deep water.
miraa.
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it's always our self we find in the sea. - e.e. cummings
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A/N: Shisui's name is popularized to mean "dead water," therefore a omen for his death, but it can also mean "still or stagnant water." Ergo this fic.
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when shisui was born, his parents decided to defy convention. or perhaps they were perpetually crazy, that was the explanation as well. naming your child after water wasn't something you did for the heir of a fire-jutsu clan – it bore ill omen, everyone said. water is the only thing that consumes fire. why would you do this? his parents hid in shame but justified their choices. he will change the world. he will be the greatest ninja alive. he will become hokage.
shisui was rumored to be able to breathe underwater. this was obviously proven wrong, but you don't understand – the village feared this man. he was indestructible and known for it. shishui of the body flicker. everyone said he wasn't stagnant at all – in fact he rippled to the point that you didn't even know if his body existed at all anymore. no one could see through him. not even itachi. whenever he'd look into that man's eyes he just saw himself. shisui the mirror. shisui the nonexistent.
shisui's name was the ill omen of his own fate. this is not true. itachi had no intention of cruel irony or poetic justice. shisui's parents were wrong – he was never meant for better things. they would cringe and roll over in their graves if they knew he was only that small stepping stone in a vast pool of water neither shallow nor deep. you could drop a pin and it'd fall through with little disturbance, but who knew such stillness masked a ocean filled with lost pins. he's not a river and he can't fit himself through rocks. he's wide and expansive and takes the world in one sea breeze at a time. it was uncharacteristic for him to die.
this is what played out:
shisui I need you to keep an eye on your cousin itachi.
my best friend itachi?
your cousin.
I'm sorry.
itachi at this point is naïve. shisui knows there is something about to happen, he is lying at the bottom of his very own still lake, pins in his back, watching the next one about to pierce the water's tension. the one thing no one ever predicted about shisui is that he knows these things. one might even call it clairvoyance.
someone named madara dropped in and gave itachi a visit. meet me by the nakano river.
shisui.
yes, itachi.
I heard you were keeping an eye on me.
that I am.
itachi could've cried at that moment, but on his face his expression was unchanging – thank god, thank god for three commas in his eyes all lined up waiting to die.
shisui how much do you care about me?
a lot.
would you die for me?
yes.
...but would you let yourself watch me kill you?
in an instant the body was gone – a body flicker, a pindrop's ripples. sharingans suddenly appear in front of itachi's own red eyes, and he can only see himself in them. shisui's hands grasped itachi's shoulders. (warmth. it is not true that shisui's body is consisted of moving water - it is filled with the running flames of fire, this village's only true power.)
I don't want to kill you.
you don't.
but if you're intent on killing me I'm afraid I have to return the favor.
itachi could've done a lot of things that instant. he could've told shisui he loved him. he could've pulled his head down close, kissed him, and told him he's sorry. he could've told him that the mangekyou and the avenger lifestyle that his brother would soon take on after him weren't worth it. he could've done all those things, and he wanted to.
why is he hesitating? why did this have to happen? he can't see past him anymore, the background's all melted away, and he can only see what used to be and how he wanted it and there is the pain of pins in his black-red irises. shisui, if we didn't live in this world, would you wait for me?
but itachi told himself, we do live in this world. and you chose this life.
he turned his sharingan off, grabbed shisui's throat, and shoved his cousin'sbestfriend'stheonlypersonhe'severlovedwhyishedoingthis head into the rushing current of the water.
it is a common misconception that itachi couldn't possibly have had the muscle power to do this, and therefore many people suspected that itachi had poisoned him beforehand, or that his sharigan was already too potent for even shisui the body flicker. in fact itachi was physically strong enough, and shisui had given up already. he, instead of itachi, realized the cruel irony and poetic justice, and decided to surrender them both to sasuke. itachi saw the last few bubbles of air rise from shisui's nostril, break the surface, and forever lose themselves into the spring atmosphere. the color disappeared from his eyes and still the only thing itachi could see in them was himself. transparent from beginning to end. fire extinguished.
dear itachi,
please forgive me for this. I know this is the most dishonorable thing I will have ever done in my life, and you and the family will hate me for this. but you must know that my time has ended and yours has now begun. I love you. more than anything. I have hurt you but please find yourself and live your life. don't give it up for anyone else but the one you love.
shisui.
this was not the suicide note that the uchiha family found as evidence of itachi's treachery. itachi wrote two letters that night. these were the things he wanted shisui to say, but he knew that shisui would never have said them. he wouldn't have asked itachi for forgiveness, he wouldn't have told itachi that he loved him, even if he did. moreover, it was uncharacteristic for shisui to want to end his life, and itachi knew it.
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fin.