Reflections By Rebecca and Erin
"Kim to Captain."
"This is the Captain, go ahead Harry."
"We just finished our diagnostic of the wormhole we found in Sector 4747."
Janeway straightened up from her slumped position in her ready-room with anticipation, "And?"
A short pause preceded his answer, "It's a dud Captain. It leads back into Borg space."
Janeway sighed. "Understood Ensign. Finish it up in the logs and then report back to Ops."
"Yes ma'am. Kim out."
Janeway collapsed back into her chair, wondering why she ever got excited about these things anymore. Sure they were fifty years closer to home, but they still had twenty years to go. And there was no sign that they would get there any faster.
"Six years," she said out loud. Six years on this dreaded ship and we still seem as hopeless as ever. She finished drinking her coffee and then left her ready-room.
"Lt. Paris," she called to her helmsman.
"Yes Captain?"
"Maintain our current course at warp 2. Make sure the probe has collected all of the data that it can until we leave this area of space. Commander,"
Chakotay stood up.
"You have the bridge."
"Yes Captain."
Janeway gave a slight nod to her crew and headed for the turbolift. Five minutes later, she entered her quarters.
Six years, continued to go through her mind. The crew doesn't deserve this. They should be home with their families, not stranded on the other side of the galaxy. I got them stuck here. Janeway collapsed onto her couch, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Maybe I shouldn't have destroyed the array.
"Feeling guilty Kathy?"
Janeway whirled around and stared at the cocky Starfleet-uniformed man sitting in her window. "Q," she paused, growing perturbed, "How nice to see you," she said with more than a hint of sarcasm.
"Aren't you going to ask me to sit down?"
"I'd rather you leave...right now. Believe me Q, I'm not in the mood for your games."
Q proceeded to sit down next to her anyway, "Oh, you Starfleet Captains are all the same. Jean Luc didn't like games either."
"Q, I'm really not interested in-"
"You know Kathy," he cut her off, "You could show a little more courtesy to the man who has come to be your salvation."
"My salvation?" Janeway repeated his last phrase. "How can- wait I don't want to know. Will you please just leave."
"Leave? But I just got here!" he answered pouting his lips as he scooted over to her on the couch. Janeway responded by standing up and walking away. "Why are you always so touchy Kathryn? I mean I realize you didn't want to mate with me, but I thought we were still friends."
"Friends? Oh Q, do you have any idea- no, no, I am not getting into this. Q just save your little riddles for another day. I'd just like to get some sleep."
Q gave her a devilish grin, snapped his fingers and disappeared. Janeway was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when the comm system rang the red alert alarm. Janeway huffed as she threw her coffee cup back down on the bed. "All right Q!" she shouted out loud. "You win! I'll listen! Just shut that damn thing off!"
The alarm silenced immediately as she turned around to find Q laying on her bed.
"Chakotay to Captain," rang the communicator.
"Go ahead,"
"Everything all right? No one here issued that alarm."
"I know Commander, I know. The comm system is malfunctioning. Don't worry about it."
"Well, how do you know-"
"Just forget it Commander, I'll explain in the morning. Janeway out."
She rolled her eyes and stared at her intruder.
"Wonderful!" Q said as he zipped across the room and reappeared beside her, "Now we're alone..."
"Q, don't even think about it. What do you want?"
Q stepped back, "Relax Kathy, I'm not out to make trouble. Remember, I am your savior."
Oh, here we go. The salvation thing again. "Well Q, forgive me for being ungrateful but I don't need to be saved from anything right now. Why don't you save this for when we're being attacked by the Borg or something."
"Oh no?" he asked, shooting a suspicious look around the room, "What were you thinking about just now?"
"I was thinking how nice it would be if a phaser set to kill would actually work on a Q."
Q paused, "Ah ha ha...before that. Think back to before I got here."
Where is he going with this? she asked herself throwing him a skeptical glance. "I was thinking about my crew."
Q sat down and gave him a probing look as if to say And?
"About how long we've been stuck here and how much further we have to go."
"And you're worried about your fish too aren't you?"
"What?"
"Never mind. Old joke," he said continuing, "I know you too well Kathy. My guilt radar led me right to you."
"Guilt radar?"
"Of course," he said snickering, "Every Q has a guilt radar. Mine just happens to lead me to Starfleet Captains."
"How lucky for me," she answered dryly, picking up her coffee cup and refilling it. "So, Mr. Savior, could you please elaborate on this guilt radar."
"Certainly," he said making himself comfortable, "You're feeling guilty because you destroyed the array that could have gotten you right back home. You feel like you've ruined the lives of over 140 people. You've deprived a new born child of life on earth. You've added tension to the crew by bringing an ex-Borg on board. You made a convicted criminal your main pilot and-"
"All right, all right I get it! Jeez, I thought you were here to help me!"
Q didn't answer. He did nothing but smile, stand up and snap his fingers.
Kathryn whirled around. She wasn't in her quarters anymore. She wasn't even on the ship anymore. She was on a desert planet that even after six years, she knew all too well.
"Recognize this place?" Q asked coming up behind him.
Janeway looked around again, "It's the Ocampan homeworld. Where our journey began. Take us out of here immediately-"
"Relax Kathy. No one can see us. We're not really here. Your puny ship and its incompetent crew are all where they belong...on Voyager."
"Then why did you bring me here."
Q stared past her where there was activity going on. Janeway turned around and watched intently as a young girl was being shoved back and forth between two Kazon. Her face was badly bruised and there was scarring on her arms and legs. Her clothes were tattered and torn.
"Recognize your old protogee?"
"Kes..." she said quietly.
"She was a curious two-year-old. She did make it to the surface, but your crew wasn't here to take her so she was captured and forced to lead a life of servitude to hungry male Kazon soldiers."
Janeway didn't say anything. All she could do was watch as Kes was helplessly dragged into the cabin of a Kazon guard.
"What will happen to her,?"
"Oh she'll die here," Q responded matter-of-factly, "In a matter of months to be precise. But hey, you're safe at home in the Alpha Quadrant petting your dog. Who cares about this poor little Ocampan?"
She turned to face him as he snapped his fingers and they reappeared in a dark tunnel. Janeway looked around in confusion.
"Where are we now?" she asked turning to Q, but he had disappeared. Great! He left me here?
Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming from the passage in front of her. She peered into the darkness as she saw several figures emerge from the cave. The man in front of the line was Q.
Janeway rolled her eyes, "Q what are you doing?"
"Just making a unique and creative entrance, Kathy," he dramatically touched his hand to his chest, "It's the Q in me!"
"Is there a point in our being here," she huffed, "or are you just going to show off your theatrical talents?"
Q made a shushing motion with his finger and whispered, "Look."
Janeway watched as the parade of workers continued into the cave. She didn't see anyone she recognized and was about to argue with her "savior" again when she heard someone screech.
"Get moving!"
"I'm trying! If you'd stop shoving me, I'd probably go a lot faster!"
"You ungrateful little witch!" the soldier yelled. Janeway heard him strike the worker and a half-Klingon-half-human woman stumbled out of the tunnel.
"B'Elanna..." Janeway gasped, as she looked at her Chief Engineer. Her clothes were muddy and fading, but she appeared to be dressed in Maquis attire. Her eye was badly bruised and there was a red mark over her cheek where the guard had just struck her. B'Elanna had tumbled out and landed at her feet, but Janeway could do nothing but stare. There was a small hint of that old B'Elanna stubbornness and strength in her eyes, but that was all. The rest was a broken down, weak and helpless body.
"What happened?" she asked Q.
"Keep watching Kathy."
Janeway looked up just in time to see a Vidiian guard emerge from the cave.
"Without Voyager, the Maquis crew couldn't survive. B'Elanna escaped from the Ocampan Homeworld just in time to be captured by Vidiians. She's been working in these tunnels for six years now. In another two, they'll finally kill her and extract her organs to treat their phage"
Janeway listened as she watched B'Elanna limp out of sight.
"Of course I could be wrong," Q continued, "but I think she'd rather be playing 'happy-homemaker' with Tom Paris right now. Wouldn't you agree?"
Janeway looked down. She couldn't believe this was happening. Suddenly, something Q said finally registered.
"Q, if the Maquis didn't survive, then what about-"
"Your tattooed Indian friend that talks to animals?"
Janeway sighed at his sarcasm and nodded.
"Follow me."
Chakotay sat in the Captain's chair, staring blankly at the viewscreen in front of him. He looked...older somehow. Rugged. He hadn't shaved in weeks and he still had his old Maquis clothing on. But the thing Janeway noticed most of all that he was alone...completely alone.
"Where is his crew?" she asked Q in a hushed whisper as if she were afraid Chakotay would here her.
"What do you think Kathryn? You know what he was like in the beginning of your voyage. He hated everyone. Was resistant to everything. Stubborn, angry, he was a much more interesting person."
"Q!"
"Sorry," he said snickering, "Anyway, when you went back to the Alpha Quadrant, the Maquis had declared that they didn't want your help. So you left without them and they were left to fend for themselves." he explained as he depressing figure sitting before them. "You saw what happened to B'Elanna. Once she was captured, Chakotay felt that he had lost his right-hand...woman and went absolutely ballistic. It was actually quite amusing to watch!"
Janeway threw another warning look at Q's rude commentary but didn't say anything.
"Soon the entire crew, which wasn't that large to begin with, got either killed by enemy aliens, injured and died in battle or just got fed up with their leader and stole escape pods to settle on Delta Quadrant planets. Of those people, about half of them have died already, and the other half will never see Earth again. Our dear friend, Commander Chuckles here...is the only one left."
Janeway sighed as she slowly walked over to the Commander, "Chakotay..." she whispered, but she couldn't say anything more.
"Oh, please, Kathy, feel free to soliquoize to your heart's content. He can't hear you, you know; pour out your heart to him once and for all," Q sneered to his fingernails, finding the microscopic grime underneath them more interesting than the commander's current state of despair.
"Dammit, Q!" Janeway felt the heat of rage flush her cheeks. She turned on the omnipotent being, and suddenly his grooming habits were of far less concern. "These are my people that you are mocking! My family, you insensitive monster! How dare you subject them to these tortures that they don't deserve. How dare-"
"And how dare you take advantage of such an important message. A gift that aside from being highly uncharacteristic of me to give, is such a-" Q cut himself short. "No, wait," he said, instantly calming down, "We still have a few more things to see."
This time, Q zapped them to a space station. Janeway vaguely recognized it as a spatial colony belonging to a race called- "The Zenith. I remember this place," she said observing her surroundings. "They were a hostile race, interested in certain members…" she stopped short, realizing all too fast what was about to happen.
"Would one of those crewmen happen to be your Vulcan companion?" Q asked.
Janeway nodded sadly as Q gestured to the colony's confinement quarters. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, deep in meditation, was Lt. Tuvok. Janeway stepped forward, still forgetting for a second that no one could see her.
"Your skills in diplomacy would've helped you avoid this particular conflict. But without Voyager, Chakotay answered their threats with a rather pathetic and useless array of firepower. The battle was over in a matter of minutes and Tuvok was captured."
"And he was held for observation and study," Janeway finished, "Just like they had wanted. They were fascinated with Vulcans. Wanted to make Tuvok a permanent resident of their guinea pig zoo."
Q nodded, "Right now, they're testing ho long a Vulcan can go without food. Tuvok will break the official record through intense mediation and die shortly after of starvation. Before this, they tested his mind powers, physical strength, resourcefulness and emotional capacity. By now, they've made several biological operations and adaptations to his anatomy. Starving or not, the Tuvok you knew, is already dead."
Janeway looked on as they slowly faded from view.
"Oh by the way, that reminds me," Q said as they traveled to their next destination, "You're hedgehog cook died in his junkyard. Bad shipment of Jebalian fudge."
By now, Janeway had grown tired of objecting to Q's way of putting things. There was no point. Q was in control. All she could do was listen as one by one, her exceptional crew fell apart.
"WHAT IS THE FREQUENCY!?" Janeway turned to face the regrettably familiar voice. She stood face to face with the Borg Queen, "I want that frequency," the Queen ordered again.
"Q, why are we-"
"We are here because your Borg is still a drone."
"Why are we here with the Queen then?"
Q sighed, "Always impatient Kathy. You should know by now that we're here for a reason," he paused as she looked quizzically into his eyes, "Let me tell you a little story. The Borg decided to attack what you called Species 8472. They fought back, but this time, Voyager didn't come along and help. By the time the Borg came up with a weapon, there would only be a handful of ships left. You should be congratulated. You unknowingly help destroy the Borg. It would be centuries before the Borg remotely threatened Earth." At this, Janeway looked up. Centuries? The Borg wouldn't be a threat for centuries? For a moment, Janeway felt a mix of confused emotions. All of the things that had happened to her crew so far were terrible. But was it really true. Her presence in the Delta Quadrant prevented another species from wiping out the Borg? She started to feel sick to her stomach, as Q finished his story.
"Anyway, with only a few ships left, the Borg Queen focused in on a defect she discovered."
"Unimatrix Zero," Janeway instantly recognized. She remembered this mission well. It was a "defect" that only one in a million Borg had. When they were in their generation alcoves, their individual consciences were able to move freely in an area of cyber-space called Unimatrix Zero. To the rest of the collective, this occurrence was a deadly virus. But to the few that experienced it, it was a sanctuary.
"Seven was one of the drones who survived the battle with 8472. It was not long after she was detected for having the defect. The Queen wants these Borg destroyed before she starts to rebuild the Borg fleet. She'll do anything to terminate the defect." Q pointed toward the other end of the chamber.
Janeway saw the silhouettes of Borg…heads. She slowly walked towards them, not wanting to confirm what she feared. Seven's head sat on a table, partially dissected.
"Without Voyager, she would never have regained her humanity, she would have died a drone on a surgical table. But look at the trade off, you're happy at home with Mark." Q sneered as Janeway turned around and slapped him.
"Take me out of here Q," she said, the nausea evident in her voice, "before I throw up."
"Where are we now?"
"Watch."
Janeway looked on as two Starfleet officers carried on a conversation.
"I hate Fridays," the male officer said.
"I hate this war," the female officer countered.
"Too many people..." he muttered, trailing off. "I feel bad for Captain Sisko. He's the one who receives the report every Friday morning. How is he taking to the lists, Dax?"
"He's taking it like anyone else, Julian. He wants this war over with probably more that we do. He's served with so many more people than we have. He knows so many more people on that damned list than we do."
At that moment, Captain Sisko walked solemnly into the room. All talking ceased as he made his way over to a large board. He typed something in and a long list of names was replaced by an even longer list. Sisko stepped back as he let the other officers in the room look.
A woman at the board began to cry quietly. She moved away and was quickly accompanied by a friend supporting her.
"What is it?" Janeway asked.
"Look."
Janeway slowly walked towards the board. She started to read the names of people and ships.
"Who-"
"Who are they?" Q completed her question. "These are all the people who died in the war- at least, for this particular week. In the end, Starfleet would triumph over the Dominion. But not without a price. Over two billion, maybe three would die on both sides. This would be how most of your Starfleet crew met their fate, including a certain senior officer."
The view was now of downtown San Francisco. They were now in an apartment overlooking the city with Starfleet headquarters in the distance.
Janeway walked around the room trying to get an idea of whom Q had been speaking of. a wedding photo caught her eye. It was Harry, with who Janeway had known as Harry's girlfriend, Libby.
"What happens to Harry?" Janeway questioned.
You'll see."
A baby's cry broke Janeway's focus on Q as a young woman walked into the room with the child.
"Harry got married?"
"Of course," Q said as if there was any doubt the young officer would get married. "Harry turned out to have a very good life. He married his girlfriend Libby, and they have a one year old son named Andrew, with another one on the way. Unfortunately, the war came along, and Harry had to go fight, leaving Libby on Earth. It was on this fateful day that a knock came on the door."
And right on cue there was a knock on the door. Janeway gave Q a look for the 'coincidence,' but immediately turned back to Libby, who set Andrew down and answered the door. Her face became one of horror and backed away from the door as a Starfleet officer stepped in. The look on the officer's face told that he had been through this situation hundreds of times.
"No...He can't be..." Libby couldn't finish a thought.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the officer said quietly.
"When did...how?"
"Two days ago, the Yeager was attacked by several Dominion vessels. The warp core suffered a breach, and due to damage to the ship, many of the escape pods were inoperative Lieutenant Kim allowed someone else to take his seat," the officer finished his explanation.
By now Libby was in sobs. "I'm sorry ma'am," the officer repeated. Libby did not acknowledge what he had just said, and the officer took that time to leave.
Janeway realized at this point there was a tear rolling down her cheek. She spoke quietly, "Q-"
She didn't need to say anymore as the scene changed around her.
"Here we are," Q said as he motioned to the beautiful green fields around him, "Our last stop."
"Are we still on Earth?"
"Yes, a rather quiet and serene part of San Francisco." Q answered as they began walking through the field. It wasn't long before the field turned into a cemetery.
"I recognize this place," Janeway said as she looked at her surroundings, "This is Academy Cemetery. My father is buried here."
"That's right," Q said, "All members of the Academy and their family members can be buried here if they choose." The two of them walked along the graveyard past all the impressive stones and statues to a small marsh area. There wasn't much there. Just a couple of small headstones decorating the ground. Q stopped at the head of one of them and looked at Janeway. She looked down, and read the name.
"T. Paris." She whispered, almost losing her voice. Tears came to her eyes as she looked at the gravestone. It was the smallest one there. Flat, unnoticed, untouched. It didn't look like it had been visited for years and the grass around it hadn't been cut for weeks.
"Looks pretty forgotten doesn't it?" Q asked as she nodded, "That's because Tom Paris was forgotten. Shortly after you use the array to get back to the Alpha Quadrant, your request to grant Tom a pardon is denied…by his own father. He lives out his sentence in the penitentiary and the day he gets out, he dies in bar fight."
"A bar fight?"
"That's right. A pretty meaningless fight too. He was arguing with another man about how he placed the q-ball on the pool table."
"Oh, Tom," she said looking down at the grave.
"If not for his sister, he probably would've been buried in the gutter."
Janeway knelt down at the grave and ran her hand over the stone.
"Now," Q said, carefully, almost gently lifting her up, "Look behind you."
Kathryn turned her head and watched as a large monument appeared in front of her. She approached the stone cautiously and read the inscription:
Admiral Thomas Eugene Paris
Loving Son
Brother
Husband
Father
"He traveled the road of success and never looked back"
2341-2436
"This is what happens, when you stay in the Delta Quadrant and help rebuild Tom Paris's life." Q said, "This stone won't be erected here for another 60 or 70 years."
Janeway examined the stone. It was larger than her father's was. The inscription below his name told her everything. By asking him to come along, Thomas Eugene Paris became one of the most successful men in Starfleet. Tears were now streaming down her face as she rapidly took in and accepted everything she had seen. She watched as the stone, like all the other premonitions faded away and she a Q began walking back the way they came.
"Q," Janeway asked after a few moments of silence, seizing the opportunity to get some questions answered, "Why exactly are you doing this?"
Q sighed, "Well Kathy, it's really quite simple. Think of the Q continuum as your keeper if you will. We look and watch over everything from humans, Borgs, Cardassians, Vulcans, Kazons, even Mr. Paris. The situations you find yourselves in are tests initiated by the Q collective: Wolf 359, Kithomer, First Contact. We like to see how you will behave."
"Are you saying that this whole adventure is due to the Q collective? We were thrown into the Delta Quadrant by you?"
"Oh, no no no," Q said shaking his head and rolling his eyes, "Believe me, we'd like to take the credit for this one, but we didn't think that humans were ready for the Delta Quadrant yet. Hell, Captain Sisko barley made it out of the Gamma Quadrant alive, and we gave them a worm hole."
"So?"
"So when the Caretaker, a race similar to our own, threw you halfway across the universe into a quadrant that you knew almost nothing about, we were shocked to say the least. Your little ship caught our eye…mine especially, out of curiosity. We've been watching you ever since. I have to admit that I'm stunned that you made it as far as you did."
"And this little visit? What is the point of showing me all this? So that I'll feel lucky to be here?"
"Think about it Kathryn. That one little decision, had it been different, would have gotten you back to the Alpha Quadrant, yes. You wouldn't have changed much at all. But just look at all the lives that were altered because of it. By deciding to stay in the Delta Quadrant, your crew bonded together, discovered new civilizations, and turned around countless lives. I would've thought the point of all of this was quite obvious, Kathy. We give you this gift so that you'll have the determination and will…to go on."
Captain Kathryn Janeway, for once in her entire confrontation with Q, was speechless. She was absolutely stunned at the profound effect the Delta Quadrant had on her crew. So many friends would have been lost. So many dead and gone. As they walked out of the cemetery and her surroundings faded into a soft white glow, she paused and looked out into the fields, breathing in the fresh air, the smell of Earth. And as her home planet disappeared from sight and was replaced by her quarters on Voyager, Janeway felt an overwhelming sense of relief and serenity. Q was gone. No time seemed to have passed and Captain Janeway had never been so calm.