This is pure crack...ye be warned.
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Cracking up the Audience
"God damn it! My boob keeps falling out of my shirt!"
"Yazoo!" Bring the double sided tape!"
"What?! Fuck, no! There is hair there!"
"For heaven's sake, Axel, would you grow a pair already?!" Kairi exclaimed as she adjusted her bright blue jump suit. Her brother could be such a wimp sometimes.
"Nobody asked you, Kairi," Axel growled, picking the rolled up ball of socks from where it had fallen to the ground once again. "I should have just gone with pasties."
"Oh, pish!" said Yazoo as he flipped some of his lengthy silver hair over his shoulder, approaching Axel with the double sided tape Naminé had called for earlier. "Now, hold still while I attach your breast to your chest. Be glad that I'm using tape instead of a staple gun." Finally happy with Axel's breast repair, the set manager and director walked over to Naminé, "Now, let me adjust you."
"Go right ahead," Naminé grinned mischievously as Yazoo fiddled with the fez atop her head before playing with the ballooned pants of the blonde girl's Aladdin costume. When he was finally content with the fall of the crotch, Yazoo then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Naminé's cheek.
"Yazoo and Nami!" Demyx cried out happily.
"Sitting in a tree!" Kairi continued as Yazoo grinned and joined in.
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" he smirked before wrapping Naminé in his arms and dipping her back, giving her the wettest, loudest, most sloppy kiss ever. The rest of their group burst into loud laughter at the sight.
When she was finally let back up, Naminé had a look of pure disgust on her face as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. "That was so totally gross!" she exclaimed, "We definitely have to do that again later. Meet me in my tree house around 9," Naminé winked, causing Yazoo to blush fiercely.
"Ah, teenage sex," Axel grinned.
"Alright, alright. Enough of that. Let's get back to work," Olette said as she fixed the mustache and beard attached to her face.
"Spoil sport!" Demyx and Kairi cried in unison before bursting into laughter.
"Hey, this thing is so itchy!" Olette explained, scratching her chin. "None of you would understand."
"Contrary to popular belief, I am a man, so I grow my own facial hair. I do indeed know how it feels," Axel said, reaching into the tube top he was wearing to adjust his 'boobs' once more.
"Says the guy playing with his own tatas," Demyx grinned, clapping his best friend on the back.
"Whatever, monkey boy," Axel answered, yanking on the false tail that was attached to Demyx's pants, earning a loud yelp from the blond guy.
"You two can measure your manhood later. We've got to get back to rehearsal. The show is tomorrow," Kairi smirked, helping Olette get her turban straight.
"She's right, my pretties," Yazoo called, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. "The sooner we get through this, the sooner…" he let out a loud yelp as his ass was slapped hard.
"The sooner I get to tap this ass," Naminé grinned.
"So, let me get this straight. It's Aladdin?" Sora asked Pence as they sat waiting for the curtain to rise.
"Yup, Aladdin in less than 5 minutes," Pence told his friend. Roxas wasn't paying attention to either his twin or their friend as he watched Hayner play a video game over his shoulder.
"Ooh! It's starting! Roxy, you'd better watch!" Sora exclaimed, shaking his brother's shoulder to get his attention as Demyx walked out on the stage dressed as Abu the monkey.
"Hello everyone! I'm Abu! I'll be your narrator today! Our story begins in the far away land of Agrabah…" The curtain then rose to reveal Aladdin and Jasmine standing on opposite sides of the stage.
"What the…" the twins both trailed off, one into laughter and the other in disbelief as they saw what exactly was happening. Apparently no one told them that it was a gender bender adaptation of the classic fairy tale.
Axel, dressed as Jasmine, ran into the middle of the stage, knocking into Naminé dressed as Aladdin.
"Hi, I'm Aladdin!" Naminé smiled in a fake deep voice, bowing to Axel.
Axel just giggled and twirled in spot, sending a wink and half smile into the audience in Roxas' direction. "I'm Jasmine."
"Whahaha!" An evil laughter came from off stage as Olette ran over, hooking arms with Axel. Twisting her goatee between two fingers, she then continued, "Your father doesn't want you hanging around street rats!" Olette then pulled Axel off stage, leaving Naminé alone.
"Now what?" Naminé asked, facing the audience and shrugging.
Olette appeared once more, a paper bag in hand as she looked to the audience, shushing them with a smile. Making her way behind Naminé, she pulled the paper bag over her head to reveal an old man's face painted on the front. "You must find the magical lamp from the Cave of Wonders!"
Screaming from being startled, Naminé jumped, turning around to see the paper bag face. "Ah! A creepy old man! A lamp you say? To the Cave of Solitude…I mean, Wonders!" Making a flying Superman pose, Naminé then ran off stage, leaving Olette standing there. Olette took the bag off, shrugging with a smile before running off in the other direction.
Naminé then reappeared holding a bedside table lamp. "Look! The magic lamp!" She exclaimed, rubbing the lampshade.
As she did, Kairi jumped in from the other side of the stage, dressed in a bright blue jump suit. "I am the Genie of the lamp! You ain't never had a friend like me! What is your first wish?"
"Um, I wish to be home in Agrabah?" Naminé said, stepping closer to Kairi.
"Poof!" Kairi exclaimed, throwing a handful of glitter into the air. "There, now you are home in Agrabah!" Although the black background scenery never changed, Naminé gasped.
"Amazing!"
"And for your second wish, Master?"
"I wish to be a prince!"
"Poof!" She exclaimed once more, another handful of glitter being thrown into the air as Kairi then reached down and pulled the highly visible white turban off of her purple belt, plopping it down on Naminé's head. "There, now you are Prince Ali."
"Amazing!" Naminé cried.
"Now, go get the princess!" Kairi said before running off stage.
Axel then reappeared, walking over to Naminé.
"Princess Jasmine, I am Prince Ali Ababwa."
"Baa Baa? Like a sheep? Well, I'm not a prize to be won!" Axel said, brushing his shoulder off, blowing a kiss towards Roxas in the audience, causing the blond to squirm in his chair.
"Let me take you on a magic carpet ride!" Naminé smiled, holding both of her hands up for Axel to take.
"I totally trust you!" Axel grinned back, bringing their hands up so that they were at chest level. They gave one little hop in the middle of the stage before spinning around in a single circle.
Naminé looked up with a wide smile, "A whole new world!"
"A whole new world," Axel repeated with a grin on his face as well. They then hopped one more time. Suddenly, Olette reappeared on stage, holding the table lamp before reaching out and grabbing Axel's arm and pulling him over to her side.
"Whahaha! Now I have the lamp and the princess!" Olette cried. "Genie!"
Kairi then ran out, standing between Naminé and Olette, "S'up?"
"My first wish is to make him hurt!" Olette yelled, pointing towards Naminé.
Kairi turned to Olette, throwing a handful of glitter in her face. "Poof! You're a jerk." Then, she walked over to Naminé, giving her a light push, causing the blonde to fall over.
"Amazing!" Naminé called from the floor.
"Now, Genie, I wish to be powerful!" Olette exclaimed.
Axel just stood there with his arms crossed, "You're a powerful something, that's for sure."
"I meant a powerful sorcerer, you moron!" Olette then kicked Axel in the shin.
"That wasn't very lady like!" Kairi said, holding her hand up, ready to make her magic. "P-!"
"Amazing!" Naminé exclaimed, still sprawled on the floor.
"Can I at least say it first?!" screamed Kairi, glaring down at Naminé. "Poof! You're powerful! There, now you can say it!"
"Amazing!" repeated Naminé.
"That's more like it." Kairi then turned back to Olette, "But you know, I'm still more powerful than you are."
"Grrr. Fine then. I wish to be an all powerful Genie!" Olette cried, holding both arms out to her sides.
Grinning, Kairi waked over to stand directly in front of Olette. Reaching one hand up, she knocked the hat off of Olette's head at the same time that Axel threw a handful of glitter into Olette's face.
"Poof!" Axel shouted.
"Amazing!" Naminé exclaimed.
"There. You're a Genie now. Enjoy it," Kairi grinned.
Suddenly, Demyx appeared at next to Naminé with a floor lamp, setting it down beside her, then kneeling down to help the blonde up before scampering back up to the MC podium.
"Now, Jafar," Naminé exclaimed picking the lamp up and banging it down on the stage floor, "Return to your lamp!" Naminé walked over and yanked the smaller lamp out of Olette's hand.
"Noooo!" Olette cried as she started spinning in circles all the way off the stage.
"Now Genie," Naminé started looking at Kairi, holding the lamp up above her head. "I wish you free!"
Axel then opened his other fist over Kairi's head, and with no enthusiasm said, "Poof," dropping the handful over her.
"Now I'm human!" Kairi exclaimed, giving a huge grin and a peace sign to the audience.
"Amazing!" exclaimed Naminé.
"But shouldn't you have wished for the girl?" Kairi asked.
"Meh, with my sweet moves, I'm getting her anyway!" Naminé grinned, running over and jumping into Axel's arms bridal style.
"And they all lived happily ever after!" Demyx grinned, pausing to think for only a moment, "Well, except for Jafar. The end!" With that said, the curtain dropped down before rising once again to reveal the entire cast standing in a line and holding hands. As they went to take their bow, 2 rolled up socks fell from Axel's tube top, earning more laughter from the already roaring audience.
"That was…" Sora trailed off, laughing heartily.
"…absolutely the most screwed up thing that I have ever seen," Roxas finished, still slightly traumatized from the performance.
"You know what? Axel looks kind of hot in a tube top," Pence said, bringing his fingers up to whistle.
"What the crap, Pence?" Sora laughed as Roxas turned with a glare and punched the dark haired teen in the shoulder.
"What? I'm totally making out with the girl wearing the beard later on. And frankly, I hope she decides to keep the beard on." Pence's comment caused the three of them to all crack into loud laughter.
Finally looking up from his video game at the sound of his friend's laughter, something that he was only hearing for the first time for some reason, Hayner looked over at them with raised eyebrows. "What did I miss?"
Please don't shoot us.
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