Summary- Loyalty is good. But undeniable loyalty is harmful to a person's inner health, especially if said person is the Perseus Jackson, whose fatal flaw is being loyal. Percy- centric. Major Character Death.
Percy was loyal to the people he loved. Percy was loyal to the people he swore to protect. Percy was loyal, period. For him, loyalty was in an entirely different league. For him, loyalty was not just giving up his life for them, anyone could do that. For him, loyalty was everything. For his loyalty, he could give up his sanity, his freedom, his everything. And again and again, he has proved it to the world, to everyone watching, to everyone testing him.
This meant that he was a naturally suspicious person. He didn't let anyone earn his loyalty by simply marching in his life. It took a deep bond, an unbreakable friendship, and blind trust. But once it has been earned, no one is ever put through a trial again to prove their friendship. He assumes that no one he trusts could ever even think of betraying him.
This is one of the reasons that he told Annabeth his mortal spot. He knew that there was no way in Tartarus that she could be the spy. His loyalty was tested when he was holding onto that ledge not just for his and Annabeth's life, but for their mortal and immortal sanity.
His trust was the reason he told Nico to come to the other side of the doors of death. His loyalty was tested multiple times, starting with the labyrinth and perhaps, the greatest being when he simply forgave Nico during the second Titan War. At that time, he hadn't particularly trusted Nico as much as he trusted Annabeth or Thalia. It was more like he had sworn to protect him. After not being able to keep his promise to Nico of keeping Bianca safe, he swore to himself to do what Bianca would have done has she been alive-to be a brother to Nico and protect him and that meant he was going to forgave him. (Besides, it wasn't like he had meant to betray Percy.)
There were multiple people he was friends with, some he even considered his best friends, but few were there to whom he was undoubtedly loyal to. Those few were loyal to him to the point that no one, not even the gods and titans would want to test it. He was loyal to so few people that he could count in on both hands, yet there would be fingers left. Some people like his dad he trusted and had a deep bond with him, but on multiple occasions, their relationship was strained, him being busy with his godly duties, making Percy feel like he was being neglected. This caused multiple arguments and mindless accusations that certainly didn't help their relationship.
But there were people like Annabeth. Percy was quite certain when he first met them that he and Annabeth could never be friends, let alone something more. All that changed on that first quest, in that truck where they both talked about her dad. They became friends. Then there was the fact that Annabeth was the one that nursed Percy back to health when Luke poisoned him. And multiple times since that first quest, they both have proved their friendship, their loyalty and their deep bond. Percy started developing feelings for her and after the war, they finally got together.
All his life, Percy has been bullied at home as well as at school. At school, his bullying got so bad that there was a time when Percy considered suicide. At home, his and his mom's abuse by Smelly Gabe got so bad that he was seriously considering murder of himself. But things got better. He wouldn't say 'good', but it was still better. He didn't have to hide every single day in that scary closet, and he didn't have to squeeze his eyes shut, almost every night, trying to ignore his mom's cry of pain. He didn't know what happened or how it happened, but he was thankful for that little miracle.
He was finally free from Smelly Gabe and the torture when he found out that he was a demigod. Finding out that he was a demigod was a bittersweet memory. So many things fell into place but just as many things fell apart. He met his friends, his mom finally got rid of Smelly Gabe and he finally realized he wasn't a freak. He found a home. He found everything he could have hoped for. But he also had to now look over his shoulder every time he has to go into the real world. He has to stay strong for his camp when one of his friends die and all he wants to do is crumple down. And even when he knows his friends are fighters and survivors, he couldn't help but worry every time Thalia goes on the hunts, or Nico doesn't come back to the camp after a fortnight or even when they are out in the real world and Annabeth doesn't contact him every other day. He worries because he cares, and he is afraid that someday he will wake up from the dream he is living in and see that every one of his friends is crumbling, dying and slipping from his hands like sand. The harder he clutches, the faster they go.
But he cannot do anything. This is who he is. So he hardened his exterior and after years and years of practice, he is finally the person who is capable enough of not showing his emotions. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get hurt. Hardening his exterior just means softening his interior. And no matter how strong he wants to be, he isn't that strong. He feels a tiny part of his crumbling and shattering every time one of the campers, his family, dies or leaves. He never shows it, of course. (He is a leader. Even though he doesn't want to be, he is.)
But there are sometimes when the pain is just too much. They know it is there and no matter how firmly he keeps the mask on, they guess that he is hurting. They guess it from the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes or the way he clenches his jaw every time someone reminds him of the way she was, or the way they used to be.
There are a lot of things Percy is and a liar is one of them. He wouldn't lie about pulling the prank on the hunters when they came to visit the camp or when he accidentally spilled some coffee all over Annabeth's architectural designs (he was very tempted to do so but…). Percy wouldn't lie about these things. He wouldn't even lie about killing someone, not that he would ever kill someone willingly. But he would lie when he knows he will see the pity in their eyes, the sympathy in their words, or the undisguised feelings of underestimation of his strength in their minds. Percy would lie when he is needed to be the strong leader. Percy would lie when he just had enough of everyone, everything and Percy would lie when he had enough of himself.
And Percy would lie when the only person he trusted more than himself was lying 6 feet under while Percy sat on her grave, looking at the epitaph. Percy was loyal and he was loyal to the point he would destruct himself for his promises and his family. (His friends were his family, of course.)
How is this loyalty, you ask? How is this being loyal? How is hiding his emotions, self-destructing when there is no clear need to do so loyal? Well, he is keeping his promise. A promise that Annabeth never asked him to keep, never even spoke of it to him, but he always knew that the promise is there. An unspoken promise. It wasn't a promise between two friends, two lovers or even two campers. It was a promise between two headstrong, prideful leaders. It was a promise between two survivors, two fighters. It was the promise of love, friendship and maybe even the ultimate sacrifice.
The promise was to keep her camp alive. The promise was to never let it break down, especially when it was because of someone's death. Her death. The promise was the ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice of your grieving.
'Don't grieve for me as your friend or your girlfriend. Grieve for me as you would grieve for the leader of this camp. Mourn for me and move on, not just because I want you to be happy and find another girl but because I need this camp to be happy. And the only way to keep this camp happy is when its leader is there, standing tall, unbroken, not even a dent there. Promise me', she seems to be saying as she laid her head in his lap for the last time. 'Promise me that you will always keep this camp happy. Move on. Oh, and never forget. Never forget.'
'What?' He had silently asked. (They seem to always be talking in silent conversations.)
'I love you. I love you so damn much that it hurts to leave you. But hey, you will meet me there, right? I will wait for you. But don't hurry, I am not going anywhere.'
'I love you too. Please don't leave me. I need you.', he said silently, staring into the grey storm of her eyes as his hands frantically tried to press the wound that was in her heart.
'Don't be silly', she chastised him, pushing his hand away from her heart. 'I cannot stay. But remember I love you.'
'I love you too, Annabeth Chase, I love you too to the moon and back.'
Neither of them has been paying even the slightest bit of attention to the gods standing over them, or their friends trying to hide their tears or even Apollo trying frantically to heal Annabeth. They all knew she was dead. They could see Thanatos standing at the side, staring sorrowfully at the young couple. But he is too helpless to do anything. Fates are cruel. Oh so very cruel! The only thing he could do is give them a couple of minutes before he has to take Annabeth's soul to Elysium.
But now, at the funeral, Percy could not help but think that maybe this is one promise he couldn't keep. But he pushed that thought away. This was the last thing Annabeth had asked him to do. He has to do this. He took a deep breath and once again, hardened himself.
He tuned out the speeches and ignored the looks like a pro. His jaw clenched every time someone mentioned her name. His eyes squeezed shut every time someone cried and he would hug that camper till their sobs had quietened down enough. He would gently ask them if they were okay. And he would leave them when they nodded an affirmative only to repeat it all with another camper.
"Annabeth Chase was a person loved by many…"
"Annabeth was a true genius…"
And for the first time he wasn't interested in what they had to say about Annabeth because frankly, right now he didn't have enough strength to care. He barely has enough strength to keep the mask on. He knew if there is even a crack, the entire camp would fall. (No pressure, right?)
He mourned alone in his cabin, lying on his back, looking up at ceiling. He could see the moments they spent together, flashing before his eyes. They say you could see your life flashing before your eyes when you die. Well, that isn't exactly inappropriate. He died a little inside the moment Thanatos apologetically took Annabeth's soul from her body. His life with Annabeth is dead. And no matter what, he will never find a girl again. He will never find love again. When you are loyal to a fault, you just cannot move on to another girl.
Finally, the cabin became too much. It had too many memories of them laughing, playing, kissing and just lying around.
He put on his shoes and took his jacket. And as he neared the borders of the camp, he could feel the eyes of his mentor on his back, and even though he was violating the rules, the old centaur let him do it.
Percy didn't think much of it. He can't think that many thoughts in his mind at one time and frankly, this was not an important one. He entered the camp van and drove all the way to the cemetery where Annabeth was buried.
Percy sat on the cold ground for what felt like an eternity, just staring at her grave. He didn't have tears in his eyes or the pain in his heart. He was numb. And when the first rays of the sun fell on him, did he look up and slowly stood up to go back to camp.
He reached there in the late hours of the morning and all his friends crowded worriedly around him, asking him where he was.
"Oh you know, just clearing my head", he had said carelessly, shooting them a lopsided grin and although most of his friends believed it, Thalia and Nico cast a grave look to each other, knowing that their cousin was lying and that he will never truly be able to smile that carefree smile again.
Percy was loyal and loyalty was good. And it occurred to all those who saw the true him through the mask that maybe this is what Athena meant when she said that Percy's fatal flaw was loyalty. He was killing himself, slowly but surely, and this is what the price of being loyal means. But it was all okay to Percy.
Because he was Loyal…