All I Ever Will Recall

Disclaimer is on my profile page.

His hand feels so cold.

I haven't left his side in the last seven hours. The whole time he hasn't moved. Bringing my fear up another twelve notches. I've never been so scared for someone in my whole life.

I kept rubbing his hand trying to warm it, but it was no use. It was so bad I could feel the cold seeping into me, past my skin to my soul.

I bowed my head over our joined hands and said a small prayer for him. The doctors said nothing will change, its too late. They feel I'm wasting my time here. They tell me he doesn't know whats' going on around him, that he won't wake up ever again. I know in my heart that it's not true.

The monitors by his bed, making various beeping sounds, were driving me insane until I focused on him. How he looked lying in the stark white bed. I noticed the wrinkles around his eyes and lips. His hair was still as soft as always. I wondered if his eye were the same. "Please, Tommy, open your eyes for me," I pleaded to him, running a hand down his face. He looks so much like he did when I met him, fifty two years ago.

I still remember the day, how we hated each other, couldn't stand to be in the same room for that fact. He changed me so much in a few short years. He inspired me to do my absolute best. He brought the real music in me out in the open.

Our relationship changed slowly at first, than it exploded into a passion frenzy.

I can still see the vicious fights that would end with me pushed against a wall, his lips covering mine. Those lips are not something you can forget either. I can still feel his hands moving over me as he made up for upsetting me. How he was so aware of every inch of my skin.

I can smell his cologne as he held me at night. His warm breath fanning the nape of my neck. Calloused fingertips lightly rubbing my growing belly. I would give anything to go back to when we were happy. Even as is lifeless body began losing color I felt that he knew I was here for him.

"Tommy I need to talk to you, please wake up for me," I shook his hand lightly. "I know you can hear me, but I want to say this while I can see your eyes." I was growing desperate just for a glimpse of his blues. I try projecting my thoughts to him. We had such a strange connection, I know he can read what's on my mind.

"Mom! There you are," she breathed a sigh of relief as she interrupted my thoughts. "When Uncle Kwest said you were at the hospital, I thought... who's this?" I met her bright eyes and saw how much they look like her father's.

"This is Tommy." I smiled at his motionless figure.

"Who's Tommy?" I looked up to see her face scrunched up, she has a lot of him in her. Why didn't I see it the whole time she was growing up. It could be the fact I wanted to forget him.

Should I tell her the truth? "Come here honey," I tell her. She pulled up a chair to rest next to mine and looked at me expectantly. "I think your old enough to hear the truth from me." I would think so since she's in her forties. "Well, its not really the point, you being old enough, its that I'm ready to tell you." I watched her bite her bottom lip much like I do when I get nervous. "Tracy, I want you to meet your father," I looked back at his beautiful face. "Biological father."

"But, how?" She sounded winded, I don't blame her. You go around all your life thinking one man is your father only to learn its another man you've never met. "How can that be? Weren't you and dad married when you got pregnant with me?"

"Yes, we were married then." I stroked his cheek again. I felt I was getting that dreamy look on my face as I looked at him. Tom, you have too much power over me.

"You cheated on dad?! I thought you loved him?" I knew she'd take this hard but she deserved to know the truth.

"I loved him very much while he was with us, I still love him." Its the truth, I loved Jamie, but never like I loved Tommy.

"How could you do that then?"

"I never wanted it to happen." Well I kinda did. "It only happened..." Quite a few times. I would stay at Tommy's when Jamie had a business trip. I actually ended up living with him for a month when Jamie and I had a fight. I was just too scared to stay with him permanently.

"What are you hiding from me?" Her voice held all her contempt towards me. I didn't have to look to see her hatred. It was radiating off of her.

"You're father and I were separated, I went to Tommy. He... took care of me." In more ways than one. What I wouldn't give for that again?

"Just because you and Daddy had a fight doesn't mean you should've cheated on him. Why did you really do it.?" Her voice raised slightly with each word, her teeth clenched.

"This is the Tom Quincy. This is not a man you can refuse. Especially if you're me."

"You cheated on dad because you had no will power?" I'm getting no where with her.

"This man here was my first real love. He always held a special place in my heart. When I was younger I thought he held the whole thing. At some points he did." I bit my lip to stop the tears. Just thinking about how much I loved him then hurts. I threw it away.

"How do you know he's my father?" Her face contorted as she said that.

"You have his eyes." I said without looking back at her. I didn't want to look away from him in case the miraculous happened and he opened his eyes. She was breathing hard like she was ready to explode.

"Did he know about me?" Her question was tentative, I know the feeling. I was always tentative about the Tommy subject.

"Yes."

"And he never..." She trailed off. "Did he not want me?" She sounded so much like a small child when she asked that question. As if she wasn't good enough.

"Honey no," so much for hating him. He thought she would hate him more than anything if she knew the truth. "He loved you very much, but he thought it was best that you thought of Jamie as your father. He's not known for being the best person, even though he is." I couldn't resist touching his jaw.

"Mom, why didn't you tell me any of this? How could you wait this long? You know what, this is too much for me. I need to go." she didn't give me a chance to call her back. She all but ran to the door and nearly slammed it behind her. Usually I'd go after her but Tommy needs me more than ever.

I sighed and closed my eyes, hoping to calm myself. "She didn't take it too well did she?" My eyes snapped open as I heard the voice.

"Tommy?" I was almost afraid to look up to see that he was still asleep.

"Hey Girl." He touched my cheek as if he wanted to make sure I was really there. I met his eyes for the first time in forty some odd years. They were as blue as I remember.

"Oh, Tommy, they said you weren't going to wake up." My tears couldn't be fought off. I was so overwhelmed by the sight of them. It was so hard to stop myself from kissing him. I'm not sure why I'm denying myself, I just feel that I should.

"I'm unpredictable. Always have been always will be."

"Still got your arrogance I see. And your hair." My crying was lessening when I said that.

"My hair would never leave me. And I needed to keep something after I lost everything."

"Tom, I was just- can we not talk about that? Can I get you anything?" I saw the twinkle in his eye, I knew he couldn't lose that. Being world famous and all.

"Can I just hear your voice?" I nodded, something so familiar was needed. Music being my life then I scrambled for a song to sing to him. It needed to be special, this could be the last time I see him.

What are you doing the rest of your life?

North and South and East and West of your life

I have only one request of your life

That you spend it all with me

All the seasons and the times of your days

All the nickels and the dimes of your days

Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days

All begin and end with me

I want to see your face in every kind of light

In fields of dawn and forests of the night

And when you stand before the candles on a cake

Oh, let me be the one to hear the silent wish you make

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes

In the world of love that you keep in your eyes

I'll awaken what's asleep in your eyes

It may take a kiss or two

Through all of my life

Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall of my life

All I ever will recall of my life

Is all of my life with you

I finished and met his gaze. "You sang that to me the day before my wedding, do you remember?" He pulled my hand to his mouth as I asked. His lips against my skin made me lose my train of thought.

"Of course I do. I meant every word. It's nice to hear you sing that to me." Tommy put my hand to his lips again. "I've missed your singing."

"Not nearly as much as I missed you. I tried to contact you after Tracy was born. But, you were just... gone." I wanted to hide my hurt but it was crushing me. It hurt just as much today as it did then.

"You didn't need me messing up your life anymore. I knew you'd be fine without me." He forced he eyes away from mine and I saw how much I killed him to leave me.

I decided to change the subject, "how long have you been," I searched for the words. Well its better than the others. "Sick?"

"Only two years, that how long I've known. I'm not sure how long I've had this." He shrugged slightly, not being able to move with all the wires and cords attached to him.

"Vanessa's your..." I couldn't resist asking, she sounded so young.

"Wife." He didn't say anything more about that.

"Why would she call me?"

"She knows that you-" He took a sharp breath in. Breathing was becoming difficult for him.

"Knows what?"

"That its always been you," my eyes watered again as I close the distance between us. I held his face in my hands and brought put my lips on his. He lightly touched my arm as he lifted his head to meet my lips better. I pulled away to breath, my tears making it difficult. I knew he loved me this whole time, but hearing him say it, was so much more than I could've imagined.

"Oh, Tom, I always loved you, I always will." I said as best I could. The tears were making it so hard to do anything. I wanted them to leave so I could see him without foggy vision. I wiped furiously at them, keeping my face close to his. He smiled at me one last time before his eyes closed and took his last breath.

Review Please!

Song: What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life by Frank Sinatra

Thanks, Eternita14.