The day Haru's life got turned around had started off like any usual day. Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana had gone out for their anniversary and Makoto had asked Haru to watch his twin siblings with him. Of course, Haru agreed, Makoto was his best friend and he would do anything for him.
Haru had long since realized his feelings for Makoto, the fact it extended far more than friendship, and though it originally terrified Haru to know he had fallen for his best friend…. He had finally come to accept it. He realized there was no way he could change his feelings, but he could change what he would do about it, and with this in mind he kept his feelings hidden from Makoto. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin his and Makoto's friendship, so even if he couldn't be with Makoto like he wanted to, he could still be by his side as a friend, and that was enough to make him happy. As long as Makoto was in his life, he could survive.
Haru was prepared to watch Makoto start a life without him, he knew that never confessing his feelings meant he'd never have a chance, but he knew that if he did he would ultimately be rejected… And like always Haru was running, running away from that rejection, doing whatever he could so he wouldn't meet it. As much as it would hurt, Haru knew he would have to watch as Makoto fell in love with someone else and got married… All Haru could hope for was that Makoto would keep him in his life as he started a family of his own. If Haru saw Makoto in pure happiness, then maybe Haru's life alone would be worth it.
During the night watching the twins, Haru and Makoto took them to the park, on the way they all got popsicles… Makoto had split his and gave the other half to Haru which caused the raven haired teen's cheeks to warm. He felt as though his own soul was represented through the split cold treat. Half of himself was with Makoto, and always would be. Haru knew he would be lost without Makoto… It made him think of back in middle school, the time he almost had lost his other half, when Makoto had gone to the beach in his time of despair.
I wanted to be in a place where Haru wasn't
Haru didn't know how to react to those words still, of course Makoto ended up staying by his side after hearing that Haru needed him, but it made Haru think if it was only a one way street… What if Makoto no longer needed Haru…?
Haru was barely able to think much about this, Makoto began to chatter on about different things going on in their life, like classes, swim club, and their friends. Haru didn't mind the distraction, Makoto's warm voice provided a sense of comfort, easing his inner storm for a while and calming the water in him.
When they got home- or, to the Tachibana's house- Haru set off to make dinner while Makoto watched a movie with the twins… Mainly since Haru refused to let Makoto in the kitchen. As much as he loved Makoto, he knew the olive haired teen's strengths and weaknesses, cooking was a definite weakness for Makoto. Haru finished dinner and Makoto set the table, Haru wished they could do this every night, it was such a domestic feeling, almost like they were a family together. Though, Haru had to realize how unlikely that would ever be.
The dinner went over quickly, they ate in a peaceful silence, and after Makoto brought the twins to their room and read a story to them to get them to sleep. Haru was amazed by how great of a person Makoto was, how much he cared for his siblings, and the raven haired teen couldn't help but feel lucky once again just to be close to the ever so perfect Makoto.
Haru had just begun to wash the dishes from dinner, having already put the leftovers away, when Makoto came over and began drying the dishes.
"You don't have to do that…" Haru said quietly, he made dinner and the mess, so it was only fair he cleaned it up. Makoto only shook his head as he grabbed the dishes Haru cleaned and dried them.
"I want to, anyways you made dinner for us so you shouldn't have to clean everything up. I didn't do much to help…" Makoto said, seeing things differently than Haru, of course. A sigh escaped the raven haired teen's lips but he just made a small nod, not fighting Makoto on it.
As Haru washed the dishes, his arm brushed against Makoto's, the warm skin sending shivers throughout him. Oh how he wished he could just lean up and kiss the other, how he wished he could be held and know that he was Makoto's and Makoto was his… He wanted Makoto to know how he felt so badly so that he wasn't in his secret turmoil anymore… He wanted his feelings to be returned, he wanted to be loved by the person he loved. Makoto was perfect, handsome, kind, warm….
"I love you."
.
.
.
It took a little less than a second for Haru to realize the words had slipped out of his mouth but it felt like an eternity. What had compelled his mind to create those syllables out loud, Haru didn't know, but he cursed it, hated it. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, his stomach twisting in nervous knots, and it felt as though all the breath was sucked out of him.
A plate dropped to the floor and shattered into pieces, Haru swallowed thickly as he knew it was Makoto who dropped it. Just like the plate, their friendship was shattered into a million pieces and Haru wasn't sure if this would end in them becoming more…or if this ended with them being destroyed beyond repair.
It took all of Haru's strength to turn to face Makoto, blue met green, and when he saw the other frozen with a shocked expression, he wished he hadn't. It felt as he was stabbed in the chest and Makoto…. Makoto was saying nothing. Haru's eyes just searched Makoto's face, asking for an answer, begging for one, but the olive haired teen made no noise, he just stared, and that's when Haru realized it.
Makoto didn't feel the same, that's why he wasn't answering because he had nothing to say back to Haru, he didn't love Haru back. The rejection was like a punch in the gut and Haru let out a shaky breath as he backed away from Makoto. He ruined everything, their friendship, their future, his life, everything. Haru could feel tears swell in his eyes and he was the first to break the eye contact with Makoto, the first to turn away, and the first to run off.
Haru was a creature of habit and no matter how much he wanted to grow up, he couldn't help but run, he was a coward and couldn't stop himself from running away from his problems. It was pathetic, how he always ran, how he went to the water expecting comfort from it, how he let himself be babied by it. The water provided an escape for Haru, even if momentarily, he needed to get away from it all. He couldn't be anywhere near Makoto right now.
As Haru ran out of the Tachibana house, he heard footsteps quickly start to follow him and he could hear his name be called out, but Haru didn't turn around. He couldn't face Makoto again. Anyways, Makoto couldn't have anything positive to say to him, it was probably just an apology for not feeling the same, and Haru couldn't stand to hear it.
Haru ran to the beach, the sand sinking under his shoes and almost causing him to trip multiple times. Haru fell to his knees in front of the water and tears started to fall down his face. It was all done, Makoto would never be there to pick him up in the morning, to fill the silence, to speak up for him, to pull him out of the water, to comfort him and make him happy… His time with Makoto was gone because he ruined it, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, he had to let his biggest secret slip out and make his nightmares a reality. He would never grow old with Makoto, he would never get to bask in the other's presence of perfection, the thought of not seeing those warm green eyes made a sob break out of him.
Haru knew that this nightmare would be terrible, but he didn't know it would hurt this much, that it would feel as if his heart was being ripped out of his body.
If Haru was paying attention, maybe he would have noticed the small crunch of sand as someone approached, but the overwhelming thoughts of losing Makoto and the crashing waves in front of him drowned out the sound. At that moment, Haru was the rabbit who didn't realize he was becoming prey.
Haru's head was snapped up as his hair was pulled and he let out a yelp, through the blurriness of his tears he saw an older man with dark brown eyes, almost black, and a large toothy grin on his face.
"So pretty…" The man said, his voice sinister. Haru didn't know who this man was, but he knew this wasn't right, he could feel the dread starting to fill him. He tried to squirm away, managing to get his hair out of the man's grip and attempting to get up, though the man grabbed onto his sweatshirt and tried to pull him back. Haru felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest, all thoughts of Makoto gone momentarily as he knew he had to get away from whoever this man was. He didn't know what he did but for whatever reason this man wanted him.
Haru pulled away again, letting his sweatshirt slip off his arms so he was free of the man's grip. The man growled and let the sweatshirt fall to the ground as he chased after Haru, somehow the man was faster than him and Haru felt his arm get grabbed tightly. The next thing Haru knew, he was pushed to the ground, the man on top of him. He heard the man take something out of his pocket and felt a needle prick his neck…
"Pretty… Just like a doll…" The man's voice whispered into his ear. Tears fell down Haru's face, the world around him starting to go hazy, he wondered… If this was the end, would anyone care? He was just a burden… Wasn't he? All he did was cause problems, even when he didn't try to…. Because of him, people stopped doing what they enjoyed, like in middle school with Asahi and Shota, and he only brought out the bad in people… He made happy people like Makoto feel terrible about themselves…. Maybe it was good for him to be gone…. Maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be… Makoto deserved better anyways.
With that, everything went black.
The day Makoto's life fell apart was the same day one of his wishes came through, as confusing and grim as that sounded. It was his fault too, Makoto was the one to blame for what happened.
All Makoto wanted before that day was for him and Haru to be together. He had been in love with Haru for the longest time… He had always thought those feelings were one sided, he thought Haru didn't love anyone like that, it never seemed like it…. Of course though, when you are around someone every day, it's hard to see the slight changes in their behavior. Makoto didn't see how Haru had changed, how those ocean blue eyes began to fill with love every time they gazed on Makoto.
It was only when Haru confessed that Makoto found out his dream came true, that Haru loved him back. Makoto had been so terrified to confess, so he hadn't, instead he decided to wait and see where fate led hem, he was hopeful and even though he had previously believed it would be unlikely Haru felt the same, he wanted Haru to know because he knew their friendship wouldn't break over those feelings. Haru wouldn't leave his side…
But when Haru finally said those three words Makoto longed to hear, he froze up and couldn't form the words he had wanted to tell the beautiful raven haired teen for so long. Makoto didn't blame Haru for running off, if he was in the same position he would be a little scared, and he knew when Haru got overwhelmed he had to run away and be alone, but at this time he didn't want Haru to be upset. Haru's feelings were returned, Makoto loved him!
When Haru started to run off was when Makoto finally came to his senses and ran after Haru, trying to call the other over, but it was too late and Haru wouldn't turn around. For whatever reason, it had felt like Haru was slipping away from him, it wasn't until later that night that Makoto had realized why.
Makoto was the one who ended up calling the police.
He had waited at Haru's house for hours, even when his parents got home, he stayed at the raven haired teens house, sitting on the steps and hoping to see those familiar blue eyes again. When it reached four hours, Makoto had enough and went to search for Haru, the worry building up until he couldn't sit around any longer. He spent the night searching everywhere he thought Haru may be when he finally came across the beach. As much as the ocean put him on edge with the crashing, angry waves, Makoto was determined to find Haru and tell him how he felt… But all Makoto found was Haru's sweatshirt, his cell phone in the pocket which explained why the other hadn't picked up the phone every time Makoto called.
Makoto had felt his heart drop as he knew something was wrong and he couldn't let it go. That was when he called the police and the nightmare fully sunk in.
The case was open for a year, the whole time Makoto searched everywhere for Haru, kept an eye open and just hoped the other would come back, he felt as though the police were barely doing anything… And when he was told that they closed the case and there were no leads to follow, Makoto felt his heart break.
They ruled it a suicide. A god damn suicide!
The Nanase's held a funeral for Haru, though Makoto didn't go. He was angry, angry that everyone was so quick to give up on Haru. Makoto couldn't, he would never forget those ocean blue eyes, never forget the beautiful person, and he wouldn't let go of the belief that Haru was still alive out there. He knew Haru had to be! Haru wouldn't leave them, he wouldn't leave Makoto, he promised they would always be together.
Everyone told Makoto to move on and let go, but he couldn't agree to that, Haru was his other half and if he accepted Haru's 'death' then that would be like killing parts of himself. Despite Makoto's inner turmoil, time moved on, it didn't wait for Haru. Makoto found himself going to college, though he shocked everyone when instead of following his dream of being a coach, he joined the police academy.
Makoto wasn't going to let Haru disappear from this world and if everyone else gave up on him, then it just meant Makoto would have to try extra hard so he could come back. Makoto didn't care if he was giving up on his own dreams, for Haru he would do anything.
Four years passed after that, Haru had been gone for a total of five years, and Makoto was trying to grip onto the small thread of hope he still had. He spent almost all his free time trying to follow anything that led to Haru, but every time he was just at a dead end. It didn't help that a lot of his time was taken up by his police duties, he knew that he had to do them, but he just wished he could spend the whole time looking for Haru.
Makoto was lucky that he had someone he knew with him, Rin had also joined the same police force he was on and just like Makoto, he refused to believe Haru was gone. Rin didn't think their friend would leave them so easily and his reasoning was because if he didn't convince himself Haru was alive, then the raven haired teen would truly be gone from them.
Rin had been a great friend throughout this, he watched over Makoto and kept him sane, whenever Makoto was on the verge of a breakdown, Rin would be there to calm him. Rin was the only one who didn't question Makoto or give him any worrying glances, Rin seemed to understand that Haru was Makoto's other half and without him, Makoto was broken. The olive haired male had been through so much, seen so much, that he was becoming jaded. Makoto was angry with the world, he had long since lost his optimism and innocence, without Haru, he didn't have much to be happy about.
The only reason Makoto guessed Rin understood was because Rin had almost lost Sousuke, who Makoto could assume was Rin's other half. Sousuke is a cop like them, just he works in Tokyo where there is a lot more crime, one of the times he was called out to arrest a person, they had a gun and shot Sousuke, it was close to fatal and Sousuke had to have surgery. Rin was a mess the entire time, which was the reason Makoto noticed Rin's relationship with Sousuke was the same as Makoto's relationship with Haru's. Rin and Sousuke were practically one and they needed each other to survive.
Makoto sighed as he tried to snap himself out of these thoughts, he was working a late night at the office, filling out a large amount of paperwork from a recent bank robbery. He sighed as he tried to sip his coffee only to find it was empty. He had become reliant on the drink to give him enough energy to continue his police work and search for Haru at the same time.
"Hey, how you holding up?" Rin came over and sat on the edge of Makoto's desk, asking about the paperwork. He had his hair up, trying to keep some out of his face, and he had his police uniform on in case the two had to go out again. Makoto looked up at Rin and let out a small sigh.
"I'm… I'm managing." Makoto said and went to get up, Rin watched him quietly.
"I'm out of coffee, come with me to get some." Makoto said, starting to walk off, Rin made a small nod and got off the desk, going to follow Makoto.
"Fine with me. Coffee sounds nice right now." Rin said and walked with Makoto into the break room. It was empty, due to the time of night it was there wasn't as many officers on, the ones who were on tonight were out patrolling or sat at their desk, trying to fill out paperwork like zombies.
Makoto grabbed the coffee pot and got two cups for him and Rin, he began to pour one for the redhead, already being able to tell the other was staring at him. He knew he probably looked like hell, he hadn't had much sleep as of lately because of all his time working with Haru's case.
"You look like hell Makoto… What's wrong? Are you… Are you okay?" Rin asked, taking the cup from Makoto once it was full, his voice was laced with concern but he managed to keep a cool demeanor. Makoto looked up at Rin, despite knowing this question wasn't unusual, it still surprised him and he didn't know what to say. This made him think of how much he was holding in, he wasn't okay, of course, but he never spoke a word of it. He never tried to burden his friends and family with his feelings, his guilt, his self-loathing, his worry, the overall fear he had that he would find Haru but it would be too late… That Haru may be broken beyond repair or worse… Dead.
The emotions had been tearing away at Makoto, breaking him down day by day, the olive haired man felt as though his energy and will to keep going was depleting as time went on. The hope and determination he had was starting to wither down, it would with any human being who had been faced with so much failure and despair for five years. Makoto realized the only thing that was keeping him going was fear, fear that Haru really was out there somewhere and if Makoto stopped looking for him he may really be killed. He feared something terrible would happen to Haru if he gave up and that it would once again be his fault.
"I... I'm tired…" Makoto admitted, he could feel tears stinging in his eyes, tears that he refused to shed because he had to be strong for both himself and Haru. What he said wasn't a lie, all of this work and his now jaded adult life exhausted him, he really wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this. He wasn't healthy, he was angry, he barely was eating, he rarely got enough sleep, and he was borderline depressed… Without Haru, Makoto was slowly killing himself.
"I-I just…. I need to believe he's out there…. Without that, I have nothing to keep me going… A-And, if he really is, I need to find him fast because I miss him...And I don't know if he's okay or how much longer he will be kept alive…" Makoto said, his voice shaking and he could see Rin begin to frown, he knew the redhead wouldn't interrupt him though. Rin knew that Makoto needed to say this to someone, he couldn't keep it to himself.
"I-It… It makes me so angry and upset… K-Knowing that someone took Haru away… Just swept him away from his life… And that it was my fault… H-Haru ran away because I-I couldn't say any-" Makoto was cut off when he felt searing hot coffee hit his hand as he forgot to pay attention to the second cup he was pouring. With a yelp he dropped the cup, luckily it landed on the counter and not much spilt. It seemed Rin was too caught up listening to Makoto, as he didn't notice that the cup spilled over until Makoto yelped. The redhead furrowed his brows and sighed.
"Makoto… You have to get ahold of yourself...This isn't healthy…" Rin said sternly and ran a hand through his bangs. Makoto listened and though he knew it was true, he didn't reply. Instead he just wiped the coffee off himself and the counter.
"I want to find Haru too… But you can't do that if you are in such bad shape. Haru wouldn't want this." Rin said, his voice becoming softer and Makoto stopped moving, realizing just how right the other was. He wouldn't be as productive if he kept on this way, he would be sloppy and possibly miss something that was a clue, miss Haru.
"You're right Rin….Thank you." Makoto said, his shoulders relaxing as he looked to the other. He didn't know what he would do without Rin. Before they could finally relax and start to drink their coffee, the police chief went over to them. Her name was Ami, she was kind and made sure to know about all her workers, she even knew why Makoto had joined though she didn't hold it against him.
Her face was grim though, which told the two that this wasn't her coming over to say hello, this was her telling them about a case.
"I need you two to go to the beach at Iwatobi… A dead body of a young man washed up… We already have DNA and are testing it to find out who it is, but we want you to look at the scene and see if there's anything missed… There's other police there watching the body but there's a crowd forming and they may need your help holding it back." She said, both men froze and while Rin made a nod, Makoto remained unmoving. Ami seemed satisfied with this and walked off, leaving the two alone to process what they just heard. The beach was where Haru originally went missing…. That's where his sweatshirt was.
"Y-You don't think its Haru… Do you…?" Rin asked quietly. Makoto was quick to shake his head. Even though the fear was running through him, it couldn't be Haru. It just couldn't.
"Quick… Let's go." Makoto said, he could feel himself starting to shake in nervousness and he just needed to get there as soon as possible so he could find out if it is his best friend or not.
Luckily, Rin seemed just as eager to get there, so within minutes they were in the trooper and Rin was driving them to the beach. Makoto only went here when looking for Haru, he no longer had any good memories of the place and could no longer be happy there. It was just known as the place Haru was taken from him.
When they got to the beach, Makoto quickly exited the vehicle and made his way over to the taped off area, some officers were around the body, ready to put it in the body bag. Makoto headed straight over, his heart hammering in his chest as he didn't know what he would do if his love was in there. He would become a broken shell…
The terror in him is what drove him now, he felt as though memories of him and Haru were flashing through his head as he thought about the what ifs, what he might be losing right now…
When Makoto very hesitantly looked at the body he let out a sob. Rin joined his side and let out a shaky breath as he came to the same revelation as Makoto.
.
.
.
.
.
"It's not Haru…" Makoto said, despite them both knowing, he needed to say it. Haru was still out there somewhere and Makoto knew he needed to find him. He was going to find him, even if it meant spending years doing so. He wouldn't let Haru disappear from his life.
Once the body was bagged and no evidence was found, Makoto and Rin went to walk back to their car. As they were walking by the people that had crowded around the police tape, Makoto heard something in passing that left an unsettling feeling in his stomach.
"It's such a shame... They were such a doll… So pretty…"
Something didn't seem right about those words and that voice, Makoto didn't know what it was but it sent a shiver down his spine. Makoto looked back to see who had said it, but in the crowd of people all he could make out was dark brown eyes, almost black, turning away from him and disappearing from his sight.
