Title: Insecurity
Author:FactVsFiction
Pairing: Shunsui/Nanao
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I don't own bleach
A/N: I'm back with another Shunsui/Nanao oneshot! I know. I should be working on my multi-chapter but this got stuck in my head. It's a little angst -y but it ends on a positive note. Promise!
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To the outside world Shunsui Kyoraku was simply lazing out under a tree without a care in the world. Those who worked in seretei would be half expecting his beloved fukutaichou to appear beside him at any moment ready to frog march him back to the office and to his work. That wouldn't happen today though, Shunsui knew. His Nanao-chan was in one of those moods.
It was ironic really that the one day he was certain of quiet and rest was being spent on his fukutaichou… Then again it seemed his thoughts were never far from the lovely Nanao-chan. If there was anything Shunsui Kyoraku was it was observant and he spent a lot of time observing his fukutaichou.
That's how he knew she wasn't coming.
Nanao-chan wasn't good with people. More precisely she wasn't good with people in close proximity to her. His Nanao had one of the largest personal bubbles of anybody he knew and she suffered for it.
It wasn't so obvious to the general public. Her coping mechanisms were well developed, even before he first met her as a child. She'd play with the hems at the cuffs of her uniform if there were too many people around her. In her youth she'd had to replace her uniform regularly due to the holes her thumbs had created in the sleeves. Now she just reinforced them with extra bits of fabric that she could shred instead. His Nanao was very practical after all.
It was worse in one on one situations and much harder to hide. She did well though, taking subtle steps back if she deemed someone too close to her unless truly startled. In situations like those she jumped back as if burned. Shunsui found it really quite heartbreaking… There were absolutely no exceptions to the rule. No matter age, gender or relationship one did not crowd Nanao Ise.
Not even Shunsui.
It still stung occasionally, to have her casually step back from him. He'd consider her a best friend, just like Juu but Shunsui was a tactile person and found the strictly enforced distance difficult. He'd learned over the years though. It was just a part of who she was, she never meant to hurt him and he could accept that. Even if it was difficult at times...
His time spent interacting with her had taught him her ways well and when Shunsui had entered the office that afternoon it had been glaringly obvious that it was one of those days. The days where she just couldn't abide by human contact.
Unfortunately that usually meant there was something wrong.
The tenseness had almost radiated from her as she glanced his way and murmured his title in greeting. Her violet eyes watched his every move and he knew that approaching her at that point was dangerous to his health. Her kidou had been known to flare when she felt that threatened. So instead he'd said a cheerful good morning.
She hadn't bothered to remind him that it was half past twelve as per their usual ritual and that was all he had needed to know. He left the office, closing the door behind him.
It was best to give her her space.
Of course Shunsui wondered on a regular basis what had caused his fuku-taichou's distance. He would have been tempted to say Lisa's disappearance but it wasn't even plausible as Nanao had always been this way. To the best of his knowledge she had no prominent tragic events in her life but there had to be something… Shunsui was realistic. He knew that even if he were to discover the cause and perhaps even address it with his Nanao her bubble was not likely to shrink by much. That being said he still wanted to know, wanted to understand.
It wasn't good for his Nanao-chan. Her problem with close proximity had lead her to trust and emotional issues. Exclusion from normal social interaction from a young age gave an impressionable child the idea that nobody wanted to hear what they said.
Nanao-chan was a very private person.
Shunsui sighed to himself. He was starting to regret leaving her to herself. There was something different today he'd known the minute she'd met his eyes. She was hiding something. Shunsui was torn between letting her work it out herself and risking limb to see if his lovely Nanao was okay.
It really didn't take too much thinking and the lazy captain pushed himself up against the sakura tree he had been resting under. He was going to see his Nanao-chan!
He stopped dead just short of turning around at the gentle barely there flitter of reiatsu. Very familiar reiatsu. He turned slowly and deliberately and sure enough his Nanao was standing about ten feet away.
She looked a wreck. Her usually perfect hair fell from her clip in places and her skin was very pale. Her head was bent and she kept her eyes to the ground. Shunsui could just see her teeth worrying her bottom lip. Nanao's small hands were half concealed in her sleeves but Shunsui could see the impressions made by her thumbs as they pressed hard against the fabric.
"Nanao-chan… Are you okay?" His voice was gentle but extremely careful.
Her head shot up and she met his eyes. No. She definitely was not okay. The deep depths of the violet orbs swam with unadulterated pain.
"Nanao-chan… What can I do?"
She mumbled something incomprehensible, eyes once more focused on her feet.
She shook her head violently.
"Just name it Nanao-chan, please."
"No. It's ridiculous." She berated herself.
"Whatever it is Nanao I can promise you it isn't ridiculous, nothing you ever need is ridiculous." He soothed softly.
Another mumbled sentence. Shunsui missed it but waited.
"I need a hug." She said quietly.
Shunsui's heart broke for her.
She met his eyes and the pure fear he saw there made his breath catch painfully. She was going to run, he could see it in her eyes.
"Nanao-chan." He called as her foot began to turn. "Come here."
She looked at him uncertainly, her insecurity palpable. Shunsui just opened his arms in response. He would wait for her.
Her steps towards him were tiny but she closed the very last of the gap at a frightened leap. Her hands fisted his Haori and she buried her face in his chest. Shunsui wrapped his arms around her securely, anchoring her.
She didn't cry. They seemed to stand for a small eternity before Nanao spoke.
"Thank you." she said hoarsely.
"You never ever need to ask for a hug Nanao-chan. Just take."
She turned her face back into the fabric of his haori.
Shunsui wasn't sure what had happened that day. Maybe she'd just needed the human contact. Everyone did at some point, even the most independent….
Shunsui was under no illusions. She was far from okay… but it was definitely a start.
No man is an island. - John Donne (1572-1631).
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A/N:Aw poor Nanao… Yep I'm back to my usual reflective pieces. Let me know what you think. I'm off to write a twoshot!
Toodles!
Becca