Hey, my name is Jasmine and this is my first fan fic! I've been wanting to try for a while now, but never got around to it. I hope you like it. Please read and review with suggestions. Every chapter title will be from a song. This one is from Rilo Kiley.
And This Is How I Choose To Remember It
"Don't do this, Peyton. Please, don't shut me out."
"You just don't understand Luke" said Peyton, the agitation in her voice clearly evident. "And I don't think you ever will.
"Peyton, I'm trying. I am trying so hard to understand. To be here for you. I'm hurting just as much as you. He was my son too and I loved him just as much as you did."
"Then why didn't you fight harder to save him?!" she yelled in hysterics.
Lucas knew this inevitable day was coming. The day Peyton would finally crack and express all the raw emotions that she had been bottling up inside for the past three months.
"Peyt, you knew how was sick he was." He gently pulled Peyton closer to him. He felt the tears building up in his eyes as he realized there were no words he could say that would lessen the sting for what he needed to tell her. "He was going to die."
"You don't know that Lucas" she said, pushing him away.
"He had less than a 10 chance of survival. His heart was failing Peyton. His organs were shutting down. Everything except his liver; a liver his sister could use. If the doctors hadn't removed his liver when they did, Anna would have died along with her brother. We were always going to lose him Peyton. But it didn't mean we had to lose Anna too. You were still unconscious. I had to make a decision and I did what I thought was best."
"You shouldn't have given up on him. I never would have..." Peyton's voice suddenly trailed off. It was as if she had finally come to a realization. Lucas looked into her eyes and finally understood exactly what it was she was trying to say for these past few months, but too afraid to speak the words aloud.
"You blame me don't you?"
Peyton hesitated slightly before speaking, "I never said that."
"Look me in my eyes and tell me that you don't." Peyton stared straight into his eyes, but couldn't manage any words.
"Say it. Dammit Peyton just say it!"
"I BLAME YOU! Ok? You should have never given up on him! Anna could have waited a while longer for a liver. You didn't have to let the doctors kill our son so she could have his!"
Peyton ran off into their bedroom and left a stunned Lucas behind in the living room. After taking a few minutes to gather himself and headed to their room to find Peyton rummaging through dresser draws. There was a suitcase on the bed.
"Peyton, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing Lucas? I'm packing. I can't stay here. I can't deal with this. Not now. And not with you." Peyton continued packing up her clothes and exited their bedroom. She headed next door to the nursery where Peyton grabbed a few of things and scooped up 3-month-old Anna.
Peyton left the nursery and headed for the living room and found Lucas waiting for her. "Will you at least tell me where you're going?" asked Lucas, the sadness evident in his voice.
"Brooke's. Then Anna and I will take a flight out to San Francisco. I'm going to stay with my dad for a little while" said Peyton as she put Anna in her carrier and headed for the door.
As Peyton began to turn the door knob, Lucas stopped her, putting his hand on hers. "Peyton, please don't run away." We'll never be able to work things out if you leave."
"Luke, I'm afraid that we won't be able to work things out if I don't." He let go of her hand, Peyton opened the door and then they were gone. His wife and his little girl were gone and for how long, Lucas did not know. All he could do was hope. Hope that it wouldn't be forever.