For s i l v e r a u r o r a's Talented Challenge.
Dedicated to Mystii because she loves LilTed.
Do you ever feel so paper thin
like a house of cards
one blow from caving in
-Fireworks, Katy Perry
.:.
They're mopping up the butcher's floor, of your broken little hearts
She's Oscar Award worthy and she should win year after year for Best Actress because she's nineteen and she's been acting for as long as she can remember. She puts on her smiles and she laughs like she just doesn't care.
She doesn't care or, at least, that's what she keeps telling herself. She's happy for him, for them with their perfect relationship, with their perfect life together and sometimes she truly believes it. She's an award worthy actress and she's almost as good at lying to herself as she is at lying to everyone else.
So she flirts with those boys that just don't stand a chance of getting anywhere near her frozen heart and she gossips with those girls that envy her beauty and strength. She performs because nobody really needs to see or know what's going on inside. It's like a talent she never really knew she had until she was seventeen because before then she had always just been herself. Not anymore. She's no longer a little girl who believes in love and forever, now she's a woman who believes in heart break.
.:.
Lend me your hand & we'll conquer them all, but lend me your heart & I'll just let you fall
It was as though her talent for acting had shown up just in time to save her because that moment when Victoire announced that she and Teddy were getting married she felt as though she was going to crumble. Instead she plastered a fabulous smile on her face and congratulated them warmly as though she was really pleased for them because she's Teddy's best friend so of course she should be pleased for them.
She isn't though because she's been in love with Teddy for such a long time and maybe she just hadn't realised until that moment but when Victoire said "we're getting married" it felt like an arrow through her heart. She remembers vividly the way Teddy's eyes met her own and she already had that big smile on her face because she just couldn't stand for him to know how much it hurt her.
She gets a job writing about magical creatures for the prophet and moves out of her parent's house into her own small flat in muggle London that is not far from where her brother James lives with his fiancée Olly. She finds it so much easier to be away from her home where Teddy often just shows up unannounced and she can't face him with his beaming smiles and enthusiastic hugs. She quite likes living among the muggles and often accompanies Olly to the muggle clubs on the weekends.
None of it seems to take away the pain. She keeps up her act and beams through the pain but at night, behind closed doors, she sobs into the soft toy dragon that Teddy gave her when she was born. She always thought he would love her back and she feels so foolish for believing that one day when she grew up he would marry her and make her smile forever.
.:.
Wear me like a locket around your throat, I'll weigh you down, I'll watch you choke
One weekend there is a chap at the door and she's curled up on the couch with a box of tissues watching an old muggle movie on the television set that Olly had given her. She wipes her eyes and clambers to her feet to answer the door and it's like someone's shot a stunning spell at her when she sees her cousin standing there in all her golden glory.
"Lily," Victoire gushes wrapping her delicate arms around the small, fiery redhead, "it's so good to see you. It feels like it's been forever."
Lily can't seem to speak as she hugs Victoire back and then lets her into her little flat. She finds herself blushing as Victoire's eyes sweep the place taking in the empty alcohol bottles from the night before and the old coffee table with tea rings stained in. No wonder Teddy doesn't want her he's got Victoire, after all, the domestic goddess.
"It's so you," Vic tells her with a smile and then seems to notice the red rims of her eyelids. "Oh honey, what's wrong? Have you been crying?"
She feels mortified that Victoire has noticed but she holds her head high and laughs a little.
"I went out with Olly last night," she tells her, "so I have a little bit of a hangover and I decided to spend the morning watching some old muggle movie that Olly lent me. The story made me cry."
"What's a movie?" asks Victoire scrunching up her nose at the word.
"It's a ..." she trails off not sure how to describe it. "Never mind, it's too hard to explain but you watch it on the television. Olly gave it to me when I moved in."
"Oh Merlin," says Victoire in delight as Lily gestures to the television set, "muggles are terribly funny aren't they? Olly just loves muggles but then growing up with her mother who wouldn't?"
Lily doesn't bother to respond as Victoire moves further into her flat looking around. She can feel her heart cringing in her chest as though shying away from the pain. She wants to hate her cousin for taking Teddy away from her but she can't because who could hate Victoire?
"So anyway," say Victoire turning round from where she was looking out of the window, "I came to ask you something important."
Lily looks at her curiously. Victoire rarely asks her anything. With eight years between them and with very different personalities they aren't particularly close.
"What is it?" Lily asks her brow creasing slightly.
"Well, Dominique is going to be my Maid of Honour at the wedding," Victoire begins softly, "and I've also asked Molly to be a bridesmaid but you and Teddy are like brother and sister and I would love it if you would be my bridesmaid too."
Lily can feel the shock reverberating around her body but because she's an actress of Oscar winning quality she just beams at Victoire.
"Of course I will," she gushes as though she is delighted at being asked. She hugs Victoire tightly when she sweeps her into a delicate cuddle and all she really wants is to shrivel up and die.
.:.
Tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
She survives the wedding although she isn't quite sure how and she knows that she was terribly drunk because her darling cousin Roxy has to take her home and sit with her through the night. It all comes gushing out, all the longing and the heartache and the uncertainty of whether she can survive without him. She does though. She gets up every morning and faces the day head on because she won't let this beat her. After all, when you're as good an actress as she is there is no point in hiding away from the world.
She distances herself from her family claiming to be busy with work and it's only James and Hugo that she sees regularly. She buries herself in research for her work most of the time and apparates all over the world, talking to the best specialists in their fields. She enjoys it but it doesn't completely shut out her longing for Teddy and she wishes so desperately that she could find something to eclipse him.
It's one of her short stints at home and her flat is a mess as she struggles with the final copy of her latest article. Her desk is piled high with notes and books and photographs. Dirty mugs litter the space around her because she's found that there is nothing like a cup of tea to get her through even the most horrendous article. She jumps at the loud crack that whips through the air. She isn't expecting any visitors and she frowns at the open doorway that leads to her lounge because that's where the noise has come from.
"Lily."
The voice rips through her chest and she winces slightly staring at the doorway where the voice has come from. She can't seem to think straight because surely he hasn't just dropped in to visit her and she has no idea if she can handle it but she sits frozen to her chair, her hair a tumbled mess and ink smudged over her cheeks. She can hear his footsteps getting closer and closer and she really wants to just disappear but she can't seem to move.
"Lily, are you here?"
He appears in the doorway and it feels like her heart has imploded as she looks at him. His hair is his favourite turquoise and his electric blue eyes are sparkling joyfully as he practically bounds into the room. She fights not to clutch herself because it's just so unexpected that the pain tears at her heart before she even has a moment to fight it.
"There you are," he says cheerfully crossing the room and enveloping her in a bear hug. "It's been ages. Where on earth have you been? If I didn't know any better I would have said you've been avoiding me."
And that talent she has kick starts itself then and she hugs him back tightly as though she has wanted nothing more than for him to visit.
"Teddy," she exclaims, "it's so good to see you. It's been too long. I've been crazy busy with work."
He lets go of her then and takes a step back as though to look at her properly. He smiles at the sight of the ink smudged across her freckled nose and cheeks. She smiles back at him trying to ignore the pounding of her heart in her chest. He just stares at her for a moment and Lily doesn't quite know what to do. She feels like she is floundering in his eyes but she keeps her expression neutral, suppresses the pain.
"You look good, Lils," he says eventually taking a seat on the arm of the battered couch, papers crinkling under him. "I've been popping in regularly but you never seem to be here."
"I spend a lot of time abroad with my work," she tells him airily.
"Still I would have thought you'd have come to see me before now," he says and there is an accusing note in his voice which she ignores.
"I keep meaning to," she lies, "but work has been hectic. I've been to Bulgaria, Nepal and Kuwait this month."
Teddy laughs and it's like another cruel jab at her.
"And I thought I'd been busy going back and forward from the hospital."
She looks at him startled because she just doesn't understand. Why has Teddy been going back and forward to the hospital? Is there something wrong? She has the questions on the tip of her tongue but she can't seem to find her voice to speak because maybe she really doesn't want to hear if there is something wrong with him.
"Whys that?" she asks eventually her voice barely a whisper as she struggles to hold on to that talent that has been saving her.
It's Teddy's turn to look startled but it's more shocked and he's staring at her in disbelief. She feels like it's something that she should know and she racks her memory trying to remember any little piece of information that might refer to Teddy making trips to the hospital.
"You don't know?" he says astounded. "Victoire's pregnant. She's due in the next week."
She feels like he has slapped her and it's all she can do to pull up that flawless mask.
"Oh really, Teddy?" she asks beaming. "That's wonderful."
But Teddy is looking at her suspiciously and she doesn't let one flicker give her away.
"How is it that you didn't know?" he asks her leaning towards her, determination in his electric blue eyes. "The rest of the family have known for seven months now."
She shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly.
"I told you I'd been hectic busy."
"Busy enough not to see your family for seven months," he enquires with a harsh note in his tone that makes her flinch.
"I've hardly been keeping track," she tells me not allowing her voice to tremble even for a second but his eyes are full of suspicion now and he's never been one to let up easily.
"What are you hiding away from?"
He's always had this uncanny ability to know what she is thinking but she'll be damned if she gives into him this time. She's not a child anymore and she's no longer Teddy's Lily. He forgot all about her, brushed her to the side as though she were nothing and there is no way that she's going to let down her walls for him again.
"Nothing, Teddy," she says with a smile. "What on earth would I be hiding from?"
He isn't sure so he doesn't bother to answer her instead just staring at her from where he sits on the couch and his eyes sweep over the length of her, taking note of how much weight she seems to have lost. Lily just looks back feeling every beat of her heart as though it were a sledge hammer pounding at her rib cage and she sort of wishes that he would just leave her alone because she's so addicted that once glances is all it takes to drown her again.
"Godric, Lily, what happened to you?" he says suddenly as he realises just how remote she has become and he stares at her as though trying to find that little girl he loved so much.
"What do you mean?" she responds quietly, her eyes glinting dangerously.
"What happened to little Lily?" he asks getting up and moving towards her. "You used to be so happy."
"What makes you think I'm not happy?"
"I can see it in your eyes," he tells her softly reaching out a hand to touch her cheek. "Something is troubling you. Are you even in there anymore?"
She flinches violently away from him as he touches her cheek and her Oscar award worthy performance falters for the first time.
"Don't touch me, Teddy," she practically hisses at him and Teddy looks shocked as he slowly moves his hands from her face. "Get out. Please."
He hovers for a moment, staring at her incredulous, as though unsure of what to do before he straightens up and leaves her flat with a deafening crack. Lily sits there, she can feel herself trembling terribly before her eyes flood and she spills tears on her paperwork smudging her words.
.:.
I've had a lot of failed relationships, I don't get involved because I'm not equipped
The encounter leaves her shaken and it takes her some time to gather back her precious talent so that she can face the world once again. She allows herself some space before she goes to seek some comfort and she's always relied on James' fiancée Olly for that because she's like the big sister she's never had and for some reason Olly always makes everything seem okay again, even if it's only a for a short time.
She apparates over and finds herself in the middle of Olly's living room. Outrage is the first thing that bursts into her mind because there on the couch is an absolutely gorgeous, slender girl with a cloud of black hair and huge silver-grey eyes, her legs splayed out like a colt's and what is more, she is clutching James tightly in a cuddle.
"Hey Lily," says her brother in surprise as he slowly untangles himself from the girl.
"Who, in the name of Dumbledore, is that?" asks Lily furiously gesticulating wildly at the girl sitting next to him.
"Oh this is Taggie," James explains with a grin but Lily doesn't let him continue.
"You'd better have a good explanation for this," she tells him angrily, the injustice of it all really getting to her. "Where the hell is Olly?"
"I'm right here," says Olly's familiar voice as she sweeps into the room with a bottle of champagne in her hand and, as always, Lily can't help but be dreadfully envious of the tumbling black curls, the clear, pale skin and the sparkling sapphire eyes. "What are you shouting about?"
And Lily is speechless for what seems to be the first time in her life as she looks between her brother, Olly and the girl, Taggie and she so hopes that she hasn't walked into some sort of strange sex experiment that her brother and Olly were attempting.
"Oh hey Lily," says another voice making her look up at the doorway. "What's with all the noise?"
Standing there, holding four champagne glasses, is Olly's twin brother Jake, his dark brown hair in its usual style, a mess, and his moss green eyes glinting happily and suddenly everything seems to slot into place.
"Sorry," she says with a grin relief flooding through her, "but when you pop in to find your brother hugging a gorgeous girl who isn't his fiancée and no one else in sight you tend to jump to conclusions. Sorry, Taggie, it's nice to meet you. I'm Lily."
James, Olly and Jake all roar with laughter as Lily leans forward to shake Taggie's hand.
"That's okay, Lily," Taggie replies sweetly. "It's nice to meet you too. I've heard so much about you."
"Don't believe a word," Lily tells her with a smile. "It's all true."
"It certainly is," says Olly with a grin as she conjures another champagne glass from thin air and fills in with bubbly before handing it to Lily. "Since you're here you might as well join us. Jake and Taggie just got engaged."
Lily looks at Jake in surprise and then hugs him tightly.
"Oh congratulations," she says delighted ignoring the stabbing feeling in her chest and then she swoops down on Taggie, drawing her into a hug. "Welcome to the family."
.:.
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
The five of them head out for the night to celebrate and Lily's grateful because it'll help to take her mind off Teddy. They head to a Wizarding club, Hinkypunks, because Olly doesn't want to freak Taggie out too much by taking her to a muggle club. Lily is dressed up to the nines in Olly's clothes as usual which have been magically altered because Olly is so much taller than she is. She loves the shimmering blue dress that comes to her mid thigh and is practically backless and she attracts a lot of attention from the wizards that are grouped around.
She spends a lot of time on the dance floor with Olly and they occasionally pull Taggie up to dance as well except Taggie's terribly shy and she can't dance very well either so Jake spends a lot of his time rescuing her from them. Lily's well aware that she has drunk too much as she staggers outside for some fresh air and then goes smack into someone. She laughs wildly as she turns to apologise and suddenly it's like all the wind has been knocked out her because Teddy's standing right there with his turquoise hair and electric blue eyes.
"Lily," he breathes her name like a caress but she doesn't answer. She just stares at him because she's lost and she's drunk and she can't seem to pull up that talent from under all the alcohol so she just stands there, looking at him.
"What are you doing here?" he asks her.
"Jake's getting married," she tells him trying not to stare but finding it immensely difficult. "What about you? Shouldn't you be at home with your wife and baby?"
She feels as though she's floating in an ocean of alcohol and nothing can hurt her. She can't feel the usual pain that seeing him normally brings and she doesn't feel her heart pounding as she mentions Victoire and the baby whose name she doesn't even know.
"Victoire's taken Nyssa to visit her sister," Teddy tells her, "but I couldn't get the time off work. Jake and Taggie are getting married are they? That's great."
Lily nods because she can't seem to do anything else and she can't seem to tear herself away from him. She can almost hear her own voice of reason telling her to move away before she got hurt again but she ignores it.
"Yeah," she agrees recklessly. "Some people are lucky enough to fall in love with someone who loves them back. Other people aren't so lucky."
"What do you mean by that?" he growls grabbing her arm as she goes to walk away from him as though suddenly remembering that she is furious with him.
"What? Do you actually care now, Teddy?" she says her eyes flashing. "Do you actually want to know what's going on in poor little Lily Luna's head?"
"I've always cared about you Lily," Teddy shouts back at her his grip on her arm tightening with his fury. "You're the one you shut me out."
"Don't talk shit," she cries. "You've never given a fuck about me. If you had maybe you'd have realised how much you screwed me up."
"I screwed you up," he yells in disbelief. "You're the one who just stopped talking to me. You're the one who just stopped being my friend. I never did anything to you Lily."
"How about breaking my heart?" she screams feeling ridiculously out of control. "How about marrying Victoire when you've been in love with me all along and you know fine well, you knew damn fucking well, that I'm in love with you?"
He stares at her flabbergasted. Her flaming red hair is a messy haze around her face and her dark, dark eyes are smudged and there is a tear glinting in the corner. She's beautiful and desirable and just maybe he's been desperately trying to fall out of love with her for the last four years because she's just too young. So maybe he just throws all his morals to the wind and it's probably because he's drunk and he's furious with her for hiding away and with himself for not taking a chance on her but he gathers her to him and kisses her harshly on the mouth.
Her response seems to burst out of her with supernova strength as she kisses him back with all her might and her arms are thrown round his beck pulling him to her as tightly as she can. He has let go of her arm and his own hands are sliding over her body, caressing her through the silky material of her dress. His touch is electrifying and she isn't thinking anymore as she bites his lip roughly and suddenly the blackness seems to be sucking her in.
In her drunken state the apparition doesn't seem to affect her but suddenly they're in a beautiful decorated room with a large double bed although he doesn't take much notice because his left hand is sliding over her bottom and his right is lingering at her waist. His kisses are hungry on her mouth as he swings her round and they pitch onto the soft, springiness of the double bed. His mouth leaves hers and trails hot kisses down her neck, across her collar bone and onto her shoulder where he slides down the strap of her dress.
She thinks she might have found heaven when their skin meets and she feels slightly delirious when his hands enclose round her waist drawing her down the bed towards him. She feels languid and seductive as he kisses her passionately sliding his hands down her thighs and cupping her arse, digging his fingers into her skin as he makes love to her roughly and maybe she's never been so free.
.:.
Sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight
The next morning she runs away because she just can't face the consequences of what she has done and the guilt is just too overwhelming. She doesn't say goodbye to Teddy and the moment she gets home she places every protective enchantment she can upon her little flat. She cuts her fireplace off from the floo network, she makes it impossible to apparate in or out and she makes it unplottable. She has always been an act now, ask questions later kind of girl but it was rare that she ever had any regrets and even now she couldn't regret it completely.
She spends a lot of her nights crying and spends her days buried deeper in her work. She decides to write a book on magical creatures and spends a lot of her time in other countries running from her regrets and her mistakes. She doesn't see anyone, not James or Olly, not even Hugo and she knows they are probably worried and wondering why on earth she has suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. She doesn't know how to explain and she doesn't ever want anyone to know what happened. Even less does she want to see Teddy again and have to deal with awkward words and guilt.
The months pass but the guilt never seems to recede. Instead it grows in the pit of her stomach making her nauseas from the moment she wakes up in the morning. It disturbs her sleep, bringing her into terrible nightmares and she wakes sweating in her bed with tears on her face. Eventually she decides it's about time to see a Healer about it.
.:.
It's not enough to say that time can mend my wings that one day I'll fly again
The world is spinning on its axis and it takes all she has not to vomit right there and then. She feels dizzy and faint and she really doesn't know what to do. She wants to scream, she wants to run, she wants to cry but all she can do is sit there and stare at the blonde haired wizard in front of her and she feels like she's frozen on the spot. Her acting talent seems to have deserted her because she can't seem to smile as though everything his okay and instead just stares at him dumbstruck quite unable to believe her ears.
"Miss Potter, is there anyone I can owl for you?" asks the Healer concerned and she can't even seem to think because who on earth can she turn to at a time like this. She blinks several times trying to force her brain to think.
"Umm no," she tells him staggering to her feet unsteadily and when he looks like he is about to argue with her Lily turns on her heel and apparates away.
She lands in her flat unable to take the apparition in her weakened state and she feels as though she is burning as she presses her face to the wooden floor boards. She breaks down and cries, sobbing hysterically and clutching at her hair as though she could wrench it out. Everything seems to be falling apart and she has no idea what to do. She stays on the floor as the hours tick pass and when she eventually sits up from her foetal position she has no idea how long she has actually been there.
She drags that acting talent to the surface and wears it with pride but now those around her can see the cracks. She avoids the questions from her colleagues and from her boss when she requests time off to finish writing her book on magical creatures. She locks herself away in her flat and seems to drown herself in denial. She doesn't want to see anyone and even less does she want anyone to see her. It would be all too easy to see through the cracks in her once brilliant facade.
.:.
Everything that you thought I would be, has fallen apart right in front of you
However, the problem with being Lily Luna Potter is that her family and friends just don't give up that easily but she studiously ignores the unopened letters that slowly pile up in the corner of her tiny kitchen. She continues to write her book, finding it more and more difficult to spend hours at her desk. She still cries herself to sleep at night and slowly becomes more and more exhausted from sleepless nights. The one night, after being woken again, she decides to go for a walk. It snowing outside as she leaves her building still dressed in her pyjamas and dressing gown. She wanders down the street as the snowflake swirled around her and she feels faint with tiredness and suddenly it's like she can't take anymore so she gathers her strength and apparates.
She arrives in James and Olly's familiar living room but the room blurs before her and she promptly collapses, darkness enveloping her before she hits the ground. She wakes in a bed with cool, crisp sheets and there are unfamiliar people around her bustling about dressed in the white robes of Healers.
"Oh you're awake," one of them says to her cheerily and she can only just make out the curly blonde hair gathered around a chubby face. "You were very lucky. It was a bit touch and go for a while but luckily we managed to save the baby."
The jolt in her stomach makes her nauseas because she been in denial for so long because there was no way she could be pregnant, not with Teddy's child. She looks back into the kind face still feeling terribly weak and her hand flutters against the swell of her stomach.
"How long have I been here?" she asks quietly in a voice that she doesn't even recognise as her own because it's rough and sounds more like a croak than anything else.
"Three days," the Healer tells her with a kindly smile. "Your family are waiting outside."
As she bustles away Lily feels the horror wash over her. They knew. They all knew now. She couldn't hide it from them any longer. She wants to call out, to stop the Healer but she can't seem to find her voice and as she tries to sit up her head spins so she lies back down.
"Lily, darling," says a terrified voice and Lily looks up to see her mother and father approaching. She immediately feels ashamed as she sees her mother's pale, tearstained face beside her father's drawn one. It makes her want to burst into tears but she really can't and there is something lodged in her throat that she can't seem to get rid of.
"Mum, dad," she croaks out faintly and her mother rushes forward to grasp her hand that is lying on the bed.
"Oh Lily, you frightened us to death," Ginny tells her holding her hand tightly and pressing it to her lips. "We've been so worried about you."
"I'm sorry," she whispers her bottom lip trembling. "I didn't want ... I didn't mean ..."
"Hush, Lilypad," Harry says moving to stand beside his wife and he gently brushes Lily's hair back from her forehead. "Just rest now. Everything's going to be all right."
Tears spill down her face as her father leans forward and plants a delicate kiss on her forehead and in that moment, since the nightmare first began, she feels at home.
.:.
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around, because I know that you're living a lie
She moves back to her parent's house when she is discharged from St. Mungo's and she's grateful that they make no enquiries about who the baby's father is. She slowly accepts her pregnancy finding that she spends more and more time with her hands resting protectively over her seven month bump. She keeps her thoughts determinedly away from Teddy whilst she is awake but finds nothing can keep him away from her dreams at night. She begins to dread the baby being born because there was a very good chance that it would resemble Teddy.
She is thankful that her parents decide not to inform the rest of the family and so her visitors are kept to a minimum consisting of James, Olly, Albus and Hugo who have all sworn to secrecy. None of them question her and Lily finds it slightly amusing to watch Olly as she opens her mouth and the closes it again obviously deciding against whatever she was about to say.
She focuses on writing her book, her papers now littering her parent's dining room table. She is well aware of her family members talking about her behind her back and casting glances at her, checking to make sure she is all right. She can feel an undercurrent that runs between them as though there is something that they all want to say but aren't sure if she can handle it. It frustrates her but she does not enquire. She finds herself trying to decide what to do when the baby is born. She wonders briefly about adoption but is certain that she wouldn't be able to do it. Her best option she decides would be to move away with the baby, a decision that she does not look forward to carrying out.
"Have you decided what to name her?" Olly asks one day as they are sitting on the couch and Lily has her hands resting gently on top of her bump.
"Maybe it's a him," Lily says with a smile, "but I really haven't given it much thought."
Olly opens her mouth to speak but the closes it again as thought thinking the better of it. Lily watches as a frown creases her brow and suddenly her frustration gets the better of her. She is tired of all the secrecy and the pussy footing around.
"What is it, Olly?" she asks in an exasperated tone.
"It's nothing," Olly tells her.
"Yeah, like hell it's nothing," Lily retorts. "Ever since I've been home the lot of you have been keeping something from me. What is it?"
Olly hesitates and then seems to decide something.
"Teddy and Victoire split up," she tells her.
His name crashes into Lily's chest and leaves her winded for a moment.
"What?"
Olly glances at her hands for a moment as though unsure where to begin.
"They split up. Nobody is quite sure why but Victoire is filing for divorce and Teddy isn't stopping her."
Lily can feel her heart crashing around in her chest and she feels a sickness in her stomach that has nothing to do with her pregnancy. She stares at Olly for a few moments ignoring the baby kicking in her stomach suddenly almost as though it knew that some had mention it's father's name.
"When did this happen?" she asks.
Olly glances at Lily's swollen stomach and then looks back up at her.
"About seven months ago."
.:.
She's got a heart of gold, she'd never let me down
She doesn't quite know why she feels so guilty. After all, Teddy had made the choice to sleep with her and betray Victoire but then again she should have resisted, she shouldn't have been so weak. She tries to reason with herself that she was drunk but it doesn't ease the guilt. She doesn't even derive any pleasure from the fact that Teddy was now single again because what did it matter when he'd always denied that he loved her, always looked at her as a child.
So she pushes it out of her mind and tries to ignore the guilt. She finds it's difficult to concentrate on writing with the baby waking up every half hour to kick her liver black and blue. So she potters around the house, doing the odd bit of housework and occasionally wondering what to name the baby when it came. She buries the guilt underneath her worry about what would happen when she finally brought her baby into the world but Victoire is never far from her mind and she is never more surprised than when an owl arrives unexpectedly in the kitchen addressed to her.
She takes the letter and glances at the writing on the front. She recognises it immediately and panics a little wondering why on earth Victoire would have written to her. With shaking hands she turns the letter open and breaks the seal. The black ink within is slightly smudged in places from where tears have fallen on the parchment and Lily bites her lip as she reads her cousins words.
Dear Lily,
I wish I could be angry with you but for some reason I can't, no matter how I try. You see, I think I've always known that his heart belongs to you and I was foolish to try and keep it for my own. I can't say I don't envy you because in truth I do. I wish I could have made him love me the way he loves you.
It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this but finally I feel able to write to you. I forgive you, little Lily, because I understand now that it was my own fault to try and keep him from you. Maybe one day we will greet each other without animosity or jealousy.
Until then I wish you luck and happiness.
Yours
Victoire
And Lily just wants to curl up and die right then because she never wanted to hurt Vic this way. Even though she knows that there is no way to make it up to her she digs out a quill and some parchment.
Dear Victoire,
I know that it doesn't mean much but I'm sorry.
Yours
Lily
.:.
I need you like a heart needs a beat but that's nothing new
She continues on through her days and finds her nights even more disturbed as the baby begins to move around more. Sometimes he lies quiet for ages and she worries that something is wrong and tries to wake him up. The relief always comes in a flood when he kicks out once more. She's getting so big now that her father has started making jokes that she might pop at any time and her mother occasionally massages her swollen ankles. James and Olly pop in almost every day bringing cockroach clusters and boot polish with them because Lily's become addicted to them and James is always teasing her that she must be eating the boot polish and sniffing the cockroach clusters.
Then one day she's alone in the house, struggling with a part of her book on Peruvian Vipertooth dragons when she hears the familiar crack of someone apparating. With some effort she gets up off her chair wondering who on earth it could be at this time. The front door opens and then closes with a tight snap.
"Hello," calls an all too familiar voice and Lily feels faint as Teddy comes into the room his normally turquoise hair now dark brown and his electric blue eyes subdued in colour. Shock flits across his face when he sees her.
"Lily," he whispers and once again his voice is like a gentle caress on her name. He gives her a tentative smile and then his eyes find her belly. His jaw drops open and his eyes become as round as saucers as disbelief spreads on his face. "You're pregnant?"
Lily has to sit back down and lowers herself into a chair feeling slightly faint. She nods. Teddy swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously in his throat, as he takes a seat in the chair next to her.
"How far are you along?"
"Eight months," she whispers.
She can almost see him doing the calculations in his head and then watches as his mouth drops open once more and he stares at her stomach his eyes round with wonder. He glanced back up at her and then down to her bump once more.
"Is it ..." he begins but can't seem to finish and she watches him carefully as his hair seems to get lighter.
"Yours?" she finishes the question for him and then nods. He can't seem to speak and just sits there staring at her for several minutes. She doesn't know quite what to say to him either. She hadn't ever really planned on him finding out and if he had she had thought it would have been further in the future.
"Fuck," he swears finally tearing his eyes away from her and burying his face in his hands. "You're going to have my child?"
She nods even though he can't see it but she gets the feeling that it was a rhetorical question. Just then the baby kicks and she jolts surprised her hand fluttering down over her stomach. Teddy takes his head out of his hands and looks at her questioning before glancing at where her hand is over her stomach. He seems to hesitate for a moment before he holds out his hand towards her.
"May I?" he asks softly.
She nods once again and looks down as his hand touches her bump and the baby kicks once more against the walls of her stomach, creating an irregular lump for a moment. The incredulous look on Teddy's face makes Lily smile for a moment. He looks up at her and catches it and smiles in return before it gives way to shame.
"I've been an idiot, haven't I?"
"I think we both have," she tells him softly putting her hand over the hand on her belly. "I'm sorry about Victoire."
He shakes his head.
"Don't be," he says. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have married her when I was already so desperately in love with someone else."
Lily catches her breath for a moment just watching him carefully. She's certain that his hair is lighter now than it was when he came into the room. He sighs a little.
"I was so scared," he continues, "about the age gap and Victoire was so in love with me. She was the safer option and I really didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to hurt you either, Lils, but I somehow managed to convince myself that it was just a schoolgirl crush you had on me and that you would soon get over it."
"This has never been just a crush," she tells him with a smile squeezing his hand a little. "I've always loved you."
He leans forward just then and kisses her gently on the mouth, hesitant and wavering. He breaks away and leans his forehead against hers, his hand still resting on her stomach.
"Merlin, Lily, I love you," he whispers.
"I love you too," she tells him sitting back a little and she smiles as she realises that his hair is turquoise once more and his eyes are now their usual sparkling electric blue. He smiles at her and then he glances down to where their hands are still clasped over her belly and the baby kicks once more.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" he asks.
"No," she whispers. "I thought I'd wait for you."
And just maybe she won't be present to accept that Oscar for Best Actress.