The Cheesecake Rebellion
Author: Typewriter44
Pen Name: Wes Hadley
Warnings: Slash yaoi boyxboy love some actual sex later, adult themes, swearing, AU and all that goes with it
Chapter Summary: Naruto Uzumaki meets a guy named Sai - stuff happens. Review please
Archive: If you ask then yes
"I want a 12, a 43 hold the pickles and two black coffees" Naruto called as he suck the order onto the wheel in the window between the kitchen and the service area. "Table 6 wants a refill on the sodas and we need more bagels out here"
Temari stuck her head out of the kitchen door and looked at the baskets by the till. "Jesus we're out again?"
"Yeah, go figure" Naruto shrugged as he grabbed a new pen to replace the wasted one and headed towards the tables. "What's up with Mike? Is he going to put in an appearance today?"
"No such luck, we're busy and that means he has to do the accounts - or more precisely the accountant" Temari sneered. "As if that walking set of breasts can fucking count past ten" she was giving up cigarettes again, that made her cranky. "Damn him and that slut he hired, the only accounts she probably does is when she a-counts the amount of men lining up to do her"
"Chill" Naruto said. "We're good to go"
"Not really" Temari muttered. Naruto glanced at her but she was already pulling on her hairnet and disappearing back into the kitchen. The Diner was small, not as busy as it looked - it worried Naruto, unless it was the lunch hour rush or dinner time rush they didn't have that many people in the place at a time.
Mike was letting this place go to the Dogs.
Damn the fucker.
Naruto crashed down onto the sofa of his tiny hole in the wall apartment and let out a long groan. He hated his job. He hated the dull eyed college stoners that worked part time alongside himself and Temari. He hated that he smelt of ham-like-lunch-meat-substitute.
Speaking of which he needed a shower.
He stood up and unbuttoned the work shirt which needed a serious wash even though it was already very, very washed out looking.
The giggling caught his attention as he stood in the living room. "Sakura!?" he called as he approached the room. "You'd better not be naked and having sex!"
"There's be something on the doorknob if I was" she cooed from inside. "Come on in"
Naruto opened the door and recoiled. "Ah!"
"Hi - eh - Naruto, right?" the girl said, looking over her shoulder.
"You went lesbian and didn't tell me!?" Naruto shrilled as Sakura peered around the slender hips of the figure.
"You idiot" she muttered as she finished sewing the hem of the pleated black skirt. "One, I'm as straight as an arrow…well depending on my cosmopolitan intake" she pointed at the black haired girl. "And two this is Haku. She's a he!"
"Yup" the girl-no-guy nodded cheerfully. "Sakura's getting me ready for a talent show" he posed in the school girl costume. "I'm doing "Oops! You did me again!" what do you think?" he winked. Naruto paled a little.
"Excuse him Haku, I did warn you what he was like" sighed Sakura as she closed her sewing kit and removed her blouse and began searching her cupboard for clothes. "His gayness is suppressed, he likes cock and that's about it, nothing more"
"Look at you miss uninhibited" Naruto muttered. "I still remember when you were floral patterns and unicorns" he grumbled.
"Yeah when I was 12" she scoffed. "Quit living in the past, Naruto" She pulled on a turtleneck. "You're just in a way-bitchy mood because you smell like spam". Naruto grumbled but Sakura winked at him. "Chill out, Naruto. What's wrong with you anyway? Aside from the spam thing?"
"Just work" he sighed. "It's vile as vile can be. Three years in culinary arts school and I'm bussing tables" he groused. "Living off instant ramen and struggling to pay the rent…"
Sakura rubbed the top of his head affectionately. "Well I'd tell you when there was an opening in the GAP but they'd never let someone who dresses like you work there. You're not the only one with a few troubles. That jerk Miller fired me from the hospital because I wouldn't blow him!" Naruto winced at the memory of that.
The Miller guy had circled rumours about Sakura stealing some supplies from the hospital and she'd gotten fired only a few months after becoming a full fledged doctor. It was a real pity her parents were doctors too and she was an excellent one herself, a regular child prodigy with perfect grades…and now she had to work in The Gap…
"You guys are throwing yourselves a regular pity party" Haku said. Naruto's jaw dropped as Haku stood utterly naked in the middle of the room. He immediately blushed red and looked away as Haku got changed. "Seriously, come with me to the opening tonight. It will be a blast!"
Sakura beamed a 1000 watt smile. "Great idea! Naruto and I are in!"
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Naruto only for Sakura to give him The Look and silence his protests. "Eight sound good?" he croaked.
Haku now stood in a scoop necked purple sweater and jeans. "Perfect" he grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair and took the bag with his girl costume in his other hand. "Sakura knows where - dress sexy" he winked at Naruto and headed out.
What had Sakura signed him up for?!
MIST.
"It stands for Men In Speedo Thongs" Sakura said sagely as they cued for the entrance.
"Okay! I'm out!" Naruto exclaimed as he turned to go. Sakura and Haku snagged an arm each and pulled him back as he tried to slip under the velvet rope outside the pumping nightclub.
"She's kidding!" Haku reassured him, he was dressed in tight jeans and a wide open black shirt that barely covered his nipples. "Wow, you really are as repressed as she said"
"I'm not repressed I just don't need to be overly gay" Naruto grumbled as they approached the door. "I don't need to be a screaming queen. This really isn't my scene so much…"
The bouncer loomed over them, bronzed, big and muscled to perfection. A little too muscled for Naruto but incredible shoulders. "ID" he boomed. Haku pulled his ID from his pants and handed it to the bouncer who scanned it.
"Will you be inside later?" he asked
The man looked at him. "…Yeah…I got indoor duty"
"Do you get a break?"
"…Yeah"
"Wanna spend it with me?"
The man's lips twitched into a smile but then the other bouncer at the other side of the entrance called his name. "Hey! Zabuza! Quit trying to fuck him in your head and do your job!" the guy barked.
"Whatever" Zabuza muttered as he let them in. Haku waved back at the guy with painted nails and gave a giggle. "Now there's a man I like" he sighed.
"I'm sure he was thinking there's a girl I like" Sakura giggled as she checked her long black coat. Naruto handed his jacket over and hurried after the pair into the club.
"Is that a Cher remix?" he groaned as he surveyed the clean white club from the balcony. There were gyrating guys in cages and at dance poles. There were very few women in the club so Sakura had very little competition for gay-man-straight-woman-dance-love. Haku gave a girlish giggle as the shirtless bartender waved to him.
"Oh my God! I don't believe it!" he exclaimed. "Kotetsu! He's looking really well, got rid of the nipple piercing though. Well they're not for everyone" Haku grabbed Sakura's arm and she in turn grabbed Naruto's dragging him with her to the bar.
"Hey Haku" Kotetsu said as he cleaned a glass. "The usual?"
"Oh yeah, same for my girls here" Haku grinned. The shots were out in the blink of an eye and prevented Naruto explaining how much he hated being called a girl.
"Onetwothree!" shrilled Sakura with excitement as they knocked back the shots. Naruto winced as the drink burned a little. "Wow! Loving it!" she said. "Let's dance!" she exclaimed.
"Pass" Naruto managed to say through his slightly numbed tongue and lips. What the hell had been in that!?
"You take care of him" winked Haku to Kotetsu before letting Sakura haul him onto the dance floor. Kotetsu smiled at Naruto.
"What'll it be?"
"Vodka. Double." Naruto sighed.
"Atta boy" the spiky haired guy said.
"Why do you have a those three bandages on your face?"
"I'll tell you after your 13th drink"
Naruto made it his business to get spectacularly drunk in situations like this. He turned around and bumped into a pale guy.
"How many is that?" he slurred over the bar
"About 15" Kotetsu smiled slowly. Naruto spotted Sakura dancing in the midst of sweaty, shirtless gay boys and Haku was in a corner with Zabuza, getting close, so close their drinks were touching. Yeah there was one drag princess on the verge of a happy night.
Naruto felt he was being watched through his drunken haze. He turned around and saw the figure, a statue of white marble in the middle of dancing shadows. It was like some …sort of…commercial where the perfect…bottle of…soda was lit up like a beacon of …soda-ness
Wow he was drunk off his face.
The guy smiled slowly and approached the bar. "Cock sucking cowboy" he called to Kotetsu
"I know you are, but what am I?" grinned the bartender as he mixed the cocktail. The pale skinned guy turned to look at Naruto.
"Hi"
"Mwudf?" Naruto was far from articulate when he was drunk this badly. "I mean hey to you too".
"You're full of Christmas cheer" the dark haired boy smiled as he moved a little closer. "See you later?" he asked as he moved away from the bar having knocked his drink back in one go.
"Yuh" Naruto managed with a slow blink. He turned around and looked up at one of the go-go dancers on stage. "Hi" he said vacantly at the guy who just rolled his eyes and kneeled before Naruto, unzipping his hot pants.
"Do you guys wear name tags?"
The dancer gave another grunt of apathy and continued to molest the pole before him.
"Just a question"
"Go sober up" the dancer muttered.
"Fine then"
"Shikamaru be polite to the customers" one of the other dancers called across the floor as he gyrated against a some dude who had climbed up after him.
"Whatever" the dancer muttered.
Naruto looked around Sakura had vanished into the core of the group, she was a teetotaller and very anti-drugs so she wouldn't be in any risk. She knew how to look after herself…so Naruto could go home.
He climbed the stairs out of the dance floor area, sunken down to give a view of the bay area nearby. He headed for the cloakroom with a heavy head, he was going to piss as soon as he got home, but not here, he didn't like being sized up when he pissed.
"So do you have a penis?"
He jumped and glanced at the pale guy with his barely-long-enough shirt and tightest-of-the-tight black leather pants.
"What?" Naruto murmured.
"Seriously, do you have a cock?"
Naruto flushed red, sure he was drunk but his rage was quick to rise at any point in time and any state of mind. "Shut up bastard" he snarled as he snatched his jacket back from the check girl (he tipped her well as an apology).
"What? So you don't have a dick?"
Naruto burst out of the door and stalked away. He glanced over his shoulder to spot the guy following him, pulling on a leather jacket. "Hey, wait up!" the guy shouted as he hurried after Naruto who continued to stomp away. "So do you or do you not have a cock?"
"What's it to you"
"I'd like to see it"
Naruto blinked and looked at the soft, smiling lips, slim pale face and dark eyes.
"Come again?"
"I'd like to see your penis"
Naruto took a moment. "Uh - hang on - what is going on here?"
"I'm being direct, I was reading a self help book and it said that honesty was the best policy for meeting decent guys" he smiled softly and looked a little nervous. "I like you." He stepped in a little closer. "I think you like me too"
Naruto was obviously incredibly drunk because he'd completely lost why this all sounded logical to this guy. "Okay so you were asking me if I had a wang because - what? You want to see it?"
"I admit to being a little drunk tonight" the guy said. "But I really do think we could…"
Naruto kissed him hard on the mouth. "That was the worst pick up line in history, never use it again" he said breaking the kiss for a moment before grasping the guy's leather clad butt and pulling him in tight against his body. Their erections pressed together and damn was it hot. This guy made Naruto shiver with anticipation…parts of him were twitching as he pressed his tongue deeper into the warm mouth.
Finally he had to give in and breathe again. "What's your name?"
"Sai" the guy said as he sucked in the cool night hair in steady gasps riddled with excitement. "So you don't like my honest curiosity?"
"Okay…Shut up and let's go" Naruto growled, lust filling his eyes even more than the alcoholic stupor did with the hazy sheen drunken eyes held.
Naruto grabbed Sai's hand and pulled him towards the road.
TO BE CONTINUED...
In the next chapter Naruto wakes up with someone in bed with him. But he's not interested in anything with Sai...right? Plus Sakura shows off her fancy footwork by avoiding an amorous neighbor