It was another one of those nights. The kind where you could cut the tension with a knife, it was that bad. Justin had been stewing all night, his patience running low each night they went to Babylon for the past week. Justin wasn't picking up anyone, no he wasn't in the mood for that lately. But did that stop Brian? No. When they went it wasn't unusual for Justin to see Brian taking someone to the backroom. But on occasions he would still take the blond. Not that it mattered much to Justin.
But the night they were having, Brian was at his desk switching between writing notes down on a piece of paper and clicking away at his mouse. While Justin was trying to draw sketches for Rage; but the more he sat there in silence the more his thoughts were eating at him. And it seemed Brian could tell because the next moment he was asking, "You alright, sunshine?"
The nickname only made Justin sigh heavily, accidentally snapping his pencil's lead once his hand began to shake. "I'm fine. I've just. Been thinking."
"That's not a good thing." Brian commented, a teasing twist of his lips as he looked at his computer screen.
As Justin sat there at the counter, holding his hand and closing his eyes for fear he might begin crying, he shook his head. "I've been thinking about us."
"Oh? And what about us?" Brian's face went back to being rather blank, his focus seeming to be more on the computer monitor than the blond, but his ears were open to the conversation.
"What if we stopped going to Babylon to pick up guys? What if.. We just did stuff together, like a couple? With no tricks involved.."
"I don't say we're a couple for that exact reason. Why all the sudden change of heart? I thought you were happy with the way we do things; I still come home to you, that hasn't changed."
But as Justin listened to him, he opened his eyes (which had been watering) and stood from the bar stool. It was as if his level of patience was at it's full capacity because in the next moment he broke. "Can't you for once say you love me!" Justin yelled, tears running down his face as he stared at the other. Hating the fact the brunet didn't move from his seat at his desk. And it made Justin want to scream and shout and cry to the god he believed in to have Brian show emotion, anything, to prove he cared. He felt as if he was boiling within a teapot and it was just a matter of time before he was going to whistle. "That you don't want me to go? That you would rather see me here with you than with anyone else?" No matter how hard Justin tried it fell on deaf ears. Because all Brian did was look at him, his lips twitching and almost in a frown.
By the sound of it, he was already whistling.
"That's not who I am. So if you're expecting some grand fucking confession, you're looking in the wrong place."
The words only dug deeper inside Justin's heart as the blond stood there. Watching him as he tossed his hands up into the air. "Why? Why am I still here then?" His voice cracked as his mouth trembled. No matter how hard he tried to be strong, he kept breaking. Breaking the more he tried to talk to him and received nothing in return. Brian Kinney always seemed to be his breaking point. "I can't live here with someone that will never love me.. Never care whether I'm fucking someone else or not.. Never even consider me when it comes to love or romance.."
"Then what the fuck are you still doing here?" And then Brian snapped. His blank facade breaking as he stood up from his chair. "You say you can't live here so leave. Fucking leave! I told you who I was the moment you came to me that night. I told you, if you want love go find a fucking girl to marry. Because I don't believe in that."
"I thought you changed. I thought that you-"
"Thought that I what? Loved you? Considered you my fucking boyfriend? People like me don't change! So why don't you grab your shit, and get out of here."
"So that's it.." Justin's tears eventually stopped as he stood there, arms hanging low as he stared at Brian. He couldn't believe it was actually happening, that after all this time Brian didn't love him. Didn't care that he was leaving. All the warnings he received from Debbie, Michael, Mel, Linz, everyone. They were right. Brian was only going to hurt him in the end.
"Yeah. That's it."