to dedicate another story to one of my personal OTPs. I just love those two. Together. Anyways, this is sort of inspired by the fact that Sam Witwer is a singer in real life, too, so I kinda liked the idea of carrying that back over to Aidan – and to Josh in a way, too.
I am by no means a songwriter – and I usually don't do poetry, so please be gentle with me. In case you don't like that part especially… skip it and think of unicorns or so, and just imagine there were actually some good song or poem written in that spot.
Lyrics or verse will be in italics (unless I forget to do it or my computer bugs me again).
Aidan is a bit younger in this one, because I liked the idea of teenage-love-vibe between the two. I had to make some more changes to his storyline (but I won't spoiler right away which ones) – artistic license if anyone asks. This is not supposed to be in canon.
I'm still no native speaker, which sucks, nevertheless I give my best to make it sound well. This story is un-beta'd, hence all mistakes are mine… though I will always blame my English teachers if anyone asks.
I hope you'll like it anyway.
Reviews and comments are very welcome. I swear to God I do happy dances each time – even when it's not appropriate to do such a thing ;)
Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the least my mind. I am slave to fiction and fanfiction in particular.
Aidan loves his job. Actually, it doesn't even feel like a job to him. Not only because they earn almost no money at all, but really because it's something he loves to do. Because they earn little with the band, which requires them to oftentimes take on other jobs to finance their passion. Yet, he wouldn't change a single thing about it. Making music is so many things: It's a way of living, a way of breathing, speaking, making love, even, expressing all those feelings one cannot give voice to.
Of course it'd be great if they had a bigger fanbase, though. Not just because of the finances (his credit is always crap), but also because he wants to spread their music – further than the small pubs they play in.
Nevertheless, Aidan loves it.
Inside my head, inside my heart, all I see and all I hear, it's you. It's always you.
A few people clap their hands, while others are still too busy nursing their beers or chatting… or hooking up.
"Thank you, we'll take a fifteen minute break," he whispers into the microphone before he puts down his guitar.
"The audience doesn't seem to warm up much," the drummer, Jake, grumbles.
"It can't be coz of our performance, though," Henry, the bassist argues. That guy overflows with self-esteem that Aidan just always wants to roll his eyes at him. He is younger than Aidan – and he tries his best to "teach" him somehow, but Henry is a bullhead most of the time. Always.
"Of course it can be, you moron," Gabriel, the man for the percussions, huffs. "If the audience is not interested, then you're doing something wrong."
"Guys, forget about it. We wanna enjoy ourselves tonight," Aidan grunts, running a hand over his face. This annoys him. He wants to make music, not bicker and pout over reception. "I'll get myself something to drink. You fight it out, I don't care."
"He's here again," Henry chuckles softly.
"Who is?" Aidan frowns.
"The one fan we seem to have," Henry shrugs.
"You'll have to be a bit more specific," Aidan grunts.
"The guy over there, who is busy cleaning the table with… baby wipes… wow, we really are a bunch of losers if that is our only fan," Henry shakes his head. Aidan tilts his head at the man sitting at one of the tables to the side, close to the stage, but still secluded enough not to draw attention to himself. He is really wiping the table clean. Odd.
"And that is our only fan how?" Aidan questions.
"He's been here like… since ever. I don't know. He always turns up for our gigs. You never noticed? Dude should ask for autographs, then we could make at least a few bucks from these. That promotion was surely a mistake, Gabriel, wasn't it?" Henry snickers mischievously.
"God, I was just trying out some marketing!" the other man cries.
"Did you talk to him?" Aidan asks.
"No? Why should I?" Henry frowns.
"You said it, he's our only fan," Aidan replies.
"And a loser, from the looks of it," Henry huffs.
"And that is also why we don't have fans. You are a dick," Aidan retorts.
"Au contraire, I just got a massive dick, that's a difference," Henry says, sticking out his tongue.
"Whatever," Aidan rolls his eyes. That guy never stops gloating over his conquests. There was a time when Aidan was like him… thinking about it, he probably rubbed it off on Henry back then, but… doesn't matter. Aidan is different now. And it pisses him off that in all these years, Henry didn't change at all.
"Are you going to talk to him?" Henry grimaces as he sees Aidan eyeing that awkward man curiously. He knows that look.
"Yeah?" the raven shrugs.
"C'mon. That's gotta be a joke," Henry exclaims, tossing his hands back.
"Watch me," the other man sneers before he leaves the stage, swiftly hopping off of it. He earns a few flirty glances from the women within his close periphery, but doesn't really mind. They should better listen to his music than marvel over that kind of stuff. It's pointless, really. He makes his way over to the table, where the guy is now busying himself with scribbling something in a journal with worn leather cover.
"Hey there," Aidan greets him, putting on a nice smile. The man looks up, his eyes widening unnaturally wild. He drops his pen, fidgeting around, "Oh, ugh, hi, I mean… hey."
"Am I right that you are one of the few people who actually listen to us?" Aidan goes on, sporting a casual grin. He never had trouble starting conversation with people he doesn't know. However, that seemingly doesn't apply to the brunet in front of him, who looks like he is just about falling off the bench.
"What? Yes! I mean, I really like your music, all of it, and… sorry, I'm just nervous," the brunet stammers helplessly, blushing furiously. Aidan chuckles softly. He looks cute when he does that, like a teenager, though he is definitely no teenager anymore from the looks of it.
"Don't be. Once the spotlights go off, we are just a bunch of losers trying to pay the loan, more or less successfully. Though I guess I owe a thanks to you for staying around us?" Aidan goes on smoothly.
"Please, I owe you thanks for… making that music," the other man insists, suddenly very serious.
"You really are a fan, huh?" Aidan can't help but beam. He never thought there would be someone out there admiring their music. Most of the time, people don't get it and think it sounds too odd, and not at all like in the charts.
Some things just never change: People always want things the way they know them.
New things are just… scary – because they force you a bit too far out of your own comfort zone.
"May I?" he asks, nodding at the free seat next to the brunet, who stammers, blushing even more, "Oh, ugh, sure, of course."
"Thanks," Aidan grins, sliding down on the bench next to him. Their arms almost touch, but just almost. Aidan always misses this warmth radiating from other people's skins. The days he had that seem so far away at times.
"See that? Aidan's found himself some prey again," Henry chuckles as he watches Aidan doing his routine with the brunet odd chap.
"That guy? You sure? I thought he was a lady's man," Gabriel scrunches his nose.
"He doesn't mind. And that guy might be just his type," Henry shrugs.
"What? He likes losers?" the other man snorts.
"No, but the insecure ones," Henry grins, picking up his towel to wipe over his eyes. "I need a drink."
"Now I really forgot my manners," Aidan grins at him. "We didn't properly introduce ourselves. I'm Aidan."
"I know," the other man tells him with a slight roll of the eyes.
"And you are?" Aidan asks politely.
"Josh," the other man says.
"Josh, nice to meet you," the raven grins.
"Nice to meet you, too," Josh brings out, though he is still speaking a few octaves too high at times.
"So… what do you do for a living, Josh?" Aidan asks casually.
"Uhm, you don't have to do that, you know?" the man suddenly says, playing around with the bottle of beer in his hand, creating circular patterns of dew on the greasy tabletop, not meeting the raven's eyes. Aidan frowns at him, "Do what?"
"I heard the bassist, Henry, say that I am your one fan. You don't have to talk to me only coz I am. I will still come, you see. So you don't have to actually do the whole care-for-the-fans-stuff," Josh replies with a sad smile he tries to hide.
Others would totally fangirl right now – and he normally would, does… but now he just feels like he's getting pity from one of his idols. And to his surprise, he finds that even worse than this damned sticky tabletop.
"I would like to say two things about that: First of all, you go the ears of a bat, as it seems, and secondly, I wanted to talk to you because I wanted to talk to you. Right now, I'm a guy at a bar just like any other," Aidan tells him resolutely. Josh looks at him in surprise. He never expected Aidan to… seemingly have… honest interest.
He doesn't believe anyone to be interested in him anyways, who is he kidding?
"So… what do you do for a living, Josh?" Aidan asks again.
"I work at a takeaway-restaurant with… little hygienic standard whatsoever, but I need the money, so…," Josh admits meekly.
"So that means you'd rather do something else?" Aidan tilts his head. For some reason, he likes the sound of Josh's voice. Now that he calmed down a little, it's this hushed, whispering voice, a little rough at the edge. Yes, he loves music – and that man's voice is harmony and melody to his ears all at once.
"I did, but that's over now… there's just some personal stuff going on, and the finances… and the rest of the world, you know how it goes – not according to plan," Josh chuckles nervously.
"Yeah, tell me about it," Aidan sighs. He knows that feeling. When everything is seemingly against you and you just keep having bad luck. You beg for a break, but you don't get one. You have to pick yourself up and work through the pain.
Because life never goes according to plan.
"Why did you clean the table, by the way?" Aidan asks curiously. "I was just wondering?"
"Uhm… do you know what OCD is?" Josh asks.
"Kinda," Aidan shrugs. "Doesn't it mean that you do mad cleaning and stuff?"
"Some clean, some count things, some have other nervous ticks. It's a way to… well, deal with stress," Josh explains.
Why is he saying this to his idol again?
God, is he stupid.
And God, is he a loser.
"You are stressed right now?" Aidan teases, giving him a flirty look.
"Oh, no, not at all. Talking to the lead singer of my favorite band is not at all something that makes me freak out, no," Josh jokes, earning an honest laugh from Aidan.
God, does he love that smile.
God, stupid.
God, loser.
"But I was actually trying to get off something sticky. I guess the staff is not into cleaning much. I wanted to raise my hand, but my sweater got stuck, I swear," Josh adds.
"Yeah, I see what you mean," Aidan makes a face as he tries to pull his arm up, only to find the sticky tabletop trying to suck him back in. "Ew. I thought the place was better when they called, but well… anyways, with the OCD – it must be hard to work in that restaurant, then, huh? I bet that doesn't really help."
"Not really. Though I consider it exposure therapy if anyone asks," Josh grins.
"That works," Aidan agrees.
"So how long do you listen to our stuff?" Aidan asks after Josh and he fell silent for a while.
"About a year. I saw you perform first in the Blue Square. When you sang that bridge in Safe Haven, I was simply… hooked," Josh muses.
To tell the truth, this band is his favorite band because it saved his life.
Literally.
No shit.
This really happened.
He had gotten beaten up by a gang of thugs, one with red hair who just got mad at him for some fucked-up reason and started punching him and calling him a dog. As if that guy knew what that means to Josh in reality. Once he came back around, he stumbled through the streets a while, until he could walk a straight line again… and considered, really considered, to take a cab to his apartment and hang himself with the worn brown leather belt and… and anyways, that is when suddenly he heard music in his ears. His arm dropped and he followed that noise, until he stood in that club, the Blue Square, and saw Aidan's band, The Fangs, performing onstage.
And suddenly all bad thoughts had left Josh and he just drowned in the sound of Aidan's voice, bathed in the words.
You won't ever be alone. Because I am your home. In the storm, I am the stone. You can hold on to me, I won't let you go. You are safe with me, forever so.
Josh made a decision that night – that he wanted to keep hearing that voice, that voice he can't describe with words. Rough but soft. Loud but silent. Holding the single tones, but then he lets them go, sets them free like birds. Breathes music in and music out. Aidan's voice, to Josh, is everything at once and nothing at all, a million paradoxes hidden behind those dark eyes that make him blush like a stupid teenager ever since.
And once again – God, is he a loser.
"Wait, Blue Square… ugh, the last thing I remember about that gig was that someone threw up on my sneakers," Aidan grunts.
"Oh yeah, I saw that," Josh grimaces.
"Now don't laugh. I liked the sneakers!" Aidan pouts playfully.
"Nevertheless, you finished the song," Josh argues.
"True that," Aidan grins.
"That speaks for you," the brunet grins.
"Thank you! Finally someone says that! The guys kept making fun of me that I kept going," Aidan exclaims.
He looks around, grimacing as he sees the others getting back onstage. The minutes just flew by, geez.
"Okay, I think I have to head back to the stage," Aidan makes a face, making his apparent disappointment no secret.
"Yeah," Josh agrees.
"Will you stay for the rest of the performance?" Aidan asks.
"Of course. I paid for it, too, right?" Josh huffs.
"We'll give our best to make it worth it," the raven winks at him.
"Even your not-best will be worth it, trust me. That stint never had better music than tonight," Josh assures him.
"Thanks, but make sure you stay, okay? I wanna finish up that chat with you properly," Aidan smiles as he turns to the stage. The other man stares at him.
Is this seriously happening?
"… Okay," he stammers as Aidan waves at him.
"Awesome," the raven grins. "See you later, Josh!"
With that he makes his way back over to the stage, feeling fueled.
Josh leans back in his seat, breathing hard.
Is this really happening?
How do you go from loser to lottery winner in less than fifteen minutes?
"You are serious about that guy?" Henry asks as Aidan settles back down onstage.
"Shut up, Henry," Aidan hums, not looking at him as he fixes his guitar.
"What?" the other man huffs.
"He can hear you," Aidan mutters.
"As if I cared," Henry snorts.
"I care, now stop, get your shit going and let's do our thing," Aidan looks at him, hard.
"Fine, whatever," Henry rolls his eyes. Soon, they are ready to go.
"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we are back. Thanks for sticking around. Now we'd like to perform Safe Haven. We hope you'll like it," Aidan breathes into the microphone. Josh sits there, staring.
Is he really… singing… that song now?
And then the first tune hits him like a wave.
Yes, yes he does indeed.
The brunet leans back, allowing himself to get drowned in the music once more.
You smile with your eyes. You speak with your heart. And I don't find the words at all.
"So, here I am. Thanks for waiting up," Aidan greets Josh as he comes to him. Packing up took longer because Jake kept messing around, the little bastard. He always tries to mess up his tour if Henry doesn't anyways.
"Thanks for… not just taking off either," Josh grins at him uncertainly.
"So? Do you still have any plans for the night?" Aidan asks.
"I'll just do my night tour and then I am off for home, I guess," Josh shrugs.
"What tour?" Aidan tilts his head.
"Huh? Oh, that's just… just some ritual I have. I don't know, it's stupid," Josh replies quickly. Why is his tongue always faster than his mind?
"C'mon, now don't lure me out like that and chicken out last second. You got me at 'night tour'!" Aidan pouts playfully.
"What about the others?" Josh nods at the rest of the band.
"I don't have to escort them. They are almost grown up by now, at least some of them. So I'd be glad if you took me on one of those tours," Aidan smiles at him.
"Okay, if you say so," Josh shrugs.
"Then… lead the way," Aidan says. Josh gets up and walks outside.
Into the night.
Aidan is honestly surprised that they head to the outskirt of the city. To tell the truth, he hoped Josh would take him to his favorite pub or club or so… or his apartment, to be honest. Now he finds himself strolling with that cute brunet whose voice is music and he doesn't know what the hell that guy is up to.
Though Aidan has to admit, a part of him finds that pretty exciting.
They eventually reach a set of vacant buildings where most windows are broken and graffiti is sloppily and less than artistically spread over the walls.
"Why are we going to these vacant buildings?" Aidan scrunches his nose. All that walking for that view? Really?
"That's one of the stops on my tour," Josh shrugs.
"You are a weird bird," Aidan shakes his head.
And all I want to do is fly away.
Josh walks a little further, suddenly grasping Aidan by the hem of his coat sleeve to pull him along. The raven grins at what Josh surely considers a very bold move, judging by that familiar glow on his cheeks. The brunet stops at one point, now a little closer to the building, but still the same building which is nothing but ugly in Aidan's eyes.
"So, here we are…," Josh grins.
"And I see… nothing," Aidan snorts.
"Coz it's not time yet. We are a bit early," Josh explains.
"Oh?" the raven tilts his head.
"Just thirty more seconds," Josh tells him.
"There better be some fireworks or something," Aidan huffs.
"Well, I won't promise these," Josh rolls his eyes.
"Then what?" Aidan asks curiously.
"Just look," Josh points at the building again as suddenly the sole streetlight illuminating this place turns off.
"And now we stand in darkness. If some thug comes to rob us now, I'll blame it on you," Aidan blurts out.
"There's something wrong with this particular streetlight. It goes off at the same time each day, but no one bothers to fix it," Josh smiles.
Why is that guy smiling again?
"Where are the fireworks now?" Aidan asks, growing impatient. However, that is when Josh flashes what seems to be black light at the wall of the building in front of them – and that is when Aidan sees it, too. Dozens and dozens of lines of poetry, lyrics, everything, scribbled over the hideous graffiti. In fact, you only see the poetry, glowing in the dark.
"Wow!" Aidan gapes.
"There's a lot of people who come here to leave… a mark," Josh begins to explain.
A million voices.
A million thoughts.
A treasure only those can find who go looking for it.
"I live here for all my life, but still I never caught that," Aidan shakes his head. And that surely means something. He's been here for long.
"Well, I found it only just by accident," Josh shrugs.
"You accidentally had that flash on you?" Aidan snorts, not quite buying it.
"No, I wanted to do the same thing those guys did – but only then realized that I wasn't first to have the idea," Josh explains.
"So you are a poet, too?" Aidan asks curiously.
"Nah, I just wanted to write down some wisecrack comment I read on the internet, not at all original," Josh lies swiftly enough for Aidan not to catch it.
"You didn't?" the raven frowns.
"No. Once I realized people did that for a purpose, I felt bad, so I just said to myself, I'll come by to see who else climbs the walls," Josh shrugs.
"You are a curious case, Josh," Aidan can't help but say.
"I am nuts, I know that," Josh chuckles, scrunching his nose.
"What's the next spot?" Aidan asks, now honestly excited.
"Hm? Well, usually, I'd stroll along the river a while. I like the noises… if you pass at just the right momentum, it sounds like you can hear some girl singing 'You are the death of me'… but… I gotta walk back home still, and that's the opposite direction," Josh grimaces.
"I live very close to the river," Aidan says with a dark grin.
"Oh?" Josh blinks at him. Aidan bites his lower lip, gaining confidence, "So… show me the river and I show you my apartment."
"I don't know," Josh grimaces.
"Well, you know, I… okay, maybe that was a bit rash… but… you know… Now I act like a stupid teenager, sorry. But what I mean to say is that… I would like to…," Aidan bites his lower lip, but Josh holds up his hands with a small grin, "I got the implication."
"So? Interested?" Aidan asks hopefully.
"Interested? You are kidding me, right? I am your fan, you idiot. Of course I am," Josh rolls his eyes.
"Well, then this is decided, right?" Aidan concludes with a smile. Jackpot!
"I am no good… catch, you know?" Josh breathes.
Actually, juts some wave drifting away.
Just a loser.
Trust me, I know.
Aidan kisses him, then. For a moment, Josh forgets how to breathe or how to move, but then leans into that touch.
He almost forgot how that felt like.
Forget the world. Just for a night. Just for a day. That's all I have to say: Stay.
"For that you are too damn good at this," Aidan breathes as he breaks off the kiss. He honestly feared that Josh wouldn't… take part in it, but he did – and honestly? Aidan can't remember the last time he felt so enchanted by someone as he does now.
"We could also… skip the river," Josh breathes.
"Sounds about just right," Aidan chuckles softly.
"Okay," Josh smiles shyly.
"Okay."
Aidan takes his hand this time and leads him away from the poetry and back home.
Soon, they find themselves madly kissing as they make their way down the hallway leading to Aidan's apartment. The good thing is that no one in the house bothers about loud noises. They know that Aidan has a band – and that this is not uncommon. Or that he actually gives a damn.
Generally, people give a damn, but Aidan couldn't care less at this second, as he has that odd chap in his arms who's got him under his wing already.
Aidan fidgets for the keys, not wanting to let go of that man for only just a second.
"I'll give you a fair warning, my room looks like crap. So OCD alert is high," he grins as he turns the key in the lock.
"I guess I'll live with it for as long as you don't make me lie in something gooey," Josh grins.
For Aidan, he may even overcome that, though.
"No, no food or shit, just stuff," Aidan shrugs. Food is really no problem. He is just into producing clubber… and not into cleaning.
"That's fine with me," Josh breathes, leaning closer.
"Good, would be a pity to break off now that it's getting real good," Aidan chuckles as finally the door opens. Both stumble inside, kissing again. They close the door.
Hold me. Don't let me go. Hold me. Because it's you I want to get to know. Inside out and outside in. It's your embrace I get lost within.