I was seventeen the first time I saw him.
I remember it vividly, as if it were this morning. I had been out with friends at our local roller rink, we skated every Friday. I was carefree and having a wonderful time. A fast song came on, so naturally I sped up, matching my strides with the heavy beats.
I never noticed the spilled soda.
The wheels of my rollerblades became slick with the sticky substance and I sped wildly, out of control, careening towards the DJ booth. When I hit the floor, I instinctively jutted my leg out, hoping to stop myself. Bad idea. It was then that I heard the sickening snap that made my stomach churned.
I was mildly aware that my friends were calling out to me.
"Esme!"
"Oh my God! Somebody help her!"
"Is that her bone?"
That is the only fuzzy part about that day. I succumbed to the pain. Praying for something to make it stop.
My eyelids began to flutter, and a bright light made my pupils shrink. I tried to sit up but the numbness from the anesthesia made me dizzy. I shook my head lightly. Ow. My entire body ached.
"Oh! Doctor she's awake!" A familiar female voice whispered.
The head of my bed began to raise slowly, I winced.
"Hello, Miss Platt, I'm Dr. Grady. I will be examining you, to be sure that we can send you home now."
"Mom?" I whispered hoarsely.
"I'm right here sweetheart." I smelled her floral perfume, and immediately became relaxed. I loved my mother.
"Miss Platt…"
"Esme." I corrected.
"Esme, do you mind if my medical intern observes me?"
I didn't really care; I just wanted to go home.
"That's fine."
"Dr. Cullen, you may come in." Dr. Grady called.
And that's when I saw him. He was beautiful. I had never thought of a man as beautiful before then, but handsome just didn't do him justice. He looked like a combination of Carey Grant and Carey Elwes. The perfect movie star. I remember thinking that if I was that good looking I wouldn't be a doctor, I'd be a model or an actress. He had bright blue eyes that were smiling down at me. My heart thumped unevenly.
"Good morning, Miss Platt. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but you may call me Carlisle."
He extended his hand, and I took it gingerly. I felt as though lightening had passed through our bodies at the instant we touched. He yanked his hand back gently, his eyes wide with wonder.
"She asks that we call her Esme." Dr. Grady murmured.
"Esme…" Carlisle repeated softly.
Dr. Grady then turned to Carlisle explaining what he had done already and what he would be doing now.
"Esme, luckily for you the break was clean. Unfortunately your fibula did break through your skin, so we did have to set the bone, and stitch you back up."
I winced at the image in my mind.
"Are you in pain?" Carlisle asked, worry coloring his tone.
I shook my head.
"I'm a tad squeamish." I admitted softly.
He smiled, his white teeth seeming to blind me, and his eyes bore deeply into mine.
I was completely unaware of what happened the rest of the examination; I was too busy staring at Carlisle. Every so often, he would stare back and smile nervously.
"Well, you're all done and free to go home."
My mother sighed happily, "What will we have to do for her Dr. Grady?"
He adjusted his glasses and looked over my chart.
"Well, she will need to be kept home for two weeks, then after that she is free to return to school. Unfortunately she will not be able to participate in her physical education class."
I thrilled at his words. Unfortunately—hah!
Dr. Grady mumbled something about having to check on something, I didn't really catch it. Carlisle was moving closer to me. My breath hitched and my heart sped, causing the monitor attached to me to beep wildly.
"Are you alright, Esme?" He asked, his velvet voice washing over me like the salty waters of the ocean.
"Y-yes, I'm fine, Carlisle. Thank you."
He smiled warmly and my mother rushed to my side.
"You scared the hell out of me Esme Anne Platt." She lectured.
"I'm sorry mom."
She sighed, "I'm just so happy that you're alright. Charles is worried out of his mind."
Crap. Charles. Charles Evenson was a senior at my high school; he was the quarterback of the football team, the best looking and most popular guy in school. And…he was my boyfriend. I had thought I was completely happy…that is until Dr. Cullen walked into the room, shattering my false sense of contentment. Damn.
"Charles? Is that her father?" Carlisle asked, curiously.
My mother laughed, "Oh, no. Charles is Esme's long time boyfriend. He's even going to community college to be closer to her when she's a senior next year."
Carlisle's bright blue eyes looked sad for an instant, and then his doctor mask covered any emotions.
"I'm sure he's worried sick about her." He muttered.
"Oh he is!" My mother trilled, excitedly.
"Can it, mom." I mumbled, embarrassed.
"He's in the waiting room, shall I send him in?"
My face fell, "What? No!"
She laughed, assuming that it was because I thought I looked bad. I just didn't want to see him with Carlisle around.
"Um…I need to consult with Dr. Grady." Carlisle said.
"Oh, uh, thanks for everything Carlisle." I said, breathlessly.
He smiled, still beautiful, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Feel better, Esme."
I nodded, and he left, taking a piece of me with him. My mother pounced on me, bombarding me with question after question.
How could I be so careless? How could I scare her like that? How could I worry Charles like I had? I tried telling her that it was an accident, but she simply shook her head and said that there were no such things as accidents.
Her angry questions soon turned into worried glances, and endless pampering. She was seated at the foot of my bed, staring at me with an odd expression on her face.
"What's the matter Mom?" I asked, feeling embarrassed by her staring.
"Hmm? Oh nothing dear. I was just thinking…" She drifted off.
I sat up slightly, so that I could look at her better.
"Mom, you're a crappy liar, what's up?"
"Nothing is the matter, Esme, I was just wondering if I could send your poor boyfriend in. He's been out there for what seems like forever."
I sighed and rolled my eyes, my mom could be extremely dramatic.
"Yeah, sure Mom."
She smiled softly and stood up walking over to the door. She opened it a crack and called out into the hallway, "Charles, you can come on in."
I swiped the hair out of my face and snuggled down into the uncomfortable hospital bed. Charles waltzed into the room, a look of worry on his handsome face. He was immediately at my side.
"Baby, I was so worried about you. Are you alright? You aren't in pain are you? I'll send for the nurse."
He peppered my face with sloppy kisses, and at that time I wished he was Carlisle.
I smiled weakly, "I'm sorry Charles, I didn't mean to worry you. And don't worry I'm fine, absolutely no pain."
'Liar—your heart aches.' My brain yelled at me.
Charles was smiling brightly, "I'm so glad. You're not going rollerblading without me again."
I nodded in agreement, even though I didn't like being controlled. It was easier not to argue with Charles. He was a strong personality.
We spoke for what felt like hours and I was tired. I yawned and my mom told Charles that I needed rest; he agreed and left for the night. My mom tried to make a bed out of the chair that was in the room, I vetoed that idea and sent her home. I just needed the alone time. When I was alone I shut the television off and just let the tears come.
I didn't know why I was crying, I really had no reason to. Well other than the obvious cast on my leg. My tears felt like lava on my face, they burned wit the realization that I was unhappy in my life. But then again, what teenager isn't? I tried to make a mental list of everything that I should be happy about.
I had a family that loved me. I had tons of friends. I was dating an older, popular guy, who, although at times, could be a tad possessive, cared for me. I was doing well in school.
When I looked at things that way, my life seemed perfect. And yet the tears continued to fall. I swiped at them angrily, and then whimpered in pain from the tugging of my IV.
"Damn it." I muttered, aggravated.
"Esme?" A musical voice asked.
"What?" I mumbled angrily.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you. I noticed that you were crying, and I wondered if you needed more medication."
I turned and gasped quietly. How I didn't recognize that voice, I'll never know. It was Carlisle, standing there talking to me.
"C-Carlisle, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound cross. I'm fine."
He walked over and checked my charts and vitals.
"You seem to be alright." He said calmly.
"That's because I am."
He smiled kindly, "Then why are you crying?"
Crap. "I…uh…I don't know."
He sat at the edge of the bed and he looked at me with a kindness in his eyes I had not seen before in anyone I had ever met.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just thought you might need someone to talk to."
I stared at my fingers for a moment and then I just let it go.
"I'm just sick of seeming perfect. I'm sick of everything and everyone around me. Esme be this, Esme be that, don't worry me, blah. I just want to live and be loved for me. But I don't know who I am or who I want to be. How can I be loved for me if I don't know who I am?"
I sighed heavily and leaned back into the pillow, wiping the last of the angry tears away. It felt so good to just get it out in the open to a third party…even if that third party was the man of my dreams. Whoa, when did he become the man of my dreams? I shook the errant thought away and stared into his shining blue eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to explode on you like that." I laughed nervously, "But you did ask."
He chuckled, "That I did. You have no reason to be sorry; I can see what a kind of burden you've been carrying. Believe me I understand. I was expected to follow in my father's footsteps and become a minister, but I never wanted that, I wanted to help people. I wanted to be me, and the feeling I get, the feeling of saving someone, or even just helping someone…it's…"
"Freeing." I finished.
He nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly. Why do you feel that you have to be someone that you aren't?"
I shrugged, "My mom wants me to succeed, but she doesn't want me to have to work after college. She's been talking about marriage a lot lately because of my relationship with Charles. She keeps saying that I'm going to go to college for my MRS degree."
He laughed humorlessly, "Well, do you love him?"
"Who?"
He raised an eyebrow, "Charles."
"Oh, no. I care for him, but I'm sixteen, I'm not ready for all of that. I want to grow up and come into my own."
"I understand completely. I should be going though; Dr. Grady wants me to check on some other patients before I go today."
I smiled, "Carlisle, I can't thank you enough."
He turned and looked at me, his eyes burning with an emotion that I didn't recognize or understand.
"I should be thanking you." He mumbled before walking out the door.
I had possibly the best nights sleep I had ever had. And it was all thanks to Carlisle.
It tried to convince myself that it was just a school girl crush. But that didn't stop me from dreaming of his golden locks and shockingly blue eyes, each night. My best friend Maggie and I were talking one evening about Charles' senior prom, and I accidentally called Charles, Carlisle.
Of course, Maggie made me 'dish'. She said that she too had heard of Dr. Grady's beautiful new intern. Apparently many of the girls in Columbus were trying to get themselves admitted to the hospital so that they could meet the young doctor. That made my heart ache. I told myself that I was silly, but I was sure that he felt something too.
A few days later, my mother suggested that I take flowers to both Dr. Grady and Dr. Cullen, to thank them for everything that they'd done for me. (My mom was very old fashioned). So I picked some roses from my garden and went down to the hospital. I had hoped that I could just give all of the flowers to Dr. Grady and ask him to relay some of them to Carlisle. I didn't think I could face him again.
I walked briskly to the front desk, asking where I could find both doctors. The elderly woman at the front desk told me that today was Dr. Grady's day off, but that Dr. Cullen was in his office. She told me how to get there, and I gave her my thanks. My nerves were on edge, and there was a knot in my stomach.
Reaching his office I must've stood there for twenty minutes before I gathered the courage to knock lightly. I heard paper shuffling.
"Come in." His velvety smooth voice called.
I opened the door slowly, and made walked in.
"Esme." He said, surprise written on his face.
"Hi, Carlisle." I said nervously, a blush staining my cheeks.
He smiled brightly, and motioned for me to take a seat.
"What brings you here?" He asked, curiously.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
"Well…uh…my mom and I wanted to thank you and Dr. Grady for everything you did to help me. So…um…I brought you these." I handed him the roses, "A few of those are for Dr. Grady as well, but the woman at the front desk, said he wasn't in today."
Carlisle's cheeks reddened slightly, and he smiled warmly at me.
"Thank you so much, Esme. They're beautiful. Beautiful flowers, from a beautiful young lady."
I giggled, slightly embarrassed.
"It's the least I could do."
He rested his hand on top of mine, and that bolt of lightening coursed through our skin. This time, he didn't shrink away.
"It was my pleasure, and my job."
I laughed nervously, "Yeah, right. Listen, my mother also wanted to know if you would like to come to dinner tonight. Sort of celebratory, I mean, I'll be a senior next year, and schools almost out."
Liar. My mom didn't tell me that. I just wanted to be close to him. But I knew she wouldn't mind. I stopped speaking, barely realizing that I was, once again rambling. It seemed to happen a lot, when I was around him.
He removed his hand from mine, and glanced around the room.
"I—uh, you know what, that sounds great. What time should I come over?" He asked with sudden enthusiasm.
"We usually eat around seven. So anytime before that."
He agreed and I wrote down my address.
I couldn't wait. All that I had to do was go home and tell my mom about dinner. I grabbed my bike and pedaled home as fast as I could. I ran up the cobblestone walk and burst through the door.
"Mom?" I called, panting from my enthusiasm.
"In the kitchen Esme."
I skipped into the kitchen; my smile was beginning to hurt my face. I ran and hugged my mother from behind.
"Well," she began, laughing, "I take it the doctors enjoyed their flowers?"
"What? Oh yes, Carlisle did, Dr. Grady was out."
"I see," she said, still facing the sink, "then what has you in such high spirits?"
"I…well; I invited Carlisle to dinner, as a means of thanks. I mean he did so much for me and he's new in town…"
My mother cut me off by laughing, "You're rambling Esme, it's fine. I'll just set an extra place. What time are we expecting him?"
"I told him that we ate around seven, so I said anytime before that."
She nodded, "Sounds nice, why don't you go freshen up. You look like you were hit by a happy bus."
I giggled, "Thanks mom, you're the best!"
And with that I kissed her cheek and bounded out of the room. I couldn't wait for tonight. Something was there between us…I felt it.