Dark Lords in Baby Food Jars

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters/names/and such you recognize. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. I also must give credit where credit is due. Val – I heart you. We are insane and should be locked up but alas we're not. So we can write all this messed up stuff.

Chapter 1: What are we, Muggles?

Lily is dead on the floor. Voldemort looming over baby Harry.

Voldemort: Avada-

Regulus: Are you really gonna kill him?

Voldemort lowers his wand and looks over at Regulus

Voldemort: YES! That's why I'm here in the first place!

Regulus: But he's just a baby.

Voldemort: Better to kill them when they're young.

Baby Harry: Poopie-head

Regulus: snickers

Voldemort: Shut up, you.

Regulus: Who'd you say that to. Me or the baby?

Voldemort: To the big, fat baby wearing diapers.

Regulus: I thought we agreed never to mention that

Baby Harry: (in baby speech) Violetus

Voldemort and Regulus look over at Baby Harry. Voldemort ducks and the spell hits Regulus.

Regulus: Aahh! Purple is so not my color.
Voldemort: It looked nice on you though.

Regulus: Really? You think so?

Voldemort nods.
Voldemort: Now, can we finnish the job? I have to go home and watch my Soaps.

Regulus: Fine, be my guest. But when my brother comes to check up on them, he's gonna be pissed. So, is it okay if I go with you?

Voldemort: rolls eyes and sighs As long as you're quiet and I can watch Passions I don't care.

Regulus: YAY!

Voldemort:(clears throat) Avada Kedavra!

The curse rebounds off Harry and hits Voldemort

Regulus: It didn't work.

Voldemort: in wispish form I noticed.

Regulus: You were able to kill his parents but not him?

Voldemort: Shut it.

Regulus: Baby Power!

Voldemort: Shut it!

Regulus: Go baby Harry!

Voldemort: SHUT IT!

Baby Harry: Poopie-head go by by

Voldemort: I'm right here

Baby Harry: giggles

Voldemort:get the duct tape

Regulus: what are we muggles?

Baby Harry notices Voldemorts wand on the ground and picks it up

Voldemort: now, now. Give uncle voldie back his wand sweetums.

Regulus: sweetums?

Voldemort: I'm trying to calm the boy. Now give me my wand so I can kill u.

Regulus: you don't have any arms

Voldemort: shut up. I'm aware. You're making me feel bad

Regulus: Aww does Ickle Voldie want a hug?

Voldemort: I am incapable of receiving a hug. I feel nothing, not even the wind in my hair

Regulus: look at you. you are the wind. And you had no hair to begin with

Voldemort: My biggest regret was never finding a proper tupe. One that was menacing enough.

Baby Harry: giggles

Voldemort: look at him smiling...with his hair

Baby Harry starts flinging the wand around

Voldemort: Regulus, stop him!

Baby Harry:SLUG

Beats Regulus on the head with the wand making his head shrink and nose get longer

Regulus :ARG! Master help!

Voldemort: yeah...i would ya know...if i had a body...really.

Regulus: I hate you right now

Voldemort: I am the dark lord do u really want to get on my bad side

Regulus: What are you gonna do? Blow on me?

Voldemort: When I get my body back, I'm going to KILL you

Regulus: Oh, what was that? I think I hear the wind. You're gonna kill me when you couldn't kill the baby?

Baby Harry: giggle

Voldemort: Get the duct tape

Regulus: Anything else while I'm out? Poison darts, fairy dust, bon bons?

Voldemort: Oh shut up. I'm going with you

Regulus: you didn't destroy the kitchen did you?

Voldemort: no. Why?

Regulus: I need to go get a baby food jar

Voldemort: Whats the jar for?

Regulus: To put you in, of course

Voldemort: I don't wanna go in the jar.

Regulus: What do want a sieve?

Voldemort: Funny, just get a bigger jar. I'm claustrophobic