Okay, so it's been aaaaaaaages since I uploaded/posted anything, woops. And this was supposed to be reposted ages ago, when it was still a Death Note fanfic, but I... Fell out of the DN fandom ficwise again, and as a result could not make it work anymore. However, recently got into the Kingdom Hearts RP fandom on tumblr and (while making a ton of friends and a handful of life long friends as a result) was inspried to try rewriting this fic as a KH one.
It's working much better this way. And far more humorous than the original version.
So, important notes: I don't know if there will be a pairing, as that's not the main focus of this fic. The main focus here is, for the most part, "How ridiculous can I make the story and still have it make sense and sound at least vaguely plausible?" Therefore, the characters listed in the story info are not the pairing, they are only the characters we will see the most of i this story.
Disclaimers abound as per usual, I don't own yadda yadda. (But if you're selling Vanitas, I'm buying.)
They say that a kingdom without a dragon is not a kingdom at all.
Exactly who 'they' are and why they have any bearing on what it is that determines a real kingdom is a qestion no one has ever been able to answer to anyone's satisfaction. Regardless, they say it and thus it has become irrevokable fact: A kingdom without a dragon is not a kingdom at all.
And so it follows within this logic that the king of a kingdom that is not a kingdom is not truly a king.
Sadly, King Xehanort is not one to obey the whims of the universe. He intended to be king and no mysterious entity known as 'they' were going to stop him from reaching this goal; dragon or no dragon, he was going to be king. And thus it came to be that King Xehanort established himself a kingdom while ignoring the one fundemental truth of the universe.
And thus was born the Kingdom That Was Not A Kingdom and the King Who Was Not A King, Xehanort.
But the universe is not one to be disregarded for the whims of man.
~O~O~O~O~O~O~
Dragons, it must be said, are a rather curious breed of creature. A body as large and heavy as a full grown dragon should by all rights (and all laws of gravity and physics; yet like the King Who Was Not A King, dragons were prone to ignoring the fundemental truths of the universe) be completely unable to fly.
Some schools of thought claim the only thing less aerodynamic than a dragon is a bumblebee; they tend to be ignored because as everyone can quite clearly see, both dragons and bees can fly. (And aerodynamics or not, both are ridiculously speedy for their size and shape; hitting either with a flyswatter requires reflexes faster than any one being has right to possess.)
Unlike the bumblebee however, dragons breathe fire.
Thus it became that man and dragon were at odds; dragons breathed fire and enjoyed their creature comforts of gold and pretty maidens, and men were flammable and did not enjoy their gold and pretty maidens stolen from them.
So it was agreed that dragons and men would exist only with limited contact: because kingdoms can not be a kingdom without a dragon, one dragon would settle in among each kingdom and receive gold and jewels in exchange for not setting things on fire and stealing pretty maidens from their homes. The rest of the dragons would be left alone in their mountain caves and allowed to dig into the earth for gold and jewels as they pleased, rather than slain and left to rot.
And it was a working relationship, until the Kingdom That Was Not A Kingdom came into existence; and existence that, regretfully, rather upset the balance of many things. And because it was not an existing kingdom at the time of the agreement, it was dragonless and thus not a kingdom at all.
Rightfully so, said man, because he's just an upstart boy and not worthy of a crown anyhow.
And so it went that not a single dragon was willing to take up his post in the Not-Kingdom that was Not-King Xehanort's domain, rendering the entire argument about it's kingdom status moot. After all, if humans are opposed to it being a kingdom—why then it must not be a kingdom at all. So we shan't go, they decided.
But the universe is not one to be disregarded for the whims of dragons, either.
Honestly this is just a prologue, more than anything. I'm off to do some editing and such to chapter two. This is going to be updated sporadically until I have enough done to comfortably post once or twice a week. Please give me a kick in the pants if I don't update for more than a month guys.