Where I Can't Reach You
Disclaimer: I, once again, do not in any shape or form own Digimon. Not even a little tiny bit.
Authors note: You know why I wrote this?? Cause I couldn't find a Janyuu/Yamaki story! Not even a short crappy one like this! Horrors! Uh...this is yaoi of course. Of course.
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I watch you run around making calculations, readjusting things, joking with your follow programmers...
I know I'm not really a part of it all, but you know I want to be. I wish I could joke around with you and be your friend but I can't really. I can't lie that much, despite everything I've done, that would be just too big a lie to tell.
You're married of course. You would be, since I'm not lucky enough to have discovered a single person to fall in love with. She's lucky. I tried to hate her, tried to be jealous but I just couldn't. Too much of me realizes that even if weren't married, even if you were free and unhindered with responsibility, you'd still be completely beyond my reach. It's sad really.
So I watch you. I watch your concern with your children. You should be very proud of them Janyuu. Henry is clever, resourcful and brave....and little Suzie? She's handled herself well enough in the face of all this oddness. They have a part of you in them, so how could I expect less?
I watch your brilliance, your compassion, your ingenuity, your sense of humor, your kind nature, and your smile.
Your smile.
You turn and smile at me. I stand in shock and try to smile back. You look a little concerned. Oh please don't look concerned Janyuu. I can't stand that wide eyed look. It makes me believe things I shouldn't. Go back to smiling. That I can handle.
You walk over and I try to look apathetic but I know I'm failing. I can feel the blush rising to my cheeks as you wrap a friendly arm around me. You start talking about the plan and I know I should listen but I can't. I can't pay attention to anything but how close you are and how wrong this is and yet so right and it hurts. It hurts.
You grin once more at me and let me go. You're off to conferr with the others no doubt. I'm left to ponder the fading warmth in my shoulder and the growing ache in my heart.
I'm learning to lie, a little more.
Disclaimer: I, once again, do not in any shape or form own Digimon. Not even a little tiny bit.
Authors note: You know why I wrote this?? Cause I couldn't find a Janyuu/Yamaki story! Not even a short crappy one like this! Horrors! Uh...this is yaoi of course. Of course.
********
I watch you run around making calculations, readjusting things, joking with your follow programmers...
I know I'm not really a part of it all, but you know I want to be. I wish I could joke around with you and be your friend but I can't really. I can't lie that much, despite everything I've done, that would be just too big a lie to tell.
You're married of course. You would be, since I'm not lucky enough to have discovered a single person to fall in love with. She's lucky. I tried to hate her, tried to be jealous but I just couldn't. Too much of me realizes that even if weren't married, even if you were free and unhindered with responsibility, you'd still be completely beyond my reach. It's sad really.
So I watch you. I watch your concern with your children. You should be very proud of them Janyuu. Henry is clever, resourcful and brave....and little Suzie? She's handled herself well enough in the face of all this oddness. They have a part of you in them, so how could I expect less?
I watch your brilliance, your compassion, your ingenuity, your sense of humor, your kind nature, and your smile.
Your smile.
You turn and smile at me. I stand in shock and try to smile back. You look a little concerned. Oh please don't look concerned Janyuu. I can't stand that wide eyed look. It makes me believe things I shouldn't. Go back to smiling. That I can handle.
You walk over and I try to look apathetic but I know I'm failing. I can feel the blush rising to my cheeks as you wrap a friendly arm around me. You start talking about the plan and I know I should listen but I can't. I can't pay attention to anything but how close you are and how wrong this is and yet so right and it hurts. It hurts.
You grin once more at me and let me go. You're off to conferr with the others no doubt. I'm left to ponder the fading warmth in my shoulder and the growing ache in my heart.
I'm learning to lie, a little more.