There once lived a Russian butcher named Ivan, who owned a diner with his American wife Alfred, whom he loved dearly. One evening when Ivan came home from another long day at work, he heard strange noises coming from his bedroom. The sound of the bed creaking and moans echoed through the walls. Everything immediately clicked, but the Russian refused to accept it. Running upstairs to make sure it was all in his mind, he opened the bedroom door, only to find his wife having sex with his best friend, Yao. Something inside the Russian snapped at that moment, making him go crazy finding out about their affair this way. He yelled and screamed at Alfred. How could he have done all this? How could the both of them betray him like this? The two fought hard, it wasn't until Alfred had yelled that he didn't love Ivan anymore., At that the Russian screamed and grabbed the nearest item, his lamp. He smashed the thing onto the side table, running at his shocked wife. Catching him off guard, Ivan stabbed him multiple times, ripping him open and smashing the lap until he felt his own hand bleed and Alfred's body unmoving. Turning to a shocked Yao, the Russian stood.
"Your turn."
Was all the Chinese man heard, before having Ivan on top of him. Raising a fist Ivan began to punch and beat Yao, he continued, not stopping until his fist made a squelch noise, and Yao's face was no longer recognizable. It was then that Ivan realized that during their heated argument, he had killed them both.
Frowning, the Russian disposed of the bodies by chopping them up and sending them piece by piece through his meat grinder.
The next day, he called up his dearly departed wife's parents and the parents of his ex-best friend and invited them to dinner at the diner. There, he told them that the two cheaters had run off together and left him a note telling him she wanted a divorce and that she and his friend were to be married.
Ivan had then just smiled like a child and served the uncomfortable and confused parents their dinner. Ground meat in a special sauce on a bun. The meat had a unique flavor, one none of them had never tasted before. His mother-in-law said, "this is delicious, but it's kind of sloppy Ivan."
Since then, Ivan has been selling his 'special meat' sandwich at his diner.
It's also the reason that his burgers are also called "Man-Wich". The meat in the sandwich was made from the man and the "witch" who committed adultery and the horrible act of betrayal against the butcher.
To this day Ivan smiles, a smile that no one is able to comprehend. "Humans... Are all cannibals..." he mutters. Ivan was cleaning up the counter tops one night, and as he walked by he spotted a frame containing a picture of him, Alfred and Yao all together. He couldn't help but smile as he reached for the picture, "you always did love to eat burgers didn't you Alfred?" He chuckled and allowed the picture frame to slip from his fingers and fall to the floor. Lifting a leg, Ivan brought it down hard and enjoyed the shattering noise of the glass under his boots, laughing like a maniac he couldn't help but say in a sing-song voice, "Happy eating's~"
There goes the saying "you are what you eat".
A/N: Finger Craaamp! Eeeek! My hands hurt but it's worth it, I have written this up just for Halloween and I forgot to post it! It's not as scary as I wanted it to be so please forgive me. I promise to write up more just for you guys alright? Thanks for reading and don't forget to follow me on twitter or ask a question on !