A/N:
Phew. Well, after publishing and retracting this nearly 4 times, I have finally decided upon this. REALLYY long.
Ha! As promised, another version of the same story [New Edition of an Old Book ].
Pardon me if I get some things wrong about the wedding. I'm not familiar with white, so... I have no idea how any of it happens lol.
Edit: To those asking, yes this was initially titled 'Red & Gold', but I have another plan for a story with that title. This is an OS. :)
The wedding activities were underway in full swing with Jess and Nick commandeering them. Everything seemed to be going great, and things had picked on a cheerier tone once Cece's mother arrived that morning out of the blue. There were about 3 hours left for the ceremony, so Jess wore a simple powder blue dress while working and had decided to change for the wedding an hour and a half before it.
"It's Nick," said Sam, with a mildly amused expression.
Jess was standing on the dais where the ceremony was to take place, trying to focus all her pent up frustration and confusion into ensuring that the wedding went perfectly. For the 27th time that day she ensured that the chairs were arranged in perfect symmetry and that the aisle that separated them was right in the centre. Nodding satisfactorily, she walked off the dais and looked around for something else to do, mildly frantic at the thought of being idle. She couldn't deal with the nasty thoughts swirling under the surface right now.
It was good no one had asked why Sam was not here yet, but it was only a matter of time.
She still hadn't thought of what she'd say, and if she did, would she tell them why?
It's so silly, I should tell them why. Everyone will have such a good laugh.
She tried to laugh out loud, but it only came as a choked sound, as her mind went into a debate with itself.
No! You can't tell them!
Why not?
Won't it be weird to tell Nick?
Of course, not. Why would it be? It's not like it's true, right?
Well, suppose not.
Good.
Isn't it true?
"Gah!" she exclaimed.
"Jess?"
Jess jumped, startled and turned around. "Nick! God, you scared me," she said, hand on her chest.
He chuckled in response. "What're you groaning about now?"
"It's just... the flowers!" she said, pointing in no direction in particular, then quickly dropping her gaze to the floor.
"What flowers?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.
"The- the lotus!"
"A lotus? I don't think we ordered those, Jess," said Nick, cocking his head.
Jess dramatically slapped her forehead. "Oh no! Whatever shall we do! The lotus is so so important in an Indian wedding and-"
Nick caught her shoulders. "Jess, relax!"
Jess sighed, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, nodded.
"If this is just about the lotuses, we will get them. We'll just ask someone to pick them up on their way here. Aly is coming a little later, so maybe we could ask her, alright?"
Jess nodded, and started to leave, but Nick grabbed her hand.
"But if it's not just about the flowers, do you want to tell me what's going on?" he asked, letting go of her and crossing his arms.
"It's just... It's nothing. No worries. I'm fine. I'm cool. It's chill," said Jess, laughing nervously, pointing a weak finger gun at him, then immediately breaking eye contact with him to glance at her feet.
Nick quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah, right. You're a terrible liar."
Then as his eyes left hers for a moment, she took a ragged breath, her brain whizzing through the different things she could say.
"Oh, dammit, Aly is here."
"What?"
"Aly's here already," said Nick.
"So? We had invited her, Nick!" said Jess, confused.
"The lotus, Jess!" replied Nick, staring at her. One minute ago she seemed worried sick about those damn flowers (while also lying her ass off about something else bothering her).
"Oh, right! Oh, no!" she said half-heartedly.
"Wait, we could maybe ask Sam? He isn't here yet, right? We could just ask him to pick some on the way, right? Where do we even get those? And how many do we need? A dozen? Two dozens? And-"
He stopped when he saw her face. "Jess?" he asked, reaching out to her arm.
"Don't ask Sam anything," she said, suddenly feeling very small.
"What why?"
Then, against her better instincts, she lied. "Sam has a lot of patients today. He said he will only be able to make it just in time for the ceremony. Kids, you know? Falling sick and things like that..."
Oh god, stop me from rambling. Stop me, stop this!
God did not stop her from rambling.
"...so vulnerable. But then again, so are adults and- oh! There's Mrs. P!" she exclaimed, as she Mrs. Parekh step out into the yard, smiling.
Jess had never been more thankful to see her in her life (except this morning of course. Cece was over the moon, as was Jess).
"I should go talk to Cece," she said hurriedly, and left him standing there, confused as hell.
"This conversation is not over!" called Nick, as she fled indoors.
...
Once outside Cece's dressing room, she knocked twice before entering the room. Cece was sat on an ornate chair in front of the mirror. She was dressed in a white gown with intricate zari work (a traditional gold embroidery) on it, and as soon as she saw Jess, she sprang to her feet and hugged her.
"So?" asked Jess, pulling away from her.
"It was all Schmidt! I have her blessing!"
She picked up a red shawl-like cloth from the dresser in front of her and shoved it in Jess' face. The cloth was nearly translucent with an elaborate gold and silver border, and dotted with mirrors.
"It's my mother's veil from her wedding!"
Both of them screamed, jumping up and down, through smiles and tears.
"That is just so great!" exclaimed Jess, crying, a smile plastered on her face.
She let the tears flow freely now though, because she'd been holding them in for hours. At this point, she could cry as much as she pleased and pretend they were happy tears. She wasn't sure if she was crying because Sam had left her or because of what he'd said. She was trying very hard not to think of whether or not there was any truth in them, at least not until the wedding was over.
As she continued to cry, Cece frowned at her. "Jess, are you okay?"
"Yes, of course. I'm just so happy that... Mrs. P came, you know?" she said, continuing to bawl.
Cece stared at her. "You seem a lot happier than me about it then. And you're showing it weirdly too."
Jess mumbled something about having to make sure the centre pieces were set right and started to leave when Cece grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Jess, come on. What is it?"
Sniffling slightly, Jess said, "It's just a weird day, Cece. We don't have to talk about it now."
"But-"
Jess turned to look at Cece, and held her shoulders. "Cece. This is your day. I promise I will be fine. It is very silly actually."
Cece let go of Jess, looking at her unconvinced. "Fine. Only because you don't want to talk about it. I will get it out of you later," she promised.
Laughing softly, Jess left the room, walking down the hallway towards the vineyard where the wedding was to take place. After a while of avoiding Nick, she went back to Cece's room, feelings slightly more in control of her feelings. The two of them laughed a little, and then cried a little, reminiscing of all the times in the past when they had imagined this very moment. Cece took a moment to thank Jess for moving into 4D and leading her to her husband.
"Don't thank me, thank Spencer," snorted Jess.
Both of them were laying on the king sized bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"You know what's odd, Jess? I always thought you'd be the first of us to get married, you know? You always had these plans, and a direction you wanted to take," said Cece.
Jess looked at Cece and smiled, a little sadly. "Yes well, look where that got me. Having plans is not always for the best, Cece. Sometimes, it is better to just... go with it and see where things take you." She felt sadness start to envelope her, but she held on to her tears. There would be plenty of time after the wedding.
They were quiet for a moment before Cece broke it. "Jess. You never did tell me why you and Nick broke up," said Cece gently, a little reluctance in her voice.
Dammit, how could Cece have known to make that jump when she had left no clue at all!
She felt Jess tense, and sit up straight. When they'd broken up, she had refused to tell Cece about anything except for the fact that they had too many differences and that "sometimes, it just doesn't work out".
Cece sat up as well, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine, Jess. It's just that you two seemed so happy and so in love, and then suddenly, poof! And I just thought that with Ryan, Robby and Sam you would've mov-"
Jess grunted purposefully, to cut her off. If that sentence finished, she'd feel obliged to tell Cece about the break up. Every cell in her being wanted to pour her heart out to her bestfriend and cry on her shoulders, like she had all those times before. But not today. Today was Cece's day.
As Cece looked at her confused, Jess continued. "Of course. Yes, I have moved on. Moved on so far, far away. I have moved on wayy past it."
Cece continued to look at her, waiting.
"Well, it was the morning of Jacob's birthday... You know, Sadie's son, Jacob. The one who only-"
"Jess."
"Ah, right. Why did we break up... Hm, so that morning, I found that he hadn't fixed the present I'd gotten Jacob..."
And she delved into what happened that fateful night. A night that Jess hadn't allowed herself to think about too much. And as she told Cece everything, she realized how stupid and silly it all seemed now. Had she really thrown away something so beautiful for a future that was bound to be ambiguous anyway? It was not like she had anything better going on right now. She felt tears pricking her eyes again, for the millionth time that day and once again, she swallowed them.
"And that's it," finished Jess, and looked at Cece, who was looking at her with a quietness and an expression that she couldn't quite put a label on.
"Seems pretty stupid, huh?" she said, nervously laughing, but her cracked voice was a dead give away to Cece.
Before Cece could say anything, Jess jumped off the bed. "Oh, would you look at the time! I gotta go get dressed. I will send in the makeup guys so that they can give you a once over. See you soon!"
...
Nick gave a once over to the arrangements that had been made at the vineyard, and felt a small smile tug at his lips. Who would've thought that he, Nicholas Miller, would ever be able to help pulling together something like this.
I should thank Jess.
The ceremony was going to begin in half an hour.
Winston had just handed him a list of the guests an hour ago, when they had started to trickle in. The list, obviously Jess' idea, was neatly categorised into colour coded events, with the names of the people expected to arrive for each of them. The list also included an indicator of who was allowed a plus-one along with a demarcation of whether the guest was on the groom's side or the bride's.
He decided to go through the list again to check whoever had arrived off the list, before joining Jess as the Best Man for the wedding procession. As his eyes scanned the list and moved past a 'Sweeney, Sam', he went back up to and frowned when he saw that the name had been struck off in a single, neat, red line.
Had he cancelled last minute?
Further inspection showed that Sam's name had been struck off the wedding reception as well.
Perplexed, he finished his scan and went to find the Maid of Honour. Not to demand any explanation of course. He didn't have the right to do that, not anymore. Just to join her walk down the aisle. As part of the wedding procession.
Nick wondered if Jess' weird behaviour had something to do with Sam's absence. Something was not right, and he felt the urge to find her and comfort her the way he used; rubbing the small of her back soothingly while she curled into his side, head on his chest. Immediately, he felt mildly irritated.
Too intimate again, Miller. Too intimate. You can't do that anymore.
He'd been having weird thoughts like this too often these last couple of weeks. He'd thought he'd moved beyond this point, but while working so close to her had helped their relationship get to a better place, it was also stirring familiar feelings in Nick. Feelings he'd thought were long dormant.
As he walked towards the building, he felt like he was walking down a memory lane. Every small thing he saw made him smile, reminding how it had gotten there. Despite all the fights he'd had with Jess over this wedding regarding what went where and why, he had also inevitably heard her talk about her own dream wedding. With newfound knowledge of the same, Nick wanted to do something about it.
What?
...
When Nick arrived at the backdoor of the winery, Jess was kneeling down, adjusting the flower girl's bow, red speckled with gold glitter and handed her a white basket filled with red rose petals. The girl, a niece of Cece's, was bouncing in excitement behind the closed door. Cece stood nervously behind Jess, fanning herself with one hand while playing with the red veil on her head, while her paternal uncle, who was to give her away, tried to calm his niece. Jess joined the Uncle once she was done with the child, straightening and turning to comfort Cece.
Nick felt his breath hitch at the sight of her. She was wearing a wine red, strapless mid-length dress, and was holding a bouquet of cream coloured roses. Gold glitter sparkled off the bust and the skirt was layered with a translucent red net, with speckles of gold as well. Her hair was done in an intricate bun, held together by a sleek, golden barrette, with a few loose curls framing her face. As he continued to stare at him, she caught his eyes suddenly and smiled. Grinning sheepishly, he walked to her, hands in his pocket.
"Well, hello Best Man," she said, curtsying.
"Maid of Honour, ma'am," he said, bowing slightly.
Jess laughed and pointing at his head, she said, "You forgot the Kippah."
"Key what?"
"The cap, silly!"
"Oh, right," he fumbled a little, looking through his pockets, before pulling the white cap out and placing it on his head.
"It's time!" Jess squealed, before rushing to Cece's side and giving her hug.
Jess pulled Nick with her to stand in place, and linked her arm with his. As Cece's niece walked out, she heard the wedding march, and felt herself sniffling slightly.
"You okay?" asked Nick through his teeth.
"Happy tears, Miller. Happy tears."
They walked down the aisle towards where Schmidt stood. His eyes were transfixed as he looked over their shoulders.
Nick leaned slightly towards Jess. "So, Sam didn't show up," he whispered. There remained five rows before they could reach the dais.
He felt her arm tense in his immediately, but she continued to smile, and spoke through her teeth. "Too much work."
"He's not coming for the reception either," he said softly. He felt her tug at her arm, but held on to it.
"Jess?"
As they reached the end of the aisle, he heard her sigh, then whisper very softly, "We broke up."
Before he could say anything, she hastily added, "But I'm good. All good."
She let go of his arm and climbed the dais and turned towards the guests and put on a smile, avoiding Nick's eyes as he went to stand behind Schmidt.
The two stood there silently, as Schmidt and Cece took their vows of eternal love for each other, while Jess stared at them, transfixed. She was feeling a mixture of happiness and envy at what they had; after all the pain Cece had gone through, she totally deserved it. She smiled, tears in her eyes, as they were pronounced man and wife, and at that moment, she looked away briefly only to catch Nick's eyes.
...
We broke up.
Nick stared after Jess as she walked upto the dais, eyes boring into her back. As he stood by Schmidt, he saw the range of emotions on her face, and felt a twinge. He knew how much she had wanted all of this.
Of course he knew, they hadn't lasted because of it.
He watched as she avoided his eyes, staring at Cece and Schmidt, and finally, after they were pronounced husband and wife, Jess looked up at him.
And there was something in her eyes that made his heart skip a beat - a mixture of happiness, longing and anguish, with a hint of sadness.
She tried to give him a smile, but he could see through it. A million questions rang through his head, that he was nearly exploding from asking, the loudest of which was
How could Sam have left such an amazing woman?
He watched as her eyes glazed over and she let out a sigh, and as she attempted to plaster a smile on her face, he mulled over how stupid Sam was.
As stupid as I had been.
...
The ceremony was over and it was time for the newlyweds' first dance. As Cece and Schmidt reached the dance floor, Cotton Eyed Joe started to play, eliciting laughter from everyone who had been there ate Cece's wedding with Shivrang. Cece and Schmidt danced to the song anyway, slowly, her head on his chest and his eyes closed, content.
Watching them from a quiet corner was Jess, sipping her pink wine, lost in thought. She didn't want to think about what Sam had said, but she knew sooner or later, she'd have to. Might as well do it when there was wine at hand. Her haze was disrupted by a voice.
"Care to dance the chicken dance?"
Jess looked up to see Nick standing over her, a hint of a smile on his face. She laughed softly. "Not feeling upto it, Miller."
Pausing for a moment, Nick said, "Alright, how about a normal dance?"
Jess quirked a brow. "Nick Miller wants to dance a "normal" dance?"
Rolling his eyes, Nick grabbed her arm and yanked her up, taking her with him to the dance floor. He placed her hand on his shoulder, and sneaked an arm around her waist, and the other reaching for her free hand. After a moment of hesitation, he felt Jess relax. They started to sway slowly.
"This is nice," said Nick.
Jess nodded in agreement. "Indeed, it is."
They danced silently till two songs had finished and the third one was halfway through. Sometime during the songs, Jess had placed her head on Nick's chest, and Nick's head was resting against her temple.
"Jess?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you okay?"
"Mhmm."
The fourth song had just begun, when Nick finally asked her the question that'd been nagging him. "Why'd you break up, Jess?"
He felt her freeze, and he tightened his grip around her just as she started to pull away. "It's nothing. Doesn't matter, Nick," she said, looking down at their feet.
His shoes are so shiny. Oh, I can see the fairy lights reflected off the floor! And there's a-
"That right there, is your tell. If you want to lie, you might want to practice avoiding that a little bit," he said.
She sighed. "Nick, I-"
"Jess, come on."
When her eyes came back to meet his, he was a little thrown. He'd expected to see anger, sadness, pain, grief. But fear? No, sir.
Laugh it off, she thought, as Nick stared at her, waiting.
Then she giggled (or that's what she hoped it sounded like), startling Nick. "He said that I was still in love with you."
Nick could feel himself freeze, and his heart clenched as he realized how much he wanted that to be true. As he said nothing, he watched her face turn from nervous, to anxious to instant regret.
"I knew I shouldn't have said anything! I'm so sorry, Nick! I didn't mean anything by it," rambled Jess. "I don't know what I was thinking, or even Sam for that matter. How dare he say something like that and walk away. Stupid Sam! Oh no! You don't think so either, do you? Ugh, I am really sorry, Nick. Everything was going back to normal and I had to go and ruin it with my stupid need to discuss everything. I tried, but you kept asking, and I just... Gah! I take it back. Forget anything ever happened, okay? I can't lose you after everything we've given up for this, I just can't. And..."
And in that moment, Nick knew. Sam was right. The fear in her eyes explained itself. She still loved him as much as he loved her (he might as well admit it to himself now that it was out in the open). As Jess rambled, all he heard was how much she needed him. It made his head spin to think that she needed him as much as he needed her. Sam's words and what they could mean was why she'd been upset all day; she seemed pretty much unfazed by the break up itself.
Thank you, Stupid Sam.
"...will understand if you want me to leave. But please-"
Her words snapped him out of his daze. "Jess," he breathed.
She paused mid-sentence, waiting for him to say something. They had stopped dancing, but their arms were still around each other. "You're going to panic moonwalk away from me, aren't you?" she asked, sadly.
"Nope. Never doing that ever again," he said.
"Oh! Good. Frankly, I always did think it was a silly defense mechanism because-"
She stopped short as Nick pulled her flush against him. "So. Sam thinks you're in love with me."
She looked up at him, confused to see the smirk on his face. "Did you not hear what I said?"
"I sure hope I wasn't imagining it," he whispered, still smirking smugly.
She swatted his shoulder, annoyed. "It's not funny, Nick!"
He chuckled. "Why not? It's not true, is it?"
What are you doing? Are you trying to piss her off? Cut it out, Miller!
She looked away, and realized she didn't want to lie to him. With that realization, came the realization that the lie in this situation would be denying Sam's statement.
This little stupid is still stupidly in love, she thought bitterly.
Sighing inwardly, she gave a nearly imperceptible nod.
"What's that, Jess?" leaning closer to her lips.
She reluctantly dragged her eyes back to meet his, but with great surprise, saw that they were filled with mirth.
He knew.
"You ass!" she exclaimed, widening her eyes. "You ass!" she repeated, swatting his shoulders with both hands.
As she started to pull away, Nick caught the slender wrists hitting him, and pulling her towards him, he brushed his lips against hers, very gently. He felt her relax in his arms and both her hands went around his neck as he saw the wonder and astonishment in her eyes.
"I love you, Jessica Day."
She raised on her toes to meet his lips again, deepening the kiss. Everything that lay dormant for the past few years came back. All the memories from that year they had tried so hard to suppress came back rushing, rewinding and freezing on that first moment in the hallway. And once again, Jess saw through time and space, for more than a second this time. Wasn't that the point?
As they broke apart for breath, she sighed through her daze. "I love you too, Nick Miller."
A/N: SO WHAT DO Y'ALL THINK!? Please leave reviews, I'm so unsure of this story [just in case all the publishing-deleting had not been prove enough :D ]
(I repeat, I know nothing of white weddings... SO how much did I get wrong, lol)
So yes, Jess' realization of how stupid that had been is basically me taking a dig at the writers for what happened in Mars Landing. Will never ever forgive them. Never. Ever. EVER.
And just FYI, I'm going with a lot of Red-and-Gold because it's what Indian weddings are largely made of.
While writing this fic, I had an idea... I was thinking of writing a Schmece wedding multi-chapter fanfic with all the proper Indian rituals as well. The show had it all wrong, btw lol. It would be a Nick-Jess reunion as well. It would be fun 'cause that usually makes for a great romantic scene :) I promiseeeee! What'd you think?
P.S - Find me on Tumblrrr - cosmictrap - is the nameee