I like it when Santana holds my hand. It's feels kinda like sex--I mean I get all excited and my heart starts beating really hard--but it's just our hands. Like hand sex? I don't know. All I know is when she just holds my hand and looks at me in that way she always does I feel the same as when I drink way too many mocha frappuchinos. I get all tingly and I say really stupid stuff.
One time, a couple weeks ago Santana and I were at my house and she suddenly got all quiet and sad looking and just looked into my eyes a really long time. I thought maybe I had something in my teeth so I started to reach up toward my face but she swatted my hand away and just sat there and stroked my cheek.
"You know we're just friends right?" She says after awhile. I nod. Her hand makes my cheek tingle.
"We have fun together, but it doesn't mean anything." She continues. I open my mouth which is suddenly dry.
"You mean sex, right?" I reply in a cracked voice. She smiles slightly and sighs.
"Yes. It's just that. It's just sex." This confuses me a little. I don't reply, I just stare at her face. Her eyes are watery, maybe from allergies. She takes my hand and kisses it. I smile brightly, showing all my teeth to let her know everything is alright. Something pops into my head, and I say it.
"I love you." I say. Her head jerks back and her eyes lock onto mine with some kind of shocked expression. I'm surprised too. I didn't know I loved her either.
"You can't tell anybody that." She replied quickly, "Ever."
"Kay." I whispered. I want to tell everybody I love her, now that I know it for sure, but I always listen to Santana.
"Do you love me too?" I ask, curious. She closes her eyes for a minute.
"Yes. But we have to keep it a secret." I'm about to ask why when she suddenly kisses me, and like always, I respond. Her kisses are slower than usual, and as our lips meet each other slowly, I bask in the warm feeling I feel all over. Her tongue rubs against my lower lip, and I open them, letting her in. She kisses me like the first time she ever did, back when we were just starting the cheer team and we were alone in the locker room. She's so nervous, and I don't know why. Something wet hits me on the cheek, and it rolls down to our lips. I taste the tear on her tongue, and I don't know who's it is. She pushes me back on my bed and I know what comes next. I open my eyes, and look at her long eye lashes. Santana hates when I do this, she says it freaks her out, but I just like looking at her. She breaks the kiss, hooks her arms under mine and pulls me farther up the bed.
I lay back, and wipe the mascara from her cheek. Her smile isn't really a smile I've seen before, and she pauses for a second. She leans forward and kisses me on the forehead.
"Oh Brittany," She whispers, "If you only knew." I frown and pull her face toward mine. Her hand snakes up my pleated cheer skirt and into my spanx, and I jerk my hips up at the immediate contact. I pull away from her face, and my breath is jagged. She touches me softly, as if she's never done it before. I close my eyes hard at the sensation, before I can't take the teasing anymore and put my hand over her cloth covered hand and push her harder against me. She moves against me a little quicker, and kisses my breasts through the rough cloth of the cheerleading uniform. She unzips my top and pulls it down so it's crumpled up on my stomach. She puts her mouth on my nipple and scrapes her teeth against it--she knows I love it when she does that--and enters me with the middle finger of her right hand. I groan, and stare up at the ceiling. I don't ever know what to do with my hands, so I grip at my pink bedsheets like I always do. I get an idea when she enters me with a second finger, and carefully put my hand on the back of her head. She doesn't usually let me touch her hair, but I think I can get away with it this time. I pull the pony tail out slowly, and she pulls her head and looks at me with an intense look on her face as her black hair curtains around my head.
"It was an accident." I say quietly. She laughs and kisses me as she curls her fingers up and hits me in that spot. I spasm against her, writhing my hips against the air and her hand, until I orgasm a little too loudly. She covers my mouth with her hand and smiles widely at me. My vision is kinda blurry and then I feel really good, and kinda tired. I try kissing her again as her hand pulls out of my spanx, but she pulls her head back.
"No Brittany. That was for you." She says.
"Why?" I reply confused.
"You wouldn't understand." She replies a little angrily. I don't know why she's mad. She's acting so weird today.
"Is it my birthday?" I ask. I always forget. She rolls her eyes and hugs me against her.
"Yeah, Brittany. It is."